Parents Say The Darnest Things

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launderess

launderess

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Quiet Please, There´s a Lady on Stage
From the other side of things:

"Go to your room until you learn how to act!"

Does this mean one should stand up there reciting "To Be or Not To Be?".

"Don't make me stop this car and come back there"
Yes, by all means Mom (or Daddy), stop the car right on the middle of a busy Intersate and come on back. You haven't been back here in a good long time!

"Have you lost your mind"?
Is this a trick question?

"Just you wait until your father gets home"
Good, he works for us.

"Did you hear what I said?"
See "have you lost your mind", above.
 
"Eat your vegetables or go down from the table"

What I get a choice? Decision made!

Too bad that decision was usually followed with "Get back up here and finish your dinner!"
 
My favorite parent comment... usually early on a Sunday morning Mom would call me, and then when I answered the phone, demand to know, "What are you doing inside on a nice day like this?"

After a few years of groping for a good response, because no matter what I said she'd tell me "You should be outside!", I finally started responding with, "Well, I'm talking to you on the phone... what are YOU doing inside on a nice day like this?". That generally brought an awkward silence and eventually she dropped that particular form of interrogation.
 
My mom would say..."wait til you have kids of your own to drive you crazy" or "I hope you have kids just like you'....a good classic was "shut your mouth and eat". She used to also say..."dont let me catch you because I will beat you". Or "come here so I can hit you". I loved that one.
 
Oh one other things she used to say to us " do you think this is a restaurant?? You will eat what I put on the table". Trouble was..we always served ourselves and it was straight from the stovetop. My partner likes to just take it from the stovetop and not have it in serving bowls. I like the bowls since they are on the table and you dont have to get up...its right there. Sometimes when he is feeling lazy he will be like Edina from AbFab.....sweetie get mumma some more food sweetie darling.
 
" do you think this is a restaurant?? You will eat what

Ha! My mom used to say this to us when we were little too.

If we were being particularly picky "Oh, I'm so sorry Mrs. Astor, I'll get your (fill in the blank) right away. Can I get you a warm towel with that?"

Usually after a harsh (and loud) lecture, she'd finish with a "do you hear me?" One day, when I was about nine, I must have really been feeling my oats. I replied "I could hear you all the way to Christmas" I went upstairs with a sore ass that day.
 
My dad had a couple of gems I'll never forget:

When I'd get scared watching a spooky show on TV (as a little kid, of course), he'd say "Don't worry; the cameraman is there with them!"

When I'd whine about something, he'd say "Get over it. Worse things happen at sea!"
 
Another maternal unit scolding would go, "You're just like your father!" (this was not intended as a compliment). To which, once I got too big to hit, I would reply, "Well, you married him; I didn't have a choice!".
 
i'll put in the clean version's

1. "eat whats in front of you some people have nothing to eat"
2."dont say you dont wanna got to church you'll make god mad"
3."randy you better clean this room i dont wanna hear your moms mouth"
4."wait until your father finds out"
5."ohh lord, do you want me to hit you again/"
6."dont embarrass me"
7."people will think you have no parents if you keep acting like that"
8."dont make that face it will stay that way"

AND THE BEST FOR LAST

9."you know god is watching you and you made him very mad dont let the devil fool you now go pray and ask for forgiveness!" *slap*

the common phrases that i remember the most....
 
My 70+ y.o. father asked me to go to the librrary to do some research for him.

uhm, *WOW* a normally decent and reasonable request. HELLO INTERNET!

It just struck me a SOOOOOOOOO odd..........
 
The alltime scariest

This one my mother only used when all else was inadequate:
'someday,someday may you have children just like you!</i>'

Given the way my brother's kids turned out, I guess we shouldn't have messed with her, who knew she could lay such a bann...
 
"Close that refrigerator door!! there isn't anything new in there since you looked five minutes ago!!"
 
Grandpa used to say.

a- If you haven't wised-up by 40 y.o. there is no hope.

b- By the time you are 30 y.o. you should have forgiven you parents for all thigs; real and/or imagined.

c- You can not escape fate.

d- A person is not formed ("nurture") he is born that way ("nature").

e- You should go to school even for higher eduction (Grad school) so that when you walk in a room they look down at the floor and say, look! Here comes Mr. _____!

f- You have to put the golden bracelet on your arms, by becoming lettered (i.e. geting educated). Then you you don't have to work as a slave doing _________ or ____________ (deleted so as not to insult anyone or their proefession).

g- From the amount of studying you should do you should burn though a pair of pants a month! (wear out the seat from sitting).

h- Everybody "has something" (wrong with them). Craziness does not go to the mountains. It goes to the people! PEople do bad to you?

Passed and done-with? YES
Forgiven? Yes
Forgotten? NO!

i- Show me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are.

j- Forget the girfriend and the sweethearts. LATER! SCHOOL! EDUCATION!

k- Car? for what? You don't need. Go to school, leave the car. It is like a wife. All the time you give money. You take care. You fix. You worry about. ASTO! (leave it!) It is like a wife, big headache. LATER, ASTO!

[In my city you don't need a car).

If only I could see all the deceased relatives for 10 minutes each! Their counsel doesn't sound so riduculous now!
 
LOL ROFL LMAO

TEACHERS SAY THE DAMDEST THINGS.

I distinctly remember in the third grade when writing about a hanging. Some story we had read.

I was furious that what I wrote "He was hung" was wrong. Corrected to "He was hanged". If I tell you it took DECADES to remember that one, and to recall and figure that one out!

OMG what a good laugh I had.
 
The classic, "You must think money grows on trees"...

Which is usually followed up with, "You're going to put us in the poorhouse."

And the final, "Eat your [bland cold lumpy unsalted] mashed potatoes, people in Europe are starving!"
 
One I forgot and I heard it alot....I am going to put my foot so far up your ass that your tongue will taste the sole of my shoe! And my dad would say...I should have killed you when I had the chance to flush you down the toilet. Oh you can just feel the love.
 
I had all that growing up, shudda drowned you at birth, or i am sure i picked the wrong one up at the hospital. or the best one i had was, "why are you stting downsatirs watching tv when you have your own in your room" then an hour later, " why are you watching tv in your room and wasting electric when the tv is on downsstairs"

Couldnt do right for doing wrong when i was a kid
 
LOL. The other angry phrase I occasionally heard was, "I'm going to hit you over the head with a frying pan". Somehow I got the two mixed up and once told a shrink that the maternal unit used to tell me "I should have hit you over the head with a frying pan at birth". He said it wasn't very nice but he wondered what she was doing with a frying pan in delivery, lol...
 

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