Not Easy but Worth It
I had a rough childhood and much of my early years were difficult. Its almost unbearable for me to observe someone in pain; mental, spiritual, phsyical or relational. Offering food, the distraction of watching processes and listening often unhinges a reluctance to share. Many hours of "therapy" occur over the kitchen range. From my earliest recorded history I was addicted to appliances and spent every possible moment, cleaning, doing laundry and cooking. To some who may see this as an onerous task, nothing is more fun for me. It makes letting me have fun look like I am doing a great service to the recipient. As I have grown into my years, fallen in love and become the object of someone's desire, my low self esteem and sarcastic rebuttals have begun to heal. My hope is that everyone should know how wonderful and affirming it is to be loved. I try to be a mirror so other's can see the goodness reflected I see in them when I look into their soul, until they can believe and accept it for themselves. Its never been about the food but being together, creating memories and building sanctuary for those brief moments. It humbles me to read these many kindnesses and it steels my resolve to continue to be a kinder and less judgemental expression in the world.
My son is a PRCA "pick up" man retrieving the cowboys from the back of rough stock at the end of their ride. (Know why cowboys make rotten lovers? They think 8 seconds is a long ride.) trains horses and cow dogs, has training seminars for the Buck Branaman style of horsemanship, shoes horses and runs about 400 cattle, many of them on contract to raise and fatten Hawiian calves after they have been weaned. Ranching is hard work and requires diversification to stay solvent. My daughter in law is a high school teacher and Josie is their first child.
When Kyler was three he came home from a visit at my parents. He said, "dad, its okay if you're not a cowboy. Men can be a chef." He is rugged and very manly but has never acted in any way if his weird father was an embarrassment. I worried how I would ever be able to raise a son and teach him how to hunt, fish, play catch and be tough and competitive. He does everything I do and is skilled inside the house but has a degree in diesel mechanics, has worked in Alaska in logging camps, was a formidable member of a fight club and did everything wild boys do growing up. As an adult he is thoughtful, patient, courageous and totally unconcerned what anyone thinks of him or his family. My greatest therapy was raising 4 children and my greatest joy has been watching them become adults and go into the world. Of course there have been moments of anguish but that is all part of the job description of being a child and being a parent.
