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jasonl

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Joined
Jan 19, 2024
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Location
Cookeville, TN
The top 5 reasons why I hate living with parents.

1.Wet clothes – My mom's horrid laundry habits never cease to amaze (or aggrevate) me. I try time and time again to assert that I will do my OWN laundry. But when it's time to get clothes out of the dryer, I find them hanging wet on the hanger tree
2.The Thermostat – I'm tired of waking up either freezing or sweating. My parent's have NO concept of what the thermostat does or how it works. All they know it turn it one way or the other and the air will come on. Of course, when I try to adjust it I get hollered at.
3.No privacy – absolutely none. They don't even knock when they come into my room. They just barge right in when they want something.
4.No space – I'm NEVER alone. There's always someone there. The few times I'm actually on my own are far and few in between.
5.Dial up internet over a shared phone line- Not only does this mean SLOW web pages/downloading, but being as there is only one phone line, whenever they want to make a call I have to hang up. If not for any of those other reasons, this one would justify it.

Bottom line: I WANT OUT! It's a jail where they don't lock the doors.

I'm hunting for either a house or an apt. If I can't find a house in my price range, I'll rent. I need my life back.
 
Thanks for the tips... but...

We're so far out in the boonies, there's no DSL, and no cable tv yet.

Put a lock on the door? That won't fly here.

No I need to get the flock out of here and soon before I get angry... and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
 
Jason,

I sympathize with you. It was a long time ago, but your post brought back memories of how unhappy I was before I was able to move away from home. I deliberately chose a college campus far enough away that I would have to live outside the home.

It might help if you were to set up a formal time with one or both of your parents to sit down and calmly let them know about what they are doing that is making you uncomfortable. If they love you, which I'm sure they will, they may listen. Your mom is probably used to free access to any room in the home. Now that you're their guest again, perhaps she needs it pointed out that even hotel maids knock before entering. But it sounds like your parents may need to be updated on the fact that's you're now a man, not a child. Ask them if they would treat guests in their home the way they are treating you.

I'm sorry I didn't follow your experiences in the past year more closely, but I'm guessing that you were displaced by Katrina? What happened to your manufactured home? Would there be any funds available to you to get back on your own again?

I apologize if any of this is off base. I do know how painful living with family can be. But sometimes improved communication can help a lot.
 
I wonder also if you were to bring in a heating/ventilation expert into the home, at your expense, to explain to your parents how thermostats work, that they might finally get a clue?
 
Well Jason, I feel your pain. However as my dearly departed Papa used to say: "This is my house, and anytime you don't like the rules around here, there is the front door and don't let it hit you on the ... on the way out".

Like you I would mutter about getting "out" and how I was going to live my own life "MY WAY" when I was "free". Papa has been gone now over 12 years, and have been living on my own for longer than that, still there are days would give anything to go back in time and be there again his rules and all.

Some one else's garden always looks greener, until you have to weed it that is. You'll be master of your own establishment soon enough, in the meantime hard as it may be try and see some good and make the best of things.

Launderess
 
<blockquote>I wonder also if you were to bring in a heating/ventilation expert into the home, at your expense, to explain to your parents how thermostats work, that they might finally get a clue?</blockquote>
No offense to Jason's mother, but this is the mother who freaked out at a Kenmore cool-down. ;-)
 
I have heard that in a Texas factory that a bunch of people were complaining that the A/C was not working.

It was.

Little flourescent orange strips were tied to the supply vents that flapped in the breeze. All complaints ceased when the workers saw the flaps moving.

Would this work for you?
Also how much would it cost to have indicator lights installed somewhere?

HEAT
COOL
FAN

Same effect as the flap- they'd know the system was working.

Also, perhaps if the heat-anticipator were adjusted the fluctuations in temp. would be lessened between on and off cycles and they'd *GET* the thermostat should be set-it-and-forget-it.

Get a heavy piece of furniture to slide in front of your door as well.
 
Hi Jason

Best of luck with your search for a new place of your own.

I am at my parents place at present, I have been here about five hours and I am ready to go home. I am trying to arrange things so I can return home tomorow but I may have to stay another day - getting an intermittent fault sorted out on my car.

My parents have different methods of driving me bonkers to yours, but the effect is the same. My mother tries to anticipate my every need and whichever way I turn she is there offering me something I don't want or need. Every time I say 'no thanks' I get a several minute explanation of why she thought that I would want it, am I sure, etc, etc.

You have my sympathy...

Chris.
 
Nothing like a smother-mother.

Not only is the need felt to describe the feelings ad infinitum, But then the need to justify an emotional rather than logical thought process.

IMHO, to the opposite gender talking is love. With or without resonable point.

Lucky lucky you!
 
Living with the folks is NO fun..

Jason,

I was going to make the same suggestion, about putting a lock on your door. Everyone needs their privacy. Why would your folks not go for it?

On the other hand, it is their house.

On my third hand....I wished both my folks were still alive, even if it meant to hear them bitch at me one more time.

Your best bet is to move. Good luck! And don't hold too much against them, we don't get to pick our parents, but they do choose us! :-)

MaytagMom
 
One more thing Jason

Tell you folks this....

Be nice to me...I will be picking out your retirement home one of these days.

:-)
 
They say it is necesary and best to forgive your parents for everything they have done to you, (real or imagined) by the time you are 30.

This, of course, assumes you are no longer living there at that age.

Chin up!
This too shall pass in a blaze of glory.
 
Oh, how well I know.

Jason, I understand your plight; be patient and try to keep it together until you can strike out on your own again. Never have regrets with your parents.

I now have my 84 yo mom with me and it has been tough. I'm grateful for the opportunity AND I'm grateful for owning a split-level! I pretty much have the lower half and mom has the top. Mom's been with me now for about 10 years.

And at 46 years old, mom questions my mail, phone calls, visitors and thinks my Maytag collection is too much and doesn't understand why anyone would want to use a wringer washer any more! She mentioned again the other day that since I have four, I need to sell three while I still can make some money and keep just one! We agreed to disagree!

I still get lectured to all the time but mom and I have some boundries. I think at her age, she's "tired" and only wants the very best for me. She worries that she's "in the way"; I assure her that she's not and that she has too much together to be in a nursing facility. She still does laundry, cooks a good meal most every night, and has her little circle of friends. She can't see too well now and no longer drives, so depends on me to get her around when she needs to go.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though it's hard, stick with it until you really can move. It has been a rewarding experience for me even though I've felt my privacy has been attacked and there are days that I feel like I'm 10 years old! I lived on my own for almost 20 years before joining my family again.

Mom and I have learned to respect each other; something I always didn't have with my parents before. I've learned so much from her now that I'm an adult; I bet the same thing would have happened with dad, too.

Did I make any sense?
 
rant du jour...

I totally understand what your going thru Jason. I myself got "stuck" with my mother after my parents nasty divorce. She had no where to go and I couldnt let her live on the outside homeless. Not one of my siblings wanted to help her and she didnt know what to do after 35 years of being married to the sperm donor I called dad. And the other thing is that it seems to me that the gay sons seem somehow to get a parent to take care of. My mom now lives in my condo in Maine since I moved here to Massachusetts.
Scott has his mother live on the first floor of the house we are in and we are on the 2nd floor. His mother has the mid stages of Alzheimers and I can tell you its not a f-cking picnic. She forgets alot of things we take for granted like bathing and brushing teeth, driving a car is out...she has no clue what to do..we would watch her try every key in the ignition and she still couldnt do it. So the car sits in the driveway. She gets lonely at night and she gets scared and wants us to check up on her every hour on the hour.
This situation has really put a strain on our relationship since I do mhelp take care of her when Scott is gone to work sincce I have not gone back to work yet because of my heart attack back in October. I have cardiac rehab 3 times a week and she freaks out when I go.
So what I am saying is be glad you have a roof over your head and that your parents are still there to help out..because someday they wont be there when you need them most..because you might think that the grass is greener elsewhere but there is a septic tank under the field.
 
A Taste of Their Own Medicine

Here is a techinque I have learned from the girls at the office. (The best place to go for sneaky stuff, LOL)
Hit people with their own medicine and play stupid.

Walk in on mom when HER bedroom or bathroom door is closed.
Be prepared to catch an eye-full.
A simple "Oh, excuse me, sorry" will suffice.
Make like it's nothing, and you have every right to do it.

See how fast you can put a lock on your door.
 
Geoff, Mike--

ME, TOO.

I was my mother's caregiver the last five years of her life. Multi-infarct dementia, on top of degenerative arthritis, congestive heart failure, and a host of other illnesses.

At least I had my appliances. This was before I was on the internet.......

My sister (my only sibling) was as helpful as she could be, which wasn't very. {(She's in Minnesota, with her husband(first one, at that), and the kids (all now over 18)} Once in a while she'd send a check, and I'd use it for a respite caregiver.

Not cheap, but well worth it.

I'm not saying that straight sons are without devotion, but of the caretaking sons I've met personally, all of us are gay.

More than once in those years I got nasty looks and even some veiled comments from others, and some wondered why she didn't move up to my sister's. That seemed to diminish when I reminded people that I had Power of Attorney for Health Care.

A wonderful, touching, encouraging book is No More Words by Reeve Lindbergh (Yes, Anne Morrow and Charles's daughter.) She was her mother's caregiver.
It's not a "how to" as much as a "I know" book.

Lawrence/Maytagbear
 
Geoff:

Brother!

You and I have almost the same story, though I'm not nearly as good a son as you. I regularly threaten Mom with a nursing home when she gets on my nerves (14-90 times a day.)

I do all the cooking, cleaning, etc. Mom's just too darn slow!

As for feeling like I'm 10, yep, that happens too. Case in point: couple of months ago she went rummaging around on top of my bureau and came across my copy of "Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star." She made some comment, I forget what. My response? Same as when I was 10 (35 years ago): "Don't touch my stuff!"

veg
 
I too am a full time care-giver for my 90yo grandfather. respite costs are outrageously expensive. I haven't had a real day off in 7 months so I can empathize! I will be getting a week off, in a month, so that my partner and I can go visit his critically ill father!! So much for "time off".

I will try to pick up a copy of No More Words. Sounds like it maybe a worthwhile read!! Thank you for sharing that with us, Lawrence.

Jason, hang in there!!! You WILL look back and wish you could go back home someday.

Rich
 
Well ... it sounds like that it's not easy to take one's parents in to your heart as an adult; it can be painful. Most growth is, I suppose. I know I would not have traded these past years with her; even though there were times that I felt my sacrifice was great and overwhelming.

I try to treat mom with the respect and dignity she (or anyone else for that matter) deserves. She's survived a lot of heartache (as most of us in this world have). She's tough and faith-filled. She's been trying to toughen me up, too!! :-)

I take care of cleaning the downstairs and she takes care of the upstairs. She does my laundry twice a week and I do it on Saturdays. She can't see well, so doesn't clean the kitchen too great ... but what the hey. I can always "extra" wipe and sweep in the corners. It's not the end of the world.

I love it when I get home and mom's baked my favorite cookie or homemade bread; I love it that she still wants to do it for me!! Have to give her a hug and kiss for those!

My brother and his wife live about 45 minutes away and regularly come to visit and we go there, too. Usually Sunday dinners (my absolute favorite).

All in all, I'm most grateful and thankful (and it's usually for the "little" things).
 
Well, I think I've had enough of living at home already. I did that for the first 30 years of my life, being smothered and controlled out of getting my own place until it finally hit them that I'm no longer 10 years old and I'm grown up (ha!) now. Then at age 30 I finally bought that trailer house. Then I sold it and moved to Massachusetts. Then I moved back to Chalmette and finally after all these years I finally room with my friend Henry, but that only lasted a month. NOW I'm back at home with parents. They are not nearly as controlling as they were 6 years ago but all their little habits still rack my nerves. The laundry, the thermostat, the walking right in, etc.

Speaking of the thermostat. We have a digital one made by Hunter. These are junk because my trailer had one. It's not 1o accurate like a Honeywell, it's more like 2 or 3. So that the temperature fluctuates constantly. So they shut it off causing everyone to freeze.

Even now, just now, my mom barged right in as I was typing this message. I had to stop what I was doing because she wanted me to look something up on the internet.

Oh the bedroom/bathroom thing. It wouldn't phase them at all if I walked in on one of them taking a shower or using the toilet. They're from the country where they had outhouses and a single washtub for 4 kids. So privacy wasn't an option back then. That's fine, but *I* want privacy. I want my own space. I didn't grow up poor in the middle of Cajun country and had to crap in the outhouse and bathe in used water in the washtub outside. And if I demand privacy, then the eyebrows raise, "So what are you doing in there that's so private", relating to the evils of the "M" word. I'll never get it here so I HAVE to get out of here. If there are no houses available here that I can start off with, I'll rent an apartment. But my neighbors might soon get annoyed when I start practicing my accordion (they're not quiet, I assure you).

The ONLY time I've ever heard them knock before entering was when Bri was over for thanksgiving.

So even when I move out, I don't think I'll ever want to go back to living with parents again. When they get old and need help, well that's another story, but by then it will be my turn to be controlling. REVENGE!!!!!! In a good way, of course.
 
I have a Lux 1500 digital thermostat that I really like. I only use it for heating, because this house has no AC (doesn't really need it), but it's the best one I've had so far. I got it at Orchard Supply Hardware, but Lowe's or Home Depot might carry them as well. It can control both AC and heat. It seems to be pretty accurate, and you can even adjust it to be more accurate.
 
I have a Lux too- not awful. And steam heat is very difficult for today's thermosts. It needs a very long *ON* cycle time.

Jsaon- RENT is a four letter word. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do to survive. Better to be poor and have your own tiny place than to stash the cash and deal with the DNA donors.
 
Parent Living with Child

It's not fun the other way around either. My grandmother had to stay with my parents for about six weeks after her stroke. It was very stressful for all of them.
 
Re: My Thermostat:

Is a White-Rogers Digital Comfort-Set II. It is real easy to program and as far as I know is quite accurate. This one is my 2nd Model, with the 1st one being installed in another house I've since Sold. Both have been installed with a TRANE
Gas-Pack Unit, which is 3.5-Ton Gas Heat/AC 1-piece Unit sitting on the Roof of my house.

{Thank Goodness for Digital Electronic Thermostats}...

I had a Carrier Heat-Pump at my other house and I wouldn't ever have another Heat-Pump again. My TRANE Gas-Pack Units were/are the best Units I've ever had. I also had a Carrier Gas-Pack Unit on a long time ago house that I owned, that was I do have to admit a real good unit, for being around 15-years old, when I bought the house 2nd Hand. That Unit had a basic simple Honeywell Heat/AC Thermostat that for the most part was fairly accurate, considering it was a real old Mercury Capsule Switch Contact-Type Unit, similar to the Mercury Capsule Switches in the Maytag Washer Lid's that had the Float in the center of the Agitators, to Stop the Water and Start the Wash or Rinse Agitation. The Thermostat was a little loose on the Wall, that actually allowed it to be that much more accurate, with the Heat and Air Conditioning, because I just basically tilted the Thermostat respectively towards the Heat or AC Setting area and the Heat/AC worked quite well then. When I tried to keep the Thermostat Level, it wouldn't operate properly.

Good Luck Jason, with whatever you end up doing. It is as everyone has mentioned trying to live at home with the Parent's, quite difficult, especially when everyone can't get along at least most of the time and being considerate to certain ones for privacy and more freedom. I hope that you are able to move out real soon, if that is what it will take to give you your freedom and privacy back to you again.

Peace and Hopefully Good Times, Steve
SactoTeddyBear...
 
Trane thermostat

My office has a programmable Trane thermostat. It's a breeze to set up, you just push Select and go throught the whole process. And it's 1o accurate. For some reason these Hunter thermostats seem to be really cheap and they're not accurate.

Anyway, we get along most of the time, it's just those little things that are forcing me to move out.

A 2bed/1bath apartment in Lafayette, LA starts around $450-500. Some with washer/dryer hookups (that is a MUST for me. I want private washer viewing time). Yes, that's more expensive than buying a home but if there's no homes (or trailer in a decent place) available, that's what I have to do.
 
GEEZ

No wonder people are so pissed off in NYC, the rent is horrible. How do you even manage that? $1000 a month here would get you a luxury condo or a house like my parents own. And of course, there's aircon and heating.
 

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