Hi Ron
You have my best wishes. It is a hard time for sure. I have two true stories about my own life that may be of some help/comfort to you.
1. My first partner - after a bit more than a year together he announced that he didn't love me any more, not my fault just grown apart etc etc. I had no idea it was coming, cried buckets, he agreed to give it another chance, a month later he moved out. I was shattered, a work friend said "it looks like a light has gone out inside you." We had been renting a house, I couldn't afford it on my own so moved back with parents. (and back into the closet.) After a short while got back into the "scene", decided I wasn't looking for a relationship, just some fun. (Once bitten...) Met a great cute guy, had to leave mid evening as I had to start work at midnight (I worked at a 24 hour restaurant) he didn't believe me, thought I was just trying to get away so didn't want to give me his phone number. I persuaded him, got the number. We will celebrate 20 years together this December. Had the other turkey not dumped me then I would not have found this fantastic partner. We are really "growing together", it occurrred to me only recently I think I love him more now than years ago.
2. I am not asking you to disclose all the personal stuff leading up to this decision from your partner, but you will have an idea whether this could be relevant or not. How is your partner's state of mind? I have suffered from anxiety and depression a couple of times in the last ten years, when several awful things happened to me at once and life just seemed to be getting slowly worse. It becomes really hard to see any good in one's life, including things you normally get pleasure from including your loved ones. If all you can see is the bad things, you stop noticing the good things and over-emphasize the bad in your life. I was bogged down with guilt, anger, niggles on my nerves all the time, couldn't sleep for anxiety. My partner also had a lot on his plate and tended to be preoccupied with his workload. I felt like our relationship was dying, we didn't seem to enjoy each other's company any more. I was mainly aware of anxiety but was also feeling hopless and depressed. I sought help from a counsellor, did a course on managing anxiety and depression, did some sessions with a psychologist, opened up and had some deep talks with my partner. I dealt with some emotional baggage going back many years including childhood stuff, and spent a lot of time working on seeing the good stuff in my life, and there is plenty of course. Over weeks and months I felt a weight removed from my shoulders. I have a new outlook. One of the best things I learned in the course was I am in control of how I feel. Things can happen to me that I can't control (source of anxiety) but I CAN control how I react to them. You feel the way you do because you think the way you do. Changing how you think about your situation changes how you feel about your situation.
Which is a long winded way of suggesting, could your partner be depressed? I know when I was, I could see no future for our relationship and could barely stand my partner. Now I am thinking clearly and feeling good, I love him all over again.
Well that's enough second hand psychology from me.
I wish you all the best.
Chris.
