Dumb joke thread

[polkanut]

We haven't had a dumb joke thread for awhile, so I thought I would start one, here are my first 2 contributions:

#1 Q: Why do they call stockings hose?
A: Because they go up to the sprinkler.

#2 Q: The man asked his wife why she wore a bra because she didn't have anything to put in it any way. She asked him why he wore underwear, because he didn't have anything to put in it either.

 

[mixfinder]

Butcher

Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

 

[appliguy]

What do you call a girl on a trombonists arm?

A tatoo......

 

[appliguy]

What do you call a grenade thrown into a French Kitchen?

Lineouleum Blown Apart

 

[appliguy]

Dumb blond joke

A dumb blonds boyfriend gives her a cell phone for her birthday. The next day while she is out shopping her phone rings. She answers it and her boyfriend asks "Hey baby I am calling to see how you like your new cell phone." The blond says "Oh I love it...it fits in my purse and I can hear you very clearly but how did you now I am at the Wal-Mart?"

 

[iheartmaytag]

Did you hear about the woman that got ran over by the riding

NO, What happened?
It' disassed her.

 

[mixfinder]

Zen Master

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor, places his order and get the hot dog. He hands the vendor a $20.00 bill. The vendor thanks him and pockets the money. The buddhists asks where his change is and the vendor replies, "change comes from with in."

 

[mixfinder]

Titans

Did the hear the Roamns had to close the collisium under budget diress? The lions were eating up all the prophets.

 

[mixfinder]

Door to Door Salesman

A vacuum saleman knocks on the door and tells the housewife who opens the door he has a machine that will cut her work in half. "Great," she replies, "I'll take two."

 

[revvinkevin]

While not exactly a dumb joke.........

I just saw this in the "FREE" section of the Los Angeles Craigs List and I found it quite amusing!

"Free wife (Covina)

she does not cock, iron clothes, clean house or have sex at all.

this is one of many reasons why i just want to get rid of her..."

 

[revvinkevin]

Oops! Missed a typo!

That should read... "She does not cook..."

 

[blackstone]

Yugo Jokes

Why does a Yugo come with a rear window defroster?
To keep your hands warm when you push it.

What comes in the back of a Yugo owners manual?
A bus schedule.

How do you make a Yugo accelerate from 0 to 60 in 15 seconds?
Push it off a cliff.

What do you call a Yugo on the top of a hill?
A mirage.

 

[sudsman]

Washer need to be fixed

lady tells hre husband at breakfast the washer needs to be fixed.. He replys Do i look like the maytag man to you? he goes to work... That eve he comes in and the washer is running, he says who fixed the washer.. She said the man next door said he would fix it if I would bake him a cake or have sex with him.. Husband replys I hope he enjoyed the cake.. She replys Do I look like Betty Crocker to you?

 

[lordkenmore]

Define the musical phrase: "Perfect Pitch"

It's when you toss a banjo into a Dumpster, and you hit an accordion dead center!

 

[jasonl]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

 

[112561]

Did you hear about the man who was engaged to a contortionist, until she broke it off?

 

[laundromat]

Johns Hopkins Hospital--

where I worked for 14 years and was at lunch one day minding my own business, when my friend,Blanch ,who was an intern doing her time in the E.R. ,was running toward me and as she got closer,I noticed there was a rectal thermometer resting on her ear. I stopped her in her tracks asking her why she had a rectal thermometer in her ear. She imediately took it off,looked at it and screamed out " Oh shit!" I said "What's wrong?"She said"I have to go back to the E.R.!" I said "why?" She said "Because some ass hole has my pen!!"

 

[duetboy]

Elephants

Why do elephants wear tennies?

Niney's are too small and elevenies are too big!

JKT

 

[earthling177]

Two friends are talking and one of them says "Remember the 4-hour power failure the other day? I was stuck standing on the escalator! I got so tired!" and the other one responds "Geez, you are so dumb! Why didn't you sit down?"

 

[yogitunes]

Your Momma always said "I should have swallowed you when I had the chance!"

A lady walks into a store, with broken english asks for "thumbtacks"....the store clerk knew he could help her in an instant, and asked "Do you want the ones you hammer in or the ones you push in with your thumb?"

long story short....she wanted TAMPAX, can't imagine why she was so upset!

 

[westingman123]

ready to groan?

Why don't blondes stretch after, er, relations?

They're afraid they'll turn the dome light on.

 

[sdlee]

you hear about the Yugo with cruise control?

they give you a brick to put on the gas pedal

the hugo with Ac...a bag to dangle in front of the blowers

the Yugo with a turbo....a cassette tape that goes rrrrrrrrrrr...rrrrrrrrrrrrrr....rrrr

 

[jmm63]

The IRS sent an auditor to a major hospital to look over the books. He says to the head of the hospital, " I see you use lots of bandages, what do you do with the leftover?" The hospital administrator says, " We send all the left over pieces back to the manufacturer and they send us a new roll once a year"

Trying to catch the administrator, the auditor asks " I see you use a lot of latex gloves, what do you do with mismatched ones.?" The administrator says again, they send the leftover odds and ends to the manufacturer and once a year they send us a new box"

FInally, the auditor says " I see you do lots of circumcisions, what do you do with the foreskins? The administrator says" Oh, thats easy, we send them all to the IRS and once a year they send us a dick.

 

[lordkenmore]

A couple that are actually laundry related!

Q. Why did Santa wash his clothes in Oxydol?
A. He was out of Cheer.

Q. Why did Santa wash his clothes in Tide?
A. Because it was too cold "out Tide."

 

[strongenough78]

Q: How do you know when you're making out with a French Horn player?

A: His lips are too tight and his hand is up your butt.

 

[appliguy]

Here is one for the vacuum folks

What is the difference Between a Hoover and a Harley

The location of the dirt bag......(no offense meant to any female Harley riding members)

 

[appliguy]

What is the difference between a telephone operator and a nu

One answer paitents and the other has paitent answers

 

[duetboy]

Did you hear about the blonde with computer problems?

When the IT guy got there and asked her for her password, she opened up the top drawer and handed him a piece of paper with "HueyLueyDeweySleepyDocMickeyMinnieSacramento" on it. He asked as to why she had such a long password. Her response was, well, your memo that you issued said it had to have seven characters and a capital.

duetboy
aka Jeff

 

[strongenough78]

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

A pick pocket snatch watches.

 

[lordkenmore]

What goes vrooom....SHRIEK....vroooom.....SHRIEK....vrooom....SHRIEK!

A dumb blond going through an intersection with a flashing red light!