Bad Laundry habits- Please help me educate my Mom...

[dustin92]

My Mom has developed some bad habits when it comes to laundry. Whether she is just trying to annoy me, or she has forgotten how to properly use a traditional washer and dryer, or she is just being lazy... I am getting annoyed to say the least. She is in her 60's and in fairly good health, so I doubt it is old age setting in.
She had no problem with our Frigidaire Gallery front load pair at our old house (they even.had all electronic controls), although I had to be careful what cycle I left it on, because all she did with those was press start twice. Never even changed the temperature. We now have traditional, manual controlled machines, and that is where the trouble begins. I gave her a quick lesson when we moved in, and all seemed fine.
Here we are a year later, and she is using the EXACT same cycle for everything in the washer (Normal cycle, 6 minute wash, warm wash, cold rinse, full load size) , and I think on the dryer she is just giving the timer a spin and pushing the knob in. Clothes are not getting clean properly, or dried properly most times. I tend to wash colors in warm with a shorter wash, and whites/towels/bed linens in Hot with a 14-15 minute wash, seperating colors from whites and lightly soiled clothes from dirty outside clothes. Lately, my Mom, who used to seperate properly, is washing everything together, and only loading the washer about half ful but setting it for a full load.
I have run a few small loads, and on more than one occasion, walked into the house to hear rrrr-rrrr-rrrr-rrrr from the washer (Maytag Performa), only to find out Mom started a full load and never raised the water level.... A new version of a high efficiency top loader.... or not. How should I educate Mom on proper sorting, wash cycles and wash times, temperatures, and load sizes, and how to put the dryer on auto dry- without causing an argument that will end with "I have been doing laundry longer than YOU have been alive and will do it however I please" or something similar? I try to do as much of the laundry as possible, but am starting a full time job next week, so I doubt I will have time to do it all.

 

[maytagbear]

Just

do your own wash, and stay home while doing so.

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[imperial70]

Be easy on Mom

Are you sure it's not some type of medical problem she is having that is preventing her from operating the washer properly? I have seen this happen to loved ones. It could be a microwave oven, a toaster or even something as simple as turning a door knob.

I mean no disrespect.

 

[iheartmaytag]

My Mom used to be the "spin-the-dial-and-if-it-starts, Fine" person.
I fixed that by saying "I'll to the laundry, you do the ironing."

If you try to argue the right and wrong you will get the "I used to wash your diapers with a wringer. . ."

 

[dustin92]

I doubt it is any medical problem, she has no problem running the dishwasher, stove, or manipulating every dial in my car when she drives it, but the washer and dryer- forget about it. When we moved in a year ago, I showed her what cycles and temperatures to use for what fabrics, because we previously had an electronc controlled front loader, which was fine, as long as I had it set on the proper cycle (usually Normal with hot wash/cold rinse and extended spin), or it just got started on whatever cycle was set. I think she may just be getting an "I don't care" type of attitude, and is happy as long as the clothes are wet and stuck to the sides when she opens the lid. The dryer gets worse treatment yet, as far as I can tell, she is just giving the timer a spin and pushing it in to start... I dry everything on Auto dry, regular heat, just over normal dry. The dryer doesn't get very hot, so that seems to work fine. I would get the "I washed your diapers in a wringer" -because she did-.

 

[danemodsandy]

Your Mom....

Doesn't like doing laundry, and she's not interested in it. Do your own and leave her to her own methods when she's doing hers.

No good will come of trying to "fix" her. By her lights, she ain't broke.

 

[maytagbear]

If one hears

essentially the same thing from three or more different people, there might be real merit in what is said.

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[arbilab]

I live in a geezer warehouse. You can't tell old people ANYthing. They meanwhile, can tell you EVERYthing. The best way out of that is invoke a bladder emergency, one of few things they understand. It helps if you're a geezer too, like I am (but only from the ears down).

 

[maytagbear]

A suggestion-

Which might help your mom and you as well

Get some easy to use, not very expensive to run additional lighting!

I have one of those spring clamp round aluminum reflector lights with a 20 watt flourescent (100 watt incandescent equivalent) clamped to the shelf above my washer and dryer. Maybe it is as simple as inadequate lighting, and she might not know how to go about correcting it.

Less than fifteen dollars at ACE, Home Depot, or Lowes. The spiral bulb won't heat the fixture.....

If this fixture won't work, there are other styles of additional light for not very much money.

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[joe_in_philly]

It may be hard to accept, but your mom seems to not care as much as you about how the laundry is done. My bet is that the people on this site have a passion for appliances and laundry that many others in our families do not share.

When it comes to laundry at my house, I do all the sorting, washing, drying, and folding. To my partner, the way laundry works is that dirty items are put into the hamper, and they magically appear clean and folded in a basket near the bottom of the bed for him to put away. It works for us because I believe laundry should be done a certain way, don't mind doing laundry, and it would be maddening to have it done "incorrectly."

My partner grew up in a family with domestic help, so he didn't learn many domestic skills. He has learned some things that I have taught him, and we work with each others skills and abilities. I prepare dinner, and my partner washes anything that doesn't go into the dishwasher. I load the dishwasher since I like it loaded a certain way. If he puts things into the dishwasher during the day in a way I don't like, I just rearrange it. I run the dishwasher when it is full, and he unloads it and puts the clean dishes away.

Getting your mother to do things the way you want them to be done may be too difficult of a task. Trying to get people to do things they can't or are unwilling to do is a maddening approach. If you can divide up the chores in a way that works for both of you based on each of your interests, passion, and capabilities, then you both will be happier. Perhaps you can do the sorting and washing, and she can do the folding and putting away.

 

[whirlcool]

My partner grew up in a family with domestic help, so he didn't learn many domestic skills.

That speaks volumes alone. When I first went out of state to college my first roommate fit that category. My parents raised me to be neat as a pin. Bed made first thing in the morning. If you take something out, put it away when you are done with it.

This guy just left everything everywhere. If he went to a burger place there would be cups and wrappers on the floors, on the tables, etc. He never made his bed let alone change his sheets (well maybe monthly). His parents only lived about 70 miles away so one weekend he invited me to make the trip to his parents house.

They were very well to do. The very first thing I noticed is that they had a maid. All this woman would do is follow him around picking up after him. He just littered the house and the maid would clean it up. If he wanted a sandwich, she'd make it for him. It seemed like he was incapable of doing anything my himself. He was never taught how to do this. The maid was always there to clean up after him.

A few years later I ran into another one of these types. His excuse was "Southern boys aren't taught how to do women's work. It's a woman's job to pick up after her man." Over the years I have heard that over and over again.

 

[joe_in_philly]

My partner's family had (and still have) 3 live in "servants," so he didn't grow up learning much about household chores. Luckily, he was not spoiled, is neat, and very willing to learn. He can now clean the bathrooms, make the bed, take out the trash, dust, and vacuum. The fact that he hasn't mastered loading the dishwasher to maximize the space doesn't bother me, as that is something that a lot of people seem to find challenging. He has three master's degrees and a doctorate, so he is definitely not stupid.

 

[dustin92]

You know, it might not be lighting, but possibly eyesight? The laundry room has a window and a ceiling fan (which has 4- 60 watt equivalent flourescent bulbs installed), but I have noticed Mom saying she needs to wear her glasses... Maybe I can try labeling the cycles with color coordinated tabs?

 

[yogitunes]

I was about to chime in and agree with Lawrence....lighting is one thing to consider.....but for my Mom, who just turned 85, to ease confusion, especially on the Calypso.....I got these little red dots, and placed them on the buttons/locations she is supposed to push and set.....

now it is easy as pie for her.......it may just help you out as well......

she did well when we had the Kenmore Limited....it had a "favorite" cycle.....which would repeat over and over, Normal cycle, warm wash/cold rinse...all she had to do was select that, and press start......dryer was the same setup.....

actually.....anymore now....she has me trained to do all the wash for her....and run her errands, and shopping, etc....feels like driving miss daisy!....lol

 

[dustin92]

...Sounds like our Frigidaire gallery set... They saved whatever cycle was last used, all one needed to do was add detergent and press start twice. I would just leave it on the proper settings for most loads and mom just pressed start. I think I will try color coding the settingswith sticky tabs and see how things work out.

 

[stan]

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

Be careful

We don't get to have our moms forever. If there's a fight about it, you'll think of it when she gone, and you'll feel bad about it.
You really have to ask yourself if it worth it.
Besides... If she washed your diapers in a wringer.. Isn't she untitled to not give a .... about laundry now?

 

[dustin92]

I've been trying to do all the laundry, but I was gone for a couple hours this afternoon, and when I got home I had planned to do a load of colors. I got home and all of the laundry (including mine, which was in my bedroom) was washed and drying. Whites and colors in the same load. I might "helpfully" buy a three compartment hamper so -maybe- laundry will at least get sorted. Yes, my Mom did wash my diapers in a wringer, and I probably would feel bad if I caused a fight over it, but I kind of doubt that would be the worst thing I have ever done. My halo is a bit lopsided to say the least...

 

[wayupnorth]

Mom is not going to be here forever

I agree with Stan 100%. Watching someone get to that point is heartbreaking. Been there and its not easy to get over. Humor her and do the things others have said earlier. And my mother did my diapers in a Kenmore wringer washer.

 

[dustin92]

I think I will try my best to do the laundry myself (Which Mom doesn't mind at all), buy a 3 compartment hamper (Which I had already planned on doing eventually, right now laundry just stacks up next to the washer), and try to look away when Mom does laundry. I will keep dropping suggestions, but you are all right. She most likely won't be around forever, so it isn't worth starting a fight over laundry, clothes can be replaced, parents cannot.