You know you're getting old...

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mattl

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I always enjoy the Chuck Lorre vanity cards at the end of "Big Bang Theory". Had to laugh to tonight's, thought some here might enjoy it:

<i> You know you're getting old when... You throw your back out on the toilet. You shave your ears. Your second wife calls your first wife “ma’am.” You're genuinely excited when your prescriptions arrive in the mail. You read the obits in the newspaper to check the ages of the dead people. You read a newspaper. You're bummed out that the smokin’ hot chick from Body Heat now looks like William Shatner in drag. You say “bummed out.” Women your age have real breasts and artificial hips. Masturbation leaves you winded. You try to amuse the kid hooking up your Blu-ray player by telling him about Betamax. You pee in morse code -- dots and dashes -- and have to look down to see when you’re done. Your car radio is set to “classic rock” so you have something to switch to during NPR pledge drives. Your doctor says things like, “that’s normal for a man your age” and “consider yourself lucky.” Beneath your chin is what appears to be a neck skin hammock. Beneath your penis is what appears to be two ping pong balls hanging from a flesh-colored bolo tie. You choose your new car because it offers great lumbar support and convenient cup holders. Watching “The Who” perform at the Superbowl made you inconsolably sad. You wonder if the orgasm you're about to have will actually end your life. Your doctor tells you a new medication will reduce the amount of semen in your body and your only response is, “so what.” Your car radio is set to “classic rock” so you have something to... oh, wait, I already did that one. <i>
 
"How about if you had to put your glasses on to read this thread???" or even worse... remember the "S" word and start wondering when was the last time I had it and literally don't be able to remember because it was a loooooong long long very long time ago.

Even worse download some "modern" songs and burn a cd to play in the car then your 9 years old nephew starts asking "what does bee gees mean?" or "who's Cher?"
 
"Now that I'm old and my pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal is just my water spout..."

It goes on for several more lines, but I won't go there. Personally, I would not want to be one minute younger. I have been sustained this far in safety, showered with blessings and had most all of my dreams brought to fruition. Compared to what young people today face, I have had life easy and good. I have rich memories; many very good and some very bad, but they are my life's story. I don't want to repeat anything. My principal regret is the friends I have lost along the years, but I know I will see them again. I have lived through the age of the best appliances, cars and music and into the age of some wonderful technology and advances in human rights, but just as in every other time, progress is a threat to the ignorant and they will risk everything to halt it. From tending a fireplace years ago, I learned that flames are exciting and showy, but the best fire burns over a rich bed of embers and embers come only after a good fire of good wood has been burning for a good period of time.
 
Tomturbomatic I couldn't have said it better. I'm just having a little trouble accepting all the aging has to offer, but I'm getting there. Like you said I don't want to go back just move forward.
 
Ditto that your don't want arrive at home plate on your last day in a tux and looking young and well rested. Best to slide onto home plate clothes torn, aged, a well used body with painful joints, laughing, and say Man what a ride. alr2903
 
Chuck, I'll do you one better: How about if you have to take your glasses OFF to read this thread, LOL?!

At 51, I'm experiencing many of the symptoms listed above. But I still roll out of bed and crank up The Replacements (or Pavement, or Wire, or T.Rex, or The Brakes, or...) to get me going.

Life ain't so bad....
 

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