Alone on holidays...

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>about 8 years ago it occured to me that I had several friends that either had no place to go on Christmas or family that they were estranged from. So I started having a late Christmas dinner.

This is an idea I've toyed with. It can't happen now--I'm not set up for any sort of entertaining--but one day when I live someplace better, I might do this. Doing something like this would probably help give energy to do at least some decorating. "We need a tree for the dinner!" instead of "Why bother?"
 
>they beat Christmas into our minds and encourage you to SPEND!!SPEND!!until you drop!

One thing I detest is the spend-spend-spend mentality. And how Christmas is nothing more than a major part of economic bottom line for many businesses.

>I did like Christmas and such when I was much younger esp as a child-they were fun then.

I know they seemed a lot more fun, once. I liked them the most when I was in elementary school.
 
>Christmas was originally a time to get together with "family" to celebrate and socialize, like other holidays. Back 'when', there were few opportunities to socialize BETWEEN the holidays. No email, no TV, no Twitter or texting, no on line anything, no phones, or limited usage. So Holidays were a necessity.

Interesting point. And, as one person on another forum pointed out, I have friends (although casual) where ever the Internet reaches...

Although...being old fashioned (as befits an old appliance enthusiast), I have to say I think there is some value in holidays. How much value, of course, depends on the circumstances in one's life. There can be something special in a family that has traditions that go back years--if not generations--and where everyone looks forward to Christmas each year. But other people are probably best off spending the day alone, perhaps e-mailing old friends across the world.
 
I plan on going to my nephew Jake's house on Christmas day, which is about a 40 min. drive. He and his wife have 3 kids from age 1 to 8, so it will be a lively place. My sister, her husband, and my youngest nephew, age 20, also plan to be there. We've had Christmas dinner there 3 out of the last 4 years.

Other years (since my mom's passing in '95) I've gone to my sister's family's farm near Toledo, which is about a 3.5 hr. drive. I don't usually mind the trip up if the weather is good, but some years it didn't co-operate. One year I ended up having to stay up there for 5 days due to heavy snow. I usually go the day before and come back the day after.
 
Christmas time is stressful in part because in the Northern Hemisphere, it falls right around the shortest day of the year (Dec 22, Winter Solstice). I think people who work days get especially impacted, because it's dark when they go to work, and dark when they get home. Lights and music help, a bit. But I've found what's really helpful is to get outdoors as much as possible, during the day, such as at lunch or on the weekends/days off. Do a little work in the yard, walk around the block, shovel snow, whatever. It just seems to make life seem a little less grim.

 

The other stress can come from the pressure of getting together with family when there are unresolved problems and conflicts. That probably includes every family on earth, LOL. That, and the whole gift giving/receiving thing, the shopping, the traffic, the crowds... why bother?

 

The good news is that by Christmas the days are already getting longer. Soon it will be spring and we can go back to obsessing about other things... ;-)

 

 
 
>Christmas time is stressful in part because in the Northern Hemisphere, it falls right around the shortest day of the year (Dec 22, Winter Solstice).

I don't know how accepted this view is by historical experts. But about a year ago, I saw an on-line talk by a minister who was commenting that (at least for him) there was no accident that we have winter holidays--complete with candles and lots of greenery. His view was that this dates to a earlier chapter in human history when this was a very grim time of year. Growing season over. Cold. Dark. Not everyone would survive winter. And so...holidays with greenery and lights helped make the worst point in winter seem better and give hope. As I say, I don't know if how much historical expert support this view has...but it makes sense to me.
 
Well, especially since some Biblical scholars put Christ's birth at around Easter time, in the spring, not at the winter solstice. The early church apparently decided to adopt the winter date because there were already plenty of pagan celebrations at that time of year and it was a way to co-opt the firmly rooted cultural traditions.

 

All the stuff with Santa Claus and Christmas trees stem from pagan Germanic rituals, as well.
 
>Edith Hamilton's book Mythology? It has all of the old stories from ancient religions. Our religions are full of myths. There will come a time when the myths of "modern religions" will be viewed similarly.

I wouldn't be surprised. And even now those in the more liberal Christian churches often view the creation story, for example, as being a story, not history. But one that can potentially teach truths, even if it isn't historically true.
 
December 18th marked the 17th year of my father's unexpected death. I was only 23 when he died and to say it devastated me, is an understatement. But every year I try my best to be happy at holiday time because I know my dad would want me to be. Some years are better than others. This year I just wasn't feeling it. LOL.

All I can say is the holiday season is what you make of it. Don't feel bad for not wanting to celebrate or fear doing it alone. Be good to yourself and do something fun.

Truth of the matter is, it's just 1 day and when the 26th rolls around, no one gives a sh$t anymore about it! hahahaha.

Merry Christmas :-)
 
I'm pretty sure nearly all cultures in areas with seasons have celebrations centering on the shortest and longest days of the year.

I don't know about other early christian centers, but my understanding is that in Roman (as in 'city of')ruled areas the third week of December was chosen to celebrate christ's birth. The reason was that the Saturnalia was being held and most government offices (including what we'd call the 'police') were either closed or had skeleton crews working so it was (comparatively) a good bit safer for early christians to gather in larger numbers.

Wherever christianity spread, missionaries generally incorporated the standing customs and rituals into the new christian religion. Fast forward to 2015 and most decorations, traditions, etc associated with christianity actually have no connection at all.

As for timing... Yeah, AFAIK nearly all historians/scholars agree the event was most likely in the spring and sometime around 6-4 B.C.

Irrelevant trivia: Our calendar system is so messed up it's a safe bet that the year of Christ's birth is almost definitely NOT the year Zero or One.
------------------------------------
@joeypete

Sorry about your dad and the timing.

I think you make a good point about the holidays. While people generally do NOT choose their situations or the options available to them (no matter how much the PopPsych 101 people babble to the contrary), people DO generally pick from what's available and choose how they respond. Being good to yourself and having fun is usually the best bet. I'd just add that it'd probably be a good idea not to let anyone foist any 'shoulds' or 'oughts' onto them.

Jim
 
I hear ya joeypete

Mom died in 2007 and some of the holiday spirit went with her. Oh I tried to go down to sunny FL in December and put on a good show, but Dad was never really into the holidays. Try as I might, I simply could not replicate what mom brought to the party.

Having said that, I will be alone for not the first time I might add. Still, I have some things to be thankful for.
1. Frigilux eschewing PODS and coming back to the good side of the LaundryForce.
2. My new home. Not just a new place to live but brand new construction.
3. The Speed Queens. Nuff said.
4. My Union made Bradford-White WH and union made Goodman 96% AFUE furnace offsetting the non union made Frigidaire icebox and dishwasher.
5. Still gainfully employed
6. Affordable mortgage.
7. Other than shoulder tendinitis, my health is pretty good.
8. #3 above
9. AW dot org to share, to learn, to debate, to discuss all sorts of things.
10. Jerry (Moparwash) for hosting wash ins and being a kindred spirit for love of classic mopars and understanding the auto industry in ways that make a Business Week writer look stupid.
11. The fact I live in the USA. Whilst not perfect, a helluva lot better than someplaces.
12. That I woke up today with my mental and physical faculties intact.
13. My dream of having my very own Arc-Cuate 210 to mess with might come true someday.
14. Cast iron cookware
15. Microbeer close by and more of it coming on stream as the public rejects lousy factory beer made my MilCorWieser.
16. That my Vt1005 Vonage adapter still works after 12 years!
17. My dad is still alive and in spite of his back issues, he has VA coverage and has not had to endure financial hardship as he works through it.
18. My windows 10 upgrade went relatively drama free.
19. #3 above. Again.
20. That everyone on here has a wonderful and fullfilling holiday in a manner that YOU see fit and not worry about pleasing anyone else.
 
>December 18th marked the 17th year of my father's unexpected death. I was only 23 when he died and to say it devastated me, is an understatement. But every year I try my best to be happy at holiday time because I know my dad would want me to be. Some years are better than others. This year I just wasn't feeling it. LOL.

Ouch! A parent dying so close to a holiday is hard. One cousin's stepfather--who was, I gather, a "real" father in practice if not label--died right about Christmas. Making matters worse, he died on her birthday. Not unexpected, and arguably for the best, given his health. But it must be incredibly hard every year hitting the anniversary.
 
Even when people died at some other point in the year, this time of year can be a time of strong memories about them, and sorrow. I find myself, at least, possibly thinking more about my long-gone grandparents and mother. Probably my mother most of all, because there are so many concrete memories of her and Christmas.
 
>Mom died in 2007 and some of the holiday spirit went with her. Oh I tried to go down to sunny FL in December and put on a good show, but Dad was never really into the holidays. Try as I might, I simply could not replicate what mom brought to the party.

My father never was into holidays, either, as far back as I can remember. His involvement is and always has been whatever the family he's currently connected to via current wife (or, previously, girlfriends). There have been times when Christmas has been a work day for him.

A few years ago, his current wife planned some huge holiday gathering that would have hit even remote extended family. There was some talk about me attending. It didn't work out. However, he commented that he wasn't much into doing holidays, and that he was, in fact, dreading the party and the crowded house.

My father is also in the greater Seattle area, but I have zero expectation of seeing/doing anything Christmas with him this--or any other--year.
 
My cousins wife's uncle whom was like a father to her just passed away on the 19th. I can only imagine how hard that must be for her.

My grandmother passed away October 19th so this is the first year spending Christmas without her. We used to go to her house every Christmas Eve and have a smorgasbord followed by "Santa" dropping a big black trash bag full of gifts at the front door at exactly 9 PM. (Maybe it was 8 i don't quite remember). Earlier on before my time "Santa" actually would show up and hand out the presents. I don't remember which relative took that role.

I'm going to miss putting my summer clothes on and arriving at my grandmas smoked filled 78 degree house choking on second hand smoke for Christmas.
 
This is my first xmas without mom too

Mom and I had done everything together for over 20 years.  She was close with all her children and loved us equally.  However I was the one she lived with. So we had pretty large gatherings at my house each year up til the last 5 years.  We had been going to Foxwoods in CT.  It's  only 1.5 hours from where I live.   We had a good times traveling around New England. 

 

A friend of the family is having me stay over her home Christmas eve so that I'm not alone on Christmas day.  Mom and I would get up and open gifts together.  I loved shopping for her.   She was easy to buy for because we knew everything about each others recent tastes. 

 

This year, I cannot wait for the jolly season to pass.

 

With that said, I'm going to do my best to enjoy as much as possible.

 

 

 

 
 
When I was 16, a family friend with children close to our age was traveling for business in Georgia somewhere the week before Christmas when his heart condition flared up. He checked himself into the local hospital with all of his medicine and died during the night. I remember that my mom made some food and I drove the family car over there to deliver our condolences. I got to see their washer and dryer. The dryer was that LK with the tall flat control panel with the three big touch tablets like is shown as one of our PODs. The wife worked as a nurse at some big government installation around Atlanta and her mother had money's mammy by the tit so they did not suffer financially. The sad thing I remember her telling was that she asked her minister if she should take down the Christmas tree, as if that ostentatious display of mourning would help those poor children.

My brother and I had great fun at Christmas in spite of the hell in which we were living. Once we got our own studio in the basement, we went for broke. We had so much fun decorating with lots and lots of lights. My father once told me that I had to be the world's most frustrated Jew trying to celebrate the Feast of Lights with Christmas decorations.

I don't think it matters so much how close to Christmas or any other major family holiday a loved one dies, the holidays that follow are just not the same. The first year or two are especially hard. It is the price that love extracts from memory; you will have memories, but the toll that love extracts is some of the joy. For all who mourn losses at this time of the year, I wish you comfort to cope with those empty chairs, the missing faces and voices. I experience it every morning when I take a Swee-Touch-Nee teabag out of the cupboard and think of all of the joy I shared over cups of hot tea after temple on Friday nights and at festive meals after holiday services for 15 years, but it's all part of a benevolent plan. After a period of time, you have more loved ones up there than down here and you really look forward to joining them.
 
Yes

'Washman, did you remember to list having the Speed Queens as something you are grateful for?"

Of course!
 
Thanks, Washman, for the perspective.

1. I had the world's coolest grandparents. One day it hit me that they were both old enough that they could pass on at any time and it wouldn't raise any eyebrows. I just hadn't noticed because their health was so good for their ages. I made some changes in my life in order to spend a lot more time with them. I'm really, really glad I did. No regrets. No guilt. I'm thankful for the fact that I had an uncharacteristic moment of seeing the writing on the wall and taking appropriate action:-)

2. I've realized that in spite of all the bullsh!t I've had to put up with, life is improving and "old ghosts are getting put to rest", albeit much too slowly for my taste, lol.

3. I've realized that a lot of my anger is not so much at the bullsh!t itself, but at the fact that more and more as I get older, the bullsh!t can NOT be ascribed to "life events" or "sh!t happens", but rather to incompetence or malice on the part of others.

4. Finally, I've realized that it really could be a whole lot worse.

It's like This:

You've just been kicked to the curb for reasons you're not at all clear on.
You pull yourself together, turn around and look at the house you've just been thrown out of.
Just as you're about to start cursing the people who threw you out, the whole house bursts into flames.
As bad off as you are now, you're a lot better off than you'd be if you hadn't been kicked to the curb.

I try to keep this mindset when I'm YET AGAIN spending my own time&energy cleaning up a mess I had little to no hand in making.

It could always be worse.

Jim
 
Not my favorite time of year . I usually go sailing to stay far away from the noise and traffic. Then, hit the after Christmas pre inventory sales and buy for next year.
 
For those wondering...

It seems pretty much assured that this will be a "do nothing" year. I've been so lazy about decorating I haven't even bothered plugging in a ceramic Christmas tree that sits right by an outlet. I'm in "try to survive the seasonal depression" mode.

If I never post again, it may mean I didn't survive...but we'll hope for the best.
 
A do nothing year for me too, John. I have no neighbors nearby this time of year and the only family left are nieces and nephews that are busy doing their own thing. I have done zero decorating other than putting this years Christmas cards up and they will be put away tomorrow afternoon and hope the new year is better.
 
Oxford English Dictionary definition: Alone

<span class="definition" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: none; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: 25.6px;">Having no one else present; on one’s own:</span><span class="exampleGroup exGrBreak" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; font-family: Cambria, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; display: block; font-size: 17px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 25.6px;"><span class="transivityStatement" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; display: inline; font-size: 0.7em; text-transform: uppercase; color: #f78e1e;">[AS PREDICATIVE ADJECTIVE]:</span>  <em class="example" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">he was alone that evening</em></span>

 

<span class="exampleGroup exGrBreak" style="box-sizing: border-box; border: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; font-family: Cambria, Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; display: block; font-size: 17px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 25.6px;"> Yep...sums it up........</span>
 
"...One day it hit me that they were both old enough that they could pass on at any time and it wouldn't raise any eyebrows. "

The truth is people are dying left and right, sometimes for no apparent reason. Age isn't even a factor.
Think of the partiers who've O.D.d and never lived to see their 30th. Still there are others who are still causing troubles for the rest of us as they celebrate their 100th.

What is your definition of "lived"? For those 30 y.o.s that died partying and enjoying life, I'd say they did the best they could. If someone has lived an unhappy or pain filled life, I hope for them to seek a peace filled after life. Just being alive, as a for profit physician would stipulate, isn't an appropriate goal.

The death of our favorite role model or "star" often seems like the end of the world, but then the world goes on, and we realize in this world filled with over 7 Billion people just how insignificant any one person is, including ourselves. Takes away some the pressure one might feel in their daily life.

Interesting facts:
A. In 2010, there were an estimated 5,419,000 automobile crashes (30,296 fatal), killing 32,999 and injuring 2,239,000.

B. As of 2014, the number of deaths per day is 155,520, based on the number of deaths per year, per 1,000 people. This means there are 108 deaths every minute, or 1.8 deaths per second.

C. Some day You and I will be a part of the statistics. Be happy until then.

oh and

D. Cherub like Dick VanPatten passed away this year. May he rest in peace while bringing funny to Heaven.

Merry Christmas Everyone !



http://https//www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-IViuUCxFU&list=PLhySYjsux3KaeHIZymQGIO9WCHb1nIRrc&index=17
delaneymeegan++12-25-2015-14-32-31.jpg.png
 

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