A "Plea" From An Oil Exec

[dirtybuck]

(I hope you all like this tongue in cheek ditty I came up with...comments are appreciated.)

Hello, my name is Malcom Hawkins, and I'm a assistant oil executive for Exxon-Mobil.

As you may have noticed, gas prices are starting to inch up higher and higher than what they were last winter. Last year, we hit high profits with gas going over 4.00 a gallon for a few months. My bonus check was quite a delight to myself and my family for the Christmas season. We all got what we wanted, and more.

However, I, other oil execs and even some stock holders are somewhat skeptical that the checks this year will NOT be in the same zone as last year. Some financial analysts are saying that gas may only peak a bit over 3.00 a gallon by the end of this summer (depending on where you live).

PLEASE! I (and other oil big wigs) BEG OF YOU! KEEP UP YOUR DEPENDENCY ON GAS! My daughter wants so badly to go back to school in January at one of the preppy universities sporting a brand new BMW! It's against my will to let her be seen by her friends and fellow classmates in her "shoddy" '08 Toyota Solara. It served her purpose at that time (she was a junior in high school), but at this point, she deserves much better.

My son is already hitting me up for a top of the line laptop Mac, Ipod and IPhone, as well as a top of the line Sony video camera. I bought him a (GASP) HP laptop two years ago, which he absolutely detests! I've learned NOT to make the same mistake twice!

My wife and I would like to take our THIRD trip around the world. She is also begging me for more Botox sessions and breast enlargement. As for me, I want a new speed boat, that's only a mere 8,000.00. I also want to keep my psychotic gay lover stocked with the latest street drugs his suppliers can give him, so that our sex sessions will be more exciting and fulfilling (I'd like to give him a solid gold crack pipe, AND WITH YOUR HELP, it just may happen).

The "excuse" that's being used now on gas prices is that OPEC is cutting production, due to a surplus of crude oil and refineries as well having a surplus of gas. NONSENSE!! We, the oil execs, are entitled to what we want, and gouging the consumer by raising gas prices is how we plan on getting it.

FORGET ABOUT ECO AND GOING GREEN! FORGET ABOUT CARS THAT GET 30, 40 OR EVEN 50 MPG! FORGET ABOUT PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, CAR POOLING, SCOOTERS AND WALKING. We are "leading" other countries in obesity, and we should stay that way.

PLEASE!! WE BEG OF YOU! Go back to using cars, trucks, SUV's and other forms of transportation that only get up to a "whopping" 15 mpg (I mean, it's better than 10)! Forget about not being able to afford gas or even meals for your family...we're sure you'll manage somehow, even if it means cashing/dipping into your CD's or 401K's.

WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU, AMERICA! Please, don't deny my family, other oil exec families or even the stock holders, the "happy holidays" that we so rightly deserve. Remember, we are only a little over six months away from Christmas! Do your best in making our dreams come true!

Thank you for reading this and for your time and support in this crucial endeavor. God Bless You!

 

[tristarcxl]

Precisely why I drive a Honda that never gets below the mid 30's on it's worst days.

Oil prices have little if anything to do with the oil companies, and everything to do with a small room of corporate fat-cats in New York known commonly as "Futures Traders". THEY are the ones who solely control the cost of crude oil in this country as well as any other developed country in existance.

If you want to point your gun at the right people, turn it from the oil companies and point it at THOSE bastards! It absolutely floors me how you can sell oil based on what it "might cost" 6 weeks from now. The gas you buy today is actually priced 6-8 weeks in the future! Now that makes sense doesn't it?!?!

 

[dirtybuck]

About My "Plea" Posting...

I'm glad that tristarcxl brought up a few things that I really didn't know about. Thank you.

OK...as evident, I do NOT know a whole lot about the oil companies, the oil "game", the execs or things along that nature. I, and I'm sure others, probably have thought that it's the big oil wigs, along with the wealthy stock holders, that get the big bonuses at the end of the year. And yes, I've heard about "future traders" and how they set up gas prices for 6-8 weeks in the future.

I think I should have done a bit more research. I guess if you read my posting, you should substitute "future traders" for "oil execs".

 

[tristarcxl]

Don't feel sorry for the Oil Execs! Not at all! They made a record breaking amount of money in 2008! Do they NEED that much money? NO! If they were worth a damn they'd have gone out and SPENT some of that money on alternative fuels that work (Biofuels, solar, and Hydrogen do NOT work) and actually figured out how to branch out into other energy sources.

Do they? Nope! Like you said, they're just greedy corporate fat cats!

 

[whirlcool]

I have a neighbor who works for EM. What the company does is insist to their employees that they can't give out the raises they want to because they aren't making a whole lot of money. Then a few weeks later you read in the newspaper that once again they made record breaking profits. Most EM employees won't play the "carrot before the horse" game anymore.

This is one company that always manages by fear, and nothing no matter how good your project results are is ever good enough for management. You can spend nights and weekends down at their office only to be told at review time "We still feel you could have done more..."

From the stories I have been told about EM management, I don't know how some of those managers can sleep at night treating their employees the way they do.

EM is a very conservative company and loves to hire old fuddy duddies in upper management positions from within.

 

[alr2903]

If hurricane season kicks off in a timely fashion, gas will be 4 bucks or more. We have high mpg vehicles and last summer sucked. The talking heads coined that goofy Staycation term. Lets hope for the best.

 

[davek]

The oil companies may be making a lot of money, but they're delivering a product for that money. The futures traders don't ever do anything with it but hope that the price goes up. They can't refine it or even take delivery to store it if the price goes down! Crude oil is traded in quantities much larger than gold or platinum! You have the price being controlled by the whims of some people who can't do anything with it. They really need to be removed from the chain...