Affairs of the heart

[bobofhollywood]

2 LAYER CAKE

Only 2 layers, but I made both of 'em extra tall by using slighly larger proportions throughout the recipe (5 eggs, for example) and also adding 1 teaspoon gluten to give it good body. That's a Pineapple Carrot cake that I had just baked from scratch.
I also put icing under the bottom cake, so there's icing in 3 places. None on the sides makes it easier to get the cover on and off without getting icing inside the lid,,,and also allows you to see the carrots and nuts and raisins.

The point of it is - just because I can...like that guy on Mad TV....look what I can do..look what I can do...hehehe.

Bob

 

[jasonl]

Veg

Here's my 2c (or 2p if you're British)

If I... a person who never was good at meeting girls, much less even asking them out, can do it, so can you.

Yes, I used Eharmony but I am straight. I don't know nuttin' about the gay scene but like I said. I thought *I* was the aw.org loser until finally found Helen.

 

[oxydolfan1]

I think the internet thing (I've never used it) can help take a lot of the pressure off.

I'm grappling with depression-related issues and am wondering if I'll ever get a chance to try it...

 

[cehalstead]

places to meet

don't forget the Unitarians....very accepting and very much a place where gay couples and singles are welcome.

 

[bethann]

Unfortunately, gaylosers.com isn't a valid web address

ROLMFAO! I can not believe you put that!

Get you butt back over to Indy and we'll go man-hunting!

Just remember all the heartaches that you go through happen for a reason. When the time is right it will happen.
Send me their profiles before you meet them. If they make it past inspection... Well you know.

XO

 

[brettsomers]

heres some inspiration for Veg...

 

[appnut]

Bethann, I need someone in my court like you too.

VEG, if bears r what your seeking, I'll let ya know where all I have profiles.

ralph, you speak so much truth about the bear community, for all those reasons and more, that's why I am glad I am one. But a lot of what makes us appealing and loveable, many of us still grapple with self-esteem issues because of "them". I know what I have got and think I"m basically pretty adoreable on the inside, but obviously I'm not many bears' "cup o' tea".

 

[Bearpeter]

God bless Am....

.... i mean God bless Bears!!!!!

Aren't we just so warm and cuddly!!!

Very impressed in the amount of warmth, support and love this thread has generated from everyone. And all brought together by laundry equipment.

Love from the "Automatic Washer Bears Birmingham Fraternity"

 

[mattywashboy]

ooooo i could be classed as a 'bear' too, if it means you have a very hair chest

 

[hoover1060]

for Kelly,

I've been reading and re-reading your post about "love with a lid"
I've been trying to apply those words to myself, and my own recent situation. Could you explain how or what you did differently that changed things for you?
I'm thinking I'm too much like that, I "run with it" as you say and I'd like to know what you did to not.
Thanks in advance
Jeff

 

[veg-o-matic]

I got a response!

From a guy who thinks I'm someone else!

Oh, this was SUCH a &*#!!(&ing good idea!

Next step: run up to Jessup and hang around the prison!

(Well, at least my sense of humor is starting to come back. Though I'm really not kidding about hanging around the prison...)

veg

 

[neptuneguy27]

Hnaging around a Prison...

Now Veg why would you want to go all the way out to Jessup when you've got the SuperMax right there on the JFX? ...lol..j/k. I am glad to see your sense of humor is coming back Don't worry I am sure it is going to get better for you.

Chris

 

[appnut]

Matty, it's not if someone has a hairy chest. There are other attributes that aren't physical. It also entails the heart and outlook and attitude (or lack thereof). But you have the moniker as it fitws you (remember pic of you on beach) as well as others. Bob

And Peter in Edinburgh, ...

 

[abcomatic]

good luck Veg

Hang in there and mr. right is probably around the corner. I know how you feel, I am an unclamined treasure too. Gary

 

[mixfinder]

Love With a Lid

Jeff
I met a gentlemen from SilverDaddies. My friends and therapist were bugging me to start dating and to have sex. I had been married 28 years. I finally connected with this guy and he said, "I am never going to be in a relationship, I'm never coming out, some day I will have to get married, but I have learned this is just another way to express sexuality." I figured he was cheaper than a surrogate and I had to start somewhere. He was nice, I was green and boy did I have a lot of work to do to be present during sex and do the mental work of changing it to a thing of joy.
We met in July, I had surgery and diagnosis of terminal cancer in Septemeber. I figured the chances of finding love were out the window, but at least I had this opportunity to be with a nice guy and have physical contact. In October he hestitated a bit and then said, "I have no idea where this is coming from, but I love you from the bottom of my heart." The world, for me began to change, as the only the real thing I ever wanted to know in this life time, was love.
However, he was still never coming out or getting into a larger expression of relationship. Everytime he said I love you or suggested travel together or buying a house etc, my mind would run with it and I was sure it meant he was coming out. After a year of this, in frustration I said, "Our relationship is defined by sex. I only see you when the lights are off." (Not true, but I wanted dramatic effect) It almost ended the relationship because it demeaned his real love for me, which is at considerable risk. When I was able to love with a lid on it or no future it all began to change. Not expecting that any expression of affection or time spent together to mean anything more than that, he was freed to shower me with time, accessibility, gifts and togetherness because he was not afraid I would rush to conclusion that pushed him to a place outside his comfort zone. By just accepting, supporting and loving from a neutral position our love has deepened 10 fold and I know see him 3 times more. We date, meet for lunch and he is spending more and more time here, because he is free to do so. We both are free to love.
Kelly

 

[Bearpeter]

...and Peter in Edinburgh....

What? Am I missing something? Yes Lack of attitude is a large part of the culture but also not without issues. Some take it morw seriously than others and have in a way, segregated themselves from the gay community. Sad really.

Matty, what is this about a photo of you on the beach????? did I miss that??

Peter

 

[mixfinder]

Love with a Lid

Jeff,
To make sure you have the proper chronology, we met in July 05 and the shift to, Love with a Lid was in October 06. I was the sickest I have ever been following my last week of chemo. It was so comforting to have him here. I will always be grateful I set him free, because I gained freedom in the process.
Kelly

 

[hoover1060]

Thanks Kelly

I had kinda figured that was what you meant. Your words have great meaning for me, as I see now that I'm a "run with it" kinda guy myself. I don't know that I necessarily mean to, just a natural reaction.
Thanks for the help. it is much appreciated.
Jeff

 

[veg-o-matic]

Update

Too old for one guy.

Too ugly for another.

Surprised? Let me see a show of hands... None.

In desperation, I joined manhunt which seems to be pretty much just a meatmarket.

I figured out the D/D means drug and disease, but what the heck does D/L mean? PNP?

veg

 

[rickr]

Don't know for shure what it mean in this case. But DL is urban slang for "down low" which means keeping it all under cover. According to my little boyfriend, "we're on the down low" (well,at least HE is) lol!

Good luck Veggy, and don't forget about Mr. Wrong.... <grin>

 

[veg-o-matic]

How could I forget about Mr. Wrong? That seems to be me.

For everyone.

veg

 

[peterh770]

PNP is party and play or poppers and play. Drugs involved. Having sex in an altered state -- not fun and not safe.

I think all the online places are meatmarkets. You can find some nice eye candy, and now and then get some hot sex. Rarely do real relationships happen. It's based more on your personality than your sexual prowess. I always get offers of marriage after an online-arranged meeting, but I always turn them down because I know they are not thinking with the right head.

Veg, see if you can find a local group on the web. Baltimore is a big city; there should be several different social groups there. Sniff around the Yahoo! Groups and see. Most will probably be j/o clubs or spanking groups, but there should be a few truly social clubs there.

Keep trying, Veg. Your prince will come when you least expect it. Stand up straight, shoulders back, arms down, heart out and a smile on your lips and in your eyes.

Prowess? Isn't that Laundress' sister?

 

[brettsomers]

Veg, enough of the put-downs! (though what were you thinking when you listed on manhunt!?) anyone with your (apparent) humor and good-looks shouldnt be so discouraged!

 

[rickr]

Mr. Wrong is not you Veg! What I am trying to tell you, is not to look for Mr. Right. Check out what comes along. It really won't hurt, and you may find that you might really like Mr. Wrong after all. Date around and, just have a good time. Don't set yourself up for a big letdown. Just because someone does not meet your exact expectations of your prince, does not mean that you can't go out with them. Remember that I said not to expect to meet prince charming right away.

Good luck Veg, and don't forget Mr.Wrong.

Rick, (who has been seeing Mr. Wrong for 3&1/2 years)

 

[Unimatic1140]

I've Kept My Big Mouth Shut Until Now...

May I be a blunt male pig here?

Veg, I don't know what exactly you mean by "Too old for one guy, too ugly for another". Were these responses from ads you responded to? If that is so and they were that rude to you to begin with, the last thing you want is to date them. Gross.

First of all Peter's advice is very good about finding a local social group in Baltimore, you need to network both on-line and off-line.

Now my advice to you is going to be on web dating and it’s going to sound shallow, because it is, but let’s deal in some reality. Before I met Neal I did a bit of this myself and after experimenting a while here is what I found. Men are pigs, gay or straight it doesn’t matter. We are very visual and the pictures you post are extremely important because they make a first impression on potential dates. I've never met you, but I have seen pictures of you and you seem very good looking and photogenic to me, one of the hotter guys of our little club, actually. You have a youthful appearance and I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it, I would just wouldn't say anything. So there is no reason why shouldn’t be able to meet lots of guys around your age bracket.

Now do you like the pictures you are posting of yourself, this is a very important question? Do you have a digital camera, with a self-timer and tripod? You should take 100 pictures of yourself, then upload them to your computer and go through each and every one carefully. Take them over the course of a week or two and do it all over the house both in bright sunshine and at night wearing different changes of clothing. Variety is important to get good pictures. Out of 100 you will probably only find 10 or so you will really like of yourself. Use those and rotate those pictures in your ads. As for the ad itself I would get rid of "and I'm certainly not hot", and replace it with “handsome guy”, because you are. Nothing what so ever negative should be in the text of your ad, it should be positive in a light hearted, creative and every so slightly funny way.

Manhunt.net is probably not going to help you find a boyfriend, but with the right ad and pictures you will a lot fun until your Night in Shining Armor arrives. Just always be safe. Speaking of Manhunt and good friend of mine recently met a guy on there and they have been dating for seven months now. They tell everyone that they met on Gay.com, which I think is hysterical, so one can find a bf on Manhunt, just less likely.

Sorry to be so blunt but I think its probably in order here and I think you will appreciate the advice.

 

[jasonl]

Men are pigs

Excuse me? Not all of us are, and some women can be just as shallow to base everything on looks. I've been there and have been told repeatedly by different women that I was unattractive apparently cause of my imperfections.

I'm glad I'm not in that scene anymore. If you were str8 I'd say try eharmony. Otherwise, I really don't know what to say. If all else fails, just stay single. I will agree on one thing it is a PITA to find a mate, regardless of sexual orientation.

 

[veg-o-matic]

Thank you, Robert. I do appreciate the advice. You're a dear.

I totally agree that men are pigs. Most of them anyway. I know a few exceptions--myself included. See? I can give myself credit.

I've taken a lot of pictures, been satisfied with one of them. I'll keep taking more but... Hey Robert-- can I use a picture of you instead?

I'll take your--and everybody else's--advice and tweak my profile. I'm just trying to be honest here, and I know what I see in the mirror each morning. Yeah, yeah, but just ask anyone who's seen me in person. So there.

Oh, the "too old/too ugly" reponses were "canned" ones that Yahoo provides for the less-than-tactful. No escaping the meaning, though.

As for manhunt, yeah, I'm thinking that might have been a mistake. But a friend of mine hangs out there all the time and always seems to have plenty of guys chasing after him. I won't go into what he looks like.

Man, I really need to chill, don't I? Apparently, the massive doses of antidepressants just aren't doing their job lately; my heart still feels like a giant sucking chest wound. That'll go away eventually, right?

Right?

Thanks, everyone for all your help and support. I probably should have been like Jeff and just faded away for a while, but even I know when I need some help.

And something tells me I'm going to be needing more...

veg

 

[oxydolfan1]

I thought pork was a verb...

lol...

Seriously, veg, I'm pretty much in your situation and I can totally relate.

Sometimes, I just get so despondent over the whole deal, I just don't know what to do.

 

[mixfinder]

Buy the Book

Veg
Buy the book, 100 Ways to Get Laid. It has fabulous advice on how to sell yourself and stay real at the same time.
Join Silver Daddies. Relax into who you are. You are enough. You have the Ruby Slippers.
Click your heels, sweetheart, you are enough.
Kelly
There is a world of difference between aching for a sense of belonging and depression.

 

[perc-o-prince]

Hey Veg!

Perhaps you could try an ad that reads something like this:

Hi,

I'm ___(fill in name). I'm ___yrs old. Considered handsome by my honest friends and am tired of the BS (bull shit). I'm a bit tired of cold, attitudinal, non-affectionate, promiscuous gay people who don't know what they want in life. I am very honest, caring, trusting, loyal and very, very romantic. I expect the same in return!

I enjoy dancing, reading, music, romantic walks and cuddling in front of a fireplace after a nice home cooked meal.

I am interested in meeting someone that could develope into a long term relationship BUT also I am also looking for a relationship that is going to start in the livingroom and NOT in the bedroom!!

Well, I hope that I have told you enough about myself so that you can get an idea as too who I am.
--------------------------------------------------------------

Of course you would want to fill in your own personal information.

Where did this above ad come from?....Well...It was MY reply to someones ad titled "Tired of the BS". The person who I replied to found my reply to be honest and interesting. The rest is history!!! Chuck and I have been cuddling in front of fireplaces for, going on, 19 incredible years!

I had just come out of a string of bad situations as well as a 5 year, live together, relationship (I discovered him setting up house with a MARRIED man!) comming to an abrupt end(I threw his a$$ out the door, my door, with nothing but the clothes on his back) . I couldn't have sunk any lower and my self worth was at an all time low! I figured that I would push my good qualities and the rest be damned! I wanted no more games!

Veg, I have some advice for you. This was told to me by an old salesman and since you are trying to sell yourself, I think it's appropriate. "Think you can. Think you can't...Either way you will be right!" SO....stop with the self-sabotage (think you can't) and start with self promotion (think you can) and if you can't think of anything positive (I don't know why you couldn't)then have a trusted friend, who knows you well, help you out.

Get off the pity pot and stay on the dance floor of life because if you're looking for sympathy....you can find it in the dictionary. Right between S--T and SYPHILIS!!!

You wrote in your last post "In desperation". Veg, those words, to a LOSER who is reading your ad, are like fresh meat, to a lion. It attracts them from a mile a way!!

I've read your past posts and I've seen your picture and I will agree with Robert. You have a lot to offer. Give it only to those who are worthy and quickly leave the rest behind (those who have the balls to say that you are ugly). You deserve the best in life so take nothing less for yourself. You ARE worth it!!!! Good luck and have fun!

Rich