Mortuary/Funeral Home experiences.............

[randycmaynard]

For some reason this morning this item came to mind regarding experiences working with mortuaries/funeral homes when planning a funeral for a loved one, a pre-plan or the less-than-welcome/desirable tactics of following up (for pre-plan packages) on familes shortly after the funeral, burial etc is finished. Was wondering what some of you're experiences have been - good and bad.

I'm not real keen on mortuaries/funeral homes anyway and generally try avoid going to funerals if they're held in the mortuary/funeral home facilities - only go if I just have to.... close family or close friend. Prefer to have them at the church if possible though that is not always the preference for everyone.

I generally think that funerals are way over priced for what is offered and I have no problem with the establishment making a decent profit for their work but taking everything that one can get hands on from a family during a difficult time is just uncalled for.

If anyone is in the business, has family or friends in the business - this is not a slap at them or any one establishment just a thought that came to mind. Many establishments and those that run them are above board and don't run rough-shod over folks during these stessful times.

My big pet peeve on all this is charging some ungodly price for a casket with the rubber seal versus the same, exact in every detail, model without the seal. A piece of rubber is not worth $2,500+ more!!! Can't stand that - couple of dollars maybe but not $2,500 or more!

Well enough for now - share your experiences good and bad! Thanks.

 

[whirlcool]

Here in Houston there is a discount casket company that has been in business for awhile. You buy your coffin now, then use it as a coffee table until you are ready to use it. Funeral directors can't refuse you because if it meets the industry standards you can supply it yourself.

Personally, I would find that creepy....

Also, some funeral companies are known for tacking on fees at the end of pre-paid funerals when the time comes. So watch out for that.

Service International is one of the largest (if not the) funeral companies around. They own cemetaries, funeral homes, etc. They occupy a 30 huge office tower just outside of downtown on Allen Parkway. Death is big business!

 

[maytagbear]

HUMOR attempt:

Just watch "Six Feet Under."

David Fisher, as played by Michael C. Hall, is rather kissable.

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[randycmaynard]

Oh yes.........

I'm familiar with SCI (Service Corporation International) - got to be one of the most crooked businesses around..... they basically go into the towns and cities across the country and buy up all the mortuaries/funeral homes - many run for generations by one or several families and after they get them the entire level of business goes to hell and some of the worst of the bad funeral practices can be traced back, more often than not, to SCI. I was thinking that in the Dallas or Houston area (don't remember which) SCI basically had a central hub, if you will, housed in a large warehouse type facility such as in an industral park where they send bodies from all over the metro area to embalm and then send back the the mortuary that is handling the arranements. Have read where the back up is incredible not to mention the fact that bodies would be lined up for hours and even days waiting to be "processed".

Customer (family) care goes out the window too - very unkind to many and the local facilities usually deteriorate as well. They will, many times, keep a member or two of the original family working the mortuaries under the supervision of a person assigned by the company to oversee the operations - many of whom know absolutely nothing about the business to begin with - very high stress and very high pressure to make money at any cost regardless of the outcome which can be heidious at times.

Well enough of that....... ewwww!

 

[randycmaynard]

Six Feet Under is a hoot!

The ultimate disfunctional family in that one and then there was the reality show Family Plots from the Poway-Bernardo FH in San Diego, CA - a regular Peyton Place and equally disfunctional and the guy running the place was a big BSer and scam artist and had the hots for one of the sisters working there. Too funny!

 

[polkanut]

Here in Wausau all 4 funeral homes are still locally owned/operated. One of them, Peterson-Kraemer has 2 locations in town, east and west sides of town. Our immediate family has always done business with Helke Funeral Home. They've been in business since 1874, making it the oldest continually operating business in Marathon County. We've never found them to be pushy or nauseatingly nice. In fact, we are on a 1st name basis with most of the staff. Top notch service IMO.

Helke Funeral Home and Cremation Service

Helke Funeral Home and Cremation Service provides complete funeral services in Wausau, WI. Call us today for pre-planning or custom planning options

www.helke.com

 

[mixfinder]

As You Lived

It seems to make sense that a memorial celebration should reflect the lifestyle of the deceased. Old style funerals isolated the family from the mourners as you sat behind veils, rode in blacked out limos and where wisked away from the group. Disposition of the remains are so very personal there can be no dictate. I have directed anything usable harvested for medical and research purposes and throw the remains in the self cleaning oven. The Neptune Society allows you to preplan a cremation. The People's Memorial is a bit like a big box club store membership. You buy a lifetime membership and participating mortuary's will abide by prenegotiated pricing regardless of your location. Making decisions in the midst of grief, anger and shock isn't in anyone's interest. The expense of the coffin, the size of the bouquets or the model and year of the funeral fleet shouldn't be used as a barometer for love and devotion. It has become a custom in the Dutch relatives to have a family memorial at the funeral home the day before the service. There is no schedule, no order of service and no extraneous witnesses to real displays of emotion, grief and joy. The day of the service the family spreads out across the approach to the facility to greet and visit with the guests. The reduction in pressure is immense. On the Hillbilly side the cost of the coffin, the expense of the service, the selection of wardrobe are all up for opinion. Often the bereaved will embrace the deceased bawling and begging forgiveness since no one is speaking prior to death. Vows of "putting it behind us" are all made and then on the drive home it all begins as the woman's dress is criticized, the cheap coffin was an outrage, the food stunk, they used a cheap old moldy funeral home and "did you see that he didn't even cry?!?" And so the ground work is laid for the next service. As I lived, so shall I celebrate my death. All friends and family are welcomed, no special seating, no deference to title or wealth and not one soul shall spend a penny of wasted expense. I am not perfect and I don't expect my service to be either.[this post was last edited: 5/22/2010-15:38]

 

[polkanut]

In our area, the old ways still predominate. There is the wake the night before, usually 3 or 4 hours, then another 1 or 2 hours before the funeral the next day. Some even still have another brief visitation at the funeral home/chapel before the body is taken to church, if that is where the service is being held. More people are opting for visitation and funeral all in the same day. One or 2 hours of visitation, service, burial (if that's the disposition method chosen), and a luncheon at a nice restaurant with more intimate visiting taking place.

Last July when my Mom's cousin died, the meal was held at the hotel downtown, and a cash bar was even available for those who wished to indulge. At supper, all 11 children toasted their dad individually, I was bawling like a baby. It was especially moving when the widow did her toast. I melted like an ice cream cone on the 4th of July.

 

[frigilux]

My immediate family is very small (my sister, her two sons and their spouses/children).

I want to keep expenses and fuss to an absolute minimum, so I'm looking into donating my body to the University of MN. They will pick up my body, and after they have examined/studied/used whatever they need, my remains will be cremated. The ashes will then be kept in the perpetual care of the U of M or turned over to my sister or one of her sons.

I do not want a funeral service. I've asked my sister (or my eldest nephew, in her absence) to send a notice of my passing to everyone in my address book.

After a very wild, misspent youth and young adulthood, I've settled into a quiet, low-key, middle-age. I hope to slip off this mortal coil in the same manner.

 

[petek]

No muss, no fuss when I go.. just a shroud and the furnace and what becomes of my ashes I don't care really. I prefer lighter funerals like my late sisters a few months ago for those that are having one. A simple visitation and service all wrapped up in about 2 hrs or less, no embalming, no droll eulogies just rememberances and funny/nice things said by anyone who wants to get up and say something and then just have people over to the house afterwards or not. My Catholic neighbors always end up enduring these long drawn out rituals that seem so archaic and tiring. I've been to a couple of theirs.

 

[douglasdc6]

The one up in Dallas Tx

Tryed to pull a few over on my dad a few years back.

The companies realize at the time of the funeral people are in grief & not thinking clearly So they move in with more fee`s screw you any way they can , Again because they realize the familly is not thinking clearly .

I`ve seen nice caskets on e-bay , Yes E-bay for around $500 - $1000

 

[randycmaynard]

Roger........

That's my whole point on the funeral business (aka:death care) where the big companies take over - there is no regard, respect, comfort or understanding for the families left to deal with things afterward and move on through their lives. The casket thing is another maddening issue - I realize that most (all?) funeral establishments - especially the small town, family owned/run, businesses count on the casket sale and other items to make their living and cover operating costs and I'm fine with reasonable mark ups etc... you expect that but to charge $8,000 for a $800-$1,200 casket is over the top and many, but not all, do this in some situaitons.

I'm all for buying ahead of time or the family ordering one and having it shipped in at the time - saves much money and the horror of going through the "product" room to choose things - that has been the least enjoyable and worst thing for me in having to handle arrangements. Had to do most all of it for my mother when she passed in 2004 - my dad couldn't handle it. Better still is looking into the green funeral/burials and taking care of things at home as it used to be assuming you can do it in quick fashion. I'm not into all things green, global warming and all that crap but the green funeral idea is something that seems an appropriate thing to consider and the cost is low comparitivily speaking and of course cremation or direct burial are other less costly options too.

Think it's a good idea to do some pre planning and shopping around so you and your family after the time doesn't get ripped on the financial side of things.

Thanks everyone for sharing on this topic - know it's kind of odd but it seems many of us over this last year (recent years too) have had a loss of family and/or friends and talking these issues on occasion is probably not a bad idea. I'm amazed that a group of people into vintage appliances and other vintage hobbies are close knit enough to talk about things such as this on occasion and the other non-appliance topics.... politics, religion etc like I've seen this last year or so that I've been around the site and thanks Robert for having an area of the site to talk about "other things" - real neat!

Keep sharing as you desire on the topic.

 

[gyrafoam]

Since you think funerals are "way overpriced" perhaps you need to get get one of the funeral home owners near you to give you a break-down of their pricing formulae. It might be easier that way, so you can see where the money goes.

I've spent most of my working career "in the business" and have made it a personal policy not to "sell" a family anything.Show them whats available and let them choose what they want.
When I was doing lots of pre-need in Florida years ago, I found it interesting that when people were NOT under pressure for "at need" arrangements, they continued to select mid to upper-range merchandise and services. No one was twisting their arm.

The sentiment here in the US is to stick our heads in the sand and pretend that none of us are ever going to die-----until it happens-----then the survivors are left to figure out what to do. Yes, it is a hard and emotionally-charged situation to have to deal with. But, deal with it we must all do. Stop playing the "victim" card, already.

Everybody has their own idea about what is "right" for them, but few ever plan for it. So I don't have too much sympathy for the tired, old argument that the people in funeral service are only out to "take" the last money a family has. If there is blame it should be directed at the person who made no accomodations at all for the disposition of their earthly remains in the event of their demise.

As for caskets and coffins, one can Google all the information you need to make your own. A great way to test your carpentry skills. Shouldn't cost too much to knock-out a plain pine in the convience of your garage. However, if you expect someone else to build it for you------then you can expect to have to pay them for their labor and materials------and as in any other business labor is quite expensive these days.

The bottom line is that it is YOU the public who decides what funerals will cost. If a cross-section of the public did not demand the finest quality merchandise----then the funeral homes wouldn't bother to offer them. Oh, and news flash-----funeral homes make more profit from the low-end merchandise than they do from top-end.

If simplicity is what you desire in a traditional service, try to find a cemetery who does "green" burials, and does not require an outer container (burial vault). Look for cemetery lots for sale in your Sunday newspaper----you can find some real bargains that way----just be sure to go look at the land before you buy it!
Many country church cemeteries do not require vaults as well.
Then all you need to arrange from the funeral home is a "direct or immediate burial" and if you don't want to make your own casket of coffin, juet purchase a plain pine box. In the U.S. almost any of the manufacturers can provide a "Jewish" style all wooden (no metal or animal glue) casket made of plain pine and no interior trim. You eliminate all kinds of extras that way and basic fees are very reasonable.

In the area in which I reside and work, an Immediate Burial, (without funeral ceremony or facilities for viewing) which includes removal of the remains from the place of death and transfer to the funeral home, bathing and dressing of the unembalmed remains (if desired) basic services of a funeral director and staff, and a hearse to transfer the remains to the cemetery, runs about $1275.00 if the family provides the casket.
We have a minimum alternative container we can provide that bumps up the cost to $1350.00
Or, a family can select any casket in our selection room and they will merely tack-on the $1275.00 charges for immediate burial to the cost of whatever casket they select.

So whats the problem? And there is always Direct Cremation too.

As for the "corporate" firms, there have been many issues associated with doing business with them. I've seen some real bad stuff and I also know some great people who work for them, so its the luck of the draw. Centralized livery, embalming, and the like are done by most large "big-city" outfits these days, not just the big corporate outfits. If a large firm has three or five chapels they are likely to do some centralized work. Its just the way it is these days. What the corporations do is buy up everything, including chemical and casket manufacturers. Then they can monopolize pricing, especially if they own every single cemetery and funeral home in town!

Nonethless, I've spent about fourty years in funeral service and I can say that funeral service people are extremely hard working and dedicated people, most of whom really do "care" about you and want to provide you with the very best services possible. We have to be available at all hours of the day and night, and have to work in all kinds of weather and other (not so pleasant) conditions. Fortunately, we recieve many letters and survey cards of thanks for our efforts.

So, there's my two cents worth on this topic.

 

[randycmaynard]

Gyrafoam.........

Thanks much for the "in the business" aspect of things - I appreciate it very much and find many things mentioned to be of great interest - really do appreciate it. I have a friend in the business as well and we've talked many times about some of the issues that he has had and I have great respect for you and others who do a job that would be very difficult for most to do and while I find the all involved with it very interesting I know that I could never handle the stress of the work - I do well to handle what I do with law enforcment locally.

I know you and others in the business work hard and tip my hat to you - it's not easy, odd hours, time away from family etc. Unfortunately some of my more recent experiences have not been so good with a couple of the businesses here locally but by no means are they representative of the entirety of the funeral industry.

I definately agree that things need to be planned ahead of time and my wife and I are at a point in life that we need to be looking more seriously at these matters...... though it should have been done long before now. At any rate, you're right that most in the western nations (esp US) definately have the "bury you head in the sand" approach to death and the need to prepare for it ahead of time.

Thanks for your service and for the many years spent in a rather difficult, at times, business/career - good work, care for family/friends during these times do not go unnoticed. My friend here in the business that I menitoned above is a kind, caring and compassionate person and does fantastic work and we've had him take care of arrangements in several losses we've had recently. Additionally, he is a master at art of restoration and along with his embalming skills - some of the worst accident situations over the years (vehicle accidents, GSWs etc) he's been able to restore things to a state that open casket could be held when it would otherwise not be possible so, I really do have an appreciation for the work, for the tallent all that's involved.

Thanks again!

 

[xraytech]

In our town and th enext town over there are 3 funeral homes, all of them are 2nd and 3rd generation family owned places.
As fo rfunerals here the norm is 4 hrs of viewing one day typically 2pm-4pm and aghain from 7pm-9pm with a 1 hour service at 10am the following morning with either a service at the funeral parlor or a Catholic funeral mass at 11. In a Catholic funeral the Altar Society comes to the viewing at 6:30 with the immediate family to say the rosary prior to the second viewing. Most people select an upper-mid range funeral which costs around $6500-$7500 plus grave site opening costs(all the cemetaries are all church owned here. Following the service at the grave site it is the norm to have a catered buffet luncheon at the social hall of the church, firehall, or VFW.

As for funeral flowers usally the family purchases a lid spray, foot spray, two matching urns for either side of the casket, and a sheaf of weat for in the casket. The most common flowers sent by friends and relatives are floor plants, dish gardens, blooming baskets, and funeral baskets(They are more popular here than standing sprays which are popular in the majority of the country) Red, pink, or mixed color roses are usually selected for the family pieces. Pre-planned funerals are very common here

 

[mixfinder]

Two Choices

My home town had two mortuaries, Horace Smith or Percy Ball. You could get buried by Smiths or by the balls, I mean Balls!!

 

[dnastrau]

Burial vaults: Steel

Here is an interesting vault design... If you are purchasing a burial vault and are concerned with long-term protection, I'd look at getting one of these instead of a "sealer" casket. They work like an upside down water glass held under water. The air pressure keeps the water away from the casket. Other vault types are more prone to water leaks.

The "Big Bopper" was in a vault like this and when he was exhumed a couple of years ago to be moved they did a second autopsy on him in the process. The casket was in excellent shape as well as the remains even though they had been in muddy soil since 1959.

http://www.clarkvault.com/clark/Proof/#

 

[gyrafoam]

Clark vaults have been around a looooong time. They do an excellent job. Wilbert concrete and lined type vaults are also very good. Linings are fiberglass, stainless-steel, or bronze depending on the model you choose.
Wilbert uses a special lowering device called a "Wilbertway" that holds the vault in suspension over the grave with the vault lid off to the side. The casket is then lowered into the vault, lid is moved over and the whole vault/casket is raised to make contact with the lid seal. This is the best way I have ever found to be sure the vault lid makes a good seal. Then the whole thing is lowered into the grave as one unit, completely sealed.
I have reccomended a Wilbert Continental for years.

I have witnessed a lot of dissenterments and generally speaking the Clark and Wilbert vaults do a good job.

 

[polkanut]

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that many still do the luncheon at church after the burial. Either the church's women's society prepares it, or it is catered in. More families are opting for the catered meal because you have more menu options. The women's societies like it too because all they have to do is set tables, serve beverages, and clean up.