Affairs of the heart

[veg-o-matic]

Talk about Off Topic...

I never thought I'd be doing this, and this probably isn't the right place but you guys are family to me and I need some advice.

I've decided it's time to get off my butt and start looking for Mr. Right. To that end, I'm going to put a personal ad on one of those desperate-to-find-someone websites, but I need to know which one is the best.

Eharmony doesn't do queers, and most of the gay sites I've seen are meat markets--hot guys looking for other hot guys for a quick hookup. That's not what I'm looking for at all.

Unfortunately, gaylosers.com isn't a valid web address. Too bad; it would've been perfect.

Surely there's a place for guys like me--an old-fashioned "nice guy" with traditional values who just happens to be queer. I'm not rich and I'm certainly not hot, but I have a lot of love to give and just once (oh, please God, just once) I'd like to see what it's like to get some of it back.

So what do you say? Any advice? If you'd rather respond by email, feel free-address is in my profile.

Thank you. I'm going to need a lot of help here, and youall are my support group.

veg

 

[chachp]

You've already written it...

..."an old-fashioned "nice guy" with traditional values who just happens to be queer. I'm not rich and I'm certainly not hot, but I have a lot of love to give and just once (oh, please God, just once) I'd like to see what it's like to get some of it back."

Sounds like a good start to me. Not sure which site is best, there are so many out there. I met mine on AOL but I don't remember which chat room I was in. Hundreds have popped up since then. Probably, Arkansas or something like that that might interest you.

I used to go on one called Interracial.com as I am attracted to guys outside my race. See if there any specialized ones out there.

 

[Unimatic1140]

Great Idea Veg

Hey veg, these days meeting people on the web is the way to go, from what I hear the majority of single guys I see at the gym or at the bars say that's where the a lot of their dates are coming from.

I have heard that gay.com is a good place for an add, less of a meat market than mahunt.net or others like that.

 

[tomturbomatic]

BEEE VERY CAREFUL!! A very, very good Friend, almost a brother to me paid MUCHOS Buckos, filled out a very exhaustive questionaire and met some people including one who stole him blind. I hate to sound cynical, but I am anyway so I will give you this piece of advice: If you meet someone you think might be the one, go to one of those people/phone number sites and pay for a background check or something. You cannot be too careful. Best of luck.

 

[swestoyz]

Hey Veg -

For various reasons, I would be the last fellow to offer any suggestions, but I wish you luck on your journey. You are a great individual and a loving guy and anyone would be lucky to find you. I know how difficult it can be to meet that Mr./Ms. right these days, but when the time is right - it just happens.

Ben

 

[dalangdon]

John and I met the old-fashioned way (a drunk hook-up in a bar) but I think the websites are as good a way as any, as long as you look on it as an opportunity to meet new friends, one of whom might turn out to be "the one"

I think your description of yourself is a nice one. I just wish that the term "traditional values" hadn't been hijacked by people who don't have them ;-) So many nice words (liberty, heritage, family, Christian, etc) have been getting a bad reputation in recent years from being mis-used by a rough crowd. But that's neither here nor there.

Go forward and have fun!

 

[mixfinder]

Love Yourself Veg

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyone measure

It is our light, NOT our darkness that most frightens us
Your playing small does not serve the world
Ther is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you

We were all meant to shine as children
It's not just in some of us - it's in everyone
And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously
Give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear
Our presence automatically liberates others.

It worked for me,
Kelly

 

[washertalk]

So the old tried and true concept of hanging out in reststop bathrooms or "meeting in the park" doesn't work anymore? LOL Gosh where have I been the last 8 years.
OK, OK, I admit I am being snarky. Seriously, I could never understand why Anyone used to do that. Before the internet though... Now at least people can be safer in their pursuits, the internet has truly revolutioned the way we live.

Could I be so humble as to ask our beloved moderator about starting a paysection of the site for the exclusive use of those of us looking for, dating, chat, pic trading, etc. Or perhaps make a majority of the site pay, and get reimbursed for all your hard work.

 

[hoover1060]

beautiful words Kelly...

Thanks for sharing them....

Veg, you are a great guy, no doubts there. Someone is going to be very lucky to have you!

 

[sudsman]

Hi veg

First YOU ARE NOT A LOSER! Your have more friends than you know. We are here for you too.. For what it is worth here is what I beleive about it all. First what is in a persons heart is more important than what is in his wallet . I have never been impressed by big houses , Expensive cars , And expensive clothes. None of that makes heart kind or gentle. @nd No one is more important or less important than you. A simple gardner is just important as a computer programmer. We all have a place here in this world. Some find it some never do. It is like to a massive puzzle , each and every piece is very important to the outcome as without just one piece the puzzle can never be finished. We are all a piece of that puzzle and our piece is important. GOOD LUCK to you, I hope you find your matching piece of the puzzle.

 

[maytagbear]

Oh, Veg!

You broke my heart a little. Just a little.

You are a great guy, and some lucky son-of-a-gun will have a wonderful partner in you. Really.

You're smart, you're funny, you love Mid-Century, you're easier on the eyes than you think you are...

I'd be interested in you romantically myself, if there wasn't a matter of being too much alike in some matters. Like most everyone else here, I treasure you as a friend. No lie.

When you do write your ad please do not self-deprecate. Please.

There's always: Baltimore.craigslist.org/m4m

Maybe use a literary metaphor-- " Baltimore's Michael Tolliver seeks Thack Sweeney"?

I think it's awesome that you're thinking along these lines.

BIG hugs,

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[tlee618]

I have to agree with Jeff, Kelly those were beautiful words. Something we all need to think about and remember. Thanks for sharing. Terry

 

[brisnat81]

It can work

Hi Veg,

I found Michael on gaydar.com.au almost 4 years ago now, so online dating can work and you can end up finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The downside to Internet dating, is that regardless of the chatting you do, it is still impossible to really know a person before you meet them. The best piece of advice I can offer, is when you get to a point to meet somebody, keep your expectations neutral (Regardless of how good they've been to talk to) and that way you'll be gloriously surprised, or not too dissapointed.

gay.com is a good site, or gaydar.com.au.

Good luck in the search, and never lose heart, because Mr Right could be a few mouse clicks away.

Nathan

 

[washertalk]

I have to admit this was a good thread to start.

I myself have not "been out there" since 1998. I remember answering ads in Bear Magazine and some newspapers. How about "the People Store". I wonder if that is still around?

Only now am I starting to WANT to be with someone again.
I wish you luck and you are certainly not alone.
Have realistic expectations and a positive attitude.
And what is it that is said "when you least expect to find someone (or something), they appear"
So maybe that would be better advice. Don't look, cross it off your list, "Furgedd-a-bottit", vow to be single forever. ( I bet you won't be)

 

[foraloysius]

I think you got some very good advices and nice things have been said. But there is one thing that you have to keep in mind and that is never be unfaithful to yourself and what you believe in, otherwise you might end up in an unhappy relationship. Better to stay alone than be unfaithful to yourself.

I hope you meet a real nice person, you deserve it!!

Louis

 

[jmirawm]

Words of wisdom

A friend once taught me, <p> There is one thing worse than being alone: <p> NOT being alone and wishing you were.

 

[veg-o-matic]

Wow.

I knew I'd get support here but I didn't realize how much. I am truly, truly thankful. The emails in particular have been wonderful.

Not too long ago, I fell in love with a wonderful man. I developed feelings I had no idea I was capable of. Alas, it was not to be. Luckily, we're still friends, and I'm very glad of that.

But I got a taste of heaven for a while there. And I liked it. Forty-six years, and I had no idea.

So here I am, trying to find it again.

I joined Yahoo today, but only for a month, figuring it was going to be money down the drain. I think my profile is okay (Note to Lawrence: there's a difference between self-deprecating and realistic. It's a fine line indeed, but it's a line nonetheless. But thank you.)

And if the planets are aligned and everything in the entire universe is in its proper place, maybe someone will respond. Geez. When was the last time I was on an actual date? I think the Democrats were in office.

No, it was the Whigs...

Thank you all again. You can't begin to imagine how much I appreciate your support. You guys are the best.

veg

 

[brettsomers]

Veg, it takes b@lls to make an effort like you are about to make. I envy your sass. David

 

[petek]

Here's my take on why so many relationships don't last or don't even get off the ground. People look for people with similar interests and forego those who don't share them. BIG MISTAKE !!! We've been together 24 years, certainly it hasn't all been bliss either, and we have had many coupled friends together as long or even longer than us and in every case like ours, the two partners are as different as night and day. Sure you can like some things to do together but not too much. Too much togetherness is a recipe for disaster. Second point: Avoid at all costs anyone advertizing they like to go on walks, go to the theatre and out to dinner because they're probably phoney or not very interesting and certainly not very creative LOL
Veg, I'm surprised with the traveling that you've done lately you didn't run into Mr. Right.. usually happens when your hundreds or thousands of miles from home.