O, my paws and whiskers
You meant, literally, 'not the guy next door.'
Phew.
I mean, I am totally kewl with straights blooming and being gorgeous in their youth. Just like flowers, that's what they're there for. To pollinate. But to have them suddenly start aging into their fifties looking like every boy's wet dream, no.
That would be contra naturam. They should bloom and then fade into polyester, suits and ties and 2.7 kids, 1.3 dawgs and trot along, browbeaten, three steps behind their wives. Just as it says right here in the Bible.