You'll find your very own knuckle dragger
Well, Bob, we're not forbidden to bathe but it's optional. I sense that you are a very good person and you deserve to find a good burly, hairy manly man with "tats". But I suspect that you wouldn't be able to clandestinely infiltrate S.P.E.R.M. Once you punch in the top secret code, 77376, you enter a world that most men don't recognize anymore. The initiation period for the "new bitches" is brutal. There's a lot of trash talking. There're are a lot of trick questions. For instance, you might be asked if you know how to get a tartar stain out of another member's wife beater. If your answer is anything other than "How the hell would I know?" your trial period is over. We do bring food to the meetings, but if you brought along some of that Analfood Cake like in that other thread or offer to share recipes, you're a goner. It has to be meat, or some other suitable artery clogging heart-attack-waiting-to-happen grub. If you killed the food yourself, it's especially appropriate. You can't comment on the decor or ask to check out the washing machine. That would be a dead give-away. And don't offer to tidy up after a meeting. It helps if you have a really manly last name, too. Like Beard, or Trout, or Manly. They actually voted down one guy because they didn't think his last name was manly enough.
The girlfriends and wives allow us this one night a week to act like heathens as an outlet, but then expect to hear "Yes, dear", "No, dear" and "Thank you dear may I have another" for the rest of the week. But truthfully, I think they're a little jealous because we're having fun and they're shut out. Sometimes they have a get-together the same night on the floor above us and spy on us and try to intimidate us. Like they'll yell "Jesus, you guys really listen to gay music!" down the stairs. But we have a different music theme each week and when you have "No guitar Thursday" what are your choices? I mean, your only choices are like Soft Cell, Depeche Mode, Pet Shop Boys and some off those other Eurowimp synth bands. I mean, give us a break. It's not like we were playing Bronski Beat or anything. It's sour grapes on their part. They should just mind their own damn business and have a pillow fight or something, you know? And videotape it so we can watch it later.
But anyway, Bob, maybe you can start your own manly man society down there in Texas and make up your own rules and find that heathen he-man you've been dreaming of. I wish you the best of luck.
. You're all right :-D
