Gay Garmin

[perc-o-prince]

OK, so Ron and I were on the phone this morning while he was headed to a yard sale, and I imitated his Garmin. Then we started talking about what a gay Garmin would be like!!! Any thoughts???

"I said LEFT, Mary. Pay attention to driving and get your eyes off the number in the bicycle shorts!"

Chuck

 

[panthera]

Well, the UK

accent is pretty flower-y, but unfortunately a woman.
Or is it?
Gods, maybe it IS a queen.
My favorite is when I've missed a turn, again, and she hits me up with her "recalculating new route, you nit-wit" routine.
There's got to be a gay sound track somewhere, hmm...

 

[kenmore58]

Of course, when you reach your destination, it screams, "FABULOUS"!

 

[panthera]

It does?

My patience has never lasted that long...I usually turn the screaming bayaitch off after the second or third 'recalculating'.
Honestly, if I knew how to drive, would I have got her in the first place?

 

[petek]

On mine you notice the American English "recalculating" is sort of an admonishment for making a mistake but when you set it to the British English it's a much more pleasant "recalculating"

For some reason or another mine loses its language setting once in awhile after it's been off and then plugged in to the lighter socket and reverts to that South African Afrikaans or something.

 

[panthera]

It's Nederlands Pete when she loses her mind...

At least, on my partner's. He sets it to German sometimes to practice. I love it. The UK voice says, politely, 'turn right'. The German voice for the same thing says, "Rechts abbiegen, HIER rechts abbiegen, biegen Sie nun RECHTS ab."
You can imagine the comments I get on that one...

 

[perc-o-prince]

And of course it would have more than just "Hotels," "Food," and "Gas," in the location search menu. "Gay Bars," "Bath Houses," and "Tea Rooms" might be in there!

What else would the Gay Garmin say though?

Chuck

 

[petek]

Old data

Well if I recollect on my 2008 edition Nuvi when I scanned bars/nightclubs in the VAncouver BC area it came up with a few that have been closed down for almost 5-10 years. Check yours and see if the Shaggy Horse in vancouver BC shows up

 

[perc-o-prince]

Hey...

it's a fun thread, like, "What would Garmin say if it were gay?" or what features would it have (maybe built-in gaydar???!!!)?

Chuck

 

[nmaineman36]

I can only imagine a Gay Garmin....for me it would go like this....Now you missed that turn go gayly forward and take the next street Mary. I would need to see the pursed lips of my partner being displayed on the screen to know that I screwed up. then if it happened again i would need to hear...Gawd you Maine people sure know how to kill a squirrel but you cant seem to drive a car or use a toilet. Its those years of using out houses and cement ponds that has you so screwed up. I hear that all the time. And I would need to have my partner record his voice so I will feel like he is in the car with me....oh the joy. Not!

 

[toggleswitch2]

Te he he he

A gay friend will not set his navigator for a male voice. Doesn't want a man telling him what to do.
(HA HA HA HA THAT IS FUNNY. WAIT UNTIL HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP!

I have mine set to speak in Greek; confuses the royal hell out of my passengers, and what a vocabulary builder!

With the diction of a drag-queen I can see mine saying:

"Mary, lock your doors, dear, this is a the butch section of town."
"oh Alice, please honey slow down, no exra points for plowing down pregnant women"

"Girrrrrl you just passed Barney's/Gucci/Cucci/Fiorruci Should we stop now, or later?.

"Dear, dont' forget your leather goods in the trunk (boot) the heat/cold is not good for it."

 

[perc-o-prince]

"I will NOT help you get to the new hair dresser's 'til you get this filthy beast to a car wash!"

 

[toggleswitch2]

Danger Will Robinson, danger. F*gg** with a chipped tooth ah

Instead of:
"Bear right in 500 feet"

You'd hear:
"Leather bear to the right, 500 feet."

 

[perc-o-prince]

"No, honey, not this place. I wouldn't put a thing that chef makes in my mouth after what TomTom Magellan told me about him!"

 

[roto204]

LOL

After missing a turn due to "sightseeing," the unit quietly mutters, "it's a sock, dear."

 

[perc-o-prince]

sock...

HeeHeeHee!

p.s.- that was supposed to be TomTom AND Magellan.

 

[panthera]

And on Friday nights

when you touch his screen, he snaps: Don't you DARE smear my lipstick, I've got a hot date with the most gorgeous man, so you'll just have to find it by yourself.

Sunday afternoons there is only one destination: Your mother's for tea, and no, you may not bring your 'room-mate', it's mommy's time, just with you.

(The ethnic Jewish/Italian/German/Greek...will get that one. If you don't get it, you should be down on your knees, giving, er, thanks.)

 

[perc-o-prince]

"If you didn't have Liza so loud, you would have heard me say 'left'!"

 

[toggleswitch2]

"Bitch, you keep sticking your finger in me like that and I'm gonna report you to the Sisters of Sappho Society"