I'm a bad Jew and I love bacon
EVERYONE loves bacon, supposed to or not.
I worked in a country club as a teenager where the membership (all Jewish) absolutely went bonkers over surf-and-turf night. Pork, bacon, shellfish, lobster and shrimp and all manner of decidedly NOT kosher items were served. I think even the more observant of the crowd indulged once in a while.
While I worked as an accountant at a CPA firm, we had an Orthodox Jew among us. I had NO CLUE of her persuasion. A fabulous and exepensive wig, modern denim and curduroy skirts to the ankle and get this.... her kids were fed many foods that were NOT certifed as kosher. I found the opportunity to politely ask about that. She simply said they are too young to understand religious dietary laws/guidelines and if they want a slice of pizza (from the goyim), why torture them? I thought her thought-process was rather enlightened.
I have a confession to make. When the Pakistanis (read: Moslems that dont eat pork)below me go on a curry-fest and binge and "perfume" the place with intense and unpleasant cooking odors and spices, one simply whips out a pound of bacon, fires up the skillet and turns the exhaust fan in the window from "exhauat" to "intake". The positive air pressure ensures that my smells are pushed down and out through every nook and crevice and pipe cutout and channel.
When I'm less evil, I am forced to burn incense. Is there a way to release something into the air (short of passing wind, which believe me is an improvement in the air quality at times) that combines with "bad" smells to chemically form something pleasant to the olfactory sense? LOL
OOOOH I'm so gonna rot in Christian hell! (There is no such place, but the thought is fun!). I'll be so busy greeting family and friends that I won't notice it needs central-air and a water fountain! At least with all us 'mos there it will be well-decorated! LOL
Lawd forgive me, but I can't help my little-ole self!
Toilet humor. Open if you dare!