Gay Hate crime Murder in school, openly gay student, 15 year-old dies

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Volsboy:

Thank you for that take on this subject with your very in depth post. that took a lot of courage on your part to bring your past out.
That video was quite moving. Thanks for linking it to this thread. It makes one think....
 
I heard on the news that the perpetrator will be tried as an adult. Unfortunately, with the legal system as it is these days, there is more sympathy for the perpetrator than the victim. I speak from experience as my brother and his wife were murdered in 1999 by their drug addicted son. My sister in law's family pleaded for leniency and said he was really a good boy and what he did was only an "abberation". He only got 25 years in Attica Prison for BOTH murders. He only got a concurrent sentence so he is serving both 25 year sentences at the same time, instead of 2 consecutive 25 year sentences where he would have had to serve 50 years. I say to resume the death penalty and/or manadatory life without possibility of parole. After my nephew murdered his parents, as to any remorse, all he could say was "well, OJ got off".
 
As for Joran Van Der Sloot in Aruba, I bet he gave Natalee Holloway some kind of drug so he could have sex with her, and that during sex, either she overdosed or had an allergic reaction. Joran panicked and dumped her body in the ocean.
The judge in Aruba said that the recent audio tape is not sufficient evidence. Perhaps Joran Van Der Sloot will get off.
Too many times, people are getting off on technicalities.
 
PeterH770:

"Sticks and stones... You have to learn how to deal with a bully or you will always be a wimp and a victim."

You are correct that there is a "victim" mentality that evolves with those who are bullied. It can become very severe, and once victim behaviours are learned as a result of bullying, they can become so obvious that they invite more bullying. In extreme cases, they can follow someone who has been bullied through life, creating situation after situation that causes that person tremendous pain and suffering. Among people who have been bullied, substance abuse, anti-social behaviour, failed relationships, job instability, and suicide- attempted or successful- are horrifyingly common.

But telling those who have been bullied that it is somehow their fault or their responsibility to deal with is not the real answer. The bully is sick, deeply sick, and must be called to account for his actions by society. Compassionate offers of treatment should certainly be made, but if they are spurned or unsuccessful, legal measures should be brought to bear on the problem. This is a very diverse world, with every conceivable sort of gender, ethnic, sexual orientation, racial, political and religious issue represented out there. We cannot permit bullies to single anyone out for any reason, or the entire fabric of our society is at risk. In fact, one of the reasons that today's world is so hazardous and unstable is that bullies have, for the moment, gotten the upper hand in our society, from the classic schoolyard bully and arrogant middle manager to the arrogant, anti-social head of state.

The bully is breaking the law, pure and simple. We must demand that bullies conform their behaviour to the decent minimum demanded by society, instead of telling people who might be considered "different" in some regard that they are somehow at fault for attracting the attention of the bully. To do that is to victimise them on a far deeper level than anything a typical bully can accomplish, because it means that society is telling them they have no support among their peers, that they are alone in a nightmarish situation. I cannot tell you how heartbreakingly and permanently hurt some people become as a result of being sent this message.

I'm off my soapbox now.
 
Awful

Having lived in Europe for the last quarter century, I permit myself to note that hate crimes against gays is hardly an American phenomena.
We have enormously more tolerance in Western Europe (East of the German border with Poland things get very bad, very fast).
But effeminate men are victims pretty much everywhere. In Germany, it is primarily the young Turks who do the bullying.

I was bullied quite a lot in school until I hit a growth spurt. Until I was 12, I looked like a strand of grass. The summer I hit 12, every football coach in town fell in love with me. When school started in the fall and the bullying began, I picked the leader up, held him to eye-level and punched his lights out.
End of the bullying for good.

I am not advocating physical violence here - we have more than enough of that in our societies. But I am certain of one thing: This bullying goes on because the bullies get very clear signals from our society that it is OK to bully effeminate gays.

The christianists take the heat on much of this and, speaking as a teacher, the day I am required to pack heat is the day I quit teaching. This is not the place for a discussion on the NRA, but folks who think the violence will end when guns are made illegal are naive, to put it mildly.

As teachers, we do need the authority to deal with such kids. In Germany, when a student made fun of a freshman who stuttered (and was not the brightest bulb on the tree) I kicked her out of class and would not let her return until she had apologized in public. My administration supported me. Can you just imagine the poor teacher in the US who did that?

Personally, I think acceptance of differences needs to be a mandatory subject, beginning in Kindergarten at the latest.
As for the murderer, well, I guess I made my feelings clear back when that poor tiger was killed in San Francisco.
 
during my childhood and all my adolesence,I was beaten,raped,sodomised,tied down to my bed to keep from escaping and on top of that,I had epilepsy.I ran away and wound up in a "Christian"comune where I became a true hippy and got involved in lots of activities.While there,I attended a public inner city high school where I excelled.I was doing my studying one night for my finals and became excited over my graduating with honors from my school.I went to bed and during my sleep.I began dreaming about Diane,a classmate who I adored and had had a few encounters with.as the dream progressed,I realised I was making love to her and was enjoying every bit of it.as I climaxed,I awakened to find out in severe shock that one of the elders of the church was giving me head!!!!!I went into instant shock and it took two of the other guys to get him off of me.I had been sodomised again by the only person I had gained trust in.That church was getting every bit of my Social Security Servivor's insurance monthly check($625/month)and I never got paid for my labor at our deli/bookstore.I'll never know if I was born gay or became that way from my horrific sexual abuse.I am not considered a practicing homosexual.I have no partners and haven't in years.But I am not dating women either.I am going to a non denominnational church and my during my first visit there,they had a pastor from Atlanta,GA who used to be gay and was a "born again Jew"He spoke highly about the verbal abuse that most churches had against gay people and denounced it claiming that they need to express love and understanding toward gay peple and pray for them.Judgement is not at all a true Christain practice and our church has not and will not tollerate that with any members meaning that they won't allow any of the gay members to be judged.Just prayed for and loved.I've been going there ever since and enjoy thoroughly the love and teachings given there.I have made a lot of friends and renewed my faith.I am not in any way a screamer,I have just experienced a lot of things in my life where I have been in situations and somehow not to my own doings have survived.They weren't necessarily stemmed by my own faults but more like coincidenses I had no control over.It was good that I had left home and I did learn a lot especialy about my own inner self at the comune I was in but,the price I wound up paying and the negative experiences I had were way above any of my own expectations.I stll talk with a few of the members that were there until it dispanded in 1980.John and Patti Handcock are still good people.
 
Landromat,

there has been an enormous body of research and statistical analysis done over the last 40 years. Every serious study has come to the same conclusion - sexuality is fixed, either genetically or at such an early age that there can be no question of changing it. The most that can be done is to pervert one's personality so greatly that sex becomes abhorant. That is the approach the Christians take in the US - such evilness is forbidden in Western Europe.
Personally, I think your sexuality is irrelevant. What was done to you, is not. I truly hope you can find peace and satisfaction in your life today. We can't change the past, but we can and must learn to deal with the present. There are some very good therapists out there, I have been helped - so can you.
 
I wouldn't get too worried about your sexual orientation, it does appear to be hardwired. You could be bisexual (quite a lot of people are to some degree) I would definitely think you should seek out some good counselling and cognitive therapy. Just make sure you get a decent and open minded counsellor or psychologist and not some crack pot with an agenda. Perhaps you should ask your local rape crisis centre or gay community group.
 
Keven makes some good points. When I was young, I was very smart in school, and also very sensitive. So I started to become the victim of the schoolyard bullies. But fortunately, I was also 6'2" and built like the proverbial brick shithouse. It didn't take long before I started to beat the living shit out of the bullies, but depsite my size, I refused to become one of them, which I could probably have done very easily. It probably would have made me "popular". But who had time for that? There was laundry to be done, and a classic Easy washer and dryer at home waiting for me. The bullying ended quickly. Sometimes violence, or the threat of it, begets violence, but sometimes it seems that it's the only way to protect oneself, especially when parents or school authorities do not adequately intervene to protect students. Sure, I knew damned well I was gay, and that gave me all the more reason to want to protect myself. I've just always refused to be anyone's victim. I had my size on my side, but not every victim of bullying has that advantage.
 
Precisely -

That is exactly the problem. We were able to put an end to the bullying because we had the physical size to do it - and I do 'butch' pretty well.
But what on earth are the effeminate boys and men to do? The girls who aren't rich blond cookie cutters?
That is where society needs to intervene.
Every group will have a certain number of people who behave in a predictable way. Sure, many bullies are dealing with their own private problems, yadda yadda yadda. And, yes, they should be offered help.
But, first, stop the bastards from terrorizing. The US has a special problem here because of political correctness and 'empowerment' of students and parents. Since I am preparing to return to this country to teach, I am especially concerned with these problems.
Maybe we should start by calling things by their name again. A problem is a problem, not necessarily an issue. A bully is a jerk and needs to be disciplined, not given a 'time out' to think about their behavior.
Most important of all, we need to stand up to the christianists. Their message of hate and intolerance needs to be shoved down their throats until they choke on it. Separation of church and state was not an accident, the founding fathers knew exactly what they were doing.
 
Panthera:

Oh, I don't for a moment advocate "touchy-feely" therapy for bullies. I meant that they should be given a clear choice- accept therapy or be called to account by our legal system. Sometimes, depending on the seriousness of their offence, both.

The message has to be loud and clear and simple- causing others emotional distress, physical harm, or fear of physical harm is not acceptable under any circumstances. I completely agree with you that it's time to start calling things by their right names again- like bully. Jerk. Reform school. Jail.

I also agree with you about the entitlement ethic that is being instilled into our youth. You don't get what you're entitled to in this world- you get what you earn, if that.
 
Sandy,

I agree, too. Heck, I agree, three.

It scars me more than a bit to be teaching in the US again. In Germany, I can expect spirited, even assertive discussion from my students. But I don't worry about them coming to class armed and angry. Nor am I limited in my disciplinary authority - whatever it takes to maintain a secure, open learning environment is what we do.

I don't advocate corporal punishment as a cure-all (though I disagree totally with the folks who insist that even a slap on the butt is abuse. If they knew more about developmental psychology and anatomy they might not be so rigidly authoritarian in their dictates) , but it is sad that the US and UK which have saddled us with the worst of political correctness are the two with the biggest problems. It seems to me that the rules need to be changed back to the old system - bullies get punished for their actions and victims aided. Yes, of course we have to 'help' the bullies confront their issues, yada, yada, yada...but *after* we stop them from terrorizing the other kids.
 
MrX

"It's about time that decent Americans stood up and took back politics and the media from 'the red neck agenda.' "

I rather have the red neck agenda than the socialist agenda to which we are sliding. The media is already liberal/socialist. The Democrats of today are socialists, and the Republican are like the Democrats used to be. This two party system SUCKS!

What we need now is something more like: It's about time that decent Americans stood up and took back the politics and the media from the socialist, nanny state agenda.
 
The child should have had the shleter of an alternative high school, sometimes called adult high school. A younger friend went to an adult high achool in the Atlanta area to escape the shit he had to put up with at his regular high school. He got his diploma which would probably have been impossible had he tried to stay in his high school. I hope this poor soul's parents win so much in their lawsuit against the school system that every administrator, principal, counselor and teacher has to take a pay cut to pay the suit. In the cash-strapped system, the students will have to take over the maintenance duties from mowing the grounds to scrubbing and waxing the floors and cleaning the rest rooms and locker rooms. It would be interesting to see how much time these duties left for sports teams. We learned from the resolution of the suit brought by the former student in Wisconsin, I think it was, that the school system's insurance does not cover payouts in lawsuits when the school system is willfully negligent or similarly at fault.

I know that his sudden violent end brought his soul directly into the arms of his loving Heavenly Parent where all of the memories of the horrors of his life and death were kissed away as he was enveloped in the perfect love that let him know beyond a shadow of a doubt how precious and important he, or maybe she, is in the eyes of the Creator of the Universe and that no harm will come to him or her anymore.

Being the evil person I am,I can only hope that the murderer's anal sphincter lives on only in the memory of its horrifyingly painful destruction over a period of days, "freshly" recalled each time he soils his low quality government issue incontinent garment at which time everyone around him will remind him of his toughness when he arrived in prison, a sorry piece of humanity who killed a queer. Now he has no ability to refuse anyone who wants a decidedly looser piece of him.

Peter, Every time you foul the air with one of your smelly pronouncements of superiority, I realize that you have not a shred of human empathy. While I do not actively wish to see you in a situation where you suddenly find yourself wishing others felt a little empathy for you, I can't forget that Karma is a bitch and your cold, callous dismissal of the segments of society who, for whatever reasons, have fewer means than you do makes me think that Charles Dickens was a time traveller and used you as the model for Ebenezer Scrooge.

Speaking of Karma, those school system employees who allow bullying of weaker or otherwise different students, along with other people who went through life not feeling the pain of others might find Karma waiting for them in their advanced years when their families, if they have any, put them away in nursing homes. Sometimes in nursing homes, especially when there are no family members or caring friends to check on them, patients are abused. Sometimes they are not fed or bathed or changed; developing terrible, painful sores. Rooms can be kept too warm or too cold and blankets might be inadequate, much like the pain medication can be. Sometimes the overworked and under-educated staff lose patience with one or more patients and hit them because they can no longer defend themselves, or torture them with bath water that is either painfully hot or painfully cold. And Peter, if you think that your superiority will mean that you will not go to one of those places because all of your wealth will enable you to be cared for at home, that's where some of the worst elder abuse happens because there is no one to hear the screams when the burns and beatings take place. And don't think that your treasured possessions will be safe while you are in your house. Treasured things you might notice missing, if you are allowed out of bed, "got broken and were thrown away." Theft is easily explained away.

So Peter, even with the political views you have, a discussion of a 15 year old's murder as the culmination of years of abuse and alienation with no one taking the time to understand and comfort and help and look after this poor tormented soul, would be a place for a sympathetic word if you can find one. If you cannot bring yourself to offer a thought more in the spirit of the discussion, then remember that silence is golden and should therefore be precious to you.

Peter, the price you pay for blessings is the expectation that you will share them with others less blessed. The tax on strength is that you will use it to help those who are weaker. Anyone or anything we love is a hostage to fate and can be taken away in less than a second. I know this makes no more of an impression than a raindrop running down a piece of glass right now, but maybe these thoughts might seep into your mind when your strength, power & independence have diminished to make room for different thoughts and reflections.
 
thanks Maggie for starting this thread.

i have no choice but to empathize. i still clearly remember joining an academic decathlon group in HS and the teacher speaking to the entire group and telling us that he had heard rumors about gays in his decathlon group and how he dissapproved. didnt dissapprove of mean spirited gossip or prejudice, he made it clear to the entire classroom that he was bothered by gay people dirtying his team. he was speaking about me and my best friend.

i didnt think too much about it at the time, but looking back...it brings tears to my eyes. nevermind that i had NO support from my parents and the burden of a small but vocal few students at school who seemed to love to make me miserable just because i wanted to be myself.

fast-forward ten years and this same teacher won some kind of teacher-of-the-year award. his picture was in the paper along with a glowing bio.

and beware of labeling people. its too easy to slap the label on then dismiss. much easier to label somebody as liberal, red-neck, rich, poor, victim, whatever, rather than understand. its as if some feel that an effort to understand others will take away from themselves. as if being hard and feeling no compassion makes them stronger. leaves me baffled.

tomturbomatic is right. youth, beauty, wealth and even the body itself... its very temporary. dont get too attached.
 
You aren't like me.I would have let everybody know of his cruelty and made a point of exposing his ideas and prejudices to the local public via local news media.When my previous employer,Johns Hopkins Hospital ,refused treatment for my thyroidism back in 1991,I went right to the local tv network and told them what happened.Of course,money gives power and Hopkins somehow got the network not to tellevise the interview but the newspaper did and I got my job back w/back pay but they found ways to make me so misserable that I quit a year later.By that time my weight went from 160 to 98 pounds!
 
I'm sorry that anyone read my outrage at the kid who did this as NOT being sympathetic to the victim. My heart and prayers go out to that poor kid.

"Anyone or anything we love is a hostage to fate and can be taken away in less than a second."
And this truth has been hammered hard into my life in the last 2 years. Amen, brother!
 

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