vintagekitchen
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2011
- Messages
- 706
Ok, time for kerosene and a match, I realize now that all the little home repairs and remodeling over the years were just a bandaid, time to torch it and start over!
Why you ask? Well due to our lovely super hot drought conditions, they have been mentioning on the local radio that people needed to be very watchful, that reptiles have begun invading local homes seeking relief from the heat. I have only listened with half an ear, up until today. Being surrounded by ACRES of corn, there are always mousetraps and poison about, since the little buggers want to invade year round, so I figured any snakes around here would eat a poison mouse, and boom, bye bye snake...
I was so very very wrong...
I came home this afternoon from a family get together, and started to walk down the hall, when I noticed something sticking out from under the hall closet door. Now thats not right. I would never put the vacuum away with the door closed on the cord. Oh wait, the cord is white, thats not white. OMG SWEET JESUS AND MOTHER MARY IT'S THE BACK HALF OF A SNAKE!!!!
My first instinct of course was to wet myself and cry hysterically, fortunately I was able to overcome that urge before either event happened. I ran back to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest butcher knife, intending to chop the beast in half, and got back just in time to see the tip of its tail disappear under the door.. OMG NOOOOO!! THAT CLOSET IS HUGE AND FULL! All the Christmas decorations are stored in the depths of that huge closet that once housed an ancient and dangerous furnace prone to suicide attempts. Plenty of places for it to hide. This is bad, very very bad..
Luckily my aunt and her boyfriend had just pulled into the driveway, so I leaned out the door and shouted some semi-coherent panicked gibberish, that after a few moments they realized must be a sign of distress, or insanity, but in either case they should come right over. Once I was able to explain what had happened, the aunt's boyfriend went outside and got the hoe from the shed, and then stood ready, while I began grabbing box after box, and literally THROWING them out the back door at the end of the hall. He attempted to get me to slow down and be careful, stating that some of the items may be irreplaceable, at which point I said everything is replaceable, I want that thing DEAD!
We finally spotted the hideous slithering beast, at the back of the closet, next to the artificial tree box. Of course the tree is huge, so its box is huge, and weighs approximately the same amount of pounds as a volkswagon Beetle. I grabbed the box, which I can normally barely drag, and thanks to all that lovely adreneline, pulled it from the closet and hurled it out the back door in one fluid movement.
This unnacustomed air travel apparently rattled the creeping foul things wits enough to slow it down, as the aunt's boyfriend was able to knock the box open and kill the snake before it could finish crawling away.
I will be spending tommorrow fully snake proofing and hopefully in the process mouseproofing the house, however I beleiveI will spend tonight doing my best to crawl into a large bottle of gin, dragging my frazzled nerves behind me..
Ewww!
Why you ask? Well due to our lovely super hot drought conditions, they have been mentioning on the local radio that people needed to be very watchful, that reptiles have begun invading local homes seeking relief from the heat. I have only listened with half an ear, up until today. Being surrounded by ACRES of corn, there are always mousetraps and poison about, since the little buggers want to invade year round, so I figured any snakes around here would eat a poison mouse, and boom, bye bye snake...
I was so very very wrong...
I came home this afternoon from a family get together, and started to walk down the hall, when I noticed something sticking out from under the hall closet door. Now thats not right. I would never put the vacuum away with the door closed on the cord. Oh wait, the cord is white, thats not white. OMG SWEET JESUS AND MOTHER MARY IT'S THE BACK HALF OF A SNAKE!!!!
My first instinct of course was to wet myself and cry hysterically, fortunately I was able to overcome that urge before either event happened. I ran back to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest butcher knife, intending to chop the beast in half, and got back just in time to see the tip of its tail disappear under the door.. OMG NOOOOO!! THAT CLOSET IS HUGE AND FULL! All the Christmas decorations are stored in the depths of that huge closet that once housed an ancient and dangerous furnace prone to suicide attempts. Plenty of places for it to hide. This is bad, very very bad..
Luckily my aunt and her boyfriend had just pulled into the driveway, so I leaned out the door and shouted some semi-coherent panicked gibberish, that after a few moments they realized must be a sign of distress, or insanity, but in either case they should come right over. Once I was able to explain what had happened, the aunt's boyfriend went outside and got the hoe from the shed, and then stood ready, while I began grabbing box after box, and literally THROWING them out the back door at the end of the hall. He attempted to get me to slow down and be careful, stating that some of the items may be irreplaceable, at which point I said everything is replaceable, I want that thing DEAD!
We finally spotted the hideous slithering beast, at the back of the closet, next to the artificial tree box. Of course the tree is huge, so its box is huge, and weighs approximately the same amount of pounds as a volkswagon Beetle. I grabbed the box, which I can normally barely drag, and thanks to all that lovely adreneline, pulled it from the closet and hurled it out the back door in one fluid movement.
This unnacustomed air travel apparently rattled the creeping foul things wits enough to slow it down, as the aunt's boyfriend was able to knock the box open and kill the snake before it could finish crawling away.
I will be spending tommorrow fully snake proofing and hopefully in the process mouseproofing the house, however I beleiveI will spend tonight doing my best to crawl into a large bottle of gin, dragging my frazzled nerves behind me..
Ewww!