That's it -- I am sending my mother to a home

[danemodsandy]

iheartmaytag:

"Mom did not go to "the home" (it takes a court order in this state). She is still happily roaming the halls of the motel slicing up unsuspecting guests while they shower."

At least you know now what to get her next Christmas - only $13.99 from ThinkAwesome.com. Naturally, it's called the Blood Bath Shower Curtain:

http://www.thinkawesome.com/blood-bath-shower-curtain.htm

 

[iheartmaytag]

That shower curtin is like way cool. I may get my sister, Jamie Leigh one too.

 

[mixfinder]

Raising your parents

I am care giver three days a week for my mom who has Alzheimer's. Sometimes its hard to tell who's worse, mom or dad. He was so dependent on her doing everything for him he's like a three year old. Three days is exactly enough. One more day I couldn't do it. Mom gets things so twisted and mixes 5 people and 6 events into one story. I make myself not correct her and try to talk her in a different way when I say, "Wow, my memory of that is so different, I recall blah, blah blah" and usually she clicks back in. I say raising your parents is the hardest job you'll every have, they won't listen and you can't spank them. This a picture of her in the red vest at the family reunion on New Years Day with her oldest brother and youngest sister. When my mormon uncle announced they had 18 grandchildren she said, "you mormons are making more babies so you can rule the world." You never know what will come out of her mouth and when you might be the target.

 

[westingman123]

Adorable!

Kelly, your Mom looks so cute! I know where you're coming from; I cared for my Aunt Mildred in her Alzheimers years; it was a challenge. In a word, re-direct. Sounds like you've struck the needed balance. At least you can blame your Mom's comments on the disease; my own dear Irish Mama has been, ummm, outspoken all her life. Rather like Sophia in Golden Girls. I like to think it's part of her charm.

 

[jeffg]

Sandy, that shower curtain reminded me of the film, "The Hanging Garden". It has a similar scene, and we honestly don't know if the writer/director is going for comedy or horror.

Bizarre flick.

 

[vacuumfreeeke]

Thomas, I think your comment was out of line! Just because you have a certain situation with your family doesn't mean that applies to everyone. I know many people (myself included) whose parents actually HATE them because the parents believe an ignorant religion and the child is gay. Those parents don't deserve to be loved or respected. What about parents who abuse their children... are they to be loved and and respected as well? Some parents are awful... and just because someone brought you into this world or is related to you by blood doesn't make them family, and it doesn't make you obligated to them.

 

[mixfinder]

In Line

Based on cultural mores and a long taught unquestioning respect for parents and older relatives Thomas' comments were perfectly inline based on his experience. The humor was subtle and likely missed by him. Take a deep breath, everyone.

 

[panthera]

I am SO

staying out of this one.
Right now, we have three major threads going here, in which I'm not participating, in which the assumption of evilest, nastiest ill-will is overriding.

Do we really want to end up like the collector's group which must not be named? We're going the best way!

My New Year's Resolution for this forum is to practice the fine old Austrian "nicht mal ignorieren" - 'not even worth ignoring' and I think it might be worth it for quite a few folks. This is Robert's living room. Hard as it is (and for me, it is hard), we just have to find another place to turn each other into the FBI, accuse each other of being traitors, child molesters and heartless children wishing ill upon our parents.

 

[vacuumfreeeke]

It might be in line with his experience, but he can't apply that to other people. He said "we must respect and support our parents no matter how wrong they are." Sorry... when someone tells me I disgusting and going to an imaginary place called hell because I'm gay, I don't have to respect or support them!

 

[toggleswitch2]

Who me, Bitter? HA! NEVER!

~we must respect and support our parents no matter how wrong they are."

Sorry, no. PARENTS must respect and support their children no matter how 'wrong' they are. If and when this happens THEN the children can reciprocate. Very few are able to think or act better than what they were taught.

I am obligated to make sure my "enemy" has food, water and shelter. I must say "good morning" and "hello" to acknowledge their humanity. Above and beyond THAT respect and fair treatment is EARNED by ALL others, in my book.

One can take the low road and treat others they way they treat YOU, or one can take the high road and treat others with more love and respect than they have earned. (Or by which they treat YOU).

Familiarity breeds content/contempt. One simply has to treat (blood) family BETTER than the stranger on the street, and have no expectation of receiving the same treatment.

Toxic parents can be divorced. Plain and simple. Search for the (NY Times?) article on/in Google.

Remember darlings that parents expect their genetic mutations---er replications-- er issue-- to be little carbon copies of themselves, as they sometimes have kids out of ego.
How DARE you as their child be differnt/better or have your own thought-process!

There are many women in my family and my father. I have had to learn the hard way that althoguth there are smiles in the front, one must be ready for a well lemoned/vinegared and salted knife ready for a stab in the back. I am at the point in my life that if you are not good FOR or TO me, I don't want or need you on any level. PERIOD.

 

[iheartmaytag]

No really

It's fine, Mom isn't in a home she is now safely locked in her room with a bottle of Evian and a dry crust of bread.

It was a joke, but I am going to conceed that everyone has their perception from where they are standing.

I know of two examples:
1. A man was in our office calling his mother every foul name in the book, and even made up a few new ones. I was horrified about his behavior, and one of the care coordinators reminded me that maybe his childhood and relationship with his mother was not as fondly remembered as mine.

2. Same care coordinator was at a local nursing home where a man, the child of one very nasty woman, visited everyday. He always spoke well and loving to her and even though she often pinched and bit at him; always hugged and kissed her goodbye. One day the coordinator asked him "How do you do it?" "Even though she treats you so badly, you are here everyday like nothing happens."
"Because that isn't my mother I remember." "It's the disease that's doing this."

Different perspectives.

Neither example applies to my mother and my relationship she never beat me, bit me or called me nasty names. She just happens to live with me and sometimes gets on my nerves. It's a joke between us "you're going to the home" and another is "The nice part about Alzheimer's is you get to me so many new people." (Yea, I know you are going to blast me for that one too.)

I think Thomas took the "going to a home without heat and water" remark more literal with less humor, however, the one(s) that judged my daughter are more local.

 

[toggleswitch2]

LOL I knew you were joking/sarcastic, but so many here are so literal, one must usually spell it out.

 

[air-waycharlie]

RE: my mother...........she always said, "Say something good about dead"

I say, "She's dead.......good".

Not all mother's were June Cleaver, Shirley Partridge, Margaret Anderderson or Carol Brady. Some mother's did not change one diaper morning, noon or night.

Shady Pines is good answer for some of us.

 

[toggleswitch2]

OMG! LOL

I remember my granny calling my mother "SCYLLA", as I was forced to go stand in a corner for some infraction. I was less than 10 years of age.

Literally it means: female dog, but not used in polite society outside of kennels.

And granny was a very classy woman of few words and much patience. *FEH* I'll need to remember this when I am accosted by her (Mother Misery's) UMS [ugly mood-swings].

Thanks for the laughs everyone. Love everyone with their faults but be AWARE of the defects in others and smile anyway, just as they smile at YOUR defects.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scylla_and_Charybdis