A good quality heat pump (modern one) will work well down into the teens if it is sized correctly. It is 25 degrees here tonight, and my heat pump has the house at 70 degrees and is having no problem keeping up during this sustained cold snap. It continues to cycle on and off during most of the night.
If the unit uses a programmed defrost versus a demand defrost function (cheaper units use programmed defrost), it will defrost on a preset schedule (which can be changed on nost units) much like older frost free refrigerators do, by using a timer. A demand defrost unit will only defrost when the unit has a significant ice buildup outside. When the machine goes into defrost mode, the reversing valve switches between heating and cooling, and shuts the condensor fan off such that hot refrigerant is passing through the outdoor condensor's coils to melt the ice buildup. While it's doing that, the cold refrigerant is being passed through the evaporator coil inside, thus the neeed for back up electric resistance heat. That cold air you feel coming out of the vents during the defrost cycle means that either the electric heat strip is not working, or that it is insufficient for the capacity of the unit. A 3 ton unit could probably make due with a 10 KW strip. Most air handlers have space for up to (4) 5KW heat strips, dependent on the household wiring going to the unit.
A temperature differential is built into the thermostat such that if the temperature of the house drops, usually by more than 1 or 2 degrees from the temp setting while the heat pump is running, the thermostat will engage the backup electric resistance heat to try to bring the temperature of the house up to the preset temp. This usually happens when it's just too cold out for the heat pump to be able to produce sufficient heat. If the temp inside the house is dropping and the house isn't heating correctly, the backup heat strip(s) may not be working. If you manually raise the thermostat to a higher temp, you should see the backup resistance heat go on to help the heat pump warm the house more quickly. Most folks with a heat pump will raise the temp only one degree at a time to prevent the electric backup heat from engaging, as it is far more expensive to run the electric heat than it is the heat pump.
Heat pumps generally have lower outlet temps than say a gas or oil fired heating system, but a properly sized modern system can heat a home when the outside temps drop into the teens with no problem, though it will take a little longer.
To test the system in your grandparent's house, if their thermostat has a setting that says "Emergency Heat" or something similar, slide the switch to that setting. It should shut the heat pump off, and turn on the electric resistance heat. If the unit blows cold air, then you'll know the heat strips are not working and most likely need servicing. If it blows warm air, then you'll know that a single 5 KW heat strip is not sufficient for that system, and a second 5 KW strip should be added.