Not handling well

[hairybruinuk]

I am not handling the health of my partner well, the man is quiet unwell he is very tired all the time. He fights sleep every waking hour, the pain and misery of him getting up for the toilet every god damn hour is driving the old bear crazy. He has great difficulty is walking short distances, as he becomes very short of breath. I can not bear to see him suffer this way its killing me deep inside to see him suffer, he has got prostate cancer though not confirmed the symptomns he has are classic signs. even though I do try to put on an extreamly brave face he has no idea how many tears I do shead especially when I am alone in my bed at night, I am seeing in front of my own eyes a man who had the strength and stamina and the body of a power lifter. Basically going to hell thru his ailments and the ravages of Father time, he has to go for an internal examination soon so one way or another I will know. My only problem I have is, not having anyone to talk to I am on my own and isolated love to one and all hairybruinuk

 

[andrewinorlando]

You have us to talk to....even if it is only through a computer. You're not alone through this. It's hard to undersantd the cruel ravages of time. Let him know how very much you love him as often as you can.

 

[gizmo]

Hi Hairybruinuk

You sound very anxious. Try to reassure yourself. You have symptoms but no diagnosis yet. An enlarged prostate causes the symptoms you describe and that does not make it cancer.
Even if it is cancer, that doesn't mean it is at a serious stage.

My boss had an enlarged prostate and symptoms like you describe. He got very anxious about it, really upset himself with worrying about it. tests confirmed it was cancerous.(more worry) He had his prostate removed. It was pretty major surgery, it took some time to recover - soreness lasted weeks, over a year to get bladder control back. Fortunately the cancer had not spread. He has regular checks to monitor for any recurrence of the cancer but docs assure him it was caught in time and should be fine.

2 things for you to take from this: 1. It likely isn't as bad as you are imagining. Try to imagine some better outcomes, don't let yourself focus on the worst possible outcome. 2. Look after yourself -your partner will need to lean on you for a while through treatment and recovery.

I don't mean to lecture you but I have had anxiety problems due to health problems of my own in recent past. Some of the health "problems" turned out to be nothing, just a shadow on a badly taken xray. My reaction to it led to major anxiety which needed treatment of its own. Anxiety is the "what if?" disease where you focus on the worst possible outcomes and expect them to be true and really dreadful. Often they are not true, even if they are, they are often nowhere near as bad as we imagined.

Best wishes to you both.

Chris.

 

[mayken4now]

Yes, I agree to Chris(gizmo), and further more man, be kind to yourself. You will prevail in this world, just have faith in yourself and your strength. I could not imagine what you are going thru, but we all are delt cards, and how we deal them are beyond your control. Let the upper powers take care of you.

Steve

 

[toggleswitch]

Peace be unto you, dear man.

Please feel free to write, as I have been neglecting all my frineds near and far.

Been going through some drama and funk myself, but this too shall pass in a blaze of glory!

May I remind you that hope spring ETERNAL, and that the universe forgets no one; not even the slightest uni-cell being.

With much love and admiration.

-Steve

*HUGS*

 

[cehalstead]

hard to deal with

The potential loss of a life partner or family member is indeed devastating. My partner committed suicide in Jan, 1989. In December, 1989, my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer at the young age of 60 (yes, she was a smoker). Dealing with both of those situations at the same time was very hard for me, but I did endure, as you will also.
My uncle had prostrate cancer surgery in '93, and is hale and hearty at the age of '83 today. In fact, he and his wife just moved from their lifelong (married life, that is)home. After raising eight children (his, hers, and theirs), they moved from a small 3 bedroom house to a very large 5 bedroom, 4 bath tri-level in November.....maybe they are planning another family...lol!!!!!

 

[eluxomarty]

Hi

I emailed you so you will know its from me, Take Care, Martin

 

[hairybruinuk]

He has lied to me

I did tell you he was suffering from chirosis of the liver (MY PARTNER TERRY) I know you can only get the condition from heavy drinking and drugs, well as far I was lead to believe he wasnt drinking and was by no means taking drugs. I have to my utter horrer while preparing a meal at his home tonight, no less than 9 different empty bottles of alcohol. These range from brandy vodka and whisky, these were discovered on the bottom shelf of a food store cupboard. I do not understand why he has not disposed of them, I can only assume he is doing this to numb the pain of what he is going thru. As the hours of work I do are very unsocialble (2 30 pm till 12am) these hours dont change, I am a security officer on our local metro system. He is doing this out of lonliness his dissabilities limit him from walking to far, and things that we take for granted like going shopping for food take its toll on him.

Yes I hear you say give up my job, but how do I pay my DEBT. Get another job not easy at 43 year old but I will keep on trying, the prostate cancer has yet to be proven. He has lied to my guys he wanst drinking he is hurrying things up and I can not stop him or can I ?????????

Love to one and all hairybruinuk

 

[rickr]

Sorry that it has come to this. I am sure that this must be a shock to you. As someone who has been in love with a drug dealer/addict for over 20 years, I must tell you that you should not take this personally. It is not your fault. Your partner does have an illness that he cannot help, plus he may have more problems. He may be afraid to share the problems, but is in deep trouble. Do not abandon him, but do try to find a way to help him. You are involved, like it or not. I never give up hope, and I will always be there for my love.

Rick

 

[hairybruinuk]

Thanks

Thanks Rick but you do need to know I would never and would not abandon the man, not after 21 years of caring and loving its not gonna happen. I love the old bear and always will till the good lord calls him to his side, he does not know that I have discovered his empty stash yes I am hurting like hell but he does not need to know.

Thanks for caring Rick Love to one ans all hairybruinuk