Why it's important to speak ENGLISH!

Automatic Washer - The world's coolest Washing Machines, Dryers and Dishwashers

Help Support :

L

lightedcontrols

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 7, 2004
Messages
1,549
WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO SPEAK AND UNDERSTAND "ENGLISH"...........

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went
To the currency exchange window at my local bank. I stood in
the short line.
Just one lady in front of me. An Asian lady, who was trying to
Exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated!!!
She asked the teller, "Why it change" Yesterday, I get two hunat
Dolla of yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? "Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian lady said, "Fluc you white people, too
 
LOL~

Mark- you crack me up...How is the house coming along? on a more serious note, I am all for legal immigration, but if you live in the United States, SPEAK ENGLISH!
 
No tickee no laundry!

oh Mark!

Today at work I saw your friend coming back from the bank. She ducked into a janitor's closet. I was confused, and she had piqued my curiosity, so I knocked, opened the door and asked, "lovely lady why are you hiding in here?"

Response: "People in office say to me we having a supplies party for the boss."

AH SO DESU-KA!
 
That is true and we need a laugh!

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this
money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years a go", the homeless woman told
me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I
need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend
this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked. "Are you NUTS !"
replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20
years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."
The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with
you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and
wine."
 
Can't pull the wool over our eyes..........

On a small Greek island two mothers are by the fence that divides two farms.
One says to the other, "Lookie there off in the far distance, I see my son Spyros is diddling your daughter."

The response?

"BAAAAAA-AAAAAAA"
(In Greek that means "oh really, I'm surprised..........")
 
Donkey Tale

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that
he entered it again and again. It won each time.

The local paper's headline read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper's headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of
the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the
donkey, so she sold it to a local farmer for $10.

The next day the local paper headline read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop. He was so furious that he ordered the nun to buy
back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the local paper headline read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion can bring you
much grief and misery....and may even shorten your life.

So be yourself.....enjoy life.......
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer.

http://tickle tickle tickle
 
Sudsshane and my other lovlies!

Glad we had a laugh as I needed one too! Now on the house front....Found out the man doing the kitchen cabinets took the money and bought spec real estate that immediately went bust! They have been completely paid for since October, 2003. Anyway, we're working things out and I SHOULD have kitchen cabinets by February or March at which time I'm going to move in no matter what! Someday when we have hours, I'll tell you all the house story......but for now, we all had a well needed laugh! Hugs, Mark
 
jokes

Thank you Mark
That Joke made my day. As a blank-
mart employee where jokes are never heard or told this is one that will go round and round....that is if I can even GEt to the Flucuations line with out losing it.

PS btw, the way we get around these things at blank-mart is to say before the joke.. this joke isnt blank-mart proof so do not listen to it if youre not going to like it.(LOL)
 
"BAAAAAA-AAAAAAA"

In German that means something really bad. Like if you are in a restaurant and the food is really terrible, you say "BAAAAAAA..."

Lightedcontrols:
Your story reminded me of Margaret Cho's comedy act I saw on television a few months ago. When she is talking about her parents, it's just hilarious!
 
Rosie O'donnel's Death

You all read the news today,right? Rosie O'Donnel dround yesterday!! they found her, face down, in Rickey Lake!!
 
Suds, I think maybe because we have a very large Asian population here in the Bay Area we would think twice about telling an Asian joke.

Anyway, here's mine and I hope it doesn't offend anyone:

A priest and a nun are driving through an isolated desert and their car breaks down. They start walking and eventually encounter a dead camel. Certain that they will never be rescued, the priest suggests that he and the nun experience sex before they die. He pulls out his equipment to show the nun and she asks what it is. He replies, "this is the staff of life." The nun responds, "Well then, stick it in that camel and let's get out of here!"
 
Andrew, as one whose conscience has been permanently scarred from Catholic schooling, I feel well qualified to say there is no such thing as too many Catholic-bashing jokes.
 
RP,

You're right. I learned at an early age that Asians, like anybody, can get very offended by racial or racist jokes and comments. I've also noticed that people who don't live in an area with a substantial number of Asians tend to make fun of them more than we do. It's the same with any race - people from the Midwest, at least back in the 70's, thought that Mexicans and Spanish were hilarious.

The problem is that with the internet (and other modern communications) one who lives in an area without certain ethnic groups can broadcast their ignorance - and that's what it is - in a potentially offensive manner to others in areas with substantial numbers of those groups.
 
Suds....

Yes we have Asians here in Virginia too! While I realize that California is a completely different country....or planet....or universe....the joke was still funny. I laughed, and will keep laughing..... My last visit to Las Vegas was a very funny one. While at the BlackJack table I was standing next to an Asian lady. After every hand, she would exclaim ''bastad''. The dealer thought she was calling him a bastard since she was losing her money. He finally asked her why she was calling him a bastard since he had nothing to do with her luck and was just dealing the cards. It was then that we figured out that she was saying BUSTED.....as in the loss of another hand! That joke reminded me of it. It WAS funny. Period. Now get your panties out of your crack and find something else to be offended about since you're soooooo sensitive. Mark
 
You know, I guess it's just me, but....

....as I get older, I get less politically correct. I really don't get offended by much unless I'm with kids in a family setting and a potty mouth haps by. Other than that, it's pretty fun getting older. I have been a school teacher, professional singer (sang with the Atl Symph - Robert Shaw cond,) the when I got out of college sang with a Christian television show, was a DJ in a Country bar (of all things,) went to Paris and lived for a little over a year and got my Grande Diplome from the CB. Have done food demos at professional conferences. Have owned 38 fast food restrs...am a LFD (funeral director and embalmer) HAve traveled everywhere in this world that I've ever wanted to go. Have been on the board of the Friends of Strays, etc.... So I can tell you that there isn't much that I haven't seen or done. Don't think there is much that I could get on me that doesn't eventually wash off! In other words guys, RELAX. You never know what will be next in life! Hope you all have a great evening. Mark
 

Similar threads

M
Oral Roberts University Scandal
2
Replies
38
Views
172
oxydolfan1
O

Latest posts

Back
Top