BTW iheartmaytag, The Valley Agency on Aging has been my charity. For a number of years I donated to them at Christmas. Everyone remembers the kids during the holidays, but few remember the elderly, sometimes they need gifts more than the kids do.
Need some advice dealing with elderly parent...
- Thread starter mattl
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iheartmaytag
Well-known member
Matt,
I am glad you got some respite when getting your tree. Sometimes just venting and having some time away is the best medicine. Massive amounts of alcohol works too, but then you arent' worth much later.
You are absolutely correct, older people are the forgotten ones at holidays, I am so happy that you remember them. God will smile down on you for your thoughtfulness.
I am glad you got some respite when getting your tree. Sometimes just venting and having some time away is the best medicine. Massive amounts of alcohol works too, but then you arent' worth much later.
You are absolutely correct, older people are the forgotten ones at holidays, I am so happy that you remember them. God will smile down on you for your thoughtfulness.
abcomatic
Well-known member
HI Matt,
I have been through all of this. My mom died a year this past April. She had moderate dementia. We had help during the day and finally had to have help almost around the clock. She would be ok during the day and then about 3pm her mood would start to change and then night was awful. I live 75 miles away and would get phone calls at 3 am and want to know why I never come home; how my brother and I have abandoned her and the list goes on. We were there every weekend taking care of her. It is not an easy road to plow for sure. Make sure you have time for YOURSELF! He has short term memory loss and will probably be on the same topic over and over again. It is very frustrating. Its hard not to be short with him I am sure. Try not to feel guilty about anything, you have a life too and have to live it. Maybe get someone to come in during the day and help out. Let me know how you are doing. We can talk if it will help. Good luck Matt and don't forget to have time for yourself too. Bye for now. Gary
I have been through all of this. My mom died a year this past April. She had moderate dementia. We had help during the day and finally had to have help almost around the clock. She would be ok during the day and then about 3pm her mood would start to change and then night was awful. I live 75 miles away and would get phone calls at 3 am and want to know why I never come home; how my brother and I have abandoned her and the list goes on. We were there every weekend taking care of her. It is not an easy road to plow for sure. Make sure you have time for YOURSELF! He has short term memory loss and will probably be on the same topic over and over again. It is very frustrating. Its hard not to be short with him I am sure. Try not to feel guilty about anything, you have a life too and have to live it. Maybe get someone to come in during the day and help out. Let me know how you are doing. We can talk if it will help. Good luck Matt and don't forget to have time for yourself too. Bye for now. Gary
Thanks Gary.
All in all right now I feel drained. Not in a holiday mood at all. Just put up a few things outside yesterday. Weather has been crappy for the last month, cold, rain and snow - way too soon. Not sure why I feel so reticent, there is a good chance this will be our last Christmas together, and normally I'd want to make it as good as possible. Maybe over the weekend I'll get busy.
All in all right now I feel drained. Not in a holiday mood at all. Just put up a few things outside yesterday. Weather has been crappy for the last month, cold, rain and snow - way too soon. Not sure why I feel so reticent, there is a good chance this will be our last Christmas together, and normally I'd want to make it as good as possible. Maybe over the weekend I'll get busy.
Matt, if it makes you feel any better, over the past few years we were factoring in that it could possibly be the last Xmas or Thanksgiving with Mom. It got to be like a broken record. This is the first holiday season without her, but really it started last year when she was in the nursing home. She didn't even know it was Thanksgiving or Xmas, and when reminded it sort of went in one ear and out the other. But now without Mom around an un-attached person like my sister is kind of drifting this holiday season. I think she may end up joining us when we head up to my partner's parents place for Xmas eve. His whole family will be there and it will be loud, fun and food overload. The exact opposite of the quiet times we were having at my mom's for the past several years.
Perseverance is key in your situation, and don't ever doubt that you're doing the best you can. You are a good son, Matt.
Ralph
Perseverance is key in your situation, and don't ever doubt that you're doing the best you can. You are a good son, Matt.
Ralph
Matt,
I'm still pretty much in read mode, but thought I'd chime in, too.
You hang in there. You're doing a great job of being a loyal son, honoring your parents.
I strongly suggest you rethink that "we don't need them yet" idea. You need them now - when things really go down the tubes, you will be thankful you had help and an occasional break. I spent three months taking care of my parents after their accidents with exactly one 4 hour break. Got to hear how nice for me to be "on vacation", too.
Get the time off, it will do you good.
I know it hurts to have him angry at you But that is not them, that is the pain and the injuries and the medications. Same goes for your dad - there's just no there, there anymore.
You're in my prayers,
Panthera
I'm still pretty much in read mode, but thought I'd chime in, too.
You hang in there. You're doing a great job of being a loyal son, honoring your parents.
I strongly suggest you rethink that "we don't need them yet" idea. You need them now - when things really go down the tubes, you will be thankful you had help and an occasional break. I spent three months taking care of my parents after their accidents with exactly one 4 hour break. Got to hear how nice for me to be "on vacation", too.
Get the time off, it will do you good.
I know it hurts to have him angry at you But that is not them, that is the pain and the injuries and the medications. Same goes for your dad - there's just no there, there anymore.
You're in my prayers,
Panthera
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