veg-o-matic
Well-known member
It’s time to paean Frontaloadotmy (sic)!
For it was on this very day back in ’22 that Mrs. Smith gave birth to a beautiful (once his horns were removed) baby boy. His parents Wiliam and Moly named him Darrel and the world hasn’t been the same since.
Attracted to food at an early age, Darrel spent many hours preparing turkey in what was the precursor to the Easy-Bake oven, the My Little Burn-M-Up® Coal Range with Singe ‘N Sear™ action. Due to lack of toy safety standards, Darrel had no eyebrows between the ages of 5 and 14. (He currently has no fingerprints and only half an Adam’s apple.)
After graduating from the exclusive Smoofington Academy for Children Who are Exceptions (and Problem Hair Clinic), Darrel put his natural talent to good use, becoming a hoofer in Las Vegas. Appearing nightly at Goonhandle’s on the Strip, Darrel was one of the never-popular “Clompettes.” A star in his own mind, Darrel became famous for his “nerve taps”, eventually reaching a pace of 180 taps per minute. Few people realize that not only did he manage this feat without tap shoes, he did it without any shoes at all.
After a falling out with the nightclub’s owner (Harlow Goonhandle accused Darrel of being a “neigh-sayer”), Darrel searched for a new position more in keeping with his belief system (i.e. one where he could sit down all day), eventually landing a job with the phone company. He then spent the next twenty years disconnecting major portions of California “…to keep the riffraff from getting uppity” as he likes to say.
Claiming to be a lad of a mere 56 summers (his winters must have been positively hair-raising), Darrel is now retired and spends his remaining days helping homeless animals, collecting stuff, and performing the many little duties that crop up around his palatial estate in Rancho Miasma (in addition, of course, to careening down the Sunset Trail at warp speed.) To make ends meet, he takes an occasional modeling job as a (in what must be the kindest euphemism ever) “specialty” model (see the slide show.) On weekends, he gives readings of his poetry at Crickets, a feed and grain store in town, often causing quite a stampede among the customers.
Darrel almost came out of retirement in ‘98 when he was briefly considered for the part of Neely O’Hara in “Dolls! The Musical”. (The part eventually went to Shirley Booth. The producers thought she could bring more zest to the role, though dead.)
So let’s all join together now and give a big <S>Ho Hum</S> Happy Birthday! for our very own Frontaloadotmy (sic); he really craves the attention.
Some interesting facts about Darrel!
Darrel’s name comes from the Greek Darikis, a notably bad-tempered beast of burden used extensively in the Greek islands due to its sure hoofedness in climbing rocky cliffs. (dar="hoofs like suction cups" ikis="grouchy old man").
Favorite song: Yakety Sax.
Was voted “Most likely to be on the receiving end of just about anything” in High School.
Has self-published two volumes of poetry: Tastes Like Metal (1984) and Drinking From the Garden Hose (2000).
Once rebuffed a pass from Martha Raye.
Favorite food: Oats.
All evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, Darrel is not related to Mr. Clean.
Favorite quote: “One L, dammit!”
Has read “Flowers in the Attic” 77 times. Still doesn’t get it.
bighugelabs.com
For it was on this very day back in ’22 that Mrs. Smith gave birth to a beautiful (once his horns were removed) baby boy. His parents Wiliam and Moly named him Darrel and the world hasn’t been the same since.
Attracted to food at an early age, Darrel spent many hours preparing turkey in what was the precursor to the Easy-Bake oven, the My Little Burn-M-Up® Coal Range with Singe ‘N Sear™ action. Due to lack of toy safety standards, Darrel had no eyebrows between the ages of 5 and 14. (He currently has no fingerprints and only half an Adam’s apple.)
After graduating from the exclusive Smoofington Academy for Children Who are Exceptions (and Problem Hair Clinic), Darrel put his natural talent to good use, becoming a hoofer in Las Vegas. Appearing nightly at Goonhandle’s on the Strip, Darrel was one of the never-popular “Clompettes.” A star in his own mind, Darrel became famous for his “nerve taps”, eventually reaching a pace of 180 taps per minute. Few people realize that not only did he manage this feat without tap shoes, he did it without any shoes at all.
After a falling out with the nightclub’s owner (Harlow Goonhandle accused Darrel of being a “neigh-sayer”), Darrel searched for a new position more in keeping with his belief system (i.e. one where he could sit down all day), eventually landing a job with the phone company. He then spent the next twenty years disconnecting major portions of California “…to keep the riffraff from getting uppity” as he likes to say.
Claiming to be a lad of a mere 56 summers (his winters must have been positively hair-raising), Darrel is now retired and spends his remaining days helping homeless animals, collecting stuff, and performing the many little duties that crop up around his palatial estate in Rancho Miasma (in addition, of course, to careening down the Sunset Trail at warp speed.) To make ends meet, he takes an occasional modeling job as a (in what must be the kindest euphemism ever) “specialty” model (see the slide show.) On weekends, he gives readings of his poetry at Crickets, a feed and grain store in town, often causing quite a stampede among the customers.
Darrel almost came out of retirement in ‘98 when he was briefly considered for the part of Neely O’Hara in “Dolls! The Musical”. (The part eventually went to Shirley Booth. The producers thought she could bring more zest to the role, though dead.)
So let’s all join together now and give a big <S>Ho Hum</S> Happy Birthday! for our very own Frontaloadotmy (sic); he really craves the attention.
Some interesting facts about Darrel!
Darrel’s name comes from the Greek Darikis, a notably bad-tempered beast of burden used extensively in the Greek islands due to its sure hoofedness in climbing rocky cliffs. (dar="hoofs like suction cups" ikis="grouchy old man").
Favorite song: Yakety Sax.
Was voted “Most likely to be on the receiving end of just about anything” in High School.
Has self-published two volumes of poetry: Tastes Like Metal (1984) and Drinking From the Garden Hose (2000).
Once rebuffed a pass from Martha Raye.
Favorite food: Oats.
All evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, Darrel is not related to Mr. Clean.
Favorite quote: “One L, dammit!”
Has read “Flowers in the Attic” 77 times. Still doesn’t get it.
Slideshow: Easily create and share a slideshow. -- Frontal's Birthday Celebration!
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