Very funny!
Toggles: Cat giblets in soup! Shame on you!
Greg: at least you have enough respect for cats to suggest that they be stir fried in only the very finest cookware! (However, as wonderful as All-Clad is for other purposes, you would be disappointed with a stainless steel wok. The meat would stick instead of stir frying. The stainless steel would never season like a real carbon steel wok. And you wouldn't be able to toss the food in it because it would be too heavy to flip it up with a flick of the wrist.)
Foraloysius: As for, Shut the Fuck UP, wouldn't it be marvelous, fellow managers, to post that on your office door?
Rick: shame on you! May a stray cat sneak into your house and pee on your pillow.
Frigilux: now the moat doesn't sound like a half-bad idea. As in, center the tree in a kiddie pool. It would work, but not be pretty.
Alas, I don't have a closed-off or close-off-able room (or I would have done that long ago).
The motion detector dog sounds good, too. Where are they sold?
Or perhaps a trip up the street to Petco. Thanks Veg! (BTW, congratulations on your new boyfriend!)
Last thought: my cats are terrified of rattling plastic bags, especially grocery bags. If only I could invent some kind of a gizmo that would rattle a few grocery bags by the tree 24/7. Maybe if I could tie a few to some sort of a post and set up a fan to blow on them... ... Or build a moat of plastic bags around the tree... Or just forget it. Ugh!