Why does God like to play favorites?

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Speaking from personal experience, I had the same issues you have. Guys would run away from me screaming, yet I could never understand why. People wouldnt stick around and I could never figure out what was wrong. After all, all I wanted was a Boyfriend.

After a series of experiences including rape, I started seeing a shrink. The focus was all about me and for the first time I understood that I felt abandoned by my father, resented my mother and desperately needed to be loved by someone else so that I could be happy.

What this equated to, was me appearing as a needy freak who scared anyone off who ever expressed any interest in me.

I learnt to forgive my parents, love myself and who I am, and to find happyness within so that I never needed to depend on anyone else to make me whole.

Once I'd done that within 6 months a beautiful man fell into my lap, and we've now been together 6.5 years.

So before you lash out at everyone else for not understanding you, I'm betting that most guys on this list have been through exactly the same thing. As corny as it sounds, untill you are happy and content by yourself, you will never be happy or content with anyone else.
 
Right on Nathan!!

Your example is exactly the kind of thing I'm trying to get across. As another example many years ago back in the early 80's I was acquaintances with a guy named Jeff was always bemoaning the fact to those of us who new him that he couldn't get a boyfriend, couldn't understand why either, all this while were at a nightclub having a great time. He's standing there all forlorn moaning. We called him Moany Jeff, not to his face though LOL..Anyways a couple of years went by and I ran into him at the club and he was a totally changed his outlook. I never did ask him what he did but ever after that he was almost Mr.Popularity and eventually did meet some guy and they settled down and bought a house somewhere.
 
"Growing up, my parents would reward me with things only when i could prove to them that i was deserving of it, when i got it, i still had to be greatfull for it, if i was not it was taken away, like my very first dog that i wanted, i was deserving of it, and got it, yet i was not greatful for it and so it was taken away.

God unfortunatly does not work like that, he grants to those who do not deserve, and when they show ungratitude, he does not take it away."

I'm glad God doesn't work that way. Your parents' method sounds a bit mean and sadistic to me. Who would give a young boy a dog and then take it away when the boy didn't express ENOUGH gratitude? Most parents would be satisfied if the dog and boy got along, and were happy, and the boy took care - depending on how old he is - of the dog's basic necessities and wasn't cruel to the dog. But to take the dog away because the boy didn't THANK them enough? No wonder you have issues today...

Sorry, didn't mean to sound judgmental or harsh, but your parents don't sound like they did a very nice thing for you there. It seems to me they were thinking more of their own feelings than yours, which makes the gift a rather hypocritical gesture.

Just my opinion, mind you. Maybe they were great people in other respects.
 
It is in the dictionary between shit & syphilis

HAHAHA!!! Sudsman, you made a funny! HAHA(slaps knee)
speed_queen75, I don't think blaming GOD is the way to go. Like others said, there are a lot more things to be thankful for.
hoover1100,
Yep, it is hard seeing everyone around you either with a gf or bf or married. I have had several women express an interest in me however I'm one of those mental people who think everything through. Ever since my first girl friend, I believe that people have ulterior motives and you have to run them through the wringer to see what they are about. I believe that having a gf or bf creates unnecessary drama that one does not need. For me, I believe that I do not have a gf for a specific reason. Not because I purposely put on a front to be unapproachable, but because I am destined to do something before I get one. For you hoover1100, it may be that you are single for a specific purpose. Just my 2 cents.
 
Interesting thread....

Speed-Q I think it comes down to a simple question--Are YOU a person that the type of person you are attracted to would be attracted to? What are you bringing to the table? If it's the "poor me" attitude I glean from your posts, that is part of the problem.

If you want to blame a god, that is your right, but I've never seen a need to pray or ask a higher power to help me. Maybe there is a god, perhaps not, but I'm not going to put my life and my decisions up to a maybe god. My take on it? There is a line from an old book, one of my favorites and one of the characters was asked if he believes in god, and his response fits my beliefs quite well. The response was "On even days I'm an agnostic, or odd an atheist." Today's an even day, so Yeah, there might be a god, but I'm sure he's not micromanaging anyones love life...

And one other thought--- what's so bad about being alone? I am by choice, and while I miss having someone to do things with at times, I am free to do what I want. I suffer from cycles of deep depression, and when I was very young I decided I'd never subject anyone I loved to a life with someone like me. I saw what my father's depressive states did to my parents marriage and I could not imagine doing that to someone I loved. I, unlike he, decided to try and do something about it, but after many , many years and dozens of meds, I've come to accept and work around the problem. Would I have liked a different life? Yes, but this one isn't that bad.
 
Actually Sudsmaster

My parents were teacing me a lesson in life, that is you deserve something you'll recieve it, if you don't you wont. the bible aslso teaches this that whatever a man does not appreciate he shall lose, but God does not honor his word and falls back on it time and time again.

Most of you have asked and said who am i to judge who deserves what? My answer to that is if your actions show that you are undeserving of somethig than you do not deserve it.

I know that life and God is not fair, and no i did not create this problem, it's God's fault. Everythig that happens in life is to be blamed on God, we have no control over what happenes to us, however our creator does.

And yes god does play "matchmaker" He did it for Isack, Abraham, King solomon, and King David, he sent them all a Wive, sent her to their door.

I just don't understand why if you dont meritt something you recieve it and and if you do you dont recieve.
 
~I know that life and God is not fair.
No, this is what you BELIEVE. In life we "see" what we (want to) believe.

"It's not fair" is simply someone's way of saying "I'm anrgy because I can't have my way".

You keep repeating yourself and your thought process no matter how many times it has been have nicely said, "Darling, it may be the teensiest bit flawed".

No matter. The "FIXED" astrological signs being Taurus, Scorpio and Leo tend to think in one way and one way only. No amount of reason, logic or prompting can get them to change, and probably even if they WANT to, at that. Are you one of these? Those who don't bend (change), break.

I wish you the best.

:-)

And please, you speak like a stereotypcial southerner regarding G-d, the Bible and the universe, but you appear to have a very limited understanding of same. Is there ANY possiblity that there may be another perspective on the planet?

PEACE OUT.
 
~My parents were teacing me a lesson in life, that is you deserve something you'll recieve it, if you don't you wont. the bible aslso teaches this that whatever a man does not appreciate he shall lose, but God does not honor his word and falls back on it time and time again.

"DESERVE" is a crock of judgemental shit. In this case green/yellow, warm, liquid and very magnificently mal-odorous.

Actually if you WORK for something your earn/deserve it. It doesn't come to you just because you think it should, or that some great benfactor will hand it to you.

The first respondent was right, you are confusing G-d with Santa Claus.

Sorry. I'm being so strong. YOUR RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. *LOL*

YOU ARE LOVED no matter how much you may not like yourself.
 
> My parents were teacing me a lesson in life, that is you deserve something you'll recieve it, if you don't you wont. <

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your parents misled you. Badly.

When you get a headache, do you take something for it? Or do you sit in a corner in pain, and blame God for it?

Lee, please pardon this tough love, but you really, REALLY need to grow up, grow a pair and start taking control over your own life. God will start hearing your prayers as soon as you do, and stop praying to Santa Claus.
 
Interviewed were Mexican farmers and USA farmers.
Tehre was a study to try to fins out why the vast differeces in output.

The USA farmers said: Well I plow the fields, apply fertilizer, built and use a sprinkler system and apply active pest control measures. I also rotate my crops yearly.

The Mexican farmers said, "Well, if God wants me to have food and money he'll make it rain"

Yes, it is ALL going to fall in your lap because you DESERVE, it dear.

Newton's Laws of Thermodynamics. For each and every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you do this...then that will happen.
 
who is deserving?

"You cannot judge your insides by other people's outsides." Is something I heard once and it makes so much sense. No one should be denied a moment to feel sorry for themselves, but anything more than that is energy that needs to be rechanneled before your well being is jeopardized.

Deciding who is and who is not deserving is pretty shallow. Blaming God for anything is ridiculous. It sounds like you have stopped loving yourself. If you don't love yourself, then not much is going to come your way.

If you are truly depressed, then go see the Dr and get him to help you work it out. I did this once, it took a week or so to get used to the medication, but then, all of a sudden, it was like, "oh, yes, this is much more like it!" We have chemical changes as we get older that bring on the blues, it is a fact.

Since there are no do-overs for our lives, it is best to make the most of the one you have been given. I think the defining moment in my life is when I realized years ago, I would never want to trade places with anyone, anywhere, for any reason. Love, money, nothing. When I see what some people are going thru, I am glad I have my stupid problems.

If you are a drinker, cut back for awhile. Drinking will cloud your mind and make this kind of situation seem hopeless.

Get well man, life is waiting for you!
 
I`ll always remember being brainwashed by church & my parents years ago about expecting god to do all these great things for me & one day I realized if its going to happen its
going to be because I made it happen .

Don`t expect god to be youre butler .

God put you here - If you want something then get out there & make it happen .

Youre dreams are waiting for YOU to come true.

Not being Rude Just trying to prove a point .

GET OUT THERE & MAKE IT HAPPEN Because if you don`t then it will not.
 
My parents were teacing me a lesson in life...

"...that is you deserve something you'll recieve it, if you don't you wont..."

Sounds like it wasn't a very valid lesson, since you've since claimed you've found so many people who don't deserve what life hands them, good and bad. Maybe that's the way you and your parents WISH life would be, but sorry to tell you wishing and hoping and thinking and praying doesn't make it so.

As for who has control over what, here's how that works. You may not have control over everything that happens to you, but you do have control over how you react to these things. It is the quality of this reaction that separates the well-adjusted from the miserable, the charmer from the annoyer, and the companion from the pariah.

SQ, perhaps you need to take a closer look at how you react to what life tosses your way, and how you can change your attitude and behavior for a better outcome. Whining about it here probably isn't the best way to accomplish that goal.

OTOH, I'm getting the impression that you aren't really listening to what people are trying to tell you here... that you've set up your own value system and fail to recognize that your system is a big part of your problem with relationships.
Not that I'm any great success at it either, but you will rarely find me whining about it to strangers.
 
can't see the forest for the trees

what is that old joke about the flood victim that sees God in heaven?

The water is high, he is on top of his house, a boat of friends, comes by and wants to help him. "No I am waiting for God to save me!" Another boat with the rescue squad comes by to help. "No I am waiting for God to same me!" Then a helicopter flies by and drops a ladder. "No I am waiting for God to save me!" He finally drowns and when he gets to heaven and meets God, saying "God I am surprised to be here, I have worshiped you all my life and been a faithful servant. Why did you not save me from the flood waters?" God said, "I know you have been one of my best servants, that's why I sent you 2 boats and a helicopter."
 
you can't pray for a spouse

if you are able bodied, go out and find one. If you are not willing to do any leg work on this one, what makes you think God is going to drop it in your lap? Stop judging other people. You are breaking the commandments, coveting thy neighbors wife. That is exactly what that means. You also cannot begrudge people for what they have, how dare you. I have a partner of 27yrs. He did not knock on the door while I was praying for God to send me someone. I went out and met him and we had a couple dates and have been together ever since. you have complained about everything, but you have not said you are ugly, so what's the problem? God has a bunch of potential husbands out there for you at the homo bar, or on Craig's list or wherever guys meet each other. God does not do mail order, or home delivery. Wake up. Stop blaming God for your love life. Go out and meet somebody. But get this self-pity shit out of your system. No one wants to hear you feel sorry for yourself, especially if you are looking for someone to date. If you don't stop being bitter you won't be able to be any other way. Luck tends to favor the well prepared, shut up, fix yourself up, and go find a man.
 
Change your way of thinking....

I have been reading the responses in this thread and have to agree with many of the other members here. YOU are the only one that can change your life and there’s no point blaming God for not giving you what you want.

Let me tell you something: I’ve just turned 40 and have only ever had one relationship in the past 2 years and while that wasn’t great, I haven’t let that fact get to me. Sure, every now and then I have questioned why I don’t seem to be a lot of guys “preference” here in Brisbane (my asian background seems to be a hindrance to some) BUT, at the end of the day I know there is someone for me.

Recently and whether you are into this or not (and I’m not going to get into any discussions about this here), I had a clairvoyant reading and do you know what she said to me? That, I LIKE myself now, much more than I used to and that is the point….you must at least LIKE yourself before anyone can like you….and all of a sudden, I have begun seeing someone. Now, I’m not sure where this will go, but because I like myself now, someone has seen that and wants to get to know me.

Also, you maybe interested to know that she also said to me that when she reads someone who is “physically beautiful”…..when she delves deeper and has a look behind the “façade”….most times there is nothing there….that it is just a façade. And I think about that every single time I see these very good looking but pretentious people in the gay community.

At the end of the day, YOU have to change your way of thinking before anyone will want to be with you.

Leon
 
Lee,I have had the same thoughts and feelings many times.I had a terrible time dealing with being gay and be raised in a very religious family.I went to Boyd-Buchanan and sense you live in cleveland tn and I in Chattanooga you might have heard of it.Its a private Church of Christ school and my teenage years was growing up thinking why me God, I have no attractions to women at all never been there never will.I hated my self cause I knew I was gay,but at the same time I did'nt fit into what I thought gay was back then.I love Football,cars,guns,fishing so I was very confused.My family is very religious,my family built the Church of Christ in Athens,Tn but in 1994 I had a Epileptic sezure a terrible one and the first I was like 18 then.I was told after 10 days in Erlanger hospital that they dont know why i have epilepsy I just do.I didnt have another one for years but during that time I did come out and my Dad threw me out.A few of my extended family wanted to burn me at the stake and they still hate me but I don't care.They dont like my cause I say what ever comes to my mind and I threw up the fact that her daughter got knocked up at 15,and she is a whore cause she was telling folks I would rather my kid die than tell me there gay.She sends me the Pray the gay away thing in Memphis.Well my Sezures got worse I had a terrible car wreck on 1-75 had a sezure and hit a power pole doing over 120.That wreck broke my back,arm,knee cap and then I got sued for 3 mill.In 2003 I had another sezure at the wrong time while skeet shooting and blew my left leg off.My sezures are terrible when I have them but for the longest I blamed God but I should be dead at the same time.My Family came around and I am out to everybody but like you I have had a boyfriend or even dated.I have a friend of a friend we dont hang out but he is UGLY and has a S.T.D. and he picks up hot guys all the time and I dont get what guys see in him.He made one pass at me and I told him I dont like fem guys,well I am not attracted to them at all.Maybe its a Tennessee thing I know you have heard or been to Allan Golds before in Chatt. I don't fit in the gay seen and don't like the clubs,I want a L.T.R. I have never been one to sleep around but its how do you meet good guys out there and I am also alot more shy now because of the being a leg amputee.I have been mad at God and still have sooo many questions. I am the oldest and my Mom and Dad now are very Overprotective,I can't live alone because the last time I did I had a sezure and about drowned in the bath tub but my friend was over there.I am in my early 30s and Mom would low jack me if she could get away with it.For the longest time I was HATEFUL and bitter and I still get depressed but I have lived and Mom says its not luck and maybe she is right.I have had tooo many shear luck things happen when I should be six feet under.My Sezures are controlled now through medication but I feel your pain but my problem is where do you meet guys?I don't drink and party been there done that and stay away from that crowd.I am very picky but I have been introduced to hot guys and then they speak and purse falls out of there mouth.Why date a guy that acts like a girl to me its redundent.I know how you feel though and yes it is very hard but I stopped blaming God and started thanking him for me being alive,I know I will find my guy out there one day.I have to believe that,I have a ton of guys on my facebook page wanting me but there are thoese guys that have a love for one-legged guys and that dont bother me but I have been stalked at Hamilton place and I know it was because Im one-legged..I am used to the stares but there are some nut cases also out there but yes it is very lonely at times,and I was so filled with hate but I had to let it go and play the hand of cards I was dealt in life the best I can.I am sorry your going through a rough time..WES
 

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