Help!!! I need a place to hide a body.

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Is she by any chance named Madge Rapf?

As played by Agnes Moorehead in the classic Bogart/Bacall flick "Dark Passage"?

Madge was a jealous busy body murderess who, when she realized she couldn't have the Bogie character, murdered his wife and then framed him for it, so he'd go to jail and no woman could have him. When he escaped from San Quentin, Bacall's character takes him in and Madge goes ballistic, murdering the Bogart character's best friend and framing him for it again.

The photo is from the much later "The Bat" but it shows Moorhead in a similarly evil pose.

12-5-2008-17-52-44--sudsmaster.jpg
 
PS-Madge finally meets her end as she stumbles and falls out of a 4th story apartment window during an argument with the Bogie character in which she confesses to the murders but refuses to do anything to help him clear his name.
 
PSPS-Bogie and Bacall finally get out from under the murder raps by escaping to a lovely resort in Peru (her character is independently wealthy).

Hopefully you won't have to flee to South America after fixing your little neighbor problem ;-)
 
Just be firm, " I would love to chat with you, but I am busy, right now". No need to be rude, just the truth. You can be assured that whatever you tell the poor ole bored soul, that it will be yipped and yapped, to all your neighbors. Hint: This is not the one to ask to get your mail or pickup the paper while out of town. The whole block will know you are gone and when you are expected to return, putting your property at risk.
 
Maybe giving her around 20-40 cats will help her keep busy. It seems to me that all crazy cat ladies stay indoors, rarely venturing out... OR maybe fit her with one of those Invisible Fence collars while she's asleep and wire her yard. You COULD off her but she'd probably whine about the fact that the knife you used wasn't clean enough (maybe it's that cheap dishwasher you have...) or didn't sterilize the bullets first...

RCD
 
Hell send her over to our house because it needs a thorough cleaning and decluttering. If she was my neighbor and offered that often I would definitely take her up on it, let her at it.
 
"...fit her with one of those Invisible Fence collars..

Now THAT actually made me laugh out loud!

She does sound like a piece of work.

Neighbors can be so interesting.

My neighbor on one side was a grouchy old man in his 80's. Nothing was ever right for him. He complained that I left my car parked, off the street, in my driveway, instead of out of sight. "I always park my cars in my garage" he'd frump. So I started parking it on the street in front of his house, lol. That shut him up for a bit. Racist? Yep. Unpleasant? Yep. But we weren't neighborly enough for him to invade my home and start in on that. Although he did complain once about how I mowed my lawn. Another time I came home from work and he had an electrical contractor block my driveway with his truck. His driveway was open so he told me to park there. Then he started to complain that now his driveway was blocked. Amazing. Eventually old age caught up with him and his kids moved him to an assisted care home where he can grump all he wants and have his meals prepared for him. They rented out the house and I haven't heard a word of griping from the new tenants.
 
What a hoot...

I like that old dame! She's giving you priceless material for lots of fun conversations for years and years to come!
God will take her home in due time, but enjoy Gladys for now. She may drive you nuts now but your journal of her zingers will leave you laughing for years.
 
i hate o admit this but its been a riot reding over the story and some of the responses you know what excatly you need to do lots of luck and let the battle begin ohh and yea dont let her get your mail just let the post office know when your going away do keep us posted!!! have a great weekend!!!
 
I think....

her sister was OUR neighbor. The one we had came over ALL the time and did the same kind of judgeing. Not so much out and out like that but more of a zinger disquised in a compliment, so nice that she wasnt nice at all.
She also had a knack of letting herself in (not that we ever locked the doors)but still she had a way of just showing up out of no where,it was plain erie.

Now the night it all came to a halt. She came over to watch tv with us kids....fine. Ten oclock came,we THOUGHT she went home, my sister even walked with her to the gate.We kids went to bed. My parental units went to bed soon after.....

In the middle of the night my parents were in the midst of doing things that lovers do in thier room with the door shut. All of sudden her frail but not weak voice calls out quite opinionatedly from the foot of the bed "Well I never thought Id see the day, you arent the people I thought you were at all"

Well God only knows what happened after that!!! But it was the last time she crossed the fence, soon after she repotedly went to live with a son in Alaska.

I only heard about this night years later after I was an adult and it still cracks me up to this day.And my dad, a Lt Commander still treats it like his Viet Nam days.....with Silence tho these days he will smile a little about it.

So take heart, believe it or not your gal hasnt really overstepped EVERY possible concievable boundry...yet.

Best of luck to you!!!!
 
To be honest though it's quite possible that your neighbor has a dementia other than Altzheimers, there are variations like frontal lobe dementia. The symptoms of it are exactly the type of thing you're describing, innappropriate coduct and comments of which they would never have done prior to the onset of the disease. You could discretely ask some family member if she's always been this way.
 
OMG! Well, you have to Love her before you off her.

Not really, I would be kind and firm. I would be kicking her out of my house with a kind and firm foot! There is only so much critique that one person can take, especially when they have way to much time on their hands, and it sounds unwarented.. There is, yet again, the option to lock your door, or not answering it at all. Just a thought.
PS, I also like the" Well, I will be in the garage if you need me," responce. If someone offered to clean out my refrigerator, I would totally take them up on it. My Grandma Chris when she came over to my house on Thanksgiving opened all of the cabnets and the door to the spare room, and offered a little critque, I just said Thank you, and nothing more was said.
 
There but for the grace of God....

My aunt came for a week to visit, of course I removed all articles I didn't want her to find, knowing she would give my house a MRI while I was at work. I did find out about every out of date product in my cabinets, and she did clean my fridge, I love her but was sure glad to drive her to the airport. Maybe we forget that for a lot of women of that era that was their life, running a house. I try to understand...
 
Nosy neighbor story.

My old friend has a similar elderly neighbor next door whose husband is also still alive. They're both haughty and nosy.
I always forget their names, so when I ask about his nosy neighbors I refer to them as Gladys and Abner. (I know you all get the joke).
Unfortunately, our calling them Gladys and Abner was so second nature that another friend actually thought their names were Gladys and Abner! One day by coicidence we all met on the sidewalk our mutual friend went up to them to say HI GLADYS! HI ABNER! We cut off the conversation real fast just to save us from huge embarrassment.
 
Archie: *Edith get me a beer, there, wouldja, ha?*

I guess you can now call your mutual friend "Edith", the dingbat.
 

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