i cannot even bring myself to bring it in the house
it is sitting in the drive. i am beyond upset about this! i am heart sunk over it as well as pretty goddamn mad at myself! i have a bit of joan crawford in me and i am very hard on myself in life. when i do something that stupid i make sure i pay the price, dearly!
this is my biggest mess up in awhile and i am taking action already to insure i don't forget this for a long time.
the washer will be on display in my living room, so every day i have to look at it as it is and remember how my stupidity caused this mess!
i have put all my dishwashers in my large spare bedroom and have locked the door so i cannot enjoy them. i am stopping all dishwasher collecting. i have one i just bought that jim the trucker is bringing me next week, that sears top loader with a roto rack. i am not even testing it. it is going in the room to be shut away. i don't deserve to collect them if i can destroy such a beautiful washer due to my stupidity, one i may never find again.
i am not posting any more pics on the site of my dishwashers or washers. i am only using the site for one purpose now, to try to find another 1965 custom imperial, color does not matter.
i have to go back and get the last rollermatic and take the man a wringer washer i told him i would pick up for him in cleveland. this trip will be a total bummer and i hope i remember well how stupid i was when i hit erie pa. i am definately not letting myself enjoy the falls or darian lake on this trip. just an 8 hr. drive over, then an 8 hr. drive back!
i had a trip to lake erie planned with my ex for august, we always went to cedar point the 10 years we were together. i cancelled that.
i had time warner scheduled to install cable as i was gonna get it hooked up again as a treat. i cancelled that. no tv in this house!
i love music and play it a lot so just for an added screw i took my cd player today and completely smashed it to peices so i cannot play anything! here's a lovely pic of it to prove my point that i am quite serious about disciplining myself over this stupidity! why didn't i tie it in! why didn't i stop sooner when i got tired!
i never hurt animals so my pets have nothing to worry about but my friends always pay the price by my simply not calling them when i'm in one of my self hatred moods. they always just let me be till i poke my head out again!
trust me, i used to be worse when i drank, i would tear up the house, even broke my ex lover's finger one time, or was it his toe, we laugh about it now! it was nothing for me to destroy whole sets of dishes, furniture, even ran over the vacuum cleaner once when we were having a fight. how we made it 10 years is beyond me! just shows you that i may be sober 11 years but i'm still a drunk at heart, especially if i stop working a program of recovery and i have not been doin that lately! time to get back in the solution and all that shit!
so what's the purpose of posting all this shit here!? to drive it home that i am beyond upset, beyond mad at myself over destroying this wonderful machine that i wanted so badly! i'll probably never find another one! there's probably none out there! i figure by posting all this everyone here will think i'm nuts and my credibility on this site will be ruined also, another way to hurt myself for being so goddamned stupid! oh yea, and God's gotten a few choice words from me also in the last day or so, his ears are burning for sure! glad he's big enough to take it! what is it we say in AA, "i need a God i can cuss out in the middle of the night"
it's really true! you have to be a drunk to understand it.
but i am also making sure i punish myself really where it hurts me, in the wallet! i am pretty cheap so this one really will get at me!
if i find another 1965 custom imperial i will pay 1000 bucks for it! if somneone has a top only i will pay 500 bucks! or maybe more! i am that serious about getting another. anyone who wants to make 1000 bucks keep your eyes open for me please! i'm not going to doing any more posts here, at least till i can get out of this loathing i have for myself over my stupidity!
it's been fun and i have enjoyed the site a lot and enjoyed posting my pics and sharing my appliance collecting with you all.
but this site is about preservation and care for these beautiful machines, saving them, restoring them. it's obvious i don't know a fucking thing about that or care about them or i would not have let that custom imperial be destroyed by falling out of my truck!
so that's it for me, i will put posts on here periodically to try to find another rollermatic, i am also putting a post on craigs list in ever major city in the usa offering 1000 bucks for a replacement to the machine i destroyed.
and i will continue to beat myself up for a good long while, then finally get my ass back to some AA meetings and get a good dose of recovery in me and eventually forgive myself and look back on this and laugh! but not now! joan crawford is out with her wire coathanger and it's gonna slap my back hard for many a day here till i finally yell "uncle" and say i've had enough!
i still can't believe i was so goddamn stupid to destroy that beautiful washer! i'm in shock most probably!
thanks for listening and letting me vent, and when you pick up your beautiful appliances, don't be as dumb as me! maybe this will actually help someone else!
it's good for a laugh if nothing else! i don't mind bein a joke! i'm a fucking idiot!
