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veg-o-matic

veg-o-matic

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2004
Messages
2,626
Location
Baltimore, Hon!
Talk about Off Topic...

I never thought I'd be doing this, and this probably isn't the right place but you guys are family to me and I need some advice.

I've decided it's time to get off my butt and start looking for Mr. Right. To that end, I'm going to put a personal ad on one of those desperate-to-find-someone websites, but I need to know which one is the best.

Eharmony doesn't do queers, and most of the gay sites I've seen are meat markets--hot guys looking for other hot guys for a quick hookup. That's not what I'm looking for at all.

Unfortunately, gaylosers.com isn't a valid web address. Too bad; it would've been perfect.

Surely there's a place for guys like me--an old-fashioned "nice guy" with traditional values who just happens to be queer. I'm not rich and I'm certainly not hot, but I have a lot of love to give and just once (oh, please God, just once) I'd like to see what it's like to get some of it back.

So what do you say? Any advice? If you'd rather respond by email, feel free-address is in my profile.

Thank you. I'm going to need a lot of help here, and youall are my support group.

veg
 
You've already written it...

..."an old-fashioned "nice guy" with traditional values who just happens to be queer. I'm not rich and I'm certainly not hot, but I have a lot of love to give and just once (oh, please God, just once) I'd like to see what it's like to get some of it back."

Sounds like a good start to me. Not sure which site is best, there are so many out there. I met mine on AOL but I don't remember which chat room I was in. Hundreds have popped up since then. Probably, Arkansas or something like that that might interest you.

I used to go on one called Interracial.com as I am attracted to guys outside my race. See if there any specialized ones out there.
 
Great Idea Veg

Hey veg, these days meeting people on the web is the way to go, from what I hear the majority of single guys I see at the gym or at the bars say that's where the a lot of their dates are coming from.

I have heard that gay.com is a good place for an add, less of a meat market than mahunt.net or others like that.
 
BEEE VERY CAREFUL!! A very, very good Friend, almost a brother to me paid MUCHOS Buckos, filled out a very exhaustive questionaire and met some people including one who stole him blind. I hate to sound cynical, but I am anyway so I will give you this piece of advice: If you meet someone you think might be the one, go to one of those people/phone number sites and pay for a background check or something. You cannot be too careful. Best of luck.
 
Hey Veg -

For various reasons, I would be the last fellow to offer any suggestions, but I wish you luck on your journey. You are a great individual and a loving guy and anyone would be lucky to find you. I know how difficult it can be to meet that Mr./Ms. right these days, but when the time is right - it just happens.

Ben
 
John and I met the old-fashioned way (a drunk hook-up in a bar) but I think the websites are as good a way as any, as long as you look on it as an opportunity to meet new friends, one of whom might turn out to be "the one"

I think your description of yourself is a nice one. I just wish that the term "traditional values" hadn't been hijacked by people who don't have them ;-) So many nice words (liberty, heritage, family, Christian, etc) have been getting a bad reputation in recent years from being mis-used by a rough crowd. But that's neither here nor there.

Go forward and have fun!
 
Love Yourself Veg

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyone measure

It is our light, NOT our darkness that most frightens us
Your playing small does not serve the world
Ther is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you

We were all meant to shine as children
It's not just in some of us - it's in everyone
And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously
Give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear
Our presence automatically liberates others.

It worked for me,
Kelly
 
So the old tried and true concept of hanging out in reststop bathrooms or "meeting in the park" doesn't work anymore? LOL Gosh where have I been the last 8 years.
OK, OK, I admit I am being snarky. Seriously, I could never understand why Anyone used to do that. Before the internet though... Now at least people can be safer in their pursuits, the internet has truly revolutioned the way we live.

Could I be so humble as to ask our beloved moderator about starting a paysection of the site for the exclusive use of those of us looking for, dating, chat, pic trading, etc. Or perhaps make a majority of the site pay, and get reimbursed for all your hard work.
 
beautiful words Kelly...

Thanks for sharing them....

Veg, you are a great guy, no doubts there. Someone is going to be very lucky to have you!
 
Hi veg

First YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! Your have more friends than you know. We are here for you too.. For what it is worth here is what I beleive about it all. First what is in a persons heart is more important than what is in his wallet . I have never been impressed by big houses , Expensive cars , And expensive clothes. None of that makes heart kind or gentle. @nd No one is more important or less important than you. A simple gardner is just important as a computer programmer. We all have a place here in this world. Some find it some never do. It is like to a massive puzzle , each and every piece is very important to the outcome as without just one piece the puzzle can never be finished. We are all a piece of that puzzle and our piece is important. GOOD LUCK to you, I hope you find your matching piece of the puzzle.
 
Oh, Veg!

You broke my heart a little. Just a little.

You are a great guy, and some lucky son-of-a-gun will have a wonderful partner in you. Really.

You're smart, you're funny, you love Mid-Century, you're easier on the eyes than you think you are...

I'd be interested in you romantically myself, if there wasn't a matter of being too much alike in some matters. Like most everyone else here, I treasure you as a friend. No lie.

When you do write your ad please do not self-deprecate. Please.

There's always: Baltimore.craigslist.org/m4m

Maybe use a literary metaphor-- " Baltimore's Michael Tolliver seeks Thack Sweeney"?

I think it's awesome that you're thinking along these lines.

BIG hugs,

Lawrence/Maytagbear
 
I have to agree with Jeff, Kelly those were beautiful words. Something we all need to think about and remember. Thanks for sharing. Terry
 
It can work

Hi Veg,

I found Michael on gaydar.com.au almost 4 years ago now, so online dating can work and you can end up finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The downside to Internet dating, is that regardless of the chatting you do, it is still impossible to really know a person before you meet them. The best piece of advice I can offer, is when you get to a point to meet somebody, keep your expectations neutral (Regardless of how good they've been to talk to) and that way you'll be gloriously surprised, or not too dissapointed.

gay.com is a good site, or gaydar.com.au.

Good luck in the search, and never lose heart, because Mr Right could be a few mouse clicks away.

Nathan
 
I have to admit this was a good thread to start.

I myself have not "been out there" since 1998. I remember answering ads in Bear Magazine and some newspapers. How about "the People Store". I wonder if that is still around?

Only now am I starting to WANT to be with someone again.
I wish you luck and you are certainly not alone.
Have realistic expectations and a positive attitude.
And what is it that is said "when you least expect to find someone (or something), they appear"
So maybe that would be better advice. Don't look, cross it off your list, "Furgedd-a-bottit", vow to be single forever. ( I bet you won't be)
 
I think you got some very good advices and nice things have been said. But there is one thing that you have to keep in mind and that is never be unfaithful to yourself and what you believe in, otherwise you might end up in an unhappy relationship. Better to stay alone than be unfaithful to yourself.

I hope you meet a real nice person, you deserve it!!

Louis
 
Wow.

I knew I'd get support here but I didn't realize how much. I am truly, truly thankful. The emails in particular have been wonderful.

Not too long ago, I fell in love with a wonderful man. I developed feelings I had no idea I was capable of. Alas, it was not to be. Luckily, we're still friends, and I'm very glad of that.

But I got a taste of heaven for a while there. And I liked it. Forty-six years, and I had no idea.

So here I am, trying to find it again.

I joined Yahoo today, but only for a month, figuring it was going to be money down the drain. I think my profile is okay (Note to Lawrence: there's a difference between self-deprecating and realistic. It's a fine line indeed, but it's a line nonetheless. But thank you.)

And if the planets are aligned and everything in the entire universe is in its proper place, maybe someone will respond. Geez. When was the last time I was on an actual date? I think the Democrats were in office.

No, it was the Whigs...

Thank you all again. You can't begin to imagine how much I appreciate your support. You guys are the best.

veg
 
Here's my take on why so many relationships don't last or don't even get off the ground. People look for people with similar interests and forego those who don't share them. BIG MISTAKE !!! We've been together 24 years, certainly it hasn't all been bliss either, and we have had many coupled friends together as long or even longer than us and in every case like ours, the two partners are as different as night and day. Sure you can like some things to do together but not too much. Too much togetherness is a recipe for disaster. Second point: Avoid at all costs anyone advertizing they like to go on walks, go to the theatre and out to dinner because they're probably phoney or not very interesting and certainly not very creative LOL
Veg, I'm surprised with the traveling that you've done lately you didn't run into Mr. Right.. usually happens when your hundreds or thousands of miles from home.
 
No harm in shopping around Veg. Just don't expect to find your prince right away. And there is nothing wrong with checking out Mr. Wrong either....
 
Sometimes. one bumps in Mr. Right when seeking our Mr. Right-now. You just never know.

Remember~ it is only true love when returned. Without reciprocity there is nothing. Those who demand love and attention and affection and have expectations of others are frequently hurt the most.

Sometimes love comes when one stops looking for it. So frequenlty, people think they see love when it is not truly there.Only by giving love, (and we must love ourselves FIRST) can we receive love.

Love takes time to blossom. If it's immediate it may be a response to being paid attention-to, or perhaps some form of physical attraction.
True love means wanting what's best for the other person, even when that does not include you.
True love is patience, forgiveness, tolerance and going in with one's eyes WIDE open to the other's faults, not denying them.
True love is giving of yourself with total abandon, even if there is no WIFM (What's in it for me?)

Love, like many things, is a handful of sand. Hold it too tightly and it slips through your fingers. Hold it too loosely and the wind takes it away.

oh, and most of all..... True love is WORK. LOTS OF WORK.

And lastly, my personal favorite.. No one else can make you happy or complete...THAT IS YOUR OWN JOB. :-)

Your quest is a very noble one and one that I hope rewards your deeply and richly. Peace and healing to you.
 
More things Veg & I have in common

First, our first names aer both Bob! Second, Veg, you wrote exactly what I always wanna say on all my profiles, but it owuldn't be read, but I odn't vary much from what you already stated on my various profiles. I still haven't given up hope, yet, and I'm much older than you. OY. What's a bear to do. Quick, where that jar of honey for Tigger & me!!
 
Veg-You know we are all like family around here, so I think it's great you posted this here.

This spring I was really bummed out about my job situation (you know). Lawrence/Maytagbear suggested that I post a similar type of "prayer request" but I was too chicken so I had him do all the dirty work. He sent an email to many of the "high priests" around here. WOW-you could almoct feel the spiritual power and within a coupla' weeks I was working at Hawaiian Isles Kona Coffee. Now I'm not saying that we can pray a man right into your arms, but the collective spiritual consciousness of this group is amazing.

Perhaps Mr Right is here on Maui. Have you visited your travel agent yet?

Good things only for you!
much aloha!
David
 
Veg

Try Yahoo personals, that is where I met Mark.

Be careful and be true to yourself. It sounds like you have some very good values so you can afford to be choosy. The right person for you is out there but first you have to beleive in yourself and know going in that it is your choice.

Until then your family is here and we will support you..

Morgan
 
They come in pairs a theory

Seems I have always met 2 prospective partners in a short span of time. Which leaves one to a difficult decision. I thank the Good Lord I made the right decision 15 years ago. LOL seems you are either Lonesome Dove or Sex in the city. PeteK I agree strongly with you. even though its nice to say US, one needs to maintain their own personal identity. The balance between too clingy and too distant is very narrow... but then again sometimes on your very lucky day, you find Just Right, and usually when you least expect it. Now Veg get out there and find TWO, and have an elimination round.
 
I'm still collecting my thoughts on this issue, since I'm in pretty much the same boat as you are. You are, actually, light-years ahead of me, because you're willing to open your heart and try, whereas I haven't been able to summon up the same courage (and it's been more than a few years in my case).
Bad things can and do happen to anyone (I was identity-frauded by someone I met "doing something we both had in common and enjoyed", and, I'll tell you, even though I've forgiven him in my heart, I still haven't picked my jaw up off the sidewalk, so...)

There has to be a balance between being able to trust enough to develop a real relationship in the first place, not overcompensating out of insecurity and and ignoring red flags your brain puts up and your heart conveniently ignores, and not unconsciously bringing any damage, instilled from past wolves in camoflouge to some innocent, unwitting new soul who hasn't done a thing to deserve your wrath.

I'm new here, and not quite sure what I've stumbled upon on this board, but, based on what I've read so far, I'm impressed by the quality of the advice the boys have given thus far. I'm cautiously optimistic that, if you're clear as far as what your biggest concerns really are, you'll get some great insights here.

Thanks for sharing.
 
So many emotions...

Toggle,
Your words are beautiful and so very true. Thanks for sharing them!

Veg,
How I admire you for putting yourself out there. Not so long ago I fell for a really awesome guy, and how sweet it was. Sadly now we are apart, for no other reason than it's best for both of us.
I so admire your courage and strength, I wish I had 1/2 of it!
I'd like to give you some words I wrote a while back. I got the idea from a friend, and came up with this little poem. When asked, I've told people these words are my heart, which they really are . Tonight they are for you. I called the poem "Wait"

Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who stays awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you're wearing sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the guy who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the guy who turns to his friends and says,".....that's him."
 
One helpful thing you might want to think about right off the bat is how far you are willing to travel to meet someone new, and how you'd feel about possibly relocating, if you met the right person.
 
Jeff, I was that guy to someone and he still dumped me!!!!! I am the one that won in the end but it still hurts like the devil!!!!
 

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