Am I an awful friend?

[maytagbear]

I always

heard that it was a class thing--

Working class married couples....the men would be in the front seat.

Middle class married couples....the couple picked up would be in the rear seat.

Upper class married couples.....the wife from couple #2 would be up front with the man from couple #1, and the husband from couple #2 would be in the back seat with the wife from couple #1 (Well, this is how my parents and their friends did it, according to my most etiquette forward aunt).

Gender is a peculiar thing.

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[hunter]

who knows?

who knows?

LOL.

 

[syndets2000]

...no victims here...

...only volunteers-& she will continue to stay in her situation till she hits bottem on it-
you did not cause her situation...
You cannot contol her actions...
you cannot change her or her situation...
If you are uncomfortable with the stuff it creates between you & her - I'd put a comfortable space between you two-

 

[andrewinorlando]

It's great to be a friend to one in need, but sometimes their own drama just begins to suck the life out of you. If you feel that this is causing you grief or driving a wedge into your relationship, then there is nothing wrong with asking her to stop if she refuses to take action to change her situation. This story is as old as the glaciers....he isn't leaving his wife anytime soon and we all know it. She should too, she's just in denial. It's hard to sit back and watch those that we care for make bad choices, but it is a reality. There is nothing you can do but lend an ear, until that ear gets sore listening.

 

[panthera]

The really bad thing about it is

that when you've got some asshole playing this game, he knows damn good and well that the guy or girl he's screwing on the side is going to stick with him because they love him.

Some people actually do experience love, it's not just an abstract psychological weakness and it really does make those of us who are capable of it vulnerable.

Best to get together with the cheated on wife, get his affairs in order (to mutual financial profit) and off the bastard.

Not that I feel strongly about men who cheat on other people...

 

[whirlcool]

OK, this is an easy one.

You tell this female friend of yours that she is being strung along by this guy and she is in denial about this. He will NEVER leave his wife for her! To think that he will is only wishful thinking. He's getting the milk for free and that's all he's worried about.

Tell your friend that the time has come for her to make a decision! Get rid of the bum or resign yourself to a life full of unhappiness. Only SHE can change the situation. Have your pride or be a doormat the rest of your life.

Also tell her that you will NOT be supportive of her in this situation until she takes a course of action.

Then in the end tell her she now knows your feelings and you don't want to discuss the issue any more.

If you never hear from her again, consider yourself lucky.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

 

[westingman123]

J:

Well, I lived this exact situation with my best friend of 25 years. After a bitter divorce, during which I was the supportive friend and confidante, the ex-husband tried to make a comeback. I was exhausted, and told her frankly that while I would always love and support her I could not go through the drama all over again.

She made her choice and we remain best friends to this day. You can't force your friend to make smart decisions. You can protect yourself while still being a good friend. And you must, for otherwise you'll run out of steam and the friendship will end.

 

[panthera]

Oh, yes -

If you finally grow a pair and toss the bastard out, he'll then put his (admittedly outstanding) manipulative skills to work on you and, if you're not careful...you're right back in his web.

To this day, mutual friends are asked to pass on words of greeting to me and he still speaks fondly of "sein Grösster"...

Well, the only big thing I was, was an idiot to fall for a two-timing jerk. Whether straight, gay or bi-, if you want an open relationship, say so. Don't pretend that you are in it for monogamy and then cheat. Cause', that's exactly what it is - cheating.
And no, I don't give bi-sexuals a pass here. I swear, for every time I've seen a gay friend crushed cause the bi-guy insisted one girl on the side wasn't cheating 'cause bi's get to have both, this queen would be dripping in emeralds.

 

[laundromat]

NOISE

My friend,Sheryl,came here to go to her friend,"Big Dave"'s funeral last April.She had met my boss,pete in YPO Valley about ten years ago. She stayed here in one of our suites during her stay in Honoka'a and,even though she's married,she had an afair with my boss.

It got serious and,even though I forwarned her in adiquate timing about how ruthless Pete is with women,she allowed herself to "fall in lust" with him.They have done so many weird things like burning each other on the arm with cigarettes and hitting each other. He's called her numerous,hatefull names and is constantly screaming at her for almost everything.Sheryl talks 24/7 not giving any leadway for you to respond.If you're with a friend and having a conversation while Sheryl's there,she always adds her 2 cents and tries to outdo everybody.She never listens when you ask her to just shut up and can become quite annoying.

Friday night,a guest flew in to Kona and Pete decided they'd pick him up and go out to a nice restaurant.I warned Sheryl not to go and to bow out of it. My reasoning was because Pete was going to use her as a punching bag putting her down verbaly and making her feel disliked. She completely ignored my advice and kept sending me mesages via imail as I was trying to play The Price is Right on line.

When they got back, she barged into my room full of tears,drunk from drinking wine all night and collapsed into a dep sleep on MY bed! I splashed ice cold water on her face and asked her to GROW UP! I told her she needed to work things out with her husband.I am so glad I'm single,have no kids and live alone!

 

[kindalazy]

I'm pretty much screwed

No matter what I do here, it's not going to turn out well.

Let's suppose she continues seeing this married guy. As she's an insecure person at best, there will always be doubt as to his faithfullness with her. I would go mental hearing about how 5 minutes in his day went unaccounted for.

Also, to think that after all this time being friends, something like this has caused a rift, is a bit disturbing.

Even supposing he stops seeing her, or she stops seeing him, for whatever reason, I don't have the confidence in her that it will stick --- having 'broken up' if you can use that term, twice or three times prior to this posting, I don't have the energy to listen to the crying.

I guess I'm just fed up. And, not feeling guilty anymore!

J.

 

[whirlcool]

Well, if she chooses to stay with the guy, she in in for a lot of unhappiness. But that is HER choice. You don't have to hear about it or listen to it.

For some reason I suspect that there is a lot of negative energy surrounding this friend of yours. She has to do a clean break, less he will manipulate her back into his web of deceit.

She should also seek therapy to find out why she insists on being used as a doormat for others. I don't think she has any self respect left.