Irreconcilable Differences

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kenmore58

kenmore58

Well-known member
Platinum Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2005
Messages
929
Location
Rhode Island
Although this is an appliance site, I know other things have been discussed.

After 10 1/2 years, I suddenly find myself single. Partner announced this week it's over.

Take an extra moment to hold that special someone tight, let them know how much they mean to you, and never, ever get so caught up in the day-to-day activities that you drift away from each other.

Ron
 
Big southern hug to ya

Mine called it quits after 11 years. I"m with ya man. Life goes on though and this too shall pass. I've been single for 4 years now.

Joe
jamman_98

p.s. I'll be in RI in October for a workshop. I could give you a hug in person then.
 
I feel for you - mine left me after 14 years. It is a horrible feeling. I know there isn't anything anyone can say that will make you feel better now. That is a process you will go through and it will take much time. The best thing I can tell you is try to be kind to yourself and keep your dignity by taking the high road. Don't be afraid to lean on friends. Just be careful how much you show at work. When it happened to me, I made the fatal mistake of asking my boss for a little leeway during the worst part of it. What I got from her was double the workload, impossible deadlines and within 4 months my job was suddenly "eliminated".

You will survive this though you may not think so - you will also be surprised how strong you really are. I will keep positive thoughts for you....
 
Ron,

That sucks. There is nothing I can say to make it hurt any less; so I won't.
But I will keep you in my thoughts.
I wish you peace and whatever tranquility of the soul you can find.
Keven
 
There are two guys....

Ben and Jerry.

I am sincerely sorry that you're going through this, Ron.

Mine have never lasted more than two years.

Lawrence/Maytagbear
 
Ron, I don't know ya yet, but I feel like i"ve been kicked in the gut, even have a tear or two in my eyes. I can't even pretend to imagine what you're feeling. So a big gentle cybear hug for you and you're in my thoughts.

It may sound trite or whatever, but he's the one that's loosing big time.

My heart and thoughts go out to ya!! Bob
 
BIG HUGS BACK TO ALL!

As I sit here reading these messages with tears in my eyes, I have to say that it gives me great comfort to have so much support from people that I've never met.

This group is probably the best group I've ever encountered.

Thanks for the support!! It certainly helps to make a terrible time seem easier.

Ron
 
one from me too

Hey Ron,
15 months for my last one, and it left me with such a bad taste I never want to repeat it!
Its ok to grieve and be sad, but you also have new independence now and opportunities abound for you to learn more about YOU. While it may not look like it, the future is bright.
In the meantime, we are all here for you.
 
Re: Sorry to hear Ron:

I would have still had my Gary with me, if it hadn't been for his loss of Life from HIV/AIDS. We would have been together for 16-years now, we actually made it to 10-years. I know we would have still been showing our Friends that 2-people that loved each other enough, could make it together, even if one is HIV+ and the other is HIV- in a Relationship.

I feel awful hearing about your loss, after 10-1/2 years. Even with this, time heals and you will always be strong enough to accept what's happening, in a while after getting over the terrible shock.

We are all here for you and are Praying for you to pull through this unfortunate time.

As with others, I'm feeling hurt for you, as if we've met in person. It does seem like it that we have met, other than just on the Club Site. We have such a great support here for each other.

Take care and know that you are in our Thoughts and Prayers to help you get through this empty feeling time.

Peace and Hugs, Steve
SactoTeddyBear...
 
Ron, This is the time to gather joy from your appliances. They will not hurt you like people and, unless you put so many in one place that the floor gives way, they do not leave on their own power. Now that the person has left, you may have more room for some things that you really want and don't say that you can't have appliances in a bedroom.

I am sorry for your great loss, made all the more bitter because when someone ends a relationship, it hurts the self esteem of the person left behind. Give yourself permission and time to grieve for this loss, but do not beat yourself up because he left. Recognize your own strengths and believe that you do not need a partner to be complete, because it is true. You do not need validation from a partner, nor do you need a partner to receive validation from society as long as you demonstrate your own self worth. Take time to enjoy things that you have acquired because you like them and invite your friends to be a larger presence in your social life; don't sit around sad and wait for them to ask you to join them. If you take the initiative, it will show a positive action on your part that will make people want to be around you, although you won't be able to expect your friends to always be with you. Post frequently and let us know about your good days and bad times. We will all do what we can to help.

Best wishes to you for strength of spirit to get through this painful time.

Tom
 
I'm sorry to hear about this. Unfortunately, it happens sometimes. This must be tough for you but once you have weathered it, I know you will have good times to look forward to. I've had two failed engagements, and it doesn't get any easier, but when love dies, The heart survives (REO Speedwagon). I hope you have lots of supporters, and you know we're all here for ya! Take care.
Yours Truly:
Jason
 
I too, know what your experiancing Ron

My partner of 3 yrs, broke up with me recently( april 2nd) by email. we were in a long distance relationship. Do what everyone is telling you, it will help. I still have my down days, and you will too. Don't give up. We're all here for one another, reguardless what it is.
Peace, happiness and joy be with you Ron
Big hugs-
Rich
 
Been there...done that and the good news is.......

It DOES gets better!!!!!

I feel funny posting since I talk to you, Ron, probably 5+ times a day but I have to tell you that my feelings were so well expressed by Tomturbomatic that I just wanted to cut and paste it so that you will re-read it!! Fantastic advice IMOHO!

Tomturbomatic says "I am sorry for your great loss, made all the more bitter because when someone ends a relationship, it hurts the self esteem of the person left behind. Give yourself permission and time to grieve for this loss, but do not beat yourself up because he left. Recognize your own strengths and believe that you do not need a partner to be complete, because it is true. You do not need validation from a partner, nor do you need a partner to receive validation from society as long as you demonstrate your own self worth. Take time to enjoy things that you have acquired because you like them and invite your friends to be a larger presence in your social life; don't sit around sad and wait for them to ask you to join them. If you take the initiative, it will show a positive action on your part that will make people want to be around you, although you won't be able to expect your friends to always be with you."

Love and hugs from Chuck and I!!!

Rich
 
Hi Ron

You have my best wishes. It is a hard time for sure. I have two true stories about my own life that may be of some help/comfort to you.
1. My first partner - after a bit more than a year together he announced that he didn't love me any more, not my fault just grown apart etc etc. I had no idea it was coming, cried buckets, he agreed to give it another chance, a month later he moved out. I was shattered, a work friend said "it looks like a light has gone out inside you." We had been renting a house, I couldn't afford it on my own so moved back with parents. (and back into the closet.) After a short while got back into the "scene", decided I wasn't looking for a relationship, just some fun. (Once bitten...) Met a great cute guy, had to leave mid evening as I had to start work at midnight (I worked at a 24 hour restaurant) he didn't believe me, thought I was just trying to get away so didn't want to give me his phone number. I persuaded him, got the number. We will celebrate 20 years together this December. Had the other turkey not dumped me then I would not have found this fantastic partner. We are really "growing together", it occurrred to me only recently I think I love him more now than years ago.

2. I am not asking you to disclose all the personal stuff leading up to this decision from your partner, but you will have an idea whether this could be relevant or not. How is your partner's state of mind? I have suffered from anxiety and depression a couple of times in the last ten years, when several awful things happened to me at once and life just seemed to be getting slowly worse. It becomes really hard to see any good in one's life, including things you normally get pleasure from including your loved ones. If all you can see is the bad things, you stop noticing the good things and over-emphasize the bad in your life. I was bogged down with guilt, anger, niggles on my nerves all the time, couldn't sleep for anxiety. My partner also had a lot on his plate and tended to be preoccupied with his workload. I felt like our relationship was dying, we didn't seem to enjoy each other's company any more. I was mainly aware of anxiety but was also feeling hopless and depressed. I sought help from a counsellor, did a course on managing anxiety and depression, did some sessions with a psychologist, opened up and had some deep talks with my partner. I dealt with some emotional baggage going back many years including childhood stuff, and spent a lot of time working on seeing the good stuff in my life, and there is plenty of course. Over weeks and months I felt a weight removed from my shoulders. I have a new outlook. One of the best things I learned in the course was I am in control of how I feel. Things can happen to me that I can't control (source of anxiety) but I CAN control how I react to them. You feel the way you do because you think the way you do. Changing how you think about your situation changes how you feel about your situation.
Which is a long winded way of suggesting, could your partner be depressed? I know when I was, I could see no future for our relationship and could barely stand my partner. Now I am thinking clearly and feeling good, I love him all over again.

Well that's enough second hand psychology from me.

I wish you all the best.

Chris.
 
I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair........

oh Goumbara; I feel for you.
I send you big hugs, light, love peace and blessings.

Mine annouced our divorce the day I returned home from the Omaha, NE convention AT THE AIRPORT, while picking me up. The BEST weekend of my life (literally) in the span of two minutes became my worse. We reconciled ("You really DO care", I heard), only to go through it again later a few months afterwards.

Ron, you are an amazing man and I offer you any small comfort I can. You are my sister and my friend. Please consider coming to NYC one weekend. (Don't MAKE me come up there and drag your ass out of the house).

You are in my thoughts.

Best regards,
Steve
 
Ron........

Your kind words touched my heart a while back when you asked about the Flea Market in Rhode Island. Nothing can stop the hurt and loss that you are feeling, but, I truly believe that things happen for a reason.
A Big (((((HUGG)))) from Connecticut Ron and keep looking ahead to brighter days.

Gary & 'Gaylord'

6-18-2006-18-43-19--GadgetGary.jpg
 
what remains at the end of the day

Hi Ron,
Hope the love and care you are seeing here is some comfort to you. We don't know each other - except through the posts here - but I thought about you as I promised I would do.
Saw a very old and dear friend this evening. We have known each other for over 20 years. His partner left him eight months ago, without explanation.
He told me something this evening which, I believe, is of value to you. The love and affection he felt (and feels) for the man has remained. Slowly, he can see through the pain and the hurt to recognize that whatever was and is, his love and desire that the other man be happy is what counts.
Not much to hang your hat on, perhaps - but for my friend a big step out from under the cloud of not knowing what and why things went wrong - and knowing he never will.
I wish I could say the same for his partner; he is unable to put words to his pain, he can not even say why he left or why he does not return or even talk to the man he spent so many years of his life with. Just grief and silent rage.
Whatever happens, whatever you feel - don't bury it and don't put a "brave face" on it. Talk, write - keep in touch with us (sort of, well, nothing can be as bad as the washingmachine folks sense of humour...). But don't run and hide...or rush out and replace until you have found your peace with what happened. Or happens.
Hope this doesn't come across as too preachy...haven't written anything this emotional in the English language in decades.
Still keeping you in my thoughts,
Keven
 
People sometimes change. A friend I met 22 years ago, she got married after graduating college, moved to California. The few times I've seen her since then, she was very cold and distant. I understand she has been through some health trouble with the husband, and the marriage was rocky several times. Last news I heard last year, they were still together (but likely shouldn't be). Her parents, brother, and sister had discussed with me how she really has pushed everybody away.

Anyway, the point is, don't think that the separation is your fault. You may not have changed, but your ex apparently has. No need for guilt or beating yourself up over "what could I have done." Hold your memories of the time together, it's all a part of your life-journey.
 
Hang on

Hang on in there kenmore, me and my partner terry have been together coming up to 21 years now. We are still strong and we keep on keeping on. You can do the same be strong keep going, good things come to he who does not expect them. We are all here for ya. love to all
 
Ron,
I'm so sorry. I'm at a loss for words. I want to say that time heals all wounds, but it takes so goddam long. In the meantime, I'm here for you. I don't need to remind you how much Rich and Chuck adore you. You are not alone. LOL,
Bobby in Boston
 
not an easy time

Been there, had it done to me. Not an easy thing to work your way through, but as others have said, it will get better. After my totally unexpected break-up, I met one of the most wonderful people I had ever known. We were together for two years, when he unexpectedly took his own life (still don't have all the answers for that event, but never will). After that, I was alone for ten years. One night, some friends dragged me out to have some fun....little did I know that this would be the night I would meet the one I have spent seven wonderful years with, and it just gets better every day. So it will improve, but right now....just ride with it. If you are mad, let the anger out. If you want to cry, find a good friend's shoulder to cry on. Trust me, it will help. (and of course, you have all of us here...)
 
Well Honey.....

....after 9 (yes nine! - married one twice) husbands and thousands of boyfriends, this old broad is gonna give you a little advice.....when it comes down to it, the ONLY man you can really depend on is Mr. Coffee. Seriously though, and this IS serious. Get over it. This man obviously was NOT the man that you were supposed to be with. While sometimes these things can come as a surprise, if you stop and add up the little things that were not right with the relationship, you won't be as surprised as you were with the initial schock. How many times I sat looking out my window, waiting for my man to come back to me..... And now I'm sooooooo glad that he didn't!!! So many times we put up with a lot of crap in our relationships just because we're comfortable, when in our hearts we KNOW he ISN'T the right one for us, but for now it's ok, and we're secure in our thoughts that we ''have'' someone. Eventually though, all we really feel about the relationship is emptiness. The right man IS very hard to find. I had a husband that was going to shoot me, a husband that threw me out a two story window, (yes I was thin....and pretty then), a husband that had another boyfriend in every port....(he was a flyboy)....a husband that I later found out was a major drug dealer in the city that we lived in at the time....and on it goes. It TOOK ALMOST 30 YEARS TO FIND THE RIGHT MAN!!! My next to last husband was a great man but unfortunately died way too soon of a heart attack.... and the last husband is another great man. After all of the others, when I got to the last two husbands, I finally know what I was looking for! You have to do the same. Figure out what it is that you want in a man and go get him! Hope this advice didn't sound too harsh but through my life experience, it's come to be the truth! Mark Harman-Chudley-Bittner-Giancanna-Bittner-Stegman-Reese-Wilkins-Buseman-Janacek.
 
I agree with lighted controls response

When one door closes another opens. Many people tend to stay together for convenience. By doing this, both people in the relationship suffer in the long run. Do you really want to be with someone that may be unhappy inside but is staying in the relationship just because? He would not be doing you any favor in the long run. If you stayed together another five years, then that would be five years that you would have lost. Time will take care of the heartache. Meanwhile, don't allow yourself to dwell on the negatives. Look at the positives and move on. There are plenty more out there. One day you will look back and wonder... WTF was I thinking. I wish you the best. I myself am in a relationship that is approaching ten years and I know this could just as easily be me in your situation.
 

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