Dumb joke thread

[yogitunes]

Your Momma always said "I should have swallowed you when I had the chance!"

A lady walks into a store, with broken english asks for "thumbtacks"....the store clerk knew he could help her in an instant, and asked "Do you want the ones you hammer in or the ones you push in with your thumb?"

long story short....she wanted TAMPAX, can't imagine why she was so upset!

 

[westingman123]

ready to groan?

Why don't blondes stretch after, er, relations?

They're afraid they'll turn the dome light on.

 

[sdlee]

you hear about the Yugo with cruise control?

they give you a brick to put on the gas pedal

the hugo with Ac...a bag to dangle in front of the blowers

the Yugo with a turbo....a cassette tape that goes rrrrrrrrrrr...rrrrrrrrrrrrrr....rrrr

 

[jmm63]

The IRS sent an auditor to a major hospital to look over the books. He says to the head of the hospital, " I see you use lots of bandages, what do you do with the leftover?" The hospital administrator says, " We send all the left over pieces back to the manufacturer and they send us a new roll once a year"

Trying to catch the administrator, the auditor asks " I see you use a lot of latex gloves, what do you do with mismatched ones.?" The administrator says again, they send the leftover odds and ends to the manufacturer and once a year they send us a new box"

FInally, the auditor says " I see you do lots of circumcisions, what do you do with the foreskins? The administrator says" Oh, thats easy, we send them all to the IRS and once a year they send us a dick.

 

[lordkenmore]

A couple that are actually laundry related!

Q. Why did Santa wash his clothes in Oxydol?
A. He was out of Cheer.

Q. Why did Santa wash his clothes in Tide?
A. Because it was too cold "out Tide."

 

[strongenough78]

Q: How do you know when you're making out with a French Horn player?

A: His lips are too tight and his hand is up your butt.

 

[appliguy]

Here is one for the vacuum folks

What is the difference Between a Hoover and a Harley

The location of the dirt bag......(no offense meant to any female Harley riding members)

 

[appliguy]

What is the difference between a telephone operator and a nu

One answer paitents and the other has paitent answers

 

[duetboy]

Did you hear about the blonde with computer problems?

When the IT guy got there and asked her for her password, she opened up the top drawer and handed him a piece of paper with "HueyLueyDeweySleepyDocMickeyMinnieSacramento" on it. He asked as to why she had such a long password. Her response was, well, your memo that you issued said it had to have seven characters and a capital.

duetboy
aka Jeff

 

[strongenough78]

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

A pick pocket snatch watches.

 

[lordkenmore]

What goes vrooom....SHRIEK....vroooom.....SHRIEK....vrooom....SHRIEK!

A dumb blond going through an intersection with a flashing red light!

 

[laundromat]

Q.Did you here that Rosie O'Donnel past away today?

A.They said she drowned!

They found her face down on Rickey Lake!!

Somebody else who past away a while ago was Orville Reddenbacker.

They said that his son came over to see how he was and as he noticed his Dad was stretched out on the kitchen floor,he went over to him and yelled

"POP!,POP!,POP!,POP!"

If Cher had an identical twin sister,they'd be known as---------------------------------------------------------------------Cher and Cher alike!

Q.What's the difference between a cat and a sentence??

A. A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a sentence has a pause at the end of its clause!

Q.What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer??

A.The taste!

Q.What is true love??

Ray charles and Hellen keller playing tennis!

 

[laundromat]

Q.What's the difference between a refrigerator and a homosexual?

A.Refrigerators don't fart when you pull the meat out!

Q.What's black and white and red all over?
A.A nun during her period.

Q.What's the difference between OOOOH! and AHHHHH!!! ???
A. About 9 inches!

Q.How did Hellen Keller burn her right ear?
A.She answered the iron.
Q.How did she burn her left ear?
A. They called back!

Q.What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. How the hell do you breathe through that thing??

Q.What's the difference between meat and fish?
A. If you beat your fish,it dies.

Q.What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A.When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new Mercedes.

 

[dnastrau]

Confucius say...

...man who fart in church sit in own pew!

 

[rapunzel]

The obligatory breast joke

Fresh from the shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, she fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

“How long will this take?” she asks.

“They will grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.

She stops and asks “Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?”

Without missing a beat he says, “Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

 

[a440]

The IRS Audit!

With tax season approaching I thought you all might appreciate this. Keep
it in mind with doing your taxes.

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the
books of a local hospital.. While the IRS agent was checking the books he
turned to the CEO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of
bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little
left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the CEO. "We save them up and send them back to
the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box
of bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.

"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left
over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the CEO, realizing that the inspector was trying to
trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back
to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package
of plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all CEO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all
the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CEO. "What we do is save all
the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year
they send us a complete dick."!

 

[laundromat]

Confucius Say----

Woman who fly upside down have crack up.

Man who go to bed with itchy asshole wake up with stinky finger.

Man who go through turnstile naked get to bangcock many times.

 

[brianl]

Here's my bad jokes of the day!

(No offense of course to anyone

Q: What do a lesbian & a mechanic have in common?
A: They both have "Snap-On" tools.

Q: How do you fit 4 gay men onto a stool?
A: Turn it upside down.

Enjoy!

 

[yogitunes]

If women with large breast work at Hooters, where do women with one leg work?

A: I-Hop!

gives new meaning to "tipping" your waitress

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?...A: Mega-sore-ass
Q: What do you cal a lesbian dinosaur?...A: Lick-alot-a-puss

Q: How do you know if your house was built by lesbians?...A: No Studs....All tongue in groove

no offense....just some humor

 

[mixfinder]

New House

Did you hear about the two lesbians who built a new house? Not a stud in the place. They did the entire project tongue and groove using Snap on Tools.