Posted on Craig's List Personals

[iheartmaytag]

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you
demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol
after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a
reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my
girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that
evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when
pointed at your head, isn't it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your
pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your
shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up
any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the
liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some
gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by
Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I
threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be
on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut
down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening
phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you
when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it
up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to
help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on
the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also
like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back
home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path
in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message,
email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
- Alex

Now I am wondering, since he offered to do a "Mini wash in" even offered to meet him at the laundry. Could the author be one of us?

 

[classiccaprice]

I love Vinnie Van Go Go's.... they have great pizza for a college student on a budget... Volvoguy87 or elginkid would be better to respond to this one... Savannah is a beautiful city, but things like this are not uncommon. Good to hear of a 'victim' turning the tide.

 

[bajaespuma]

This made my day!

 

[toggleswitch2]

LOL
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Aren't deterrents great?

 

[runematic]

Here's one someone posted on a local board (but evidently was plagarized from Portland, Oregon)......

Dear Angel Eyes 31-
We met on Craigslist forums so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.
I thought we had chemistry sitting at Ruby Tuesday's sharing that basket of Cajun frys while drinking the Sam Adams Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.
At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.
I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling”. I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better…like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat…
What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.
I await your call,
Marty
P.S.- If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…