Darn, it looks like I'm gonna have to be more careful when using my powers

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Unimatic1140

Unimatic1140

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OMG well no wonder Darrin put his foot down and made sure to keep Samantha's real identity in the closet!.

Ummm, would it be ok that if I ever get accused of Wizardry that I turned everyone in the room into an artichoke. ***waves arms***

The main issue I have is that town in Florida where all this happened is named "Land O Lakes". Being the proud Minnesotan that I am, my first spell will be to rename that town. Any suggestions??? LOL

http://www.local6.com/news/16169506/detail.html
 
I'm willing to bet that there was a kid of an ultra-fundamentalist family in that class. I think some of these so called "churches" are being run by nut jobs and the masses encouraged to follow them.
I am not anti-religion, believe me. BUT America is too entrenched in the idea that if somebody goes to church, it must be a good thing. Not necessarily, it's what being TAUGHT in that church that really counts.
I have a brother in a cult churce, the ICOC to be exact. When the Harry Potter movies came out the church went just beserk. According to them, if you see one of these movies you will be inviting the devil in your home and you may even be shunned by members of your local chapter of this cult. You will also be accused of turning your kids over to the "dark side". Remember, this is the church that you have to pay to be baptised, and if you are not good you can become "un-baptised" and have to pay even more to have it redone.
These days all you need to do to open your own church is to apply to the state, get your clergy certificate and off you go.
I don't think anyone is ever checked out by the state. Your word is good enough.
 
Scary.

It's really scary when a simple sleight-of-hand trick provokes this kind of reaction. What sort of upbringing does a child get, that he cannot tell the difference between reality and a simple conjurer's trick?

I personally learned a lesson about this one day about twelve years ago. I have an interest in magic, and one slow day at work, I saw that I was in the proper position relative to one of my co-workers to perform a Balducci levitation, a trick that only works when the onlooker is positioned at a certain distance and angle from the performer. I "levitated" for a few seconds (the Balducci takes calf muscles of iron), floated back down, and turned around to enjoy Sue's reaction.

She would not speak to me, and she never spoke to me again except in the direct line of duty. She was absolutely convinced that my explanation was some sort of cover for evil powers.

How does someone grow up in the 20th or 21st centuries and not know about illusions?
 
OPA! And Please No Dancing in the Aisles.

~How does someone grow up in the 20th or 21st centuries and not know about illusions?

I don't know. But wouldn't you just LOVE to see Photoshopped pics with ficticious spice and scandal (OF THEMSELVES) get back to that type of person? Some people just don't/can't learn unless they experience something themselves.

Hell, if you believe something hard enough it becomes true to you. And when you are convinced you are NOT lying (even to yourself) then you merely have psychosis to deal with. Passion in one's convictions dos not necessarily make it so......

My apologies to those of you that have seen this....

 
Fellow servant of my boss,
What does it take for you to get lost?
With a twitch of my nose and a wave of the hand,
ay you go far, far, away to a foreign land.
Be not injured nor in despair,
but may you diappear into thin- air...

Actually some real affirmations are:
"I bless you, but I bless you AWAY from me."
and...
"Whatever energy you send me I send back to you ten-fold."
 
They can't just dissapear into thin air, you have to sen

Nah, that's an easy one...

Open the Bars and
fill the glasses
for the next word out of your mouth
you'll find yourself in a vat of molasses.

Then ask them something like, "do you like my shoes"?

***hears zap sound***
 
Pertaining to the one comment up above about any joe shmo allowed to get a clergy license.

It's true!
I'm an official, legal ordained minister in the state of Illinois from Universal Ministries. Applied online and was ordained, certificate and all in less than an hour.
hahahaa

bless you my children.
 
I know I've said this before, but I think it bears repeating here, because no other words come to me: "YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID".

Robert, perhaps you can change into Serena, and play some nasty tricks on these folks?? I mean, what the hell...if you're going to do it, go all the way!
 
Robert, perhaps you can change into Serena

Why I do every Saturday night Andrew, Sunday morning I change back into nice happy suburban Samantha. :)
 
The web

is full of discussions about this. I couldn't believe it, didn't believe it at first (no disrespect, but, come-on! wizardry???)

Well, now, wait a minute folks. I've been thinking about this.

After all the unexplained/unexplainable machinations of the 2000 elections, I suppose folks down in Florida have good reason to be afraid of black magic. I mean, look what their magiking election results did to them (and the rest of the world) the last time?
 
"you can't fix stupid"

My boss is a big doughy cracker-queen who contributes lots of money to George and Laura and informs us weekly that the mice get into our basement because the Mexican workers leave the back door open too much. If I had made that toothpick disappear I'd have been accused of a white collar crime and been dismissed. Welcome to the "new improved" USA, where stupidity used to be laughed at but now has its own lobbyists.

To misquote Endora:

"Higgilty, piggilty Chestnut tree
See how blasphemed they will be,
As I raise my hands all their creeds I shall banish
When we make this here Minnesotan toothpick vanish!
 
Corporate Churches

A relative of mine is a minister, he has a new Mercedes or BMW every year. I would love to see him walk alongside Jesus amongst the sick and poor...he'd probably be on his Blackberry.
 
Run for the hills RUN!

~Remember, this is the church that you have to pay to be baptised, and if you are not good you can become "un-baptised" and have to pay even more to have it redone.

Gay-for-pay is one thing.
Pray-for-pay is another.

Money for sacraments? OH NO MARY, that don't fly!
What part of this scenario ("Church")which appears to be a crack-pot sect does one not get?

Is it not possbible that a break-away sect of a break-away sect of a break-away sect (multiplied by 1,500 to 2,000 years) may have lost sight/track of the cental religious figure's message?

If I took a vat of the best chicken soup on the planet and extracted about half of it to make another batch and watered that down to make a full pot, then repeated the process- twice, thrice, ten times even, would the last vat of "soup" be anything like the first batch?
 
Rev. Johnb33m

Brother John, just a note to let you know I also joined the ministry and now am an official Reverend. I received my Prolamation of Ordination this morning.

Now the question...what to call my church?

"Church of the Universal Automatic Ministries" perhaps?

My partner was floored that I actually got the Ordination. He, so far, refuses to address me as "Reverend".

I checked with our powers that be here in the State. It is legal. No wonder so many churches have sprung up around here with the title of "Universal Minisitries".

This will really crawl all over my holy roller relatives!
 
Well at least when you ask your "following" to get on their kness, they won't refuse you.

So does this make some of your purchases tax emempt, Reverend?
 
Well Toggle

the Attorney General's Office says it is legal.

The Corporations division said I should register as a non profit.

I am a registered Minister and Reverend (legally) in the State of Georgia.

I can preside over a marriage or other service. And be within the bounds of State Law.

So fellow washer Brothers...

Something is wrong with the laws....

In case anyone thought this was a joke..

I am very serious.

I am now a Reverend and can start a Church according to State Law.
 
YAY

I received my Prolamation of Ordination this morning.

Well I don't know exactly what that means Greg, but it sure does sound like a big congratulations is in order.

Your partner must be especially proud of you today.
 
Congrats Reverend Greg! :)

A few pointers to get your started:

1. Don't try performing circumcisions. :)

2. You can officiate at weddings, give last rites and basically do anything any priest or minister can do (except #1 above). New York City, Las Vegas, Hawaii, Ohio, Virginia and other localities require local registration and a "Letter of Good Standing" before they'll qualify you to perform weddings. See link for more info.

3. Don't wear apparel or publicly perform rites which require sanction by a specific religious denomination (e.g. perform a Catholic mass, wear a Catholic bishop's vestment etc).

4. If you're serious about performing weddings, be sure to append "O.C." (Ordained Clergy) to your name on any legal forms you fill out.

http://firstnationministry.com/states.shtml
 
At the office

we were having a discussion about non-denominational churches a few weeks ago. They seem to be springing up all over the place. I commented how quick and easy it is to become a Minister -legally- in this State and my colleagues were in complete disagreement with me. I see churches all over the place with odd names. "Church In The Now" is one of them (in Conyers for local folks).

I was a bit surprised when I looked into the State laws. My becoming a Reverend legally was to prove a point to my colleagues. A bit extreme? Yes. I work with several people who are big time bible waving folks. Not that there is anything wrong with that if it makes them happy. I got a bit tired of hearing "I'm Blessed" and "Have a Blessed Day" all the time.

It's not asppropriate in my office to express political views or religious views for that matter. We are a State Archives and should remain neutral on all such matters. I have never and will never express my personal opinions on these matters at the office. Except for my partner nobody in the office has any idea about my personal beliefs in either arena.

I have started a bit of a buzz now. The big question with some now is how could I become a Reverend if I'm gay. They missed the point entirely. I was trying to get their attention regarding how loose the laws are.

Maybe I should register with the Corporations division and start a church. Of course it would have to include appliances.....and I could hold services in a laundrymat??

I understand that someone started a church in California that believes Jesus is coming back as a Harley Davis riding motorcycle guy.

After all was said and done I was dissapointed that many in the office missed the point entirely. They are calling me the Reverend and regard me in a different manner than before -all because of a peice of paper that states I legally hold the title. Sad really when you think about it.
 
LOL
I am an ordained Church Reader. The whole congregation yelled "AXIOS" ("He is worthy") at the ceremeony, as is the custom.

I've been a chanter/cantor, albeit briefly. (Nothing like a man who can use his mouth well).

You may all kiss my hand (my religion's verison of kissing the ring) upon my entering the room. LOL ROFL LMAO
 
Now that you know how easy it is to become an ordained minister....

My examination of a lot of these fundamentalist churches reveal that most of the members are pretty uneducated people. Remember, in this country if you go to church, it must be a good thing... NOT! It's what being taught in the church that's important!

I have no problem with the mainstream churches/temples (Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Baptist, Judaism, etc.) It's the churches like the ICOC International Church of Christ and it's ilk that really get me going! The scary part as I mentioned above is that there are all these nutty people running these organizations.

My brother has been a member of the ICOC for about 15 years now. He's pretty much alienated himself from the rest of our family due to the fact that the ICOC teaches that everyone else except church members are the devil and to associate with them is sinning. This is typical cult behavior. Separate the members from the real world so that the church becomes their world.
I could go on a huge rant over this church, but I'll save that for another time.

http://www.reveal.org/
 
I could not

agree with you more Allen. That was part of the point I was trying to make at the office.

Religion can be a dangerous thing in the wrong hands. Jim Jones is a case in point.

In Georgia getting the legal standing to be a Minister is much like becoming a home inspector. There are no real regulations.

I took the courses and got my certification as a home inspector a few years ago so I would know exactly what to look at when I was looking at historic houses to buy. That certification served me well when I bought my 210 year old house. I was a bit taken back to learn you don't even have to have the certification in this State to call yourself a home inspector. Just get some business cards printed and have at it.

Getting a church to ordain you is pretty easy too. Of course none of the traditional churches will do it so easy but there are many so called churches that will. That is how I became the Reverend Jarrell. My point was lost on some at the office. They took it very seriously that I am a Reverend in the eyes of the State. I certainly didn't mean any disrespect to anybody of a religious nature. By law I can also in this State call myself a builder/developer without any formal education or training.

I have maintained my notaries license for a number of years now because it is needed at work from time to time. I get more respect for having that Notary stamp -and now the Reverend title- than I do as an Archivist or Historian. I am starting to understand how public school teachers feel. Ah, the power of a peice of paper with fancy printing and titles.....

It reminds me of a couple of years ago when Time magazine declared everybody to be the person of the year. Try puttin' that on your resume!
 

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