Alone on holidays...

[tomturbomatic]

Find a Jewish friend to take you to Friday night service for Shabbat. It will be educational, if nothing else. There will be plenty of rich food afterward and interesting people to talk to, none of whom will feel bad about it being Christmas. Many Jews go out to eat Chinese food and then go to a movie on Christmas Day. Neither venue is crowded on Christmas Day. See if you can do either or both with a friend. Drive around and look at Christmas lights and be grateful for your eyesight and colors and the beauty of the colored lights in the night. When I see anything of beauty, I always think to my brother, gone 30 years now, "Look at that! Isn't it beautiful?"

I guess the best advice, no matter your age or situation is to learn to be good company for yourself. If you have a TV, radio or other source of music in the bedroom, maybe a book, a good remote control and good bladder control garments, you don't have to get out of bed all day, if you don't want to, but it is fun to have the day to do what you want.

I appreciate the day to rest and enjoy. I go into my garden room and enjoy the flowers and tropical plants. I do some things I enjoy, maybe fix some food, maybe wash some laundry, do some reading, maybe watch some TV or work on an appliance for a while. I try to avoid gatherings, although probably some of us will get together to go out and eat Chinese food. Later there is the service I look forward to each week.

Appreciate the holiday as a day to do what you want because you have the time and freedom to do so. I consider it a blessing to be able to live alone and do as I want. I made my Thanksgiving dressing on the Saturday night afterward. I have yet to fry my first latke of the season, but I might do that for Christmas. Move at your own speed and look to no one for directions. You do not have to live up to other people's expectations for the holiday.

I wish you a wonderful day for Christmas and every day.

One more thing: You have no idea how many people forced into these holiday celebrations would give great amounts of money to be in your situation. [this post was last edited: 12/15/2015-13:29]

 

[michaelman2]

I understand the original post regarding this matter. For the last few years I have spent the holidays alone. I used to entertain a good bit but friendships change and I guess so does life. I have two adult children that live a good deal away and sadly we are not close. I think depression can be Chemical and/or Situational.

When someone is dealing with a Chemical Depression a situation such as being lonely during the holidays can be really frustrating. I read something yesterday that really articulated how depression works/feels:

Experiencing Anxiety and Depression is like being scared and tired at the same time.

It's the fear of failure but no urge to be productive.

It's wanting friends but hate socializing.

It's wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely.

Its caring about everything and then caring about nothing.

It's feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb.

Not sure I have ever read or heard something that was so "spot on".   

 

[washerboy]

late christmas dinner

I've never been a big christmas person and to be honest was always depressed on Christmas Day..but about 8 years ago it occured to me that I had several friends that either had no place to go on Christmas or family that they were estranged from. So I started having a late Christmas dinner. Cocktails at 5 and dinner 6:30ish. I figured that way if people had family/friends they wanted to see they could during the day and those that had no one would have a place to go Christmas evening. It works out great..now several just ask "same time as last year?" Most of my family have passed on or live too far away or were just busy and seeing me at Christmas was not much of a thought. There have been years that I went all out on a holiday meal and others where it was just ham and a few sides. Anyway..just what I do and to be honest...I think it's been good therapy for me.

 

[warmsecondrinse]

Tolivac's made a good point. Travel is definitely more of a hassle, no matter how you do it. For me, travel time to most family is now at least 1/3 again longer than it was ten years ago. I wonder how many of our attitudes and decisions have been affected by that?

For most of us 'Christmas Orphans' the lack of 'traditional' activities also brings a freedom from responsibilities. Take the time to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do. Actually think about what would make you happy.

Tom has a sparked a good idea. My grandmother made the world's best (in my totally biased opinion) latki*. She had a very simple "German" style recipe:
-Coarsely grated potatoes (with skins if you want to be healthy)
-Onion grated a bit less coarsely than the potatoes
-beaten egg(s)
-crushed garlic, dill, and black pepper to taste.

Beat the eggs & spices. Gently fold in onion then potato. Make sure all is coated with egg mixture. Gently spoon mixture into a hot pan with 1/2" oil and fry until done.

Unfortunately, I learned this from my grandmother so I've no idea of ratios. I only know what "looks right", lol.

*no offence meant by the 'a'. The word 'latka' is a regular feminine noun Polish so I only ever heard it used that way, declined just like 'książka'(book). So it's "one latka and two latki"

 

[gusherb]

Latke's

I have my great grandmothers recipe, which is alot like the one above but also adds carrot and flour. A Polish version I suppose. Calls for finely grated potatoes but I like coarsely grated better (like how my favorite Jewish deli in Chicago does it)

I don't have ratios either, it's all to consistency and taste as well.

Last year I made them for Christmas day and they were such a massive hit they were flying off the serving platter as I was frying them! I had to hide a couple away for myself and my brother still found mine and stole one. They are served with apple sauce and sour cream.

I'll definitely be making them again this year as it was fun and easy, plus I have a new gas stove to do it all on which is a nice incentive.

 

[alr2903]

 

Just the two of us here,  I have already bought the very smallest spiral ham I could find.  An apple pie and whatever else he chooses and that's it for us.  We are like many of the above posts our parents are gone, so the connection that made us endure some of the most intolerable relatives is no longer a consideration.  What ever you decide, do what you want and enjoy yourself.   I am so glad we no longer have to travel during winter holidays  that alone is a gift.

 

[delaneymeegan]

Well if you look at it THAT way....


Your NOT alone. We're all here with common interests.

Try signing onto AW.org in 1970. NO you say. There was no internet to connect people, well.....

You have to consider what Christmas was originally. And yeah, when we compare the way it's spent today, versus 30+ years back, one might see it as disappointing. But that's not relevant.

Christmas was originally a time to get together with "family" to celebrate and socialize, like other holidays. Back 'when', there were few opportunities to socialize BETWEEN the holidays. No email, no TV, no Twitter or texting, no on line anything, no phones, or limited usage. So Holidays were a <span style="text-decoration: underline;">necessity.</span>

We've surpassed that. The only people keeping alive the 'Holidays' are merchants. As the Christmas and Thanksgiving continues to dwindle in importance, so too will the effort made in the media to remind us of it.

Frankly, I've extracted from Christmas the best parts: the memories of past, Christmas lights, and some old recipes (and recipe books). And these things are not just for Dec. 25th and a few days leading up to it. They are all year round. My Chrismas light collection is as vast as my appliance collection, and just as decorative. 

If I happen to get invited to something, I might consider going, but, as others have said, it can be a hassle. 

This year, like others here, I'm caring for aging parents.  They still like to do the traditional stuff and are inviting some relatives over , blah, blah.... with young kids.  

 

At Thanksgiving, I did good.  I made a big thing of mashed potatoes, and apple pie and 2 pumpkin pies.  Also helped coordinate and cleanup.

I'll do the same for Christmas, because I know it makes them happy.  I even bought small presents for the kids.  I was hoping the relatives would have their get together at their house(s) ... and I could make an excuse not to participate. 

 

Yeah, It's been..... years, decades since I've done "Holidays" with anyone.  And I've been happy as can be. 

As was said above, there are those who are deeply involved with these traditional "get together" type thingees, and they'd rather NOT be.  I don't know how the breeder ladies do it.  Especially if they've spawned 3 or more kids.   Exhaustion upon exhaustion.

 

Best type Christmas: sleeping in, in your own comfy bed, light music playing or just quiet, you know that Holiday type quiet from lack of bustle outside.  I nice light snow, or any snow.  The house nice and toasty at 72 degrees with humidifier keeping the air just right. Christmas lights on, set at the medium level on the dimmer switch.  Yeah, that's about it.

 

This year my mother is making her (I don't know the correct spelling) 'shom-torte' and several hundred frosted butter horns .  Which is always good.  It uses like a dozen eggs, strawberries, probably 5 cups of sugar.... its an artery clogger but, heah. 

I've told her, since she doesn't seem to have the recipe written down in her library of recipes, I'm going to film her making it.

 

We'll see.

Anyway, you have family here, and no doubt on other electronic mediums, those of which you don't have to be limited to socializing just once or twice a year.  Nothing to be sad about. 

    

 

[tolivac]

I think Delaneymorgan has something there-the increased medias now-they beat Christmas into our minds and encourage you to SPEND!!SPEND!!until you drop!At my age my parents now live in assisted living homes-so it is more difficult to see them.And as I pointed out about traveling before-esp at this time of year when it is total madness-you throw bad weather into the mix,too!I call my folks weekly and they enjoy that.Its good to know they are OK.They both enjoy the places they live in,lots of things for them to do,and care if they should need it.I did like Christmas and such when I was much younger esp as a child-they were fun then.

 

[lordkenmore]

Thanks everyone for wishing me well! It means a lot.

 

[lordkenmore]

Travel

I think I gave up on the idea of holiday travel many years ago. One idea that was tempting was visiting a different interesting place each Christmas--perhaps Christmas in New York in 2015, San Francisco in 2016, etc. But my travel budget is $0 recently. And then, past that, there is how horrible the experience has become if one flies, and how much worse that experience becomes around Christmas by all accounts. "Never say never" but it would take a lot to make me consider going someplace at Christmas.

 

[lordkenmore]

>about 8 years ago it occured to me that I had several friends that either had no place to go on Christmas or family that they were estranged from. So I started having a late Christmas dinner.

This is an idea I've toyed with. It can't happen now--I'm not set up for any sort of entertaining--but one day when I live someplace better, I might do this. Doing something like this would probably help give energy to do at least some decorating. "We need a tree for the dinner!" instead of "Why bother?"

 

[lordkenmore]

>they beat Christmas into our minds and encourage you to SPEND!!SPEND!!until you drop!

One thing I detest is the spend-spend-spend mentality. And how Christmas is nothing more than a major part of economic bottom line for many businesses.

>I did like Christmas and such when I was much younger esp as a child-they were fun then.

I know they seemed a lot more fun, once. I liked them the most when I was in elementary school.

 

[lordkenmore]

>Christmas was originally a time to get together with "family" to celebrate and socialize, like other holidays. Back 'when', there were few opportunities to socialize BETWEEN the holidays. No email, no TV, no Twitter or texting, no on line anything, no phones, or limited usage. So Holidays were a necessity.

Interesting point. And, as one person on another forum pointed out, I have friends (although casual) where ever the Internet reaches...

Although...being old fashioned (as befits an old appliance enthusiast), I have to say I think there is some value in holidays. How much value, of course, depends on the circumstances in one's life. There can be something special in a family that has traditions that go back years--if not generations--and where everyone looks forward to Christmas each year. But other people are probably best off spending the day alone, perhaps e-mailing old friends across the world.

 

[circlew]

I plan on going to my nephew Jake's house on Christmas day, which is about a 40 min. drive. He and his wife have 3 kids from age 1 to 8, so it will be a lively place. My sister, her husband, and my youngest nephew, age 20, also plan to be there. We've had Christmas dinner there 3 out of the last 4 years.

Other years (since my mom's passing in '95) I've gone to my sister's family's farm near Toledo, which is about a 3.5 hr. drive. I don't usually mind the trip up if the weather is good, but some years it didn't co-operate. One year I ended up having to stay up there for 5 days due to heavy snow. I usually go the day before and come back the day after.

 

[sudsmaster]

Christmas time is stressful in part because in the Northern Hemisphere, it falls right around the shortest day of the year (Dec 22, Winter Solstice). I think people who work days get especially impacted, because it's dark when they go to work, and dark when they get home. Lights and music help, a bit. But I've found what's really helpful is to get outdoors as much as possible, during the day, such as at lunch or on the weekends/days off. Do a little work in the yard, walk around the block, shovel snow, whatever. It just seems to make life seem a little less grim.

 

The other stress can come from the pressure of getting together with family when there are unresolved problems and conflicts. That probably includes every family on earth, LOL. That, and the whole gift giving/receiving thing, the shopping, the traffic, the crowds... why bother?

 

The good news is that by Christmas the days are already getting longer. Soon it will be spring and we can go back to obsessing about other things... ;-)

 

 

 

[lordkenmore]

>Christmas time is stressful in part because in the Northern Hemisphere, it falls right around the shortest day of the year (Dec 22, Winter Solstice).

I don't know how accepted this view is by historical experts. But about a year ago, I saw an on-line talk by a minister who was commenting that (at least for him) there was no accident that we have winter holidays--complete with candles and lots of greenery. His view was that this dates to a earlier chapter in human history when this was a very grim time of year. Growing season over. Cold. Dark. Not everyone would survive winter. And so...holidays with greenery and lights helped make the worst point in winter seem better and give hope. As I say, I don't know if how much historical expert support this view has...but it makes sense to me.

 

[sudsmaster]

Well, especially since some Biblical scholars put Christ's birth at around Easter time, in the spring, not at the winter solstice. The early church apparently decided to adopt the winter date because there were already plenty of pagan celebrations at that time of year and it was a way to co-opt the firmly rooted cultural traditions.

 

All the stuff with Santa Claus and Christmas trees stem from pagan Germanic rituals, as well.

 

[tomturbomatic]

Does anyone remember studying Edith Hamilton's book Mythology? It has all of the old stories from ancient religions. Our religions are full of myths. There will come a time when the myths of "modern religions" will be viewed similarly.

 

[askolover]

Senior English class

I hated that book! I'd probably love it now!

 

[lordkenmore]

>Edith Hamilton's book Mythology? It has all of the old stories from ancient religions. Our religions are full of myths. There will come a time when the myths of "modern religions" will be viewed similarly.

I wouldn't be surprised. And even now those in the more liberal Christian churches often view the creation story, for example, as being a story, not history. But one that can potentially teach truths, even if it isn't historically true.