Playing Stupid Hospital Games...

[mattl]

Yes, I am aware of the VAAA, they are my charity at Christmas. Seems like kids always have some group looking out for them, but there are lots of lonely seniors who could use a little Christmas too.

They are my next call. I'm a bit upset with all the calls I made not being returned. As a courtesy an "I'm sorry I can't help you" call would be nice.

I'm reticent about getting someone in, first the cost is a consideration, a few hundred a week is not an issue, a thousand or more is, I have no idea what the costs are at this point. I would assume it's reasonable for a few hours a week. Then there is the hell I'd have to tolerate if I did that. 4 or 5 hours away resulted in a meltdown on Sat. and again on Mon., for some reason Sun. was OK. Dealing with that ongoing would be worse than what I'm dealing with now.

 

[mattl]

alr2903, good points.

We are dealing with a gout issue at the moment and went to the Dr. yesterday. Had a long talk with the Dr. He said he understands what I'm going through, he just went through the same with his mother. He said his wife and daughter and he cared for her around the clock as I am until she died a few weeks ago, at least there was 3 of them. Certainly he would have the resources available to get something done but he said he was in the same situation as me. He seemed as frustrated as me. He said he's burned out and considering retiring. He really cares about my dad and treats him like he would a family member. He feels strung up with the insurance rules and regulations and can't do as he would like.

I'll have to look into the free standing rehab hospital aspect, thanks.

 

[sudsman]

Talk to your DR

Tell him all the problems,A good dr will let him go back to the hospital for one night then send him to rehab.. They can only go to rehab direct from the hosptial beacuse that is the only way Medicare will pay. I had to do the VERY same with my brother..

 

[mattl]

BAAH!

Another dead end. Called the Valley Area Agency on
Aging, they can't offer any help for resbit care. They are set up to do what I already have, RN and social worker, and they offer contacts for in home help with breakfast and light housekeeping, bathing, ect. but I don't need that. They have no idea who has the contract for resbit

Asked the visiting nurse what she knew of and she had nothing to offer either, The Phys. therapist mentioned Caretel Inn, free standing rehab, checked into that but they are not open until March.

Next up a call to Hospice of Michigan...

Thanks again for all the support and links, it's great that those of you who linked took the time to look up the info, make it much easier for me!

 

[mattl]

Called Hospice of Michigan, they said they don't cover my area but suggested a few things. They told me they get involved when the patient has 6 months or less to live, though it can be extended if the patient improves or plateaus, but they need a Dr.'s order.

 

[danemodsandy]

Matt:

Here's another idea:

Since you say there is some money to work with, it seems possible to hire someone for a day or so a week. Here's my idea:

Get someone who's older - say, 65 or so - and still in good shape, but retired. Someone who's sharp, able to drive and has a car, all that.

Someone like that has some understanding of your dad's needs, and also would be happy to have a break from their routine.

One of my older friends, Frances, does this. She doesn't have anything to do since her retirement, so she sits with an Alzheimer's patient two days a week (all day). The extra money is good for her - plus she gets out of the house - the patient's family gets some respite, the lady with Alzheimer's gets a little change from family members (which she likes), win-win-win.

I think Frances earns something like $200 a week for her efforts, which is Big Money to her, and funds a lot of pleasant little things her retirement income won't stretch to, like going to Olive Garden and Honey's (a Durham, NC restaurant that's an institution for breakfast) with her cronies.

Admittedly, the chemistry is good in the situation I've just described, and your dad has exhibited some stubbornness about changes in his preferred routine, which is The Matt Channel: All, Matt, All the Time. But if you could find someone he likes, that seems like a possibility.

Chemistry is key. My partner could be pretty rough on care provider personnel the last year of his life, except those who had military background. My partner had loved his time in the Army (German occupational force in the '50s), and would talk about military stuff for hours with anyone who had been in the military. Our chaplain was active-duty Navy, and it was great when she came over, because they'd sit and gab for hours and hours and hours, while I went and did something else.

You know your dad. Find his buttons and push them - in a good way, of course.

 

[mattl]

I've come up with an idea but not sure if it will work. My cousin's sort of ex-wife buried her 104 year old grandmother in Nov. She had been caring for her for quite a few months. In doing so she lost her job. Might ask her to spend a day here now and then, I'm sure she could use the money. Just don't know how my dad would react to having her help him to the bathroom. Might use the condom catheter those days to minimize trips.

I like the idea of an older person, just not sure where to find one. I found a number of agencies in the area that do respite care I'll have to investigate further. That will help me out, but still need to find more therapy for him.

 

[panthera]

Matt,

That is an excellent idea.

Do you suppose you cold coordinate that with one of the regular appointments with a visiting nurse so that you might actually escape for a longer period of time?

Most heterosexual men don't mind having catheters replaced by women if they consider them to be working in a professional capacity. It is like when a tailor fumbles with your junk to find which side you 'dress' or your barber runs his fingers through your hair and shaves you - approached as a professional relationship (and phrased in terms of being to his advantage) I bet this would work.

Good luck!

 

[mattl]

Just an update...

Thanks for all the encouragement. Got my cousin's ex-wife who is a sweet person to spend a couple of days with my dad. He's a terrible flirt and rarely has issues with women helping him (except for bathing...) Thurs. I got out for a few hours and Fri. we had a small group go to the Auto show in Detroit and dinner at our favorite Greek restaurant. A nice day away, but I was too tired to really enjoy it.

We both slept late today and when he go up he was moving even slower than usual. Very weak. Got him downstairs and he was shaking so much he could not hold his coffee. This was new. Debated and decided it was a good reason to get him to the hospital. Spent 10 hours there, requested and got a CT Scan. Turns out he was a little dehydrated and has a compression fracture of the L2 vertebrae. So all the pain he has been going through for the past month can be attributed to that. If they would have done the CT originally we might have been further ahead. Game plan is a few days in the hospital and possibly longer for rehab. Which is what I wanted originally.

I guess you have to play the game, they make the rules though. He has to suffer because the rules are the rules.