Playing Stupid Hospital Games...

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mattl

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Looking for some advice from others here who have been through the process of caring for the elderly. Some of you are aware of all the "fun" I have taking care of my 94 y/o father.

At this point I'm frustrated not sure what to do. Back in early Nov he broke his hip and had a partial hip repair. He spent 2 1/2 weeks in rehab and came home zipping around with his walker aiming to switch to a cane. He has some balance problems, may be related to his Lamictal - not sure yet, but he fell several times. The last fall was the week before Christmas. I did not think too much of it, he was going to bed and fell in his room on the carpet, he's fallen on hard tile floors with out a problem. The next day he could not get up or walk. Call ambulance, went to ER, X-rays no breaks. Sent him home with pain meds. Spent a few days in bed but since then he can hardly move. Repeated x-rays, no issues, told it's just a bad bone bruise and he'll have to tough it out. Not moving much he's lost all the muscle tone and his appetite is not there and he's lost 10 pounds, down to 113lbs. He gets phys. therapy 3 time a week, but now has trouble standing. Luckily when he heard he weighed 113 he got scared and is eating more.

My issue is I want him to get back into rehab and get back to where he was 6 weeks ago. It seems impossible to do. The hospital rehab will not accept direct admits, and there is no way I'd send him to a nursing home. His Dr. said today if he went he'd be dead in 2 weeks, whereas he might have 2 or 3 good years left at home. His Dr. is not much help, I was hinting around for him to admit him and then get him into rehab, but he was very angry with the Ortho guy that treated my dad, another long story, and said it's really his problem. He said take him to ER and try and get them to do a CT to see if something was missed, and maybe they'd admit him. Big help.

So how do you play the game and get him what he needs? It's been 24/7 for me for 3+ weeks. I'm tired of cleaning up urine accidents on the carpet and furniture, I've never used the steam cleaner so much. Dealing with urinals, condom cath's and potty chairs is wearing, not to mention helping him up every 20 minute so he can go. It would be a lot cheaper if the insurance company would provide some in-home care, but they'd rather pay for a nursing home. He gets depressed and says he'd like to fall down the stairs and get it over with because of the pain and aggravation of not being able to get around on his own.

I managed to get out New Years day and see a movie with a bunch of my cousins, but I got 2 phone call during the movie and was yelled at by my dad for not being home -- my brother was there but that wasn't what he wanted. It was hell on Sat., I really paid for the 4 hour break and again on Monday. My brother suggested getting somebody in on a regular basis so he gets to know them and is comfortable with them. My replay was "He doesn't know you?" He did not have a good answer for that. I'm getting burned out. Not getting anything done, just exhausted.

He needs rehab and I need a break, just don't know how to make it happen.
 
Sorry to hear Matt:

Hi! Matt, I don't know if you have available back there, what we have here, although I would imagine you do. It is "IHSS" In Home Support Service, which you can request someone who would be Paid to help out, with taking care of your Father. You can even hire yourself {I realize that your worn out} but it might be worth it for the extra Income. The Amount Paid is figured by the amount of Monthly that the person {your father} has coming in and the Pay at least here is Minimum Wage. You also can qualify depending on the needs of the person, of the number of hours that you can work per Day/Evening.

If hopefully your Father would agree to this extra help and if he is able to Answer any Questions about his needs, the person needing extra help does need to Answer the Questions, but they can also have a Relative be there with them, to help with Answering the Questions.

I worked for my Life-Partner Gary, for several Months before his Passing, at approx 1/2 coverage of hours and the last few Weeks before he Passed-Away in January 1999, I qualified for 24/7 coverage of helping him and my Income. They have a Time Card here that you fill out and the person and yourself or whomever will be the Care-Giver Sign's the Time Sheets. Here the Care-Giver's get Paid every 2-Weeks and since we live down the Street not far from the "IHSS" Building, I was able to take my Time Cards directly into the Office, instead of Mailing them in.

The Care-Give Employees here work through the County, but they are Paid through the State here.

I hope that this Suggestion helps you to get some relief for you and hopefully even someone else {maybe your brother} to become the Care-Giver, or even you looking into becoming the Care-Giver. If you have the time to do this, it is at least some extra Income, if you have some time to spend and getting Paid to help your Father.

Peace and Kind Regards, Steve
 
Matt ...i have had the almost the same situation with my grandmother it is very stressful. She finally let us have people to come and help and it changed the way she was thinking because we had great help from this wonderful woman who used a more alternative system more holistic method.
I hope you get the right support for yourself as well.
Please be well... i wish i had more for you, peace to you .
Darren k.
 
Light, love, peace and blessings to you!

May you have patience as well.

You have a place in "heaven" for what you are doing.
 
Contact your local aging and disability resource center, they may be able to refer you to the kind of help you need.
 
A place in Heaven????????

You and your brother get together on this before you have a breakdown.It is not easy caring for other indiviuals.After awhile you get the BabyJane syndrome.Tell the Doc you need help and NOW! Good Luck to you. Bobby
 
Matt,

My deepest respect and sympathy for your situation.

You've gotten some good advice here, I will only add one thing.

You are doing your best. More is not possible than that. I hope you get some relief.
 
Hi Matt, My Mom lives in the Downriver Detroit area and I just got back from 10 days of helping out. She was in the hospital for 4 days and then went to a rehab center to help regain her strength and mobility. Prior to that, my sister was caring for her at home. My Mom has HAP insurance, which was pretty good at providing in home care prior to the hospital. We had a PT person 3 days a week, a visiting nurse twice a week and a social worker twice a week. We also had "Visiting Angels" a couple times a week, all of this is to give the care giver a little while off to keep them sane. Its a tough situation to be the caregiver, I wish I lived closer so I could do more. Also, try your local church if you belong, sometimes they have parishoners that will visit for an hour or two so you can tend to your needs. Hope this helps.
 
HI Matt and sorry to hear about all the troubles with your dad. There just has to be some organizations out there that can help you out for sure that you just haven't heard about. Maybe one of the social workers at the hospital / rehab would have info. The ones who are supposed to meet with the patient and family before they go home. This is exactly the sort of thing they're supposed to prepare you for and lessen the burden.
 
Hospice:

Before you become overwhelmed, you should check with a hospice company in your area. Hospice care does NOT mean someone's going to die right away; it means that they are getting to an end-of-life stage, with decline in their health and well-being.

A hospice company can come out and do an assessment, and they will help identify program resources that will pay for their services, like Medicaid. They do this all the time, it's not an imposition on them.

When my partner was ill, the hospice company we had was the biggest help you can imagine. They furnished his medications, oxygen, adjustable bed, walker, Depends, wheelchair, raised toilet seat and many other items. We paid Not. One. Penny. The company got its reimbursements through Medicaid.

They also provided what is called "respite care," where the patient goes into an inpatient facility for a few days while the care provider gets a chance to sleep and catch up. They were able to provide bed baths at home (though my partner wanted only me to do that), chaplains for pastoral counselling, a visiting nurse at least once a week, and more.

I urge you to look up hospice services in your area. ManorCare is one big one, but there are others. Hospice is NOT about dying, it is about quality of life when someone is declining towards the end of their life. And not just the patient's quality of life - yours, too.
 
P.S.:

Do not continue to try to do this alone. You cannot possibly keep doing it alone. Take it from someone who's been there, done that - you will barely be able to do it with help.

My partner died in June of last year, and I am still exhausted.
 
Matt I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Everyone here has some good advice especially about the hospice care. I work in an ER and do see alot of this with family members taking care of loved ones. About the doc....get a second opinion. Obviously there is something wrong with your dad that this doc is not seeing! Contact his insurance company and find out your options. They may be able to set something up with rehab, physical therapy, or even getting a part time nurse or home aide to help you out. Good luck and take care of yourself. You are no help to your father if your health and emotions start declining.
 
Long term care insurance?

My grandmother was the same way. We used an agency called Home Instead which provided 24/7 care in the house. They also do less, it just depends on the needs of the person needing the care. My family lives 2 houses down the street from my grandparents, but my mother (who was the primary caregiver for YEARS) was not home much. It is indeed very trying, exhausting, and hard work. Contact your local center on aging/senior center/social services board and inquire about in-home senior care.

DO SOMETHING so you won't look back on this time with your father and cringe. It will be good for your sanity too. You need your own life, or at least a break.
Dave
 
Practical Tips:

1- Never miss a chance to sleep. A patient's needs can deprive you of sleep for several - or many - nights in a row.

2- The hospice company will have a social worker assigned to you. Get that person to assess financial stuff, like wills and insurance. Make absolutely certain they do this. The biggest mistake I made was failing to bear down on this; my partner was always like, "I'll get around to all that." Well, he died suddenly, and nothing needed was in place. Cost me every last penny of my savings, and more besides. Don't let that happen to you.

3- Eat. Eat. You need a healthy diet to stand up to what you'll be doing. The patient needs the same thing. One problem will be that many medications make food taste funny, so the patient often turns into a picky eater. Keep careful notes on what they'll eat, and what they won't. Patterns will emerge, like when they take this, it makes that taste weird. It's a huge help.

4- Dreft laundry detergent and Oxy-Clean are your friends. Dreft is sold for cleaning diapers, meaning it can remove the kinds of soilage you'll be dealing with the most. It's not easy keeping up with clean sheets and pyjamas; these products make it easier.

5- Do not worry about what the bedroom he's in looks like - arrange it for his comfort and safety, period. I had to re-arrange my partner's room so that he didn't have anything to fall on to. When he had his first fall, he missed hitting the corner of a TV stand with his head by inches.

6- If he has any kind of sleep or pain medication, you should be the one to give it to him - do NOT allow him to manage it himself, no matter how much he complains about you "taking over." I have seen two cases of addiction - my grandmother and my partner - result from this, and getting control back was an absolute booger in both instances. This is so important that you need to be willing to tell both patient and care providers that you're not willing to keep providing your services unless it's done your way. Period. My partner's life was shortened by his addiction to benzodiazapines prescribed by his primary physician. By the time I figured out he was hiding stashes of that med and that they were the cause of his falls, he'd done damage to himself from which he did not recover.

7- If you have some friends who can come over to see you, it will be very helpful with that lonely, lost, overwhelmed feeling. You have to be clear with people that the house is not at its best, and that the patient may interrupt, but good friends won't care. You need people. In-home care is one of the most isolating things you can imagine, as you're finding out.

8- There will be times you have to set boundaries with both the patient and the care providers. Don't be afraid to do that. Patients may want you to come running to fetch something they could easily reach. Care providers may want to set up visits that cut into your sleep (patients are typically up a lot at night, then sleep during the morning, which means the only time you can sleep is during the morning. Care companies are notorious for wanting to make nursing visits at eight in the morning). You have to be tough.

9- This used to tire me out a lot, but any time I got a break because my partner was in respite care, I always started it by cleaning, disinfecting and airing his room, something that was almost impossible to do when he was home. Then I would collapse. Someone who's seriously ill can make messes no normal person would believe, as you've seen.

None of this is simple. Just try to take care of yourself, is the main thing.
 
Oh, One More Thing...

...I don't mean to dominate this thread, but one thing that helped a lot with the picky eating was gravy, particularly chicken gravy. Tomatoes tasted metallic to my partner, but chicken gravy usually did not cause a problem. When he first got ill, he lost a lot of weight very quickly; the hospice people were very concerned about him. I put twenty pounds back on him, and he lived another two years. I also used to give him smothered pork chops, with gravy made by using equal amounts of Swanson's beef stock and chicken stock. He used to say it tasted more like pork than pork did.

Gravy good. Very high in calories, and that's what an ill person often needs. Also easy to eat, and makes bites of meat go down easier - we used to joke about it, calling the gravy Food Lube.
 
> I managed to get out New Years day and see a movie with a bunch of my cousins, but I got 2 phone call during the movie and was yelled at by my dad for not being home -- my brother was there but that wasn't what he wanted. <

Matt, that's absolutely outrageous, but unfortunately it's also typical. When people get that old, many or most of them become extremely bitter and demanding, and they have no problem with making family members feel like they're not doing enough, regardless of how much is being done for them.

If you allow your father to get away with this, you're setting yourself up for a lot of grief and resentment. Make it clear to him that you're more than happy to clean up his urine, but in order to avoid going completely insane you require a certain amount of time to yourself every week. And stick to it. Next time you go see a movie, leave your damned phone at home.
 
I went through something very

similar with Ma, and I can't improve on most of what's been said here.

However, in my experience, I let her needs and demands chip away at my life. There were only five places I regularly went in those years: supermarket, bank, pharmacy (a local, independent that DELIVERED- a lifesaver!,) library, and my Twelve Step meeting.

Try not to let that happen to you.

Get all the help you can, from any trustworthy source. We had a marvellous cleaning lady then. She loved Ma, Ma loved her, and I could ask her to "sit" every now and then. I often would run my errands while Diahn was there. I'd give her an extra ten, and it was worth it.

I did not have Internet/email then, would have loved it. Oh, and keep your vehicle(s) in tip-top shape. You never know.

I would do it again, in a heartbeat, but I'd be smarter about it all, and less reluctant to trade money for time or for hands. A Stouffer's meal or a bagged salad is not a crime.

Lawrence/Maytagbear
 
Matt,
My partner has come across many of the same issues while helping his mother in Flint. What healthcare system are you using? My partner's mother is in the McLaren system. Being used to Ann Arbor's system, we've found it challenging at best. I would suggest speaking with his case manager at the hospital. There are options available.
His mum was admitted for rehab to Durand health care centre, twice. She returned to her senior apartment after both admissions, with some assistance there. I'm surprised she returned home, but the care she received at Durand really is oriented to rehab., rather than comfort.
She's currently living at American House, this has really helped with our sanity. She's able to be independent, have people check in on her, we are able to add and subtract services as needed and she get's her meals
My partner and I would be happy to have coffee or something with you, it always helps to have someone to talk to about the frustrations, etc.
Sounds like you need a massage! I hope you can find peace in your stressful time.
Best wishes, Todd
 
Hey, thanks everyone-

Lot's of good advice, I've tried some of it without much luck. We have visiting nurse/hospice at this point - at least for another week or so. I called the team leader, we're on the "red" team and left a message saying I need info and help with res-bit care, but she never returned my call. I called the insurance company, Blue Care Network, talked to the social worker. She gave a list of agencies I could hire at my cost to help, other than that drop dead. Called the social worker at the hospital where he had his rehab asking for advice and she never returned my call- so I get the message- they are not interested in helping.

The last time we did nursing home/rehab was a disaster. He was there 6 weeks and made little progress. He broke his femur and needed rehab to get back to walking. They kept him in a wheel chair and his therapy consisted of folding clothes and stuff, very little effort to get him walking. I pulled him out of there, they came and did a home study with him and the therapist told him odds are you will never walk again. With a little real therapy he was out shoveling snow a month later. This was the highly regarded Heartland facility near by. My brother and I looked at many facilities and this was the best of the bunch.

His Dr. said in a nursing home setting they would put a Foley in and in short order he would get infections become septic and die, I thought the same. The Nursing home has no incentive to get him up and out, the bed is filled they are happy. The hospital rehab was exactly what he needed and needs. They take no crap and make him do the work. Their goal is in and out.

Money is tight but he's not low income so there is no help there. I feel like I'm caught in a catch 22. I really appreciate the support from people here. I have a large family but now they are scattered and cannot offer much help. Plus they all have kids and jobs that keep them very busy. My brother is of little help even though he lives only 2 or 3 miles away. It'd be nice if he made dinner now and then and brought it over , but that thought does not cross his mind. Said to him he might have to spend Fri. afternoon here so I can go out and do a few things and he just rolled his eyes. I have been able to get him to do a few things, but it's difficult. He has his own problems, he's been suffering from severe back pain for years and was told by his specialist that surgery was not even an option. There are days he can barley walk. So,I give give him a little pass on some things. It's good to be able to vent here a bit and I really appreciate being able to do that!
 
Sandy, sound like you have lived with a lot of what I'm going through, though the father/son dynamic switches things up a bit. I've worked though the resentment stuff for the most part, we never had the best of relationships.

Had to nod my head about the bathing thing. Last week the guy came to give him a bath and my dad was in one of his moods and tossed him out. My dad was in a pleasant mood today and I told him the guy was coming to bath him and he just lost it. Yelled and screamed how he can give himself a bath and on and on. I asked why he hasn't then, he said he didn't feel like it. Got into an argument and I walked out to avoid it getting worse. A few minutes later he asked why I can't do it. I told him it's one of the few things the ins. co. will pay for and I need a break. He was still insisting I do it and I flatly told him no. A little later he asks what time is the guy coming, I told him I apologized to him and told him not to come. My dad kept insisting he can come anyway and I told him it's done at this point and he's on his own bathing wise. He doesn't care...
 
Matt:

Yep, ManorCare's Heartland is capable of rendering really good help. However, being eligible or not can make a huge difference in what you can get access to. Since you're in that grey area where there is too much money for total assistance, but not enough for the Cadillac treatment, you might talk with both Heartland and Hospice of Michigan (link below). Heartland has a vested interest in finding assistance with payment if there is any way in hell to do it, because that's how they get paid. Their staff bent over backwards to discover resources for us. Hospice of Michigan is an umbrella organisation that deals with these issues too, and can offer informational assistance with ways to find care.

I feel for you on the trip to the movies and the bath. Sad to say, patients get abusive, very much so. There are reasons, of course. One, they know they won't be able to control anything at all much longer, so they control what they can while they can. Two, it's a way of distracting themselves from their physical ills and their emotional trauma.

Abuse by care recipients is one of the least-known phenomena in end-stage care - everyone is focussed on detecting and preventing abuse by care givers, which is of course a very worthwhile goal. But not many people understand that recipients need a good talking-to and some boundaries laid down every once in a while. It helps to have a nurse or social worker who "has your back" when abusive behaviour occurs. The social worker I had, Holley, would have faced off with your dad about the movie incident and told him point-blank: "Sir, you were well cared-for; your son made excellent provisions for you while he was gone. He has to have breaks if you want to stay in your house instead of going to a nursing home. Matt didn't do anything wrong - he even made sure and got a family member to stay here with you instead of a stranger. You are lucky to have someone who cared that much; I see other people all the time whose caregivers don't give a hoot. You have to accept that not everything can happen just the way you want it to. If you can't accept that, it could have an effect on whether you can remain in home care."

Holley preached this kind of Sermon on the Mount more than once, trust me.

I hope that you can get some help in there quickly, because I can sense you're at a point where you're not feeling good about your ability to cope with everything demanded of you. Try some calls, and don't forget church; pastors often know of resources the rest of us don't suspect exist, including volunteers, or someone older who's still in good shape and would be glad to earn a bit of money giving you an afternoon off. You have to scream for help before anyone hears, it seems, but when your cries are finally heard, things generally start getting better.
 
Forgot the Link:

Hospice of Michigan:

Welcome to Hospice of Michigan
Hospice of Michigan provides comprehensive, compassionate comfort care to people with acute chronic illness and support to their loved ones.

We have lived this commitment in our communities for over 25 years. We care for all who need and seek our services, regardless of age, diagnosis or ability to pay.

Need more information or want to refer a patient? Call our Access Center, available 24 hours a day, at 888-247-5701, or use our Patient Care Services Contact Form.

Underlines are mine, Matt.

http://www.hom.org/
 
I spent four months last year providing 24 hour care to my partners Mother. She'd been battling depression for a long period of time and when things finally came to a crunch at Christmas in 08, we brought her back to live with us. She's now almost 70 and been a widower for almost 10 years.

I quit work, and spent my days as the parent of a small child. I had to make sure she was showered, was eating, provide physical activity, take her to her appointments and deal with the mood swings, tantrums and everything else. In that four month period We had 2 weekends off when my Mother came to stay with her.

We finally reached a point where we couldnt do any more for her without fulltime care and therapy. We found a hospital that could provide the Medication, the councilling the physical therapy and many more activities.

We then at least got our lives back. We'd go and visit her each day for an hour, still to cop the abuse and her paranoia but at least we could go home again. The first night we got her into care we spent the night at home and cried for hours.

They provided all the care that we were, plus helping her get back on track. We felt better about her and what we were doing, because we then had time off and could distance ourselves from it a little.

5 months later she was back at home and is now like a new person.

I realise that this isnt entirely analoguous to your situation, but regardless of what your dad wants, you need to get the support/care that is required for him and yourself. At times we had to bully Michaels mum, because as far as she was concerned she didnt need hospital or anything other than our care. Her impression of things was that she could live independently it just wasn't the reality.

It doesnt matter whether it is in house or provided by a hospital etc, but you need to be able to get some time to yourself each day to recharge your own batteries.

Keep looking at homes/care facilities. They cant all be like Shady Pines and the right ones are about rehabillitating people so that they can go back to a lesser level of care.

Sandy's advice is great, keep looking for support/care facilities and I'd try talking to other doctors as telling you your dad would be maltreated in care is just counter productive.
 
Nate,

We have to remember that the US health care system sucks the big one, even for people who are fairly well off.

My parents have too much money for me to be able to get any sort of home assistance for them, at all.

My brother refuses to help, I just got my ass reamed twice in the last week for asking his son-in-law to help me move some stuff in their house too heavy for me.

I agree that Matt needs help here, and I would like to see every 'Christian' and Republican and 'conservative/libertarian/you-don't-know-a-thing-about-me' person on this blog join in to help him.

I'm too far away to offer personal aid, but I'd toss in a few bucks (literally, that's all I've got) if we were to set up a relief fund to buy him a bit of time off.

How's about it all you out there who decry us Godless liberals and progressives? You want to offer Matt some help? After all, you're the reason we don't have a decent health care system in the US. What did Reagan call it? Oh, right, 'voluntairism'.

Seriously.
 
Panthera, thanks for the offer, but it's not that tight... ;-)

The whole point of this thread was to help me do what appears to be impossible -- get the care my dad needs to get back to a normal life. There should be a way to get around the "no direct admission" rule that the hospital has, from what I understand it's govt. mandated.

This situation exemplifies exactly what is wrong with the current health care system in the country. I am more than willing and able to provide the bulk of the care he needs, I just need help with the remaining 10-20%. It is a hell of a lot cheaper for an insurance co. to give me a little help in the home than to put him in a nursing home for who knows how long. But no. Same for the hospital rehab that served him so well, 2 weeks and he's good to go and I would not need any home care.

I know there are ways to work the system, I'm sure it's done. But you need players that are willing to help and I guess I'm missing that key ingredient...
 
Matt:

One thing that was a little hard for me to accept with my partner was that my biggest resource was me. I won't try to duck it - I really wanted some things to happen magically, which they don't.

When he had his first fall, he went into hospital for two days, was ill (tempered) as a hornet, discharged himself against medical advice, and came home and changed none of his ways, except he became more demanding.

The second fall was the real turning point. That time, he was in for two weeks, and came home weighing about 108 pounds, his chart marked "failure to thrive," and with the hospice people telling me, "This man has about two weeks. Sorry, but that's the truth."

Well, that really, really angered me, because he'd been in hospital for half a month, and was coming home in far worse shape than when he'd gone in. The hospice people were trying to be helpful, but they were calling it as they saw it. As Delta Burke used to say, Oh. Kay.

That meant I had to ask myself what my partner would want (he was very out of it much of the time at this point), and what I wanted. Well, I didn't want anyone dying if it could be avoided, that was for damn sure. And I'd seen part of the problem at the hospital (Veteran's Administration); the food was awful, no choices on anything, everything sealed up in dreadful wrappers that debilitated patients couldn't open. And I couldn't help him there, because he was an MICU patient, with very restricted visiting hours.

So, I began feeding him. Not just feeding him - I fed him like it was his birthday at breakfast, Christmas at lunch, and like he'd made it to Heaven for dinner. He got all his favourites, he was asked what he'd like, and no damn wrappers on anything.

He began responding within a week, getting some colour back and complaining about being in bed so much. I brought him the walker and told him that he needed to do something about that. It was like two steps that day. Three a day or two later. Same thing the day after that. After about two weeks of exercise, he was able to manage trips to the bathroom - about twelve steps - again by himself. The hospice people were amazed.

For all their training, no one had thought to give him what he liked, nor had they thought to insist that he do what little he could. I had to spend a lot of time with him while he exercised, for fear of falls, but he got stronger and walked better every week. The professionals didn't do this for him - they have a different mindset. Plus, they didn't have the latitude to talk back to him that I did - which I did, trust me. I was as kind as I knew how to be, but sometimes my partner was his own worst enemy, and at those times, I did say what I thought needed to be said. We used to joke that my frankness gave his circulation something to fight against.

So, it might be helpful if you just tell the old gentleman that it's time to get his arse out of that bed and walk until he can't any more, at which point you will help him back to it. However many steps he takes that day, count 'em, and insist on at least one more step the next day. And one more than that the day after, and so on.

That's what P.T. is anyway - getting the patient to strengthen himself one exercise period at a time - and you can do a lot of that just being there with him. If you do this, be sure to praise when praise is due, and not in a condescending way - celebrate with ice cream, or whatever. Tell him you're proud of him if you are, or just that you appreciate his efforts, because they're helping you - which they will, because anything he can do for himself is one less "M-a-a-a-a-a-a-t!" you have to run answer.

My partner eventually got so much better that the hospice company had to discharge him under Medicare rules - he was not showing the decline needed to maintain eligibility. Sadly, when he returned to V.A. care, he was given sleeping meds again unsupervised, and started abusing them. I hauled fourteen partially used containers of Temazepam out of his room at one point not too long before he died; the stuff affected his health so much he ended up with more heart damage and back in hospice care, this time for good. That's another story, though.
 
MattL. Ask for primary care physician to write a "admit for obsvervation" and a set of admit orders, that contain the phrase, reconsult rehab. There are freestanding rehab hospitals if the "in-hospital rehab center will not accept your father. Medicare $ TALK. You would do well to report a ongoing low grade temperature if present, failure to take adequatre nutrition, diarrhea, no symtom should be overlooked when you speak with the physician. I do mean speak with the physican, Not an office staffer. You will never regret running with the ball, for your DAD. Good Luck. alr2903
 
MattL sorry to post twice, this urinary incontinence if a new onset could be a sign and symptom of a urinary tract infection. arthur
 
I googled the senior services for your area and this is what I found Valley Area Agency On Aging(810) 239-7671 this seemes to be like what we have here in memphis the aging commission of the mid south they are the resource center for help.Maybe they have a social worker that might give you some advice as to what to do.You may yourself want to go on to google and see what comes up for your area.You have a lot of great suggestion here I hope that this is some help.The main thing is to take care of yourself.Also keep letting your needs be known to this group so that if there is any way that we can help we will.Carl
 

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