That's it -- I am sending my mother to a home

[iheartmaytag]

Last night we went to Applebee's and they gave my daughter a balloon. After we left there we stopped at the store and as we were getting back in the car with doors open on opposite sides of the car the balloon got swept away and floated off in the wind.

My little angel has moaned more over that stupid 25 cent balloon than if the dog died. So my mother, bless her demented little soul. Tells my daugther "Maybe Santa will find it and bring it back tonight."

So now I have to trapse my tired butt off to Applebee's on Christmas eve to get a green helium filled balloon before I go home tonight. And mom is headed to a nursing home, it doesn't even have to have heat and running water she's going.

 

[volvoguy87]

Shady Pines, Ma,

Shady Pines.

Dave

 

[cleanteamofny]

Bless you little soul.....

 

[thomasortega]

I just can't believe...

... you wrote this.

In my opinion,(at least the education my family gave me) we must respect and support our parents, no matter how wrong they are.
With the age, the problems become much frequent and they start to give us a lot of work and troubles, but it's not a reason to just get rid of them as we do with an empty bottle of coke. One minute after she dies you'll wish you had one more minute to stay with her and tell her how much you love her.

I'm sure, when you were a baby, you gave her hundreds of days and nighs changing our diapers or crying in the middle of the night and I'm sure she was there for you. Is it correct to compensate all this "service" she did to you by tossing her in a nursing home?

Worst of all, say that in Christmas? I'm really shocked. It sounds like cruelty. I'm sorry if I'm overreacting to your post but that's what I understood.

Nursing homes (in my opinion again) are for very few cases where the ancient needs special medical/nursing attention almost 24/7 and it's impossible to take care of them at home.

My mom is 75 years old, the first symptoms of Alzheimer are starting to be more frequent and also her mood changes in seconds. Probably in a few months she will stop driving, in afew years start using diapers, etc. (does "diapers" reminds you something?)

She is my mom, and I will take care of her even on the worst moments until her last breath.

Your mom needs your help, not your ignorance. And maybe you need some help too to learn how to handle the situation without being too affected or stressed. It's not your fault, nobody borns knowing everything. I'm sure you can learn how to handle it. Believe me, if one isn't psychologically ready to take care of an ancient, it can be really scary, stressing and awful to the ancient and to the keeper. If you do the right thing, you'll discover a way to handle all those tiny incidents that together made you reach your limit and explode like I saw above. Also, it will make you, your mom and all the other members of your family much happier.

And don't expect her to be perfect too, nobody is!

By the way, in some years, your daughter will have to handle the same situation with you. Would you like her to say she's going to put you in a nunsing house and she doesn't even cara if it has heating and hot water? Think of it!

I hope you can find the best solution that makes all of you very happy.

And merry Christmas to you, your mom, your daughter and all your family.

 

[ronhic]

Thomas...

....I think that was said with a touch of 'tongue in cheek'...

And much as I love my mother, if she said that to a little person and caused me to traipse about on Christmas eve in the snow trying to passify a small child with a 25c balloon, I'd be tempted to comment the same....

 

[jmirawm]

too funny !

But imagine the delight your daughter will have on Christmas Morn! That puts a smile on my face. You are a wonderful dad, I won't mention anything about being a son. LOL ! <p>Merry Christmas ! Tom

 

[iheartmaytag]

Just a joke, Just a joke

Don't get your bloomers in a twist.

My mother is 76, and as I type this I am sitting at a desk at work at the Department on Aging (Yes I am aware of our initials). I am well aware of the ills that befall our aging population. Don't call APS on me too soon.

You have a Merry Christmas too.

 

[danemodsandy]

Message to Parents Everywhere:

Be good to your kids.

After all, they choose your nursing home! ;-)

 

[tomturbomatic]

Dave, I love it! Thanks for bringing back a memory of two wonderful ladies, Beatrice Arthur and Estelle Getty.

Thomas, No disrespect intended, but while your intentions are admirable, when someone needs 24 hour care and you have to work and sleep as well as care for them, the situation can get a little out of control when you are doing it all. Maybe you did not mean that you were going to take care of your mother all by yourself, but some of us here have been down this road with elderly loved ones and it can turn into a nightmare suddenly and frequently. I wish you and you mother all the best, but please do not think that caring for an aging parent is like a parent caring for a baby. If a nursing care facility can prevent falls and injuries that send a parent to a hospital for many weeks and then to rehabilitation for many more weeks, there is a positive aspect to that type of care. I'm just speaking from experience and hope that you will understand that it has nothing to do with not loving someone enough. I will have to dispute your statement that as soon as your parent dies, you will want them back. No, not after seeing them decline in every way. Not after seeing them in constant pain. Not after watching them cope with losing their eyesight or brain function. We go to a far better place. I speak with some authority about this since I had a glimpse of Heaven in a near death experience almost 25 years ago. Suffering the loss of a loved one and wishing them back are two different things.

 

[mrb627]

God Bless Your Mom!

God Bless your Mother for offering comfort to her upset Grand-daughter. That's what Grandma's are for afterall...

Malcolm

 

[sudsmaster]

Why not just let Grandma get run over by a reindeer?

 

[toggleswitch2]

LOL.
You poor thing!

I took great delignt in the kids playing with the wrapping paper and the boxes.

My youngest niece received that stupid Chinese-made hamster thingy that is all the rage this year.

They all keep calling it a gerbil, therefore I won't touch it! LOL If anyone hands me a paper-towel tube, there will be hell to pay! LOL ROFLMAO

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all the Ladies and ho ho ho's

 

[sudsman]

Thomas GET over it..

She really should be more careful what she said to a child. making her think that it just might come back.. I have see pics of his daughter and she is a little doll. I would have gone back to ""bees for another one too.

 

[laundromat]

I miss my Mom---

I am in my bed,playing with my kittens,Turquoise and Tony with a stringed flair of aluminum strips with a small little bell.They love it and already destroyed three of them!I found an older male kitten and got a couple minor scratches when I surprised him by successfully grabbing him by the neck and holding his hind legs to keep control. I put him in the locked parlor with food and water after petting him to calm him down successfully but,he got out.He has come a bit closer than befeore but is very squeamish about people.My two will run to anybody who calls them and their motors (purrs) are loud enough to wake the dead.

 

[toploader1984]

why would u get so upset over a comment like that? i dont think what she said was that big of a deal, i have said worse to my little cousin, if your going to go back to the resteaurant and get the balloon sounds like your daughter is a spoiled kid, for u to mistreat your mother and threaten to put her in a nursing home without heat and water is a little crazy, be careful not to spoil that kid too mauch, you are going to create a monster child. if your daughter made that big of a stink over a balloon, she is spoiled. you only get one mom, i would NEVER threaten to put my mom in a home without water and heat, that is just pure MEAN, and over a stupid balloon???, it doesnt matter the comment ur mom made, you just have to explain to your daughter that the balloon is gone and that it is NOT the end of the world.

 

[sudsmaster]

I don't think she really told her mom that, it was just a joke for our benefit.

Sheesh.

I know from personal experience just how hard it is to put one's parent in a nursing home, but when the time comes there can be little other choice.

 

[sudsman]

toploader you need to get over it too.

Think your in overload, helping a child thru at christmas time does NOT create a MONSTER child. My mother rode around on a BROOM STICK make something of that! I can tell by a lot of his other post I AM a hell of a lot meaner then he ever dreamed of being!

 

[perc-o-prince]

As Iheartmaytag said, it was a joke!

Rich (well, I do it too) keeps telling his mother that the first time she repeats herself three times, it's off to Shady Pines. So, when she says something, if we can catch her off-guard, I say, "What?" So, she repeats it. Then, I say, "What?" again! Usually, she catches it and laughs.

Yes, nursing homes aren't necessarily a laughing matter. But, there is usually a little humor to be found, or made out of, anything.

However, sorry Suds, I have to disagree with your statement about 'helping a child through.' This was the loss of a balloon. Whoop-dee-freakin'-do. She needed to get over it, not through it, and I seriously believe she would have as soon as she was distracted by the next shiny thing. Entitlement doesn't always mean big-money objects.

Iheart... your mother may have been saying what she thought was a nice thing to quiet the child. Do you think she expected you to go out and get a balloon, or do you think she figured the child would have forgotten about it by morning?

Chuck

 

[sudsman]

Rich would for sure agree any other time of the year

But making a child fond memeories of Christmas is a bit different the way I see it.. You never know (GOD FORBID) that this might be dads last christmas dont you think she would forever remember this christmas/ And all that happened

 

[iheartmaytag]

Update

I just got around to reading the rest of this thread. Though I know my humor fell on dumb ears, it was meant only as that. Mom did not go to "the home" (it takes a court order in this state). She is still happily roaming the halls of the motel slicing up unsuspecting guests while they shower.

My lovely daughter, who is not spoiled by the way; she's special. Received a note from Santa on Christmas morning explaining to her that he had found her balloon, but upon returning to his sleigh after a delivery it appeared to have flown away once again. We continued to hear about that damned balloon until a dear woman gave her a new one on New Year's eve while we were visiting a store. That now smaller, and no longer flying balloon is still resting safely in her room. Yes it was only a balloon, but people tend to place great attachments to objects that seem unreasonable to others. Think what would happen if your favorite coffee pot disappeared.

Thank you all for your concern about my mother, thank you for those of you who defended me and realized it was written in humor, and of course, thank you for the critique of my parenting skills, that was very refreshing. IT WAS JUST A JOKE PEOPLE lighten up.

 

[danemodsandy]

iheartmaytag:

"Mom did not go to "the home" (it takes a court order in this state). She is still happily roaming the halls of the motel slicing up unsuspecting guests while they shower."

At least you know now what to get her next Christmas - only $13.99 from ThinkAwesome.com. Naturally, it's called the Blood Bath Shower Curtain:

http://www.thinkawesome.com/blood-bath-shower-curtain.htm

 

[iheartmaytag]

That shower curtin is like way cool. I may get my sister, Jamie Leigh one too.

 

[mixfinder]

Raising your parents

I am care giver three days a week for my mom who has Alzheimer's. Sometimes its hard to tell who's worse, mom or dad. He was so dependent on her doing everything for him he's like a three year old. Three days is exactly enough. One more day I couldn't do it. Mom gets things so twisted and mixes 5 people and 6 events into one story. I make myself not correct her and try to talk her in a different way when I say, "Wow, my memory of that is so different, I recall blah, blah blah" and usually she clicks back in. I say raising your parents is the hardest job you'll every have, they won't listen and you can't spank them. This a picture of her in the red vest at the family reunion on New Years Day with her oldest brother and youngest sister. When my mormon uncle announced they had 18 grandchildren she said, "you mormons are making more babies so you can rule the world." You never know what will come out of her mouth and when you might be the target.

 

[westingman123]

Adorable!

Kelly, your Mom looks so cute! I know where you're coming from; I cared for my Aunt Mildred in her Alzheimers years; it was a challenge. In a word, re-direct. Sounds like you've struck the needed balance. At least you can blame your Mom's comments on the disease; my own dear Irish Mama has been, ummm, outspoken all her life. Rather like Sophia in Golden Girls. I like to think it's part of her charm.

 

[jeffg]

Sandy, that shower curtain reminded me of the film, "The Hanging Garden". It has a similar scene, and we honestly don't know if the writer/director is going for comedy or horror.

Bizarre flick.

 

[vacuumfreeeke]

Thomas, I think your comment was out of line! Just because you have a certain situation with your family doesn't mean that applies to everyone. I know many people (myself included) whose parents actually HATE them because the parents believe an ignorant religion and the child is gay. Those parents don't deserve to be loved or respected. What about parents who abuse their children... are they to be loved and and respected as well? Some parents are awful... and just because someone brought you into this world or is related to you by blood doesn't make them family, and it doesn't make you obligated to them.

 

[mixfinder]

In Line

Based on cultural mores and a long taught unquestioning respect for parents and older relatives Thomas' comments were perfectly inline based on his experience. The humor was subtle and likely missed by him. Take a deep breath, everyone.

 

[panthera]

I am SO

staying out of this one.
Right now, we have three major threads going here, in which I'm not participating, in which the assumption of evilest, nastiest ill-will is overriding.

Do we really want to end up like the collector's group which must not be named? We're going the best way!

My New Year's Resolution for this forum is to practice the fine old Austrian "nicht mal ignorieren" - 'not even worth ignoring' and I think it might be worth it for quite a few folks. This is Robert's living room. Hard as it is (and for me, it is hard), we just have to find another place to turn each other into the FBI, accuse each other of being traitors, child molesters and heartless children wishing ill upon our parents.

 

[vacuumfreeeke]

It might be in line with his experience, but he can't apply that to other people. He said "we must respect and support our parents no matter how wrong they are." Sorry... when someone tells me I disgusting and going to an imaginary place called hell because I'm gay, I don't have to respect or support them!

 

[toggleswitch2]

Who me, Bitter? HA! NEVER!

~we must respect and support our parents no matter how wrong they are."

Sorry, no. PARENTS must respect and support their children no matter how 'wrong' they are. If and when this happens THEN the children can reciprocate. Very few are able to think or act better than what they were taught.

I am obligated to make sure my "enemy" has food, water and shelter. I must say "good morning" and "hello" to acknowledge their humanity. Above and beyond THAT respect and fair treatment is EARNED by ALL others, in my book.

One can take the low road and treat others they way they treat YOU, or one can take the high road and treat others with more love and respect than they have earned. (Or by which they treat YOU).

Familiarity breeds content/contempt. One simply has to treat (blood) family BETTER than the stranger on the street, and have no expectation of receiving the same treatment.

Toxic parents can be divorced. Plain and simple. Search for the (NY Times?) article on/in Google.

Remember darlings that parents expect their genetic mutations---er replications-- er issue-- to be little carbon copies of themselves, as they sometimes have kids out of ego.
How DARE you as their child be differnt/better or have your own thought-process!

There are many women in my family and my father. I have had to learn the hard way that althoguth there are smiles in the front, one must be ready for a well lemoned/vinegared and salted knife ready for a stab in the back. I am at the point in my life that if you are not good FOR or TO me, I don't want or need you on any level. PERIOD.