Does anyone suffer...

[kevinpreston8]

the down side of double standards?

I noticed that both my ex-inlaws, some friends and on occasion even my parents seem to have/had less regard sometimes for our wishes and our items than we have for theirs. I wonder if that is typical.

I love my dad, but he is a coffeeholic, and we have a percolator just for him. He gets cranky when we can't find all the parts to it (Dad, the parts are all in the same place they always are!). The other day, there he is getting ready to fire up my rare Corning Cornflower percolator that was NEVER USED and sitting on the antique shelf. If my wife hadn't caught him, or we hadn't been home....

My ex-wife's parents took this to the extreme. My wife would buy me specialty chocolates. Now, when I have people over, my kitchen is their's, eat what you want, but then there is just rudeness. My mother in law would go through 1/2 the box of expensive hard to find chocolates. They insisted that they park in front of the house with our garage open so that they could "keep their eye on their car", exposing my expensive tools to anyone just walking by (it was my old condo and the garages were right on the street). We would tell them not to do this and they would do it anyways.

They would also do things like, buy a coffeemaker (or just anything with accessories), keep the accessories and return the item saying they did not get them, then get a new one so they had double carafes, double accessories, etc. I am not a perfect person, but I don't like this behavior and I dont' want my kids exposed to it. But they would do it right in front of my young son.

At their house however, I was NOT ALLOWED to adjust their remote control room fans. It required "special knowledge" of the remotes (I can sell $30million technical implementations, but God forbid to trust me with a remote).

I have another friend that just openly grabs any of my collectibles, but heaven help you if you go get some ice out of her fridge. I had another friend with a 1969 Z/28 who literally instructed me how I had to sit in his car, but when I was not looking he attempted to clip a portable spotlight onto the padded dash of my Charger and cracked it, never offering to fix it. If that had been me on his car....

It's like, if I was at someone's house for a wash in, if they tell me it's ok to turn a machine on or load it up, I would love it. But I am not going to just go over to someone's machine and start yanking on it. How rude. Or go over and just pick up someone's lamp and bash it against something accidently.

Does anyone else have friends/family that often disregard your stuff, but heck, their stuff you must treat like a Fabergé egg? I mean, damn, how old do you have to be to know not to set a wet glass down on original finish Wakefield, or even a $20 veneer table? Geez.

 

[compactc9]

That is very rude...

Like my mom, I would just tell them how I felt they should treat my stuff. I have never been able to take people that treat your stuff like junk, but there stuff has to be treated like some priceless treasure. I don't think I could keep my mouth shut.

 

[whirlcool]

Kinda along these lines a few months ago I flew with a guy I have never flown with before on a short trip in his private aircraft. He demanded that everyone on board sit on their hands during take off and landings. I was sitting in the right seat, and I had to seriously question his request. After all I am an airline pilot with many years in the air. I asked him why he asks his passengers to do this, he said so that he can be comfortable that nobody will try to wrestle control of the aircraft from him. He said that after 9/11, you never know!

 

[whirlcool]

Let's face it, people don't have the respect for other peoples possessions as they have for thier own. I suspect it is because they don't have a financial interest in them.
Once we let my in-laws stay at our house while we were on vaction ourselves. When we got home the place was a pig sty. They even used the china out of the china cabinet instead of the everyday stuff. And the sink was full of dirty dishes when we got home too. Duh, what is that machine next to the sink? And let's not forget using the vacuum cleaner to clean out the litter box for the cat that they brought with them! We didn't know they did this until we turned it on. Can you guess how long it took us to realize what they did?
Yes, I know what you mean. But I did find your story about the fan remote control quite amusing. People!

 

[panthera]

double-standards

Well, yup - it's that way everywhere. I try hard to respect people and their belongings. Certainly, accidents happen. I once lent a book which was valuable and out of print to a client. He fell asleep with it in the bathtub.
Ok - he tracked a replacement down at an auction house, and that was cool. Wish he weren't a client, men like that are hard to find. His wife thinks so, too.
Sigh.
I think part of the problem is that we are all so afraid of "hurting someone's feelings" that we just plain don't make clear where the boundaries are.

Nobody who I am not close to gets invited to my house anymore. That is what cafés are for.
At least I don't have the relations problem...my brother won't sit at the same table with his faggy-assed brother and my German/Scottish/Italian relations are all well disciplined. I mean behaved.
Whatever.

If you want to eat at my table and sleep in my bed, then the least you can do is to leave the dead bodies of your victims in the garden. And don't even THINK about furballs and my newspaper, ja?

 

[jasonl]

My mom buys generic no-name stuff, but she INSISTS on buying Coca-cola for herself instead of Sam's Choice. Why? Because the Coke tastes better. Why do I refuse to eat the Wal-Mart brand oatmeal? Cause it tastes like sh*t compared to Quaker. I am SICK of no-name products. Not one is allowed in my house except for medicine because they really gouge you for name brand there.

 

[mixfinder]

House Rules

I tell people the only rule in my house is that you get to do what ever you want.
There is nothing I own that is not replacable or that I value greater than any person I know.
My single greatest joy is having company. I have been fortunate in having never suffered an irreversable event in hosting. Sure, I have needed to clean or reclaim some rooms or items, but then it just another opportunity to use my mastery of clean and the tools of cleaning so ultimately, I win.
I wish just once, my parents would come to my house. I would gladly let them run amok. They think because my house is clean it means I am persnickety. Nothing is further from the truth.
Ya'll come over now and sit a spell.
Kelly

 

[maytagbear]

Well,

I haven't had a disaster in a long time.

I no longer loan books and expect them back. If they come back, I am delighted, but if they don't, I'm not overly upset.

I never loan good pens, and never ever loan a fountain pen. Learned that lesson with a cheap Sheaffer.

Made the mistake once of loaning my Cuisinart to a very casual cousin. It came back dirty. Zanne now lives out of state, and I haven't seen her in years. I'm not excessively upset about that. When I borrow things, I make sure they go back in same or better condition.

I'm always willing to give benefit of the doubt, but some people are indeed clods.

However, I try not to borrow other peoples' things, but when I have to, I try to treat them better than my own.

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[bajaespuma]

Narcissism 101

I don't know if this is a recent development or a byproduct of fairly cushy times, but the narcissists are out and proud these days.

I have a recent ex-friend who thought it was OK to bring his dog over to my house after I had repeatedly asked him not to. I've owned dogs and love them, but I have a thing about not allowing dogs to eat off of the people table, I don't think it's fair to anyone. The third (and last)time he did this it ended up with him encouraging the dog to eat dessert that I had made specially for my guests out of a crystal goblet with its paws on the dinner table. One time his wife came to my house early, before he had left work, and brought the dog into my house with her declaring, " we have no choice, we have to have him here tonight".

When a mutual friend brought her dog over to their house one time, she was harshly chastened because her dog got some of its drool on their walls(that they were just about to paint).

I'm waiting for Oprah, Maury or some other TV icon to do a show on Narcissism. Problem is, most of them probably suffer from it as well.

 

[luxflairguy]

When I was in college, my parents lent their best friends our family beachhouse for several days. When it was over, the other family raved about the wonderful time they'd had.
The next time our family went out there, the furniture had all be re-arranged, the toilet was plugged up and I think every towel there was had been used and left in a pile--a moldy pile.Old groceries in the refer and general yuck. But the biggest thing was the furniture re-arranging.
Needless to say, my folks didn't speak to them for quite a while!
But I think I've a worse one. My partner and I were having a group over for dinner. I knew one of the guests was a vegertarian and I worked hard on the menu. The "veggie" kept calling to remind me that he was a "veggie." Kept calling...
He and partner arrived with lots of remarks about how hungry he was and he knew I'd make wonderful dishes he could eat. Next thing I know he's in MY kitchen looking through all I've prepared and looks at me and says there's nothing I'LL eat! You'll have to re-do this that and make me this and that. I showed him and partner the door faster than he could keep up with! Needless to say, never saw him again! YaHOO!

 

[westytoploader]

YAY, another great topic for a long psycho rant!

Kevin, what a great thread to start. If there's one thing I absolutely CAN'T STAND, it's someone not respecting someone else's property. One should always treat another person's things as they would their own, but you also have some that treat their OWN things like s**t! In that case they shouldn't be touching them at all! One of the many reasons that I'm the only one allowed to use the machines down in the Studio, aside from the visiting Applianceville members of course!

When I'm at a wash-in, I (as well as many others) treat the host's machines better than I would my own, for the reason being that it's the proper and polite thing to do! In other words, I wouldn't even THINK about putting a Bob-load in a 50-year-old Frigidaire Unimatic that wasn't even mine, or running someone's Hoover Convertible Model 65 erratically, jerking it back and forth. I cringed when I saw someone (who shall remain nameless) at the Convention endlessly cranking the height adjuster up and down on Fred Nelson's brand-new and MINT Kirby 516 that he had brought along.

The double-standard phenomenon you referred to is even worse! One example is the other day I had cleaned out some old "techno-crap" from the attic to consolidate what I wanted and to get it ready for listing on eBay. My '83-vintage IBM 5150 PC (which I'm keeping) was on the floor in my room with some other stuff waiting for me to sort it out. The other part to this is that I had stripped the sheets off my bed to wash them, and before I could put new ones on, the cat ended up jumping on my bed and had been sleeping on my bare mattress for quite a while (after we re-did my room in 2003, I really don't let any pets go in there). But then, my 8, ahem, *11*-year-old sister saw the cat and went in there to pet her, and I said to "watch out for the computer." So, when she's finally done messing with the cat and walks out, does she step around it? Of course not, that would take too much work! She put one foot ON the computer and hopped over it. I was just a little pissed. Yes, my sister can jump and run all over the furniture, house, etc. and disturb anything without so much as blinking an eye, but even so much as tap on the glass of one of her "critters" in her room and she throws a fit. As Steve would say, "Honey, puh-LEEZ!"

Now to *slightly* drift from the subject, my dad has a similar problem with not putting things back where they came from, and being so "hard" on things (which he has refused to believe, and always will) you wonder how anything could break like "that", from cars to lawnmowers to tools! Just yesterday I saw one of his old 3/4" Craftsman wrenches broken clean in half. My tools that I use for working on machines are 100% off-limits, although some of them still turn up in a different location quite frequently. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that when it comes to buying good, quality tools, he is too cheap to save his own life and absolutely WON'T go out and get something as little as a socket or open-end wrench set, for example, unless it's the absolute cheapest one he can find, and the few remaining well-made hand tools he has are 20+ years old and wearing out. And he wonders why A: he doesn't have any tools to begin with, and B: what he DOES have is always breaking! Unfortunately I don't think the lightbulb will ever come on...but geez, just leave MY stuff alone!!! LOL

--Austin

 

[toggleswitch]

Double standards

as a MALE in NYC (where cars are not a necessity), my father did everything in his power to PREVENT me from getting a drivers' license. LOGIC: He's gonna get someone pregnant. (Clueless b- - - -rd! Believe me, if anyone got pregnant by me we'd all be richer than G-d!)

My sisters, however, were handed the money for driving lessons, the keys to the car and were taken to get their drivers'licenses. LOGIC: This will prevent them from depending on a ride and getting pregnant.

So what did I learn from all this? I took drivers' education classes in High School in MANHATTAN as a teeny-bopper. I have ZERO fear of the road. I learned to drive WELL, and a stick-shift at that. Later in life (in my mid to late 20's I finally got my license.

I was detrmined to be a wonderful, fearless, good driver.
I may be heavy-footed; but an ounce of rain, snow, wet leaves or other hazard and I'm grandma moses. Without traction you have no control. LIFE is the most importaatn thing that goes into ANY vehicle.

It's gotten to the point that I can tell a distracted driver (cell-phone, children, cigarette), from an ordinary bad, indecisive, hesitant driver.
Still nothing beats the ones that jsut stop for no reason in an intersection to look around. OMG! GET OFF THE ROAD!

A good driver IMHO gets out of the intersecton quick. A marginal driver takes it SUPER slow because (s)he fears the car and can't control it.

 

[toggleswitch]

You are so much more together than most adults, IMHO

Austin:

As a logical clear-thinking methodical Virgo, you have the edge on a good thinking process.

Don't expect it in others. You will only be disappointed.

Sit back and enjoy the way emotion in others clouds logic and chaos over-rules order.

There is no such thing as perfection. Man's only perfection lies in his imperfection. It is called CHARACTER.

 

[Maytagmom]

For Austin

Austin,

I'm sorry for flippin your toggleswitches up and down on your machines back in March.

Please forgive the old tattooed and pierced woman. She knows not what she does at times.

LOL

 

[westytoploader]

After seeing a lot of critiques on family members in this thread (including my own) I left something very important out. Make no qualms about it...I love my family regardless of any so-called "idiosyncrasies", and I strongly believe the rest of us should just love unconditionally as well, whether it be their mom, dad, sibling, wife, partner, cousin, you name it.

Now friends, GFs, BFs, and EXs on the other hand...you, Toggle should be the sole provider of advice for dealing with that. ;-)

 

[westytoploader]

Toggle those switches!

Hi Carol, flipping toggleswitches is definitely not a bad thing here!!!! I think we're all about turning, flipping, touching, feeling, you name it, not just watching the action! ;-)

LOL

 

[kevinpreston8]

Misc Comments

Austin....If you think an original IBM PC is interesting, you would love that I have an IBM PC EXPANSION UNIT. Before the IBMs came out with a hard drive for their "Personal Computer" as the XT model, you bought an Expansion Unit. This was only available for a few months. It was the same size and cabinet as the PC, but with a huge cable that connected it to the PC, and a 10mb (not 10 gb mind you) hard drive. I have both of these and the original IBM mono monitor (no graphics capability). Talk about ancient and wierd, I also have a mint Osborne 01, the first "portable" computer.

All that said, I love my family and friends and don't mind them over and using my stuff. It's just this assumption (much more with acquaintances than my family, my family is typically very respectful of stuff) that it's just ok to start grabbing your stuff any which way amazes me.

Here's another example. I fly R/C planes with my son. A student in his class, who my son has been friends with for years, has been hounding my son to come with us. So, I got up even earlier to go get him at his house (you can ask why his lazy dad or mom didn't have the time to get up and take him to the field to meet us, they didn't even come out to say hi to me, that's another story) and brought him to the field with us.

I spent time showing him the planes and some background on aerodynamics/flight principles--time I could have been flying but I was hoping to get him interested and perhaps he and his dad could join us in the future. What the kid, who is 13, was mostly interested is just picking up my fragile planes, turning them clumsily upside down (don't worry, I didn't need that battery and canopy the you just broke) and non stop clowning around.

A bit later, I showed him how to fly a smaller plane, and let him take the controls. He actually was very good as a beginner. When we were done, a friend of mine showed up in the field to launch his plane, and I told the boys that we were done and we're going to watch my friend fly his Flying Wing. Not 5 minutes with my back turned, I hear an engine and my son's friend is launching and flying my plane on his own. Unbelievable.

Can you imagine being a kid and just grabbing and using your friend's dad's things? MY dad would have been pi$$ed if I did that to someone else's dad, and would have made me call and apolgize! I wouldn't have even dreamed of doing such a thing.

After I lectured the kid, and I should have known better, he asked if he could come with one more time, that he would not fly and would behave. I agreed like an idiot. When we got to the field another friend of mine was there, with some of his planes out. What did the kid do? Went over and picked up one of this guy's planes and broke the tail off. As a hard lesson to my son about responsibility and his friends, I made my son pay for the replacement wing, and instructed him to get reimbursed from his friend. The kid never repaid my son, although my son learned a lesson, as I did.

These very kids are the ones that grow up to be the goofy adults who just think it's perfectly ok to get into your things and thrash them. Amazing.

 

[toggleswitch]

Have I had that many to be an authority? LOL.

Said: Now friends, GFs, BFs, and EXs on the other hand...you, Toggle should be the sole provider of advice for dealing with that. ;-)

Respose: Is this a compliment, or is it my opinionated arrogance coming to bite me in the @$$?

 

[toggleswitch]

*WHEW* Shall I get a cigarette now or later?

*LOL*