Testing HIV +

[statenislandgwm]

RE: HIV

I was infected with HIV by someone I dated and stupidly trusted not to use a condom. The fact is the more and more people are getting infected as they think the crisis is over. Young people think HIV is an "old persons" disease and continue to have unprotected sex. I know several young men still in there teens who are already infected. The reason it is spreading so rampantly in NYC once again is that there is a huge crystal meth problem here, which naturally impairs ones judgement. Thanks to medications and living healthy I am able to live a normal life. I also make it a point to tell potential sex partners and dates my status so they are aware and can make there own decision. Believe it or not I have never had a bad reaction and without going into graphic detail we practiced safe sex. If anyone has any questions about HIV/AIDS, please feel free to ask......VINNIE

 

[a440]

Wow....

Rich: I had no idea you had a brother pass from Aids! Sounds like you guys were very close and he was a very wonderful guy! Thanks for sharing this with us. Was he a younger or older brother? What year did he pass and at what age? It feels like I want to know him from your post. You guys seem like you were really close. Thanks Rich!

statenislandgwm: Sorry about your situation. I do thank you for sharing that one experience could cause so much heartache. I wish you the best and am glad that you are doing okay. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

Barry: Wow! I guess I was in college and not watching much television during the Regan years. I had no idea that there was talk about concentration camps for those infected. I guess at the beginning of the course they though it was only affecting the Gay population? It is all so immeasurable. From the loved ones lost to the here and now.

I have learned so much from you guys and my eyes have been opened from being closed for so long because I was not facing this anymore. However.... I just can't wrap my mind around it all. Why is this not in the media now? Is that what the pharmaceutical company's wanted? Or even more so our government? It seems from the articles that were posted here, and the human experiences, that this is going on if not getting worse! Forgive me for saying that I know so many are dead and people have dealt with many years ago. However if the "New Attitude" of this younger generation is really growing....what will be the case in 15 years? Do you think they are just banking of making a fortune from drugs for treatment? I really feel in my mind that this epidemic that never went away will become a crises of immeasurable size in the years to come.

Thanks guys and girls!
Brent

 

[washabear]

Sorry to bring this back up so late, but I wanted to say something.

I can understand your shock and dismay at hearing this news, but I think I can understand what might be happening in some instances. I turned 50 this year, and I really am thankful that I am still here with my health intact. That above all else is the finest thing, and I am very careful to try to preserve that now.

In my younger days, I got around a little bit, but I was never very good at hooking up, which probably saved my life—although maybe not because it only takes one time with one person. Who can say for sure?

Anyway, I think that some men of a certain age tend to regain the feeling of invincibility that we all had as teenagers but from a new, older perspective: sort of like “I’ve been through it, I’m still here, and nothing can touch me now.” So they take chances. I’m not saying it’s wise, but I think it’s there. In addition, I think that some men of a certain age might weigh the consequences of their actions more lightly when confronting their own mortality: “By the time I get anything, I’ll probably die of other natural causes anyway, so what difference does it make? Let’s party!” This might partially explain the somewhat blasé responses you received from your friends.

I’m not saying that any of this is right, or that I agree with it, or even that it’s true for all men, but these are thoughts that occurred to me after reading your post. I am very glad that you made this post so that I could explore these thoughts. I hope this makes sense to you in some way.

I deliberately avoided the issue of young men having unprotected sex because I didn’t think it was the main subject of this thread.

Thanks.

 

[bigbubbacain]

Brent,

I came out in New Orleans. My parents are still there, but none of my friends from circa 1985 are. For this reason I stay in Texas. It just bugs me too much.

The whole "barebacking" thing just freaks me out--not only because I survived a LTR with my 1st love who died in 92' and stayed I HIV neg, but also because today I'm in an LTR with a man who's HIV poz and I still test neg. I owe my health to 2 men who were friends of mine in New Orleans. One was a doctor, the other a nurse: Henry and Ted. They basically told me what safe sex was and what it was not. They used to have "safe sex parties" by trying to get guys together at someones house to discuss safe practices, Nonxynol 9 in lubes, etc. They had accurate, valid information, but not so many people listening. I guess in 1985 everyone thought they were nuts, but they told me what I needed to survive New Orleans and Houston through the 80's. Henry was the one who told me "hon, you can still be a slut and protect yourself". I had never been to New Orleans before and believe me, I was! I'm just sad that neither of them are still around for me to thank because they died from "it" and that's what bugs me most of all.

I just don't understand why people ever got so relaxed about HIV when we're now living in the scariest era of this disease ever!

 

[toggleswitch2]

Nonxynol 9 in lubes, etc

IIRC there was a false sense of protection with this ingredient of lube that was at first considered to be a spermicide/antiseptic/virus-cide.

Wasn't it reported later that it was:
1- Not as effective as believed OR
2- "Food" for the virus or bacteria or some such thing?

Rosie Palmer and her five sisters are a girl's best friend, I'd say.

 

[bigbubbacain]

Yes, you're right about both. I was just giving a historical perspective about what was believed to be helpful at the time. After all, it was 1985.

 

[rp2813]

Bubba John,

You are a great example of the flip side of this. That interaction and even intimacy is possible with a guy who is HIV+ and a person can still remain HIV-. That is commendable.

Recklessness and ignorance make a recipe for disaster. I think many of today's infected young men were already on a collision course with a bad end, doing meth and other drugs, dropped out and feeling they had both nothing to lose and wrongly, artificially, nothing to fear.

Ralph

 

[kenmoreforever]

I'm not a gay guy but I can relate to HIV. I think we all have done some pretty stupid things in our times here on earth. Some of us got away by sheer luck and others got HIV. HIV is not a gay disease as so many idiots wanna call it. Where it began or come from, who knows? Where did the flu come from afterall? Maybe it evolved from some other virus? But you guys should not be name calling each other, you should be educating others. If I'm correct, I thought that if you know you have HIV and have sex with another without informing them of that fact that it is a crime? Please enlighten m, I'm kinda in the dark about all of this as it is not a top priority of mine as a married man that knows where she and I stand in this life together.

 

[rp2813]

Keith, I think there have been a number of cases where someone who withheld information was prosecuted, the most famous being Liberace's partner who basically sued a dead man. I don't remember how any of these cases turned out but I don't believe there's anything specific on the books regarding HIV.

Ralph

 

[bigbubbacain]

Yes Keith. It is a crime in some states, though very hard to prove and not very well defined on the books. You mentioned "name calling". Where was that? I guess I missed that.

Ralph, I'm certainly not out of the woods yet. I love this man and we do intend to stay together. We're lucky simply by the fact that we DO take precautions seems like second nature. It was never a question for us, and I'd insist on this even if we were both negative. I guess you could say I got scared straight. Um, ok wrong choice of words. I got scared in the right direction.

 

[doityrselfguy]

I just want to say, stick to your guns!

I spent my 20s in the 90s playing it totally safe. I was surprised by how many guys had no regard for safe sex.

I'm negative, but recently hooked up with a man who wanted to perform an unsafe (for him) act on me. I refused, even knowing that I'm negative, just for the sake of it being risky behavior. That was the last time I heard from him, and my attitude is "good ridance".

I'm now 41 and have every intention of sticking around. What many guys don't get is that, what you do to yourself, you can do to another man, and it's safe and hot as hell.

I grew up in my teen years fearing HIV and think that we can still enjoy sex done right, with a little respect.

Pete

 

[toggleswitch2]

I believe I am alive and healthy because when propositioned by someone that has "the hunger" for things intimate, I am turned off. You know that look in their eyes........

Not only (by my "standards") does one have to control himself when sober, but doubly so when tipsy.

You've got to know me for at least half a year (not half an hour) before even ASKING to do certain things.

Ask me to do something risky? You are SO gone and I won't even regret blotting out your name and existance (from my head).

 

[bigbubbacain]

I guess that puts us in the minority..

I Still remember when one of ACT UP's punch lines was "Mr. President, you're soaking in it." (a reference to Ronny Reagan and the blood of those who died from AIDS) Sometimes it seems like there is pressure from certain factions in the HIV
community that they want to put a burden on those of us who aren't infected.....like we should feel as though we're "soaking in it" too?
I guess some people are looking for solidarity or something??

To me, it seems to be a lot easier these days to be HIV poz than to be HIV neg. There are so many guys out there who have unsafe practices and do what they do because they have the mindset that infection is inevitable for all of us. That's such a reckless way to live and it puts so many others at risk. On top of that, I can't begin to tell how many times I've been scorned for being HIV neg, safe, and wanting to remain that way. Oh, the looks and snide remarks I used to get when I was single! I won't pretend to understand how difficult it would be for an HIV poz man to date. There's so much displaced anger and misdirected resentment out there. The irony of it all: This is the 2nd LTR I've been in with a HIV poz man. We're exclusive, and feel it best to stay that way. I'm HIV neg, have safe practices, and I won't let anyone make me feel bad about it.

I truly fear for anyone who's young and single these days. The 80's were scary enough, but nowadays things seem to be skidding out of control.

 

[spiceman1957]

Let us not forget about Mr. Regan,

turning a deaf ear on funding for HIV/AIDS and Alzheimer's disease research in the early 1980s...which eventually took Mr. Regan's life.

 

[a440]

You guys have so many interesting points! It is great. This is what gets us all thinking.
It is great to hear that most people that have posted are HIV-. That is so good to hear!
Lot's of wisdom is being shared on this post and that was my intention.
Thanks guys!
Brent

 

[kenmoreforever]

What I meant by name calling was someone called the poster a "troll." I'm out of my leauge on this issue so I will let you guys hash it out.