Rapunzel,
I knew there was a danger of not being clear in responding, so I do appreciate your not shooting back with an elephant gun.
May I address the topics involved here (from my perspective) separately? Perhaps then, I can express myself a bit better.
The most important thing here is friendship - I truly believe that when a 14 or 15 year old is working through their thoughts and feelings on their sexuality, it is important for their friends to be just that - friends. And that is what I was trying to communicate here. Part of being a friend is accepting confidentialities and keeping them secret. Sure, you want to help...but anyone who was ever that young knows that betrayal at that age, regardless of motives, does permanent damage.
On the second topic, I confess that, when confronted with hard statistical evidence and speculation based on the soft/social sciences such as the Kinsey scale of sexuality, I shall always come down on the hard sciences side. There is no proof that true male bi-sexuality does not exist, but there is a great deal of independently repeated research to suggest that at a very fundamental level, men tend to be either straight or gay. The guys who have sex with both male and female partners are not lying, obviously...but their body's arousal patterns when tested objectively fall clearly in the 'gay' range.
After decades of living in San Francisco, NYC, Berlin and Munich, Germany I have experienced life in places where it is OK to be gay and there is no artificial or social constraint to be 'questioning' or bi-sexual. In these places, there are just not that many bi-sexual men relative to the number of gay and heterosexual men.
I, too, know of men who have had sex partners of both genders and ultimately settled into relationships (monogamous and open) with one person. I would be lying through my teeth to pretend that the majority of gay men feel comfortable or trusting enough to enter a committed relationship with a bi-sexual man. Please note, I am not equating bi- with automatically incapable of building a stable, true relationship.
Finally, it seems to me just as judgmental to condemn those of us who are monogamous as it is to condemn those who prefer multiple sex partners. When I was single in the past, I enjoyed myself with many guys. But there is a minority of men, to which I belong, who are happiest in a committed, true, monogamous (all three terms are not synonyms of or too each other) relationship and I do rather get tired of being told that means I am somehow casting aspersions on those who aren't happiest that way. Worse (and I don't mean you, Rapunzel) are the ones who insist I am somehow repressing myself because I don't share their desires. Sex is a wonderful aspect of life and I do not pass any moral judgment on people who choose other sexual lifestyles than mine. I know of sexually open, committed relationships, and I am unfortunately old enough to have seen many committed partners in sexually open relationships uphold the 'true' aspect of their loving relationship when first caring for and then burying their partners who had died of Aids (when the mother fcucking christianists let them. I know several men who weren't even permitted to attend their own partner's funeral, forbidden by the blood-family. If the seventh ring of hell is reserved for people who torture kittens, then I truly hope such monsters end in the eighth.) Given that I came of age post-sexual revolution and pre-Aids, believe me - my discovery that monogamy suits me best is personal and does not mean I discount other relationships. Absolutely not.
As for my statement that 'open relationship' for many men means they get to fcuk like bunnies, but their partners are expected to behave like their own personal property, well I will stand by that. I have never met who said "let me introduce you to my partner, he'd love to have sex with you, I just know it!" I have, tho', met quite a few who wanted to have lots of sex with other partners, but were jealous beyond belief when another man even looked at their partner.
