Alone on holidays...

[lordkenmore]

My Christmas will almost certainly be "Home Alone." Without, one trusts, any burglars to torment with various home made traps. LOL

Being alone during the holiday season is pretty standard. My family gathering is by Christmas cards. I have no gatherings locally to go to. I don't even go to holiday parties--the last one was probably when I was in college, more than quarter of a century ago. (Yes, Lord Kenmore is as unlikable in real life as he is on the computer screen. LOL)

Earlier, I was wondering what others in a similar situation do. Go through some effort to Do Christmas Right with big dinner for one, lots of decorations, etc? Do nothing, and hope the season passes quickly? Some token effort (e.g., a few decorations, and a nice dinner that's not standard weeknight fare, but not quite as elaborate as full scale traditional dinner?)

As for me, some years I make a small effort. Some decorating, perhaps, like a small tree. I might make a "real dinner", although nothing horribly elaborate. Other years, my effort is more minimal--maybe the only decorating might be a single bubbling light in a lamp that looks like an electric candle. And some years, I do absolutely nothing. Right now, it's sort of looking like this will be a "do nothing, why bother?!?" year.

 

[ken]

John

We're clear across the U.S. from each other but if we were close you'd be more than welcome to come and have dinner at our house Christmas day. All the best.

Ken

 

[ptcruiser51]

It's OK to be alone, as long as you're not lonely.

Years past, after my husband died (1998) I had to "put on a happy face" and go to my sister's for the day. Ostensibly "for the kids" but more to take our impossible parents out of her hair for awhile. I did it "for the kids" and came home with a blinding headache. Some holiday, huh? Well, years passed, kids grown, gone, and both failures in spite of colossal efforts. Mom & dad passed at the holidays (5 weeks apart) in 2010. No reason to be happy/cheerful. I'd rather just be alone. Go to Mass and that's it. Friends always invite and get miffed when I decline (I don't want to be a wet-blanket on anyone's good time). Now that I live in FL, I spend a quiet day at the beach with my thoughts. No decorations, but I do send cards out and enjoy receiving them.

Do what feels right for YOU and make no excuses.

 

[mamapinky]

Lord, where exactly do you live? I think you should hop a plane and spend Christmas here. Its not very exciting just the hubs kids and grandkids. But we sing and have a wonderful dinner and put toys together. No grand party but there's always the laundry room with tons of detergents LOL. At least think about it ok? Cheryl

 

[washman]

I'll be alone this year

For a few reasons. ONe, buying a home takes a LOT of free cash which I just don't have right now. Two, dad has many appointments with the VA, a colonoscopy on the 24th (yes, you read that right). Normally I go there but not this year. Last time he was here was in Sept and he cut his visit short because of severe back pain.

We both agreed that it would be best if we just send gifts and I stay up here to allow him the freedom to have his appointments as needed without me being in the way.

It was just me, mom and dad for all those years so I am quite accustomed to being alone or with just the parentals. Mom left us in 2007 so since then it has been me and dad. And each year I find it harder and harder to "whip up" the holiday spirit I once had. Dad never really was into into it much; mom was the "spirit" behind it all. Now that she is gone a good chunk of the motivation is just no longer there.

I did put some C9 lights up and they look nice but to be honest, I sort of went thru the motions. I have a simple ceramic tree from Vermont Country store, an LL Bean wreath on the front and a dollar store Merry Christmas lawn ornament. That's it. So far I have one card. From dad. And nobody else.

 

[dynaflow]

wow guys

if i already wasnt feeling down sure would be now I have both my parents go to my partners Christmas eve family dinner on Christmas day then hit the sofa for the rest of the day

 

[DADoES]

 
The grandmother died on 12/25/2013 so there's that with us for the duration.  One sister is now 5.5 hrs away, the other sis/bro-in-law/nephew have a tradition of a camping trip from 12/25 through 1/1.  The parents may or may not have a casino trip depending on how the date falls with the room offers.  This year they're not (until 12/28 with Dad's sister/bro-in-law), so I'll be at their place on 12/25.

Group of friends with whom we had several gatherings through the course of a year have moved away over last few years, except for one.

12/24 (shortened), 12/25 (shortened), 12/31, 1/1 are always work days per business goes on.  Last payroll period for 2015 ends on 12/24.  One does what one must. 

I haven't "decorated" in years.  This year I haven't changed-out the soffit lights for the usual red & green.

 

[warmsecondrinse]

I'm taking this year off....

For the last 20+ years I've exhausted myself and headed up to Mass. on the 26th. This year I'm staying home. I'm totally playing the surgery card because I'm still totally wiped out by my measly 24hr/week work schedule. My mom and sister aren't speaking to me so staying home is A-OK with me. I'm buying gifts for Eric and my daughter & nieces/nephews and THAT'S IT!

The only thing I'm feeling is a vague sense of guilt about the fact that I'm excited about actually resting between Christmas and New Year's.

To answer your question I'm happy about doing absolutely nothing. For years each Christmas has been more of a chore than the one before and each year my efforts have been less and less acknowledged, never mind appreciated.

As for decorations, the only one's I have any interest in are from my grandmother. They're in a storage locker in FL and will remain there until I can assemble the cash to move everything up here.

Call me Scrooge, but I'm so happy to be sitting this one out!

Jim

 

[petek]

We don't do much for Xmas now.  I put the lights up outside but probably won't bother with the tree.  The only presents I buy are for my nephews two small children now. For the last few years we've had Xmas dinner at my sisters place since mom went into the home with dementia and we'll probably be doing it again this year though on the 26th. 

Some big family drama happened back in August where we caught my niece stealing money from my mothers bank account.  So that's still festering.  It's not the first time either.  Up until about a week ago my sister who is as upset about all this as I am along with her husband , we just figured screw it.. we're not bothering this year.. But she's relented for the sake of her son and his kids,, and the thiefs two adult children..  It's gonna be interesting I guess to see if the thieving niece shows up.   

 

Except for the Xmas's we had as kids the happiest ones my partner and I had were when we had our first apartment together and would invite all of our "orphan" friends over and have a big dinner and party.. It was great.  

 

[Ultramatic]

You are never alone...

 

 

It all about the birth of the savior.

 

 

 

[wayupnorth]

I am going to be alone but have been invited to a neighbors for dinner. I only hope there is something worth watching on tv and the weather is NOT like last year.

 

[tolivac]

Too me Christmas is just another workday-but do get holiday pay.Don't wish to travel the cattle car,police state,fee you to death airlines!!!HATE TRAVEL now-remember when it used to be FUN!You looked forward to your trip-Now its DRUDEGRY!My relatives live crosscountry from me.We really don't send stuff anymore.As far as I go--Cristmas is a great thing for kids!For adults-can be a pain in the !@$%.I didn't do much regular shopping-the places are just too mobbed with Christmas shoppers.Have most what I need-so no shopping until the mess is over.Guess I am a Scruge now.

 

[brucelucenta]

Since I took over caring for my mother nearly three years ago I have had a big Christmas dinner here at my house for my two brothers and their wives and my two nephews. That and Thanksgiving are the only two times we are ever all together anymore. After my father died in early 2013, mom came to live with me. Since I have no partner or significant other, it was only natural that I be the one. I think there is a good possibility this could be the last holiday season she is around. Her dementia and mobility issues are greater than ever now along with other health and well being issues. So I am doing the best I can with her and try to make her content for the time being. After she is gone I expect I will do very little during the holiday season. I long since quit decorating the house in any way. What's the point? I don't feel it anymore, so why bother? Old and bitter? Perhaps so, but why force yourself to do something you just don't want to do?

 

[askolover]

I'm a bit Grinchy

myself this year.  Tony wanted to put up a few lights outside.  I don't want to fool with a tree inside but he'll probably do it and then fuss about the cats messing with it.  I love Christmas, but it's so commercial now I don't even want to go anywhere there are people!

 

[retro-man]

Nope Christmas is not like it used to be. Family has all moved to different parts of the country. Parents have both passed. My MIL is in stages of dementia and no longer does stairs so our house is out. We are going to a Chinese restaurant for dinner at noon. Drop her back at her condo after then off to our house at the beach. Minimum decorations in the business and no lights or decorations outside. Inside looks the same as it does the rest of the year. The house at the beach I have put lights in the window and an arrangement on the sofa table, but that's it. Just don't feel in the mood like others have said and don't feel the need for all the lights and decorations. Maybe this is a turning point in ones life and won't do it in the future. Don't know. I remember my parents going through this and thought this won't happen to me, but it is. lol So anyone who thinks they are alone for this holiday, don't there are plenty of us who are going to treat it just like any other day.

Jon

 

[polkanut]

If it weren't for the fact that my parents are still alive, and I have a young nephew (8 y/o),  my wife & I would just let the day pass like any other.  With most of my wife's extended family either deceased or living their own lives, and my immediate family only getting along together so-so it really isn't worth the hassle and stress.  My two sisters fight like cats and dogs between themselves when they're in the same room with each other for longer than an hour or two.  I usually try to ignore it until I can't anymore, then we make up some excuse and go home which is only two blocks away from my parents.

 

[mrb627]

Holiday Wash-Ins

Seems like we should start planning a regional Holiday Wash-In so members of the group don't sit at home alone watching their laundry dry on the line.

Malcolm

 

[luxflairguy]

Since Lynn died 2 years ago and even before that Christmas dwindled away. I have no family and friends are few and far-flung. I have no invites and only 3 cards have come. But I'm getting into the spirit a little by helping a group of friends here in Sumas cook and serve a FREE Christmas Eve dinner to the seniors and anyone else who comes to the Community Center. The church that did Thanksgiving had 120 show-up, so we're aiming for that. The community is behind us with some great donations of money and groceries. Starting Monday, I'll be cooking all day. 6 turkeys, 3 hams, and sides. Greg

 

[iheartmaytag]

You can always seek other Christmas Orphans

Senior center, Group Homes, Nursing Homes, Hospitals, Jail/Prisons.  

 

Though there are times I would love to just sit down with the TV guide and the remote.  The best way to not be lonely is helping others not be alone.

 

As for family,  well there is a perfectly good reason to be alone.  Family gatherings,, as I always say, should be reserved for Arraignments, and trials.   Friends are better to be around anytime.

 

 

[whirlaway]

Ultramatic hit the Nail on the Head!!!!!!!!

Thanks! Thats what Christmas is all about.I live alone have plenty of family.They are terrific! Last year I didnt want to put up a tre I usually do a live one,wnet and gor one for the Beagle,he luved to lay under it.He passed in Jan really miss him so I rescued an old beagle basset his owner had died and the shelter was ready to put him away,we rescued each other,he loves music and I put the patti Page and Jo Stafford and Chet Atkins Christmas albums on and he luvs to lay in front of the hi-fi and listen,he even goes and sits to wait for me to turn it on at night.So I think I will go out and get a live tree tomorrow for him and me,makes my Christmas whole again! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 

[tomturbomatic]

Find a Jewish friend to take you to Friday night service for Shabbat. It will be educational, if nothing else. There will be plenty of rich food afterward and interesting people to talk to, none of whom will feel bad about it being Christmas. Many Jews go out to eat Chinese food and then go to a movie on Christmas Day. Neither venue is crowded on Christmas Day. See if you can do either or both with a friend. Drive around and look at Christmas lights and be grateful for your eyesight and colors and the beauty of the colored lights in the night. When I see anything of beauty, I always think to my brother, gone 30 years now, "Look at that! Isn't it beautiful?"

I guess the best advice, no matter your age or situation is to learn to be good company for yourself. If you have a TV, radio or other source of music in the bedroom, maybe a book, a good remote control and good bladder control garments, you don't have to get out of bed all day, if you don't want to, but it is fun to have the day to do what you want.

I appreciate the day to rest and enjoy. I go into my garden room and enjoy the flowers and tropical plants. I do some things I enjoy, maybe fix some food, maybe wash some laundry, do some reading, maybe watch some TV or work on an appliance for a while. I try to avoid gatherings, although probably some of us will get together to go out and eat Chinese food. Later there is the service I look forward to each week.

Appreciate the holiday as a day to do what you want because you have the time and freedom to do so. I consider it a blessing to be able to live alone and do as I want. I made my Thanksgiving dressing on the Saturday night afterward. I have yet to fry my first latke of the season, but I might do that for Christmas. Move at your own speed and look to no one for directions. You do not have to live up to other people's expectations for the holiday.

I wish you a wonderful day for Christmas and every day.

One more thing: You have no idea how many people forced into these holiday celebrations would give great amounts of money to be in your situation. [this post was last edited: 12/15/2015-13:29]

 

[michaelman2]

I understand the original post regarding this matter. For the last few years I have spent the holidays alone. I used to entertain a good bit but friendships change and I guess so does life. I have two adult children that live a good deal away and sadly we are not close. I think depression can be Chemical and/or Situational.

When someone is dealing with a Chemical Depression a situation such as being lonely during the holidays can be really frustrating. I read something yesterday that really articulated how depression works/feels:

Experiencing Anxiety and Depression is like being scared and tired at the same time.

It's the fear of failure but no urge to be productive.

It's wanting friends but hate socializing.

It's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely.

Its caring about everything and then caring about nothing.

It's feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb.

Not sure I have ever read or heard something that was so "spot on".   

 

[washerboy]

late christmas dinner

I've never been a big christmas person and to be honest was always depressed on Christmas Day..but about 8 years ago it occured to me that I had several friends that either had no place to go on Christmas or family that they were estranged from. So I started having a late Christmas dinner. Cocktails at 5 and dinner 6:30ish. I figured that way if people had family/friends they wanted to see they could during the day and those that had no one would have a place to go Christmas evening. It works out great..now several just ask "same time as last year?" Most of my family have passed on or live too far away or were just busy and seeing me at Christmas was not much of a thought. There have been years that I went all out on a holiday meal and others where it was just ham and a few sides. Anyway..just what I do and to be honest...I think it's been good therapy for me.

 

[warmsecondrinse]

Tolivac's made a good point. Travel is definitely more of a hassle, no matter how you do it. For me, travel time to most family is now at least 1/3 again longer than it was ten years ago. I wonder how many of our attitudes and decisions have been affected by that?

For most of us 'Christmas Orphans' the lack of 'traditional' activities also brings a freedom from responsibilities. Take the time to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do. Actually think about what would make you happy.

Tom has a sparked a good idea. My grandmother made the world's best (in my totally biased opinion) latki*. She had a very simple "German" style recipe:
-Coarsely grated potatoes (with skins if you want to be healthy)
-Onion grated a bit less coarsely than the potatoes
-beaten egg(s)
-crushed garlic, dill, and black pepper to taste.

Beat the eggs & spices. Gently fold in onion then potato. Make sure all is coated with egg mixture. Gently spoon mixture into a hot pan with 1/2" oil and fry until done.

Unfortunately, I learned this from my grandmother so I've no idea of ratios. I only know what "looks right", lol.

*no offence meant by the 'a'. The word 'latka' is a regular feminine noun Polish so I only ever heard it used that way, declined just like 'książka'(book). So it's "one latka and two latki"

 

[gusherb]

Latke's

I have my great grandmothers recipe, which is alot like the one above but also adds carrot and flour. A Polish version I suppose. Calls for finely grated potatoes but I like coarsely grated better (like how my favorite Jewish deli in Chicago does it)

I don't have ratios either, it's all to consistency and taste as well.

Last year I made them for Christmas day and they were such a massive hit they were flying off the serving platter as I was frying them! I had to hide a couple away for myself and my brother still found mine and stole one. They are served with apple sauce and sour cream.

I'll definitely be making them again this year as it was fun and easy, plus I have a new gas stove to do it all on which is a nice incentive.

 

[alr2903]

 

Just the two of us here,  I have already bought the very smallest spiral ham I could find.  An apple pie and whatever else he chooses and that's it for us.  We are like many of the above posts our parents are gone, so the connection that made us endure some of the most intolerable relatives is no longer a consideration.  What ever you decide, do what you want and enjoy yourself.   I am so glad we no longer have to travel during winter holidays  that alone is a gift.

 

[delaneymeegan]

Well if you look at it THAT way....


Your NOT alone. We're all here with common interests.

Try signing onto AW.org in 1970. NO you say. There was no internet to connect people, well.....

You have to consider what Christmas was originally. And yeah, when we compare the way it's spent today, versus 30+ years back, one might see it as disappointing. But that's not relevant.

Christmas was originally a time to get together with "family" to celebrate and socialize, like other holidays. Back 'when', there were few opportunities to socialize BETWEEN the holidays. No email, no TV, no Twitter or texting, no on line anything, no phones, or limited usage. So Holidays were a <span style="text-decoration: underline;">necessity.</span>

We've surpassed that. The only people keeping alive the 'Holidays' are merchants. As the Christmas and Thanksgiving continues to dwindle in importance, so too will the effort made in the media to remind us of it.

Frankly, I've extracted from Christmas the best parts: the memories of past, Christmas lights, and some old recipes (and recipe books). And these things are not just for Dec. 25th and a few days leading up to it. They are all year round. My Chrismas light collection is as vast as my appliance collection, and just as decorative. 

If I happen to get invited to something, I might consider going, but, as others have said, it can be a hassle. 

This year, like others here, I'm caring for aging parents.  They still like to do the traditional stuff and are inviting some relatives over , blah, blah.... with young kids.  

 

At Thanksgiving, I did good.  I made a big thing of mashed potatoes, and apple pie and 2 pumpkin pies.  Also helped coordinate and cleanup.

I'll do the same for Christmas, because I know it makes them happy.  I even bought small presents for the kids.  I was hoping the relatives would have their get together at their house(s) ... and I could make an excuse not to participate. 

 

Yeah, It's been..... years, decades since I've done "Holidays" with anyone.  And I've been happy as can be. 

As was said above, there are those who are deeply involved with these traditional "get together" type thingees, and they'd rather NOT be.  I don't know how the breeder ladies do it.  Especially if they've spawned 3 or more kids.   Exhaustion upon exhaustion.

 

Best type Christmas: sleeping in, in your own comfy bed, light music playing or just quiet, you know that Holiday type quiet from lack of bustle outside.  I nice light snow, or any snow.  The house nice and toasty at 72 degrees with humidifier keeping the air just right. Christmas lights on, set at the medium level on the dimmer switch.  Yeah, that's about it.

 

This year my mother is making her (I don't know the correct spelling) 'shom-torte' and several hundred frosted butter horns .  Which is always good.  It uses like a dozen eggs, strawberries, probably 5 cups of sugar.... its an artery clogger but, heah. 

I've told her, since she doesn't seem to have the recipe written down in her library of recipes, I'm going to film her making it.

 

We'll see.

Anyway, you have family here, and no doubt on other electronic mediums, those of which you don't have to be limited to socializing just once or twice a year.  Nothing to be sad about. 

    

 

[tolivac]

I think Delaneymorgan has something there-the increased medias now-they beat Christmas into our minds and encourage you to SPEND!!SPEND!!until you drop!At my age my parents now live in assisted living homes-so it is more difficult to see them.And as I pointed out about traveling before-esp at this time of year when it is total madness-you throw bad weather into the mix,too!I call my folks weekly and they enjoy that.Its good to know they are OK.They both enjoy the places they live in,lots of things for them to do,and care if they should need it.I did like Christmas and such when I was much younger esp as a child-they were fun then.

 

[lordkenmore]

Thanks everyone for wishing me well! It means a lot.

 

[lordkenmore]

Travel

I think I gave up on the idea of holiday travel many years ago. One idea that was tempting was visiting a different interesting place each Christmas--perhaps Christmas in New York in 2015, San Francisco in 2016, etc. But my travel budget is $0 recently. And then, past that, there is how horrible the experience has become if one flies, and how much worse that experience becomes around Christmas by all accounts. "Never say never" but it would take a lot to make me consider going someplace at Christmas.