Help!!! I need a place to hide a body.

[iheartmaytag]

I am kidding, of course--I think.

Here's the story,
I have a lady that lives across the street from me. When we bought our house a year and a half ago she wasn't on the listing, but apparently came with the property. She is 78 years old so has a lot-o-time on her hands, which she feels grants her the license to intrude on other's lives.

Here are some of the infractions that have occured, and I have tried to overlook.

"You have such a nice house." "It's a shame you don't have time to clean like you need to."

"You know you really should use some bleach to clean out your refrigerator." "It makes me a little sick when a refrigerator stinks." (Though I am not sure why she was in the frige to start with, but it was her Cantalope that was stinking it up.)

"I know you are learning these things, but you should use a little bleach in your whites." "They are kind of dingy." (She bought me a new package of t-shirts to show me what white really looks like.)

"It's a shame you can't take care of the yard like you should."

"Sometimes I feel like I should just come over here an clean this house for you, so you can see what it's like."

When company was coming to stay a week. "Now you leave me your keys today so I can give that bathroom of your's a good cleaning."

Now remember I have tried to overlook these slaps, knowing it is a senile old woman, and I know my house is not dirty. Last night she had three strikes in one evening. Hence, I am ready to help her on her journey to meet God.

"Don't you realize how much money you are spending on Pull-ups?" "I am just going to come over here an pottytrain that child for you."

She then told my mother, "You know you would feel much better if you would just get that awful weight off your body."

THEN-she was griping that her son-in-law was remodeling her kitchen and she couldn't use her washer and had to go to the coin wash. I offered that since she didn't have that much to wash to just bring it over here and use my machine.

She replied, "Oh, no I would rather go to some nice clean place and do my wash, that's ok."

I don't really think of it as murder, it's more like pest control and I am sure the neighbors would testify for me if I were caught. Kansas hasn't used the death penalty since 1967 so at least I would have food and shelter for the rest of my life. Besides, her mother lived to be 99 and just passed last year. If family history plays into this I am stuck with her for another 21 years, if someone doesn't intervene.

End of rant. Fell better now.

 

[pekedogs]

Since you live in Kansas, you could always pray for either a tornato to sweep her off somewhere or perhaps a house to fall on her.

 

[oldhouseman]

She sounds like

my sister in law. My brother married the biggest B**** in the world. He's a klansman through and through so I don't associate with them at all. And glad of it.

You are indeed to kind. I would have sent her packing a long time ago. I would fight fire with fire. Send her some scented soap and tell her how much better she would feel if she bathed every day and it would make it easier to be in her company if she didn't smell so bad. Or "My, what a looovely dress your wearing, I remember when it was in style".

I face things head on. When confronted with someone like that I let them know real fast we are not going to be keeping company together. Fences make good neighbors.....

 

[revvinkevin]

Have you tried........

... not allowing her into your house any more, or just ignoring her completely??

Or try this approach, invite her over for some tea, sit her down and tell her in so many words (or simply point blank)... that you take offence to her comment about the cleanliness of your house and everything in it, also her hovering around being a "busy body" all the time.

Yes harsh, but not as harsh as your option of sending her to the pearlie gates before her time!

 

[iheartmaytag]

My mother is always afraid that if we offend her she will spread rummors about us in the neighborhood.
I have come to understand she is the type to spread rummors regardless if they are true or not. I have stated that the next time I will tell her "Since you don't care for my house or the way I care for it, there is the door you are free to use it."

I still entertain offing her, but I am afraid she knows some woman named Jessica Fletcher that would avenge her.

 

[neptuneguy27]

Or...

When she comes over to visit you could always answer the door but don't allow her to come in. Stop her forward motion and say " We'd really love have you in for a visit but with all the housework that we are doing and potting training the baby well, I'm terribly afraid we wouldn't be the great hosts you've come to expect. We'll have to get together sometime in the not too distant future. Thanks so much for stopping by." Then close the door.

Also, you can do what my mom did to my ex. He came over to the house one evening and arrived before I got home from work. He asked my mom what she had been up to that day and she said she had just finished cleaning. He didn't do a damned thing but go over to a door and run his finger over the top, coming away with some dust. He made a remark like " You missed some dust" or something like that. To which she replied: "Thanks for getting that for me and now while you are up there ( handing him the dustrag ) get the rest of the doors for me! " Needless to say, he never did that again.

 

[autowasherfreak]

She sounds like Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond. I couldn't handle it.

 

[polkanut]

Keep your doors locked, or just tell her to p!$$ off. Also, start barging in on her, then she can feel the shoe on the other foot for a change.

 

[panthera]

I feel your pain

When I leave for the 'States, a distant cousin and friend takes over the job of sorting my mail, lending the flat out to friends for a night or two (don't like leaving it empty in the middle of winter for some time), etc.

Before I go, I clean and polish and tidy everything. Those who know me, know I am not all the queenly about these things...as long as the kitchen and the bathroom are clean, the rest is not all that important to me. Still, I leave the place looking more than decent.

When I come back, invariably - as in the last 12 times - the floors are waxed, the books organized by subject, within subject by author...the dishwasher shines, the dryer lint screen looks brand new...the, well, you get the idea.

Of course, nothing is ever said, but it makes me feel like I am just not quite up to snuff. On the other hand, these folks staying in my flat are all gay antique motor-car collectors and they even leave money!...So, the place gets a thorough cleaning and I get paid for it.

Which, I think, is maybe a bit how you need to look at this poor soul. She's a pain in the butt. And not in a good way. But she is also trying to be a neighbor, however badly.

There's no perfect solution, but a friend of mine suggested a solution to dealing with my own mom when she gets going on my many faults, high crimes and misdemeanors: Agree to everything, change the subject, don't ever justify anything.

It works, at least sometimes.

Oh, not to hi-jack your thread, but a couple of folks have wondered if I fell of the the face off the earth (hoped?).

Nope. As Billy Joel says, "only the good die young..."

I was just plain shocked that the level of discord around here did not decline after the election, but increased. Seeing as how I am not exactly the most reticent about voicing my views...it only made sense to try to take some of the catalysts for conflict out of the mix, at least for a wee bit.

Which I am doing.

And guess what - without me things are just as contentious as with me. The nasty-o-grams and the bitchiness many folks are getting has not declined a bit.

I will continue to not have much to say for awhile and I am keeping my fingers crossed that somehow, someway, the nastiness level around here will fade a bit and we can get back to what we love best.

We need not all pretend to love each other, and some drama is part of being a queen but not at the cost of our AW.org.

For myself, I have decided to search out other fora where discussion is seen as discussion and nothing more. Guess that means, over time, my postings here will become less about current political topics and more about harmless stuff like whether those new 20°C detergents really clean or not.

 

[jeffg]

This woman is God's punishment on you for living in Kansas.

 

[iheartmaytag]

I have tried to have pitty on the poor old soul.

I am not threatened by her Hyacinth Bucket, but I am insulted. As with Mrs. Bucket, she can not be insulted.

I do think if someone were using my house, I would be more understanding that they cleaned, but to walk in and start in--it's war.

 

[iheartmaytag]

This woman is God's punishment on you for living in Kans

Sorry, that's only one of the punishments. Have you ever seen Kansas?

 

[pturo]

The was a chapter in Steven King's Needful Things where a kid threw clumps and clumps of mud on all the white sheets hung out when his bitch of a neighbor was not home........pay some kid 20 bucks to do it after a nice Kansas rainstorm soaks the ground and when this pathalogical CeeUNextTuesday hangs out her whites.

 

[vintagesearch]

WOW W O W WOOWWWW

well speak your mind to her she sounds lonely and nothing to do fight fire with fire and who cares what she spreads rumors are just rumors you know the truth there are far more important things to worry about like your family friends and life let alone her nonesense!!!

go with god my dear let us know what happens

PS maybe just splash holy water on her as she passes by!!!

 

[toggleswitch2]

I normally adovcate concrete and two stitches "below", in problem cases. This one sounds like she eeds it to be applied to the northern port.

FRUSTRATION: The stress that occurs when someone so deperately needs you to do a Rambo on them, yet you can not.

GOSSIP: Is going to happen anyway. What I do with these people is give them something to talk about. At least you will know what it is they are conveying to others. Set a trap and let them jump to conclusions. Tons more fun than worrying about it. When the bogus tidbit gets back to you you have just confirmed who squalked.(sp?)

 

[veg-o-matic]

"Sometimes I feel like I should just come over here an clean this house for you, so you can see what it's like."

To which you reply "Aren't you a dear? I'll be in the garage if you need me."

And don't forget--there's no law requiring you to open the door when someone knocks.

veg

 

[washerboy]

This probably is'nt the comment your looking for but...I have a very simialar neighbor..except he's a retired preist...and about the same age...a dear yes...spawn of satan..more like it..however..I try to humor the old guy...he like your neighbor has way too much time on his hands..most of his friends and family are either dead or not far from it. I try to be nice and humor the old guy...I remind myself..that could be me in 40 years..or my 80 year old father could be just a big of a pain to his neighbors. I think if something happened to the old gal..you'd feel good knowing that if nothing elese you acted as a friend to her in her golden years.

 

[maytagbear]

Poor thing

is lonely and isolated, and more than likely has no idea how she got that way.

Find out about any senior services in the area, and get her on their mailing list.

Or--

Find out her congregation, and call the minister, priest, rabbi or iman, and ask him/her for help.

Or--

Just stop opening the door to her. (least good of all options, I think).

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[iheartmaytag]

Maytagbear

I work for an Aging Service. I have tried to get her involved with volunteering, activities, etc. Nothing doing.