Old People and How family treats them.. Makes me sick

[exploder321]

Ok.. so i am not guilty of going wayy off where i shouldn't be.. SO insted of posting this in the maytag post about the old lady and her maytags and her insensitve daughter i am putting it here..

I was reading about the elderly lady and her daughter...
This is the Very reason i am here with my grandparents.. I refuse to let them become old.. It brings me to tears to here this.. My grandpas is in his 80's and grams is in her 70's..We all work together at the real estate office.. We live together and i take care of most of the domestic stuff and help where they need it..They probably will never go to a nursing home, unless they become bad off..I won't be able to handle it...
I moved to florida at age 18 to take care of my great grandmother until she passed at age 100... She lived with me until 2 months before she passed... I was there when she left... I balled and balled... But i knew she whent home to granddady woody, who she was married to for 75 years.. She wasn't well, but i took care of her..
It makes soooo mad, to see kids right off there parents and send them to a damn nursing home... Thats not right... If you became sick and disabled, i would hope the would help you...

I had a minor stroke in late 2004 due to a subdural hemaoma and sinusitus.. I lost all of my short term memory and quite a bit of my long term memroy..
Grams and mom where right there through every second... Grams took me in, fed me, paid my bills and took care of me thorugh the worst time in my life, until i could go back to work and drive... She fell last year and i decided to stay put and take care of them until they passed or got so sick i couldn't...
I owe them soo much more than i will ever be able to pay them...

I just get so pissed at people who can stand there and say "Mom your going to a nursing home with allkinds of new things and new friends".. Does she not relize that mom has probably been there most of her life and how hard it is for them to make friends at this age of the game??????? NO...
I saw so many sickly people at the nursing home where great grandma was, and most hadn't seen there kids in forever.. I cried every day i was there.. I was there Every day, bringing her cookies, dinner, subs from subway or something to make her feel better... The nursing staff and director couldn't believe how dedicated i was.. Oh it just makes me sick..

Sorry... I didn't mean to go off on this... Its just a sensitve topic for me...

 

[Kenmore62]

HOW OLD PEOPLE ARE TREATED

I have worked in a nursing home for 17 years.One thing that upsets me is when Grandma and Grandpa live some distance away.The family moves them to a nursing home near them far away from there friends that could come and visit them. Then the family never visits them. There were two ladys
(passed away now) one had family in ITALY the other in SCOTLAND. These ladys recived many more phone calls from there family in other countrys, than some that had family right in town. I JUST DON,T UNDERSTAND IT!!!!!!

 

[scott55405]

Well as for me personally, I wouldn't want to be a burden on anyone, and if my care needs were such that a nursing or assisted living situation were needed, by all means off I go. In my case there probably wouldn't be anyone around to take care of me anyway, and certainly no one making decisions against my own will.

If it were someone dear to me and I was the young and healthy one, certainly I'd do what I could as long as it was within my skill to do so, and beyond that do everything I could with the assistance of others to keep that person in their own comfortable environs.

BUT, sending someone to a nursing facility that obviously doesn't need one, like the Maytag story, is a horse of a completely different color. I'm not sure if that daughter has a POA or how exactly she's getting by with doing that, but...

 

[dalangdon]

Sometimes nursing home care is the only option.

My Aunt had dementia so bad that she needed 24/7 attention, or she was likely to hurt herself. When she went in the home, her family all came to visit her regularly (not that she knew who any of us were) and made sure she was well-tended to. She actually seemed happier there, I think because there was nothing familiar to befuddle her.

I had another Aunt who was both diabetic and had frightening epeleptic seizures that required heavy medication to keep under control. She was not happy to be in a nursing home, but she had never been a happy person anyway, and since she had never married, there were no other viable options. Dad was really good to her though: went to visit her even though all she did was complain about him, and the home, and everything else.

Finally, my Great Uncle Jack had a massive stroke and couldn't move or speak. My mom and her sisters tried to take care of him, but it was just too much for them: He also needed a lot of drugs and therapies that they couldn't provide, and his insurance didn't cover. He was a good sport about it, however, and improved to the point where he could move half his body, and speak a little bit, so it turned out well for him - all things considered.

 

[exploder321]

At least your family whent to care for them, alot of family don't

 

[toggleswitch]

I agree that the seniors are a huge asset to be loved amd respected. Ask your grandparents what they went through to get to this country or to grow up here. You'd be amazed at how much you don't hear them complain about.

On the other hand, my sisters and I did have an uncle by marriage (tio politico en espanol) who was a nasty human being with a foul negative mouth. He also attempted a physical liason with just about every female in the family. Underage included. I am sorry to report my sisters and I had no issues when the Lawd sent him a massive stroke and he was struck dumb (speechless). Poetic justice, IMHO. In this case we chose not to visit him in the facilty.

Do I feel awful about it? Yes and no. Out of repsect for my sisters' very awful experiences/memories caused by him, he is lucky we did not pull a Lorena Bobbit. And they certainly did not want him around THEIR girls/children!

Perhaps we should not always judge how others appear to behave. There is sometimes a valid reason.



Fable told tp me by my grandpa. (Perhaps some details slighlty enbellished.)

There was one a tiny village on the island of Lesbos. Since food and living space and money were limited, once people became old and weak they were tossed over over a cliff into the ocean.

One day a strapping young virile gorgeous male had to do his civic duty. He had his father over his shoulder and was going up the cliif. At one point he stopped to rest. The old man said "This is exaclty where I stopped with my father."

Be nice~ You will be farting dust one day too, if you live that long. And remember once you beleive everyone is stealing from you, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY OLD, or you need to move!

Again: Be nice to the old coots. You will be one yourself one day. In the end only love remains behind.

 

[exploder321]

I would agree that i wouldn't have visited Mr. Child molester either...Thats an exception..

 

[gadgetgary]

Oh Toggle Baby....

You are so so right. I was caring for an elderly woman in my neighboborhood for a number of years. Come to find out, she was accusing me of taking her money when I was taking time out every month to do her bills and balance her checkbook. Bottom line here.........no more friendship. It is so sad that it had to end this way.

 

[toggleswitch]

What goes around comes around.

See see see, there ARE little gems of wisdom in my lunatic rantings.

I am sorry you had to experience that Gary. But yes they REALLY do think that way near the end.

 

[toggleswitch]

Think of it as sifting through #2 excrement to dig out swallowed diamonds.

(ducks and runs)

 

[gadgetgary]

Believe it or not.....

I actually did that when I inadvertently swallowed a contact lens..................YUK!

Oh, back then to be young and to save $$$$$

 

[toggleswitch]

I am hoping you never found it.

 

[gadgetgary]

So who is calling who a lunatic????

And what little 'gems' were we looking for again??????

 

[toggleswitch]

You were intending on sticking it back where?

*THUD* faints dead away

 

[petek]

I volunteered along with my dog for a number of years at a seniors home and made quite a few friends there amongst the residents. Quite a number of them move in on their own accord because they don't want to be a burden on their family, even against their families wishes. My mother is in her 80's and still fit as a fiddle living in her own house and wouldn't dream of moving in with us when she can no longer stay there and she's fine with it. Her elderly neighbor at 95 just moved to a home last year, mom was visiting her last week and said she said she was so happy to have made the move, that it was the right thing to do at her time of life. Her daughter moved into her house when her mom moved out. So there are always two sides to every story and yes there are ingrates who dump their parents etc. but I believe they are in the minority.

 

[exploder321]

Not here... Go to Highland Farms or Asheville health care for a week and see how many family members show up.. Not many.. One nursing home even had visitation hours (i can understand not coming in after 8 or something like that but this was rude)that where from 12-5... The residants where only allowed out during those hours, unless taken somplace by staff... WTF???? Um, No... They quit that after it got quite a few complaints...

 

[Cybrvanr]

Much of the nursing home issue comes up because we are such a mobile society nowadays chasing jobs wherever companies decide is the next big fad town to go to. In years past generations of families lived around each other. In my neighborhood here, my grandmother, parents, sister, aunt, and a few cousins live within a 5 mile radius of each other. We look out for one another. We are the exception however. Many of my customers in the Northern VA area haven't been there for anymore than 10 years. They live significant distances from where they grew up, and were their parents currently live. To me, it's sort of sad. I love my extended family, and I'll never take for granted the fact that I can ride my bike or walk to my grandmother's house to see her and help her with what she needs.

What I have found interesting is the differences in elderly people over where they want to live. Yes, some elderly folks don't like assisted living centers, but I do know of one lady that was a friend of my mothers that has absloutely LOVED going into the A.L center she's at. Every time we see her, she's got a glow on her face, and she's talking about all the tour trips she took on the bus, or what her friends she's met there are doing or some other thing. Prior to this, she lived down in a neighborhood called "The Fan" that was primarily young people that she didn't relate to, and she was always complaining about their habits like their music, appearance, etc...so, she's definitely much happier.

...As for my grandmother, she's getting a little bit senile, and getting physically weak, but with the support the rest of the family gives her, I hope she can live the rest of her life around us in her own home, as she seems to be happiest here

 

[toggleswitch]

So there are always two sides to every story

uh maybe not dear-heart. I HAVE to disagree.

There are THREE sides to every story.
"YOURS", "MINE" and "THE TRUTH".

(ducks and runs)

 

[exploder321]

Oh also...

How does one swallow a contact??????
I almost choked on one..