"HOARDERS"

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gyrafoam

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There is a show scheduled on A & E channel at 10PM Monday night.

May or may not provide some insight/relief to those of us who have basements or garages bursting at the seams.
 
I Don't Need Insight...

...I need help.

I have not spoken of this here before, because I like my privacy, but my partner died two months ago. I am still cleaning out the house from his incredible hoarding and packrat tendencies. I was able to maintain a reasonable level of order in the living areas, but the garage and basement - something like 2000 square feet - were piled as high as my head and packed wall-to-wall with boxes of crap. Old magazines, junk mail, grocery coupons clipped in 1997 and never redeemed - tons upon tons upon tons of it. It is costing thousands of dollars to have this stuff hauled away, just at a time when I needed my savings most.

What is really horrible about all this is that for the last two years, he was under hospice care, with a social worker in and out of here at least bi-weekly. I told her loud, long and often what was going on and about the repercussions it would have on me when the inevitable happened. I was told repeatedly that it was "his decision" to hoard, and that as long as he forbade anything to be done with the tons of stuff, nothing could be done.

Hoarding is a disease, folks. And we seriously, seriously need some system of intervention and treatment.

Please, no condolences. I'm so far past tears it isn't funny; the political correctness of the system has rendered me broke, exhausted, and stunned. P.S.: The debris problem is in addition to finding out that life insurance I'd been told was in force was long lapsed. You think you know somebody....
 
Sandy.. can't you advertise something somehow on Craigslist, or a local rag about free collection to go.. must take all. etc. I'd almost guarantee you'd get someone to come take the stuff.
 
I suppose there can be a fine line between collecting and compulsive hoarding... the lack of value of stored items would seem to be a qualifier for the hoarding side. Also perhaps the lack of an orderly way to store and manage the collected items while maintaining the utility of the living areas.

Interesting article on compulsive hoarding on Wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_hoarding
 
Well, speaking for myself I'm not too bad. However I know quite a few people with serious cases of hoarding. I mean whole houses packed full to the ceiling. Sometimes packed so full you can't even walk around or enter certain rooms they are so full! 'TRIPPIN!!!!!!!!

AND its not just appliances--------it can be pets, or money----yes MONEY! Its amazing what those hoarders who always cry "poor" have stashed-away!!!!
Or ALL of the above!!!!!!!

Or all kinds of tchotchkes and things. If I had the financial wherewithall to do it, I would likely hoard vintage automobiles. I used to.
Buy an old, abandoned automobile dealership in the bad side of town,you know, something you can drive the cars right into and store them, clean it up, get it heated and air conditioned and an alarm system installed-----then "fill 'er up"!!!!!!!

I guess I'd still better watch that show.
 
Sorry!

Didn't mean to pop off like that, guys, but when I saw this thread, I was taking a very short break from hauling - literally - hundreds of boxes of trash up the stairs from the basement. I've been down there for days.

I cannot wait to get my life back, is all I can say. Thanks for letting me blow off some steam here.
 
I could NEVER, NEVER, NEVER tolerate living that way, no matter how much I loved someone...it would be out the door in the garbage so fast or I'd be out the door. It's dirty and disgusting having all that garbage in the house. A friend's neighbor is a hoarder, and the rats that her shit attracts make themselves known in my friend's yard, and occassionally stray into the house. Remember, these aren't cherished posessions...it's garbage. Sorry you had to live through that.
 
Well, Sandy, although you're going through a rough patch, I thank you for sharing because it prompted me to do some local cleanup around here... stuff that just collected and I put off sorting through/cleaning up. It's not anywhere near as bad as pictured but it definitely needs to be fixed. Have a annual mini-dumpster arriving at the end of the month to help with the process. Mostly, though, it's taking time away from computer and DVD's (finally done with OZ) to tend to the de-cluttering.
 
Sandy

As you requested, no condolences. Nevertheless, if you need any help or just want to relieve some frustration, just know that I am here.

Robb
 
I have a friend whose parents are hoarders---both of them. They live in a church which they purchased and converted into a huge house, and the photos of the place are truly frightening. Imagine something the size of a church with little, narrow paths to walk in, boxes of everything from old newspapers to thousands of canning jars to god-knows-what from floor to ceiling.

I'm an anti-hoarder. When I go, there will be very little to "clean up". I give things to GoodWill or ARC all the time. If I don't use it, it's out the door.
 
If the stuff is somewhat salvagable, have one heck of a yard sale....might as well get something out of it, we did this week end with several neighbors, clearing out basements and garages, had a block sale, sold the stuff super cheap, many made a lot of money, the rest went to the goodwill...

if not, get one big dumpster and start heaving!

I'm half tempted to come down there and give you a hand, get a work party started and have it done in a day....maybe a wash-in clean out party?
 
My wife is a compulsive hoarder. She has been watching "Clean House", and it opened her eyes and she is working on doing better. She had another eye opening experience about a year ago when she caught me slipping stuff out on garbage day. When she confronted me, I told her I had been doing a little at a time for over a year and she hadn't noticed anything was gone, so why did she need that stuff. Now we have a "Don't Ask, Don't tell" policy on me throwing old stuff away.
 
I am a get rid of and my wife is the hoarder or keeper. I just said last week we needed a 2000 sq ft building just for her stuff (talking things from her parents and grandparents) plus things from her teaching for 32 year and only vertical serfaces in our house so things would not be covered with her things. Since she is a red head I got the wrath of RED for a couple of days.

I have taken things out to the trash too but not a big enough dent in garage yet.
 
God bless all of you for putting up with that. It is indicative of emotional and/or cognitive problems.

I will not, under any circumstaces, deal with it. Period.

This way of being hurts those around the hoarder. My mother's aunt was like that and it was difficult to deal with. She wanted the "thing" to tigger the memories. HINT: take a picture and get rid of the "thing". Pictures trigger an emotion/memory just as well.

Things do not bring emotional or financial security; never did and never will.

Enjoy ALL things-- in moderation.
 
AndrewinOrlando

It was a complicated situation, not what you seem to think. We'd had an off-again, on-again relationship for over 30 years when he became seriously ill. He asked if I'd come back into the situation to provide care; he couldn't do anything for himself any more. It was that or watch him have to go into a VA nursing home. I was able to make enormous improvements around here, even though he had a very hard time with control issues. I was unable to impact on the basement or garage areas because he forbade it.

Robb, thanks very much for the kind words!
 
Once I get over being in the hospital and just about dying there I got to thinking that I have got to get rid of some stuff so that my partner will not have to get rid of a bunch of stuff.I hope that I get off of my lift restriction tomorrow so that I can get my stuff together.While I was in the hospital I just wandered why I needed all of that stuff.

danemodsandy I just have to say good luck to you.
 
Can it be recycled?

The enormity of 2,000 feet of worthless oodge recycled one car load at a time in an old car that's one gasp from cash for clunkers, by one person limited with arthritis and physically bankrupted from home healthcare in a relationship filled with unresolved oodge is not my idea of social responsibility to save a planet for the more enlightened. My hope for Sandy is that being left financially bereft is not requiring a move as well. One can only hope the hoarding meant something of value was saved. The nightmare is knowing if there is anything of value it will require sifting through each box, sack, pile and crumble of history his partner accumulated. Peter’s sister was the worst hoarder I'd ever seen. We ordered a construction dumpster and had it removed twice. Anything with a family memory was catalogued and saved. Financial records were found and filed. Anything of value was gifted or donated and the dump fees and hours of work were beyond calculation. If I heard one more time, "I hope you didn't throw all that away. You know there are charities that take those items. I am sure there were items the family wanted. Most of that could have been recycled. I know you and you just threw it all away." Then the charities who cherry picked, took this but not that, told you to come back next Thursdaywith a car so full a shoe horn you could not have added a gnat's jacket to the load. I suppose the expectation was for us to come and unload the car and return with the vain hope we'd be judged worthy? Please, don't offer suggestions unless they come with a check, a truck to carry away a load, prepaid sessions with a grief counselor, a debt councilor or a good psychiatrist? Sandy edits a magazine for mid century collectables and respectful sensibilities for reusing and recycling. Lets all be a friend who listens, even if we don't always agree, sit helpful conjecture.
 
Kelly:

Something told me you'd understand.

No, the stuff in the basement and garage areas was absolutely nothing of value. And yes, a move is in my future. Three weeks, in fact.

I may live.
 
I hope to hell one of those boxes is FULL of cash.

Sandy:

Any time you and a guest need to get away, you have a place to stay in the NYC area. (I'm three blocks outside of NYC).

Hell, you've been so good to me and the Gadget I'd even feed you, even If I have to get recipes from Kelly in WA. :-)
 
There is Hope

Sandy, you are an amazing man, a loving partner and a tireless caregiver. Thankfully the midcentury model you claimed as yours is being recycled in a place with no pain, giant lungs and fresh air in a practice where payments are made in full. Sidebar: Three men died and went to heaven. St Peter asked the first what he did. "I was a pediatrician. I healed small children and treated the most delicate of patients." "That's wonderful, come right in St Peter intoned. The second man approached and he was asked what he did on earth. "I was an educator. I taught the ignorant, set minds free and created the basis on which further learning was realized." "Oh, that’s wonderful, come right in" St Peter intoned. The third gentlemen stepped forward and St Peter asked what he did. "I was the CEO of a managed Health Care Provider. I was able to ascertain the medical needs and coverage for insured patients." "My that's wonderful," St Peter said in awe. "Come right in. You can stay three days and then go to hell!"
Sandy, do you have any idea how many of us have been underappreciated and underutilized in our previous relationships. No collectable in the universe can match the worth of a seasoned man, who knows how to love, is trustworthy and steadfast. All that combined with a keen mind, a rapier wit, the hands of a master and a soul that knows how to dream and hope. You my friend are worth a 1,000 life insurance policies to so many our age who are ready for the real deal, May you become the object of someone's desire whose arms and heart will surround you for the rest of your life in an embrace of commitment and freedom born in trust.
 
And yes, a move is in my future. Three weeks, in fact.

In the light of everything Sandy - this is great news! Hope you settled on something that has everything you are looking for. I wish you the best -

Ben
 
Often persons who "hoard" are trying to make up for some sort of feeling of not having in the past. Persons who grew up "poor" and or with little or no posessions often as adults purchase things in such quantities to be above what could be considered surplus to requirements. Others have some notion of selling things on one day, others keep things because "you never know when it might be needed". Many times persons who have lived through major upheavals such as wars, famine or such will hoard items such as food because they don't wish to be without ever again.

Other persons simply cannot bring themselves to throw away anything they have paid money for out of thrift. Sill more persons go out and bring things home, again out of the idea to sell it on or it may prove useful someday.

Either way the up shot of all this is that sooner or later the stuff has to and should go. Disorder and mess attract vermin, along with posing other health and saftey risks. In our area it is not uncommon for either landlords and or family members to obtain a court order to "clean out" a home or apartment that simply has too much "junk" and is deemed a health risk.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers
 
All of the above

I have become a hoader recently, and every issue that you listed is important to me. I am a materialist; I am also the most sentimental person in my family and I attach great significance to objets. Two weeks ago as I was cleaning out my Mother's apartment in NYC, I got attached to her shopping cart, because it worked so well and was so much help to me in moving things to the truck. I live, however, in a suburban community where shopping carts are of no use and I had to force myself to leave it behind. It is easier when you can give things away to specific people that I know; less easy is to give to faceless charities and worst is disposal. It is a real affliction. George Carlin was right; it's just STUFF but every single one of those reasons is enough to keep what should be garbage. Heaven help me.
 
No matter how much we cling to the past and jam our lives up with things to block the entry of change, change will come, and so will the future.

The only stuff I should have though about storing was videos, with sound, of relatives who are now deceased. Sometimes you just want to hear their voices again.

I try to light a candle for my dearly departed relatives here and there and always send them light, love, and blessings when I think of it.

More than anything I remember how little stuff the older reatives chose to have, because it was not important to them. Showing their love and spending time with family and surviving in this new country were their top prioirtes. Things don't bring happiness. But the memory of their love lives forever.
 
Thank you, Steve, that is beautiful.
Pretty much sums up how I feel too. I look around at all the "things" but they could never take the place of my family. Ever.
 

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