Rantage: Living with parents

[jasonl]

The top 5 reasons why I hate living with parents.

1.Wet clothes – My mom's horrid laundry habits never cease to amaze (or aggrevate) me. I try time and time again to assert that I will do my OWN laundry. But when it's time to get clothes out of the dryer, I find them hanging wet on the hanger tree
2.The Thermostat – I'm tired of waking up either freezing or sweating. My parent's have NO concept of what the thermostat does or how it works. All they know it turn it one way or the other and the air will come on. Of course, when I try to adjust it I get hollered at.
3.No privacy – absolutely none. They don't even knock when they come into my room. They just barge right in when they want something.
4.No space – I'm NEVER alone. There's always someone there. The few times I'm actually on my own are far and few in between.
5.Dial up internet over a shared phone line- Not only does this mean SLOW web pages/downloading, but being as there is only one phone line, whenever they want to make a call I have to hang up. If not for any of those other reasons, this one would justify it.

Bottom line: I WANT OUT! It's a jail where they don't lock the doors.

I'm hunting for either a house or an apt. If I can't find a house in my price range, I'll rent. I need my life back.

 

[toggleswitch]

Well, sorry to hear you need to get the flock out of there.

1- May I suggest a DSL line for $15 per month for the computer.
2- Also a key-in knob lockset would work well on your room door.

Patience!
if not, valium.

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[jasonl]

Thanks for the tips... but...

We're so far out in the boonies, there's no DSL, and no cable tv yet.

Put a lock on the door? That won't fly here.

No I need to get the flock out of here and soon before I get angry... and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

 

[sudsmaster]

Jason,

I sympathize with you. It was a long time ago, but your post brought back memories of how unhappy I was before I was able to move away from home. I deliberately chose a college campus far enough away that I would have to live outside the home.

It might help if you were to set up a formal time with one or both of your parents to sit down and calmly let them know about what they are doing that is making you uncomfortable. If they love you, which I'm sure they will, they may listen. Your mom is probably used to free access to any room in the home. Now that you're their guest again, perhaps she needs it pointed out that even hotel maids knock before entering. But it sounds like your parents may need to be updated on the fact that's you're now a man, not a child. Ask them if they would treat guests in their home the way they are treating you.

I'm sorry I didn't follow your experiences in the past year more closely, but I'm guessing that you were displaced by Katrina? What happened to your manufactured home? Would there be any funds available to you to get back on your own again?

I apologize if any of this is off base. I do know how painful living with family can be. But sometimes improved communication can help a lot.

 

[sudsmaster]

I wonder also if you were to bring in a heating/ventilation expert into the home, at your expense, to explain to your parents how thermostats work, that they might finally get a clue?

 

[launderess]

Well Jason, I feel your pain. However as my dearly departed Papa used to say: "This is my house, and anytime you don't like the rules around here, there is the front door and don't let it hit you on the ... on the way out".

Like you I would mutter about getting "out" and how I was going to live my own life "MY WAY" when I was "free". Papa has been gone now over 12 years, and have been living on my own for longer than that, still there are days would give anything to go back in time and be there again his rules and all.

Some one else's garden always looks greener, until you have to weed it that is. You'll be master of your own establishment soon enough, in the meantime hard as it may be try and see some good and make the best of things.

Launderess

 

[DADoES]

<blockquote>I wonder also if you were to bring in a heating/ventilation expert into the home, at your expense, to explain to your parents how thermostats work, that they might finally get a clue?</blockquote>
No offense to Jason's mother, but this is the mother who freaked out at a Kenmore cool-down. ;-)

 

[toggleswitch]

I have heard that in a Texas factory that a bunch of people were complaining that the A/C was not working.

It was.

Little flourescent orange strips were tied to the supply vents that flapped in the breeze. All complaints ceased when the workers saw the flaps moving.

Would this work for you?
Also how much would it cost to have indicator lights installed somewhere?

HEAT
COOL
FAN

Same effect as the flap- they'd know the system was working.

Also, perhaps if the heat-anticipator were adjusted the fluctuations in temp. would be lessened between on and off cycles and they'd *GET* the thermostat should be set-it-and-forget-it.

Get a heavy piece of furniture to slide in front of your door as well.

 

[gizmo]

Hi Jason

Best of luck with your search for a new place of your own.

I am at my parents place at present, I have been here about five hours and I am ready to go home. I am trying to arrange things so I can return home tomorow but I may have to stay another day - getting an intermittent fault sorted out on my car.

My parents have different methods of driving me bonkers to yours, but the effect is the same. My mother tries to anticipate my every need and whichever way I turn she is there offering me something I don't want or need. Every time I say 'no thanks' I get a several minute explanation of why she thought that I would want it, am I sure, etc, etc.

You have my sympathy...

Chris.

 

[toggleswitch]

Nothing like a smother-mother.

Not only is the need felt to describe the feelings ad infinitum, But then the need to justify an emotional rather than logical thought process.

IMHO, to the opposite gender talking is love. With or without resonable point.

Lucky lucky you!

 

[foraloysius]

Jason,

Are you paying rent to your parents?

 

[Maytagmom]

Living with the folks is NO fun..

Jason,

I was going to make the same suggestion, about putting a lock on your door. Everyone needs their privacy. Why would your folks not go for it?

On the other hand, it is their house.

On my third hand....I wished both my folks were still alive, even if it meant to hear them bitch at me one more time.

Your best bet is to move. Good luck! And don't hold too much against them, we don't get to pick our parents, but they do choose us!

MaytagMom

 

[Maytagmom]

One more thing Jason

Tell you folks this....

Be nice to me...I will be picking out your retirement home one of these days.

 

[toggleswitch]

They say it is necesary and best to forgive your parents for everything they have done to you, (real or imagined) by the time you are 30.

This, of course, assumes you are no longer living there at that age.

Chin up!
This too shall pass in a blaze of glory.

 

[maytagbear]

remember--

Jason was living on his own before Katrina.

It's not easy to "boomerang."

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[geoffdelp]

Oh, how well I know.

Jason, I understand your plight; be patient and try to keep it together until you can strike out on your own again. Never have regrets with your parents.

I now have my 84 yo mom with me and it has been tough. I'm grateful for the opportunity AND I'm grateful for owning a split-level! I pretty much have the lower half and mom has the top. Mom's been with me now for about 10 years.

And at 46 years old, mom questions my mail, phone calls, visitors and thinks my Maytag collection is too much and doesn't understand why anyone would want to use a wringer washer any more! She mentioned again the other day that since I have four, I need to sell three while I still can make some money and keep just one! We agreed to disagree!

I still get lectured to all the time but mom and I have some boundries. I think at her age, she's "tired" and only wants the very best for me. She worries that she's "in the way"; I assure her that she's not and that she has too much together to be in a nursing facility. She still does laundry, cooks a good meal most every night, and has her little circle of friends. She can't see too well now and no longer drives, so depends on me to get her around when she needs to go.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though it's hard, stick with it until you really can move. It has been a rewarding experience for me even though I've felt my privacy has been attacked and there are days that I feel like I'm 10 years old! I lived on my own for almost 20 years before joining my family again.

Mom and I have learned to respect each other; something I always didn't have with my parents before. I've learned so much from her now that I'm an adult; I bet the same thing would have happened with dad, too.

Did I make any sense?

 

[nmaineman36]

rant du jour...

I totally understand what your going thru Jason. I myself got "stuck" with my mother after my parents nasty divorce. She had no where to go and I couldnt let her live on the outside homeless. Not one of my siblings wanted to help her and she didnt know what to do after 35 years of being married to the sperm donor I called dad. And the other thing is that it seems to me that the gay sons seem somehow to get a parent to take care of. My mom now lives in my condo in Maine since I moved here to Massachusetts.
Scott has his mother live on the first floor of the house we are in and we are on the 2nd floor. His mother has the mid stages of Alzheimers and I can tell you its not a f-cking picnic. She forgets alot of things we take for granted like bathing and brushing teeth, driving a car is out...she has no clue what to do..we would watch her try every key in the ignition and she still couldnt do it. So the car sits in the driveway. She gets lonely at night and she gets scared and wants us to check up on her every hour on the hour.
This situation has really put a strain on our relationship since I do mhelp take care of her when Scott is gone to work sincce I have not gone back to work yet because of my heart attack back in October. I have cardiac rehab 3 times a week and she freaks out when I go.
So what I am saying is be glad you have a roof over your head and that your parents are still there to help out..because someday they wont be there when you need them most..because you might think that the grass is greener elsewhere but there is a septic tank under the field.

 

[toggleswitch]

A Taste of Their Own Medicine

Here is a techinque I have learned from the girls at the office. (The best place to go for sneaky stuff, LOL)
Hit people with their own medicine and play stupid.

Walk in on mom when HER bedroom or bathroom door is closed.
Be prepared to catch an eye-full.
A simple "Oh, excuse me, sorry" will suffice.
Make like it's nothing, and you have every right to do it.

See how fast you can put a lock on your door.

 

[maytagbear]

Geoff, Mike--

ME, TOO.

I was my mother's caregiver the last five years of her life. Multi-infarct dementia, on top of degenerative arthritis, congestive heart failure, and a host of other illnesses.

At least I had my appliances. This was before I was on the internet.......

My sister (my only sibling) was as helpful as she could be, which wasn't very. {(She's in Minnesota, with her husband(first one, at that), and the kids (all now over 18)} Once in a while she'd send a check, and I'd use it for a respite caregiver.

Not cheap, but well worth it.

I'm not saying that straight sons are without devotion, but of the caretaking sons I've met personally, all of us are gay.

More than once in those years I got nasty looks and even some veiled comments from others, and some wondered why she didn't move up to my sister's. That seemed to diminish when I reminded people that I had Power of Attorney for Health Care.

A wonderful, touching, encouraging book is No More Words by Reeve Lindbergh (Yes, Anne Morrow and Charles's daughter.) She was her mother's caregiver.
It's not a "how to" as much as a "I know" book.

Lawrence/Maytagbear