The WORST cooks that you have ever known?

[abcomatic]

HI everyone! I was wondering if any of you here have memories of people that you would consider were the worst cooks that you can remember, and share some of those experiences?
In 1957 when we lived on the farm near Pontiac, Il, we had friends that lived 3 miles from us and she was the worst cook ever. She would boil pot roast and Thanksgiving of '57, she called my mom at 8:00 a m, in tears because she had 20 people coming for dinner at 2:00 and the turkey was still frozen! lol
She had a huge new GE push button range and had no clue how to use it!
Mom tried to calm her down, drove over there and managed to get the frozen turkey in the oven so that the outer inch of the bird was edible. I always hated going over there for "meals" as she called them. What fond memories of her trying to turn anything out of that GE that could be eaten! lol Gary

 

[sudsmaster]

Most of my really bad meals have been in restaurants, with the cook unknown.

Once some years ago, I was in a local Chinese restaurant, which was quite popular with my friends because the food was good and the prices reasonable.

Well, there was a huge row - in Chinese - going on in the kitchen after we ordered. Lots of shouting in Chinese, and slamming of things, etc. We couldn't see anything but we sure could hear it. It finally died down, and eventually we got our orders.

Mine was ok, until I bit down on something hard. Turned out to be a hollow glass globe, about the size of a small grape. Looked like something that might have been on some holiday decorations (even though it was the spring). I spit out the mouthful of food and the broken glass. I was very upset.

I wanted the waiter to comp the entire table, but all he would do was to comp my meal. I wound up ordering again, and it was ok, but I haven't been back there since.

Another bad meal was even earlier, when I was just a kid. My mom had hired a local teen to babysit for us three kids - I was the youngest. Well, she was ok for an hour or so, but then she made us "lunch". It was a mixture of vegetable soup and fruit cocktail. Then her boyfriend came over and she locked us out of the house while they necked on the living room couch. Naturally when my mom came home she was furious, and we never saw that teen again. But that ridiculous soup-fruit mix was family lore for years.

 

[hoovermatic]

An Australian girl I shared an apartment with whos Spag Bol was the driest most tasteless pap I have ever eaten and looked more like dehydrated meatballs in wet string - tasted much the same I imagine!

 

[arbilab]

Nothing consistently awful, housewifing was a career back then and anybody I ate with knew what they were doing. Mom saturated everything with onions, which I hate to this day. She never browned them to moderate their gritty texture and bitterness. A little for flavor, or in onion rings, OK. Told her once I wouldn't be surprised if she put onions in pumpkin pie.

Couple times got mild food poisoning. Last was a Chinese restaurant in Long Beach CA. Holiday is a particularly poor time to get diarrhea.

Then there was Kentucky Fried Chicken Original. Co-worker and I drove to lunch every day, gave us both VERY rank exhaust next day. We're driving around in winter in Oklahoma City with the windows down. Yeah, THAT rank. Half a joke, half a blood oath, that we would never do that again.

 

[paulc]

I worked with a 25yr old woman who lived with her parents, they went on holiday leaving her on her own for the 1st time. She was very exited and told us all at work she was going to make herself a salad that night. The next morning we asked how her salad was, she replied it was ok but thought she may have boiled the lettuce too long as it was a bit soggy!

 

[solsburian]

My dad is a chef with all the qualifications and whatnot but his cooking was pretty dire. All I can remember of his "meals" were bland lamb or pork chops and nothing much else. He also had a tendency to burn things as well as burn, cut and graze his arms all in one go too.

 

[petek]

Sadly to say, my mom. Cooking was never her forte which we always put down to her being from England. Everything and I mean everything was boiled and then boiled some more for good measure. Spices.. oh yeah we had salt and we had pepper. Spaghetti boiled to death and served on your plate floating in an ocean of water.

 

[cehalstead]

the worst cook

was my Aunt Olive. She couldn't cook anything. When preparing her first Thanksgiving turkey, she was asked if she removed the "parts" from the center of the bird. She said, "what parts?". She also boiled pork chops instead of frying or baking them. Her other household skills weren't too great either...we won't even talk about her laundry, except to say the her husband (my Mother's brother) wouldn't even tell them when they were leaving for vacation....he put them all in the car and bought new clothes along the way.

 

[ronhic]

My uncle...

Firstly, I should clarify that from a BBQ point of view, I get the impression that Australians do it a little different to Americans and British.....we tend to cook any of:

<ul>
<li>sausages</li>
<li>lamb chops</li>
<li>steaks</li>
<li>onion </li>
<li>shish-kebabs</li>
<li>sliced vegetables (potato/sweet potato/peppers etc)</li>
<li>pineapple</li>
</ul>
.....and less of 'hamburgers and hotdogs.

 

So an open form 'grill' plate isn't always practical, with most bought BBQ's having a portion of solid plate too.

 

My father has always preferred to cook on a solid plate and likes it to be reasonably thick to hold heat either over gas or wood - he used to have one that was nearly 1/2" thick....get it going and hot and then let the fire calm and cool before cooking anything, but always starting with chops then sausages and finishing with steak with vegetables somewhere in the middle.

 

My uncle, bless him, used to cook the BBQ at the coast (for 30 people) on the thinnest most bowed sheet of metal I'd ever seen as a child. Because of this, the temperature was always 'cold' or 'furnace' which meant everything was burnt to a crisp. Sausages came off black, steak tough and chops charcoaled to within an inch of their life.

 

Thankfully, my aunt, mother and grandmother always made bucket loads of salads to go with the cremations......

 

[norgeway]

BBQ....

In North Carolina, Barbecue is either whole hog or shoulder, cooked 8 to 12 hours over hickory and oak coals, chopped fine, with a splash of a thin vinegar based sauce, always served with either coleslaw or barbecue slaw ,french fries and hush puppies....but as for the WORST cook, one of my best friends in elementary and middle school, his mother didnt know but one setting on the stove, high, every thing tasted like charcoal!! I dont like anything over browned!!!

 

[polkanut]

Most everyone on either side of my family could/can cook quite well with the exception of my paternal grandmother, and my oldest sister.  Grandma was an adequate cook, but nothing to brag about.  Her Thanksgiving capon was always so dry that you needed a glass of water with each bite.

 

My brother-in-law does most of the cooking at their house (thankfully).

 

[ronhic]

french fries and hush puppies

....could be a bit chewy.....lol

Hush Puppies - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[sudsmaster]

Well, since relatives were mentioned, God rest her soul, my mom had some interesting cooking offerings as she aged.

Back when I was a kid, she made generally great meals. Her "chop suey" was a family favorite. (It was like a lamb stew served over rice). I remember tasty hams and great meatloaf, as well.

But after she divorced and had to raise four kids on her own, her cooking skills took a nose dive. I remember coming home from college for visits and being served burnt vegetables. If I pointed it out, her response invariably would be, "I thought you like them that way". To which I could only sputter and mutter.

The last meal she cooked for me was roast chicken. Well... it was more like a blanched chicken, which had an interesting aftertaste of hand dishwashing detergent. I didn't say a word, and a month later we had to move her from her apartment into a senior residence.

I prefer to remember that lamb stew.

 

[frigilux]

OK, I've been pondering the question for about 10 minutes, and I honestly can't think of any really horrible cook in my life. I've known some with fairly limited skills, but none who were out-and-out terrible. Either I'm very lucky or I have selective memory repression, LOL!

 

[appnut]

I cannot remember anyone in the family being a particularly bad cook. My mom always burnt the meatloaf because she insisted on putting tomato sauce or ketchup slathered on the said forthoming main dish before it went into the oven. I didn't know what good tasting meatloaf was until I went to college. Both of my grandmothers were excellent cooks, however they both were eithr deceased or in nursing homes by the time I was 10. I was the last one to receive one of my grandmother's angelfood birthday cakes--which she made for all her grandchildren. From what have gathered from my dad, my mom didn't even know how to bil water when they got married and he did most of the cooking until she was jealous of all her friends comments and banished him from the kitchen. I think she ended up being taugh by both mother and MIL. One of my mo's sisters obviously had to be a pretty good cook, she fed her and her teenager son on a limited budget afteer my uncle died. As for my mom's other sister, let's just say that I really didn't know she could cook. My uncle did most of the cooking; was who prepared evrything when we went there for thanksgiving dinner; and his 6 children always requested he make their birthday dinner, whatever it was they wanted, not their mom.

 

[maytagbear]

My worst meals

have always been in restaurants. It adds insult to injury to pay for a bad meal.

Everyone I have known as a cook has had at least one really good dish or meal. We are very lucky, in that most of us here like to cook and are good at it. It also helps, I think, that for most of us (again,) that cooking is (largely) optional.

I really cannot imagine having to cook at least two meals a day for four to six to ten people, day in, day out, year after year. Especially without a well stocked pantry, refrigerator, and freezer. Let alone without some sort of mechanical slicer/shredder, either a mandolin, Feemster (remember them?) or processor.

Tuna noodle hotdish, anyone? (Saute the chopped onion in a little butter, and add a glob of real mayonnaise, {not salad dressing, it does not work for cooked dishes} or sour cream. (reduced fat, not non-fat.)

Lawrence/Maytagbear

 

[abcomatic]

HI everyone

What a good time! Thanks for sharing all of those memorable meals etc.
I hope more people will contribute. Thanks again, Gary

 

[duncanbruce]

My ex-girlfriend tried to bake a cake and even though she followed the recipe, I'm sure she forgot a few ingredients. When the cake was taken out of the pan to cool, it had fallen in the center just like a sink-hole in the pavement. All the icing in the world couldn't fill it, and it looked like a chocolate potty chair in the end.

 

[circlew]

The school cooks!

Actually don't think it was so much the cooks themselves as it was the ingredients they were provided to use. One of the cooks was a good friend of the family, and an excellent cook; another had raised 12 children and was known as a good cook too.

However, it was rare to be served anything that was even remotely tasty. The meatloaf was routinely referred to as "dog food", mashed potatos were like ground paper, and hot dogs boiled to an inch of their lives. We all looked forward to the days when tomato soup was served, as it was Campbell's or Heinz. A grilled cheese sandwich usually was served at that time, but could vary from rather good to very poor. One thing that was consistently good was the apple crisp served for dessert, as was the cake. Somehow, the meals served the last day before Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks was quite good. It consisted of turkey, dressing and mashed potatos plus dessert. They evidently used real potatos at these times, not the packaged junk.

I checked the menu carefully each week, and tried to take my lunch when the bad stuff was to be served.