The symptoms of Mom's alzheimer's are progressing much more quickly. I watch her so happy and pleased to have company. Then as she interupts, over talks, insists she is right and unable to follow the conversational drift in a single paragraph she gets shot down, wearily reminded who or what we're talking about and the sweet faces goes dark. Then she'll back up, put the smile on again and try once more. I wish I could get family and friends to let it go and understand correcting or confronting her makes it worse. In the 50's we lived without plumbing and water came from town in 10 gallon milk cans. It took years for mom to feel comfortable using water. When we got a well mom had a wringer washer and later added a dryer. The dryer couldn't hold a full load of sopping wringer pressed clothing so the wet loads piled up and pieces got shuffled through the dryer for days. She hung the pants over all the doors in the house and they were last to have a turn in the dryer. Mom's back in the place having a cow about people using water or doing laundry. She panicks and runs to the washer turning it off, taking clothes out of the dryer and putting a few of this and that in at a time. To make matters worse she's now mixing clean with dirty and its all a moldy, stinky mess. This was the hardest time I've had yet getting her to allow me to clean, cook and do laundry for them. Mom has worked hard her whole life but has added so many useless steps to the way she does things and then insists the rest of us do it her way. The harder days are about to come for us all and I can see the time has come to move closer.
Held Prisoner by the Past
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polkanut
Well-known member
Kelly,
I know this may be hard to accept, but it sounds like she will need professional care very soon. My great-aunt tried to to take care of my great-uncle at home, and almost completely ruined her own health. She had to keep an eye and ear on him almost 24hrs a day. My cousin, their daughter, did give some respite care on a weekly basis, but even though it was his own daughter, he would become physically and verbally abusive. Once he was placed in a skilled care facility his entire demeanor changed for the better. Maybe because the staff was more accomadating to his whims and hallucinations, I don't know. Whatever you decide, I know it will only be in your Mom's best interest and well-being.
I know this may be hard to accept, but it sounds like she will need professional care very soon. My great-aunt tried to to take care of my great-uncle at home, and almost completely ruined her own health. She had to keep an eye and ear on him almost 24hrs a day. My cousin, their daughter, did give some respite care on a weekly basis, but even though it was his own daughter, he would become physically and verbally abusive. Once he was placed in a skilled care facility his entire demeanor changed for the better. Maybe because the staff was more accomadating to his whims and hallucinations, I don't know. Whatever you decide, I know it will only be in your Mom's best interest and well-being.
Co Dependant
My dad neither reads nor writes and through their 63 year marriage mom has been the one to keep his secret and keep them functioning in a business. My dad is the one who can't live without her. If dad's health changes significantly or at the time he passes away the best place for mom is professional care. We have a caregiver who comes in daily but keeping up with mail, finding where things are hidden and tending to mom's personal care are the things I have been able to do. My father's single greatest fear is that mom goes first. He can't conceive of living with out her. She may not understand but she can still read things my dad asks her to and until recently was able to look up phone numbers.
My dad neither reads nor writes and through their 63 year marriage mom has been the one to keep his secret and keep them functioning in a business. My dad is the one who can't live without her. If dad's health changes significantly or at the time he passes away the best place for mom is professional care. We have a caregiver who comes in daily but keeping up with mail, finding where things are hidden and tending to mom's personal care are the things I have been able to do. My father's single greatest fear is that mom goes first. He can't conceive of living with out her. She may not understand but she can still read things my dad asks her to and until recently was able to look up phone numbers.
Kelly,
are your siblings all together on this? If the bulk of your parents' care will fall on YOU, think more than twice, please.
It may be worth a trip there or two to have a family meeting, if most of your siblings are in that area.
My Ma had a similar condition, Multi-Infarct Dementia, and I was her primary care provider/partner/carer. My sister was not very helpful. She would send money for respite care or my cleaning lady once in a while, but not too often.
Care needs to be coordinated. Meals, laundry, doctor appointments, other transportation...
Just my experience.
Those of you with parents in reasonable health, BE GRATEFUL. It can change really suddenly.
Lawrence/Maytagbear
are your siblings all together on this? If the bulk of your parents' care will fall on YOU, think more than twice, please.
It may be worth a trip there or two to have a family meeting, if most of your siblings are in that area.
My Ma had a similar condition, Multi-Infarct Dementia, and I was her primary care provider/partner/carer. My sister was not very helpful. She would send money for respite care or my cleaning lady once in a while, but not too often.
Care needs to be coordinated. Meals, laundry, doctor appointments, other transportation...
Just my experience.
Those of you with parents in reasonable health, BE GRATEFUL. It can change really suddenly.
Lawrence/Maytagbear
Sorry to hear you are having it rough, Kelly.
As far as not being able to read or write, I have found that members on my family who were illiterate often had a profoundly sharp mind and thought process/memory, unpolluted by the tyrany of traditional learning/teaching processies.
My Grandmother came to the United States by way of Canada where she landed (in Canada) at around 12 years of age. I don't know how her aunt and uncle (the people who raised her managed to prevent her from going to school in both Canada ans the county she came form. Their thought process was 'she doesnt need to read. She's only use that knowledge to be a bad girl and catch boys'. Her English came from TV, mostly soap-operas.
My aunt by marriage (TIA POLITICA EN ESPANOL) (unrelated to granny) came to this country at 20 years of age. She learned English by doing homework with my cousin, her son. She was in Kindergarten when he was, in effect, and so on.
Peace and patience to you Kelly!
As far as not being able to read or write, I have found that members on my family who were illiterate often had a profoundly sharp mind and thought process/memory, unpolluted by the tyrany of traditional learning/teaching processies.
My Grandmother came to the United States by way of Canada where she landed (in Canada) at around 12 years of age. I don't know how her aunt and uncle (the people who raised her managed to prevent her from going to school in both Canada ans the county she came form. Their thought process was 'she doesnt need to read. She's only use that knowledge to be a bad girl and catch boys'. Her English came from TV, mostly soap-operas.
My aunt by marriage (TIA POLITICA EN ESPANOL) (unrelated to granny) came to this country at 20 years of age. She learned English by doing homework with my cousin, her son. She was in Kindergarten when he was, in effect, and so on.
Peace and patience to you Kelly!
It'll All Come Out in the Wash!
My grandparents (Maternal) emmigrated first to Canada and my grandfather went back to school and attended 4th grade as young man to learn English. My grandparents (Paternal)were itinerant workers who traveled from Kentucky to California and then up the coast to Washington. Dad's mom died when he young and the wheels fell of the cart for 4 precious children. My grandfather (paternal) was a pedohphile, mean and bitter and one by one the kids ran away from home and made it on their own. It played a factor in our upbringing and the family has harbored secrets and pilliaried any who dared to talk. The drama of all that took it's toll on and none of my siblings trust each other. The concept of family meeting and consensus has been a dismal failure. In a rare moment of lucid thought I suggested each of each be responsible for that which we do best. Oldest Brother takes care of finances (sizable), second brother in charge of property mantainence (360 acres and 150 head of livestock) I cover medical, my sister is house and wardrobe and I have a younger brother who shows up occasionally to smell the inheritance. We don't pee in each other's cheerios and we manage to get along. I was close to my grandparents and many relatives thought I was mom's brother. My insight and knowledge of all things past is keen and I can help mom to recreate memories. I spent most of my life trying to be like mom, some naturally and some learned. It wasn't until I came out that dad and I began to talk. Because of my maternal ways and connections with mom I think he takes some comfort in having me there. I will maintain a separate residence and it will be easier to pop in and out as needed than compress a list into weekly visits that are a 2 1/2 hour drive each way. Mostly I started the thread to talk about weird laundry habits. Mom got in trouble years ago for shrinking a shirt of dad's in the dryer and she never puts any of his shirts or pants in the dryer. We don't wash on Sunday. She is afraid the water heater will wear out if we wash in hot water. The washer will wear out if we fill it too full. The dryer will last longer if you let it rest one hour between loads. Some times she wrings out clothes from the wash cycle and then uses it again for the next load going back to rinse the half finsihed laundry later.
My grandparents (Maternal) emmigrated first to Canada and my grandfather went back to school and attended 4th grade as young man to learn English. My grandparents (Paternal)were itinerant workers who traveled from Kentucky to California and then up the coast to Washington. Dad's mom died when he young and the wheels fell of the cart for 4 precious children. My grandfather (paternal) was a pedohphile, mean and bitter and one by one the kids ran away from home and made it on their own. It played a factor in our upbringing and the family has harbored secrets and pilliaried any who dared to talk. The drama of all that took it's toll on and none of my siblings trust each other. The concept of family meeting and consensus has been a dismal failure. In a rare moment of lucid thought I suggested each of each be responsible for that which we do best. Oldest Brother takes care of finances (sizable), second brother in charge of property mantainence (360 acres and 150 head of livestock) I cover medical, my sister is house and wardrobe and I have a younger brother who shows up occasionally to smell the inheritance. We don't pee in each other's cheerios and we manage to get along. I was close to my grandparents and many relatives thought I was mom's brother. My insight and knowledge of all things past is keen and I can help mom to recreate memories. I spent most of my life trying to be like mom, some naturally and some learned. It wasn't until I came out that dad and I began to talk. Because of my maternal ways and connections with mom I think he takes some comfort in having me there. I will maintain a separate residence and it will be easier to pop in and out as needed than compress a list into weekly visits that are a 2 1/2 hour drive each way. Mostly I started the thread to talk about weird laundry habits. Mom got in trouble years ago for shrinking a shirt of dad's in the dryer and she never puts any of his shirts or pants in the dryer. We don't wash on Sunday. She is afraid the water heater will wear out if we wash in hot water. The washer will wear out if we fill it too full. The dryer will last longer if you let it rest one hour between loads. Some times she wrings out clothes from the wash cycle and then uses it again for the next load going back to rinse the half finsihed laundry later.
Kelly, everyone will tell you to take care of yourself, and that is much easier said that done. You will have to find what works for you in your situation. I've been dealing with my dad's dementia, his is from high blood pressure most of his life, and it's combined with bipolar tendencies. His mood swings can get very difficult to deal with. He has fallen quite a bit, hip repair last fall, and fractures of L2 and L3 in the past 6 months. I'm the sole caregiver, and I have yet to find an answer on how to handle that and take care of myself. I have a brother who is pretty much uninvolved. He has his problems but he still lives his life.
At this point I'm burned out, semi-brain-dead, and depressed. Do what you can to avoid this, but it may not be possible. Everyone's situation is different, I hope you can find something that will work for you.
At this point I'm burned out, semi-brain-dead, and depressed. Do what you can to avoid this, but it may not be possible. Everyone's situation is different, I hope you can find something that will work for you.
spiceman1957
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2006
- Messages
- 724
Kelly,
I'm so very sorry about your mother and what you are going through. I can't expressed enough adjectives to describe how one feels about having a love one going through such a horrible disease. My late mother had a form of Alzheimer's. I was her sole caregiver and since my brothers stated that I was not "married" (although I did have a partner) and did not have children as my four other brothers did I should step up and do my part. They was always telling me that since I was a RN, I could do a better job then they. A form of a cop out I believe! The doctors described her condition as in-farts in the brain. She knew and could recognize her family and most of her friends,but could not remember how to dial a telephone, not taking her medications, and even down to the point where she wouldn't bathe. I had no choice but to put her in a assisted living facility during the last nine months of her life. I did my share of crying and staying angry with my brothers. If it was not for my partner and friends, I would have lost it. I hope you have brothers or sisters, or any family member or friends that could give you a hand. Kelly, you must take care of yourself if you are to take care of your mother. I would encourage you to contact social services or elderly services in your area along with a support group. You are a good son and you are doing a good job. However, it will eventually come to the point where you will need professional help like I had to with my mother.
And Mattl, I like to offer my sincere admiration to you as well. You guys here are doing such a noble thing becoming caregivers. Yes, it crap being put in your position, but I hope you will receive lots of fulfillment and praise. Again, please take care of yourself and please ask for help if needed. Best Wishes,
John
I'm so very sorry about your mother and what you are going through. I can't expressed enough adjectives to describe how one feels about having a love one going through such a horrible disease. My late mother had a form of Alzheimer's. I was her sole caregiver and since my brothers stated that I was not "married" (although I did have a partner) and did not have children as my four other brothers did I should step up and do my part. They was always telling me that since I was a RN, I could do a better job then they. A form of a cop out I believe! The doctors described her condition as in-farts in the brain. She knew and could recognize her family and most of her friends,but could not remember how to dial a telephone, not taking her medications, and even down to the point where she wouldn't bathe. I had no choice but to put her in a assisted living facility during the last nine months of her life. I did my share of crying and staying angry with my brothers. If it was not for my partner and friends, I would have lost it. I hope you have brothers or sisters, or any family member or friends that could give you a hand. Kelly, you must take care of yourself if you are to take care of your mother. I would encourage you to contact social services or elderly services in your area along with a support group. You are a good son and you are doing a good job. However, it will eventually come to the point where you will need professional help like I had to with my mother.
And Mattl, I like to offer my sincere admiration to you as well. You guys here are doing such a noble thing becoming caregivers. Yes, it crap being put in your position, but I hope you will receive lots of fulfillment and praise. Again, please take care of yourself and please ask for help if needed. Best Wishes,
John
Kelly,
You have offered me support here - whether by standing up to the bullies or suggesting quietly I should put away the Betty Davis histrionics for an occasion when I was in the right.
You have my total support and understanding.
I won't presume to offer advice, just, if you ever want to write me or call (won't be hard to get a number from Lawrence) please do.
Your
Keven
You have offered me support here - whether by standing up to the bullies or suggesting quietly I should put away the Betty Davis histrionics for an occasion when I was in the right.
You have my total support and understanding.
I won't presume to offer advice, just, if you ever want to write me or call (won't be hard to get a number from Lawrence) please do.
Your
Keven
Kelly, you dont need my adivce, but here it is anyway.
Perhaps a picture book with familiar faces (photographs) and phone numbers will help dad wean off the need for mom's literacy?
Funny how 'everyone' has their quirks.
All members of my family are/were pretty much anal-retentive when it came to cleanliness and housekeeping. Yet my grandmother and my aunt(her daughter; a different aunt than above) would rinse the mop in the toilet. I hope to G-d that they bleached the living hell out of the commode before using it as a slop/utility sink.
Can you picture the CSI team [LOL] asking "Why is there fecal matter, tinkle all over every floor?" *SHUDDERS* UGH!
Light, love, peace, patience and blessings to you Kelly.
And please remember "normal" (family) is just a washer setting. It is a myth that doesn't exist.
Kelly you are to be admired for your good energy, the good you spread in the world and how you give what you have and even what you don't have. Truly you are a blessing to us all.
[this post was last edited: 5/11/2010-08:35]
Perhaps a picture book with familiar faces (photographs) and phone numbers will help dad wean off the need for mom's literacy?
Funny how 'everyone' has their quirks.
All members of my family are/were pretty much anal-retentive when it came to cleanliness and housekeeping. Yet my grandmother and my aunt(her daughter; a different aunt than above) would rinse the mop in the toilet. I hope to G-d that they bleached the living hell out of the commode before using it as a slop/utility sink.
Can you picture the CSI team [LOL] asking "Why is there fecal matter, tinkle all over every floor?" *SHUDDERS* UGH!
Light, love, peace, patience and blessings to you Kelly.
And please remember "normal" (family) is just a washer setting. It is a myth that doesn't exist.
Kelly you are to be admired for your good energy, the good you spread in the world and how you give what you have and even what you don't have. Truly you are a blessing to us all.
[this post was last edited: 5/11/2010-08:35]
iheartmaytag
Well-known member
Can't offer advice
But would like to share a story.
I have had two family members and several family friends with this disease. It is so devistating to everyone.
One bright story from a friend. Her Mother in Law is in end stages where she could no longer be left alone while they worked, but her 80th birthday was coming up. Though they were sure she may not remember they decided to have a Surprise Birthday party for her with cameras at every table and all the family came in from everywhere.
The day of the party she was very disoriented and they almost called the party off, but decided to go ahead for the family to remember. Mrs P was so surprised and had such a good time that along with the pictures they had developed her party was all she talked about for weeks after.
What neurologist tell us is the things that have the most impact are the most preserved. She remembered her party when her short term memory would no longer allow her to remember the floor plan of the house.
Only advice I dare to offer. Treasure what you have.
But would like to share a story.
I have had two family members and several family friends with this disease. It is so devistating to everyone.
One bright story from a friend. Her Mother in Law is in end stages where she could no longer be left alone while they worked, but her 80th birthday was coming up. Though they were sure she may not remember they decided to have a Surprise Birthday party for her with cameras at every table and all the family came in from everywhere.
The day of the party she was very disoriented and they almost called the party off, but decided to go ahead for the family to remember. Mrs P was so surprised and had such a good time that along with the pictures they had developed her party was all she talked about for weeks after.
What neurologist tell us is the things that have the most impact are the most preserved. She remembered her party when her short term memory would no longer allow her to remember the floor plan of the house.
Only advice I dare to offer. Treasure what you have.
Kelly,
That's a great photograph of your parents! Thank you for sharing it with us.
I've not yet had to deal with what you're going through with your mother. Someday I might, only time will tell. Sounds like you are a very kind-hearted son and definitely are looking out for your mother's best interest. A second thank-you for sharing your mother's laundry phobias. I admit that they made me laugh!
Lawrence
That's a great photograph of your parents! Thank you for sharing it with us.
I've not yet had to deal with what you're going through with your mother. Someday I might, only time will tell. Sounds like you are a very kind-hearted son and definitely are looking out for your mother's best interest. A second thank-you for sharing your mother's laundry phobias. I admit that they made me laugh!
Lawrence
Humbled and Touched
I cannot begin to compare my role with those included in giving me words of advice and support. It will be a pit stop in the bigger picture of where I would chose to live or spend my time yet its my choice to take this role. So many intricate pieces of disfunction that made me who i am have also enabled me to be the confident to my dad and support for mom. Mom told my aunt it must have been her birthday because I made dinner and she got presents, but if she couldn't remember her own birthday she must be getting bad. We have a family friend who is a prefessional rodeo photographer. Molly is my age and mom has it in her head that dad has the hots for Molly. "He's sweet on her" mom said, "but he's too old to do have sex with her" so she guesses its okay. The picture phone book is an amazing solution. My brother scanned many old photos onto a dics and mom can spend hours speculating on who they are and each time she sees them she is sure its the first time and wants to keep them. While she excepts the photos may have been hers she insists we print them off and return them. She cannot grasp "storage" or email and viruses aren't possible for a machine to get. Thank you for always being the place I go when I need to belong.
I cannot begin to compare my role with those included in giving me words of advice and support. It will be a pit stop in the bigger picture of where I would chose to live or spend my time yet its my choice to take this role. So many intricate pieces of disfunction that made me who i am have also enabled me to be the confident to my dad and support for mom. Mom told my aunt it must have been her birthday because I made dinner and she got presents, but if she couldn't remember her own birthday she must be getting bad. We have a family friend who is a prefessional rodeo photographer. Molly is my age and mom has it in her head that dad has the hots for Molly. "He's sweet on her" mom said, "but he's too old to do have sex with her" so she guesses its okay. The picture phone book is an amazing solution. My brother scanned many old photos onto a dics and mom can spend hours speculating on who they are and each time she sees them she is sure its the first time and wants to keep them. While she excepts the photos may have been hers she insists we print them off and return them. She cannot grasp "storage" or email and viruses aren't possible for a machine to get. Thank you for always being the place I go when I need to belong.
xraytech
Well-known member
Kelly,
I want to wish you well in the major task of caring for mother, just remember to enjoy as much time as you can while you still can, because unfortunately in time mother will no longer remember you, your father, and probably wont know who she is. When the alzheimers is at that point it is truly sad to see, as they are very terrified as everything around them is a strange unfamiliar place.
If you need to talk or need anything please feel free to contact me.
Sam
I want to wish you well in the major task of caring for mother, just remember to enjoy as much time as you can while you still can, because unfortunately in time mother will no longer remember you, your father, and probably wont know who she is. When the alzheimers is at that point it is truly sad to see, as they are very terrified as everything around them is a strange unfamiliar place.
If you need to talk or need anything please feel free to contact me.
Sam
xraytech
Well-known member
Also,
it does seem common that those with alzheimers seem to lock into some point in time in the past and seem to stay there.
I once had an alzheimers patient who used to be a Bell telephone operator in the 1950's.
In her mid it was still lik e1955 and she was stil working the switchboards, she would constantly recite all the local NNX's(named-nuber exchanges), all the charges to conncet to all the town in Washington county, and the number for directory assistance 555-1212.
That does seem to be similar to what your mother is going through, just she is stuck in the past dealing with her laundry issues that she faced.
it does seem common that those with alzheimers seem to lock into some point in time in the past and seem to stay there.
I once had an alzheimers patient who used to be a Bell telephone operator in the 1950's.
In her mid it was still lik e1955 and she was stil working the switchboards, she would constantly recite all the local NNX's(named-nuber exchanges), all the charges to conncet to all the town in Washington county, and the number for directory assistance 555-1212.
That does seem to be similar to what your mother is going through, just she is stuck in the past dealing with her laundry issues that she faced.
.
I once had the distinct pleasure of working with my sister's father-in law. Extremely limited formal education, and I don't think he can read and write even in his own language.
Before Alzheimer's got him, (we think it was the trauma of losing his son when the boy was 18 y.o. that triggered it) he was unsurpassable. A self-taught carpenter by trade, he could visualize what needed to be done to frame and sheerock a room, or a hosue for that matter. The logic, the memory the spatial orientation, AMAZING. He was a sponge and watched every person's every move and action and word and demeanor. Absolutely brilliant. He was always thirsty to learn.
Kelly, I'm sure your father has similar qualities. Actually I see in you the thought processies and the interpretation of the 'dance moves' that are 'life' that others just don't have the horse-sense and logic to see. It is easy to see how much of the good in your father you have in yourself.
As much as it hurts us to see the ones we love, like mom, fading away, they take a step closer each day to the pure sprituality that is the essence of the human soul. We are not physical creatures having a spritual experience; we are all spritual creatures having a physcal experience.
Even most Christians don't understiand or know that the Holy Trity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit is a metaphor for Body Mind and Soul, that together function in harmony and symnphony to create we we know as human life.
Mother may not have both feet here on Earth, but I can assure you she is feeling her way around the spritual side so that when she is called "home" she will not be a stranger to it as the perfectly lucid-'til-the-end person would perhaps be.
Love can be sensed and felt, even if actions and things and people and places are not fully understood. For her to say it felt like her birthday means you made her feel special,loved tended-to, the focus of good attention. Make no mistake, to the emotions/mind-set of a female especailly, that is priceless.
[this post was last edited: 5/11/2010-23:17]
I once had the distinct pleasure of working with my sister's father-in law. Extremely limited formal education, and I don't think he can read and write even in his own language.
Before Alzheimer's got him, (we think it was the trauma of losing his son when the boy was 18 y.o. that triggered it) he was unsurpassable. A self-taught carpenter by trade, he could visualize what needed to be done to frame and sheerock a room, or a hosue for that matter. The logic, the memory the spatial orientation, AMAZING. He was a sponge and watched every person's every move and action and word and demeanor. Absolutely brilliant. He was always thirsty to learn.
Kelly, I'm sure your father has similar qualities. Actually I see in you the thought processies and the interpretation of the 'dance moves' that are 'life' that others just don't have the horse-sense and logic to see. It is easy to see how much of the good in your father you have in yourself.
As much as it hurts us to see the ones we love, like mom, fading away, they take a step closer each day to the pure sprituality that is the essence of the human soul. We are not physical creatures having a spritual experience; we are all spritual creatures having a physcal experience.
Even most Christians don't understiand or know that the Holy Trity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit is a metaphor for Body Mind and Soul, that together function in harmony and symnphony to create we we know as human life.
Mother may not have both feet here on Earth, but I can assure you she is feeling her way around the spritual side so that when she is called "home" she will not be a stranger to it as the perfectly lucid-'til-the-end person would perhaps be.
Love can be sensed and felt, even if actions and things and people and places are not fully understood. For her to say it felt like her birthday means you made her feel special,loved tended-to, the focus of good attention. Make no mistake, to the emotions/mind-set of a female especailly, that is priceless.
[this post was last edited: 5/11/2010-23:17]
randycmaynard
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2009
- Messages
- 655
More than understand..........
Kelly,
I can totally identify and understand what you're going through - my wife and I, along with my wife's sisters, took care of her mother from 1996-2004 and the toll this disease takes on the person who has it as well as the ones giving care is unimaginable. The constant need to make sure that her mom didn't hurt herself or try to walk off etc. Nights were sometimes the worst trying to get sleep yet being mindful of the fact that she could get up at any time and wander around or even get outside the house.
In the last 2 or 3 years of her life she took to the bed and never got out again except when we got her out and we had a special made lift for the purpose of moving her and we would sit her in a recliner in the living room from time to time just to get her out of bed and it help avoid bed sores which can be a major issue as well.
To share the lighter side, and I'll keep it nice, but the first year of our marriage my wife's mother was still mobile and could still get up and walk and you never knew when that might happen - especially at night. Being newly married, as you would expect, much "intimate time" was spent in the evenings or late night and there was always the concern if mom decided to get up and wander about the house - what if we were in the middle of an intensly intimate time? Fortunately, that never happened and we did keep the door locked just in case so there was time to throw something on quickly to see what might be going on. It really made for some creative thinking to take care of things while being mindful of the situation with her mom.
Even for all the difficulties that come with that I would do nothing different - that will actually remain as one of the more fond times of life despite the all the issues that came with it and my wife and I worked as a team in her moms care and that helped too and in many ways it was enjoyable yet other times it was a frustrating and maddening as anything could be.
Will keep you in thought and prayer Kelly and others during this time - only those who have walked this road can truly know the issues that come with it.
Kelly,
I can totally identify and understand what you're going through - my wife and I, along with my wife's sisters, took care of her mother from 1996-2004 and the toll this disease takes on the person who has it as well as the ones giving care is unimaginable. The constant need to make sure that her mom didn't hurt herself or try to walk off etc. Nights were sometimes the worst trying to get sleep yet being mindful of the fact that she could get up at any time and wander around or even get outside the house.
In the last 2 or 3 years of her life she took to the bed and never got out again except when we got her out and we had a special made lift for the purpose of moving her and we would sit her in a recliner in the living room from time to time just to get her out of bed and it help avoid bed sores which can be a major issue as well.
To share the lighter side, and I'll keep it nice, but the first year of our marriage my wife's mother was still mobile and could still get up and walk and you never knew when that might happen - especially at night. Being newly married, as you would expect, much "intimate time" was spent in the evenings or late night and there was always the concern if mom decided to get up and wander about the house - what if we were in the middle of an intensly intimate time? Fortunately, that never happened and we did keep the door locked just in case so there was time to throw something on quickly to see what might be going on. It really made for some creative thinking to take care of things while being mindful of the situation with her mom.
Even for all the difficulties that come with that I would do nothing different - that will actually remain as one of the more fond times of life despite the all the issues that came with it and my wife and I worked as a team in her moms care and that helped too and in many ways it was enjoyable yet other times it was a frustrating and maddening as anything could be.
Will keep you in thought and prayer Kelly and others during this time - only those who have walked this road can truly know the issues that come with it.
How's mom this week?
