Not Ranting - Honest
(Long Post - Sorry)
I can understand nickuk’s views on babies crying in this video. I hesitated to watch it at first anyway, but I watched for all of five seconds.
There was something similar to this some time ago with babies or children having photos taken of them where they were crying. It was believed the babies and children were made to cry for them to appear in those photos for some ‘art’ exhibition.
As for ‘new’ parenting ideas, don’t get me started on that. Of course, I do not have a clue of what it is like to have my own child, but one could to led to believe that almost all parenting before Supernanny appeared is somehow wrong.
I have nothing against Jo Frost, but I do dislike many of the Supernanny-esque ideas coming about these days. Without wishing to sound dreadfully old-fashioned, much of these Supernanny-esque is nonsense to me, but I dare not criticise it on mainstream Internet message boards (when I do visit them) for fear of appearing out of step with so-called modern thinking. I have heard some ideas from Supernanny et al, and I think some may be pretty good.
However, despite parents not receiving instruction manuals for their children, I really do wish many parents would try to look back at ideas that *have* worked in the past. I do know, of course, that many ideas used in times gone by were quite cruel perhaps – not listening to children, beating them almost senseless, etc. – and I am not advocating that. But I really do believe there is a strange consensus, a type of follow thy leader approach, to many ideas in life these days.
I shall give you an example: regarding my condition (M.E./CFS/CFIDS), there is a mountain of established and peer-reviewed medical literature on it that stretches right back to before the First World War. This literature states that M.E. et al is a neurological condition without any psychiatric basis whatsoever that requires plenty of rest, relaxation and listening to the patient. The less you do, generally the better you feel… do not exercise because there is just no need to… no-one’s muscles will waste away to nothing, etc. The chances of a relapse are lower if rest is administered in the early stages, although some do deteriorate anyway. The alternative name for M.E. was/is Post-viral Fatigue Syndrome.
The problem is that some in the medical established decided, in the 1970s, to revisit M.E., declaring outbreaks and incidences of it to be “hysteria”; thus began the process of denigrating the aetiology (basis/cause) and severity of ME. In the 1980s, some prominent psychiatrists decided to call M.E. “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome” instead, lumping in all sorts of fatigue states and behavioural disorders, which M.E. certainly is not. M.E. is in the UN WHO’s International Classification of Diseases as a neurological condition, and has been for decades.
The psychiatrist’s ‘new’ ideas turned the notion that rest is good for M.E. on its head, suggesting that laziness and mental problems play a part and that sufferers need to get exercising. That is nonsense.
Gradually, as the years went by, patients’ advocacy was ruined, leading to the situation today where the Government’s NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) will be issuing guidelines, virtually ignoring patients’ charities submissions, that will recommend graded exercise and psychotherapy. Oh, wonderful. As for severely affected people like me? Nothing. Well, apart from some of my other friends being sectioned (committed) under the Mental Health Act to a psychiatric ward when they simply cannot look after themselves because they cannot move and yet have no history of psychiatric problems. It happens – believe me. (Sorry to sound like a victim, but so-called ‘new’ experts *really* get on my nerves so much at times. I was assessed for any psychiatric problems by a physiatrist, and I was cleared of anything.)
What I am saying here, then, is that there are established ways of parenting – although I admit the babies are considerably more complex – but that many established ways that work are being pushed aside because some new upstart decides they have better ideas for the ‘problem children’ we have these days. It’s preciously that sort of nonsense, feeble-minded parenting that has resulted in at least two generations of unruly, distrustful and moronic people. Children need discipline and automatic respect for adults. The problem these days is that children are treated like mini adults – they are not.
There is also, I believe, a rather worrying lack of respect for many children these days because I have witnessed children being smacked and shouted at in public by nasty parents who clearly do not have a clue what they are doing. Neither do I have a clue what I am doing, but I certainly would not do that.
The fact is that many children are completely uncontrollable because their parents probably were, too, and they simply have no idea what to do and are given feeble advice on how to bring up their children. Children do need a constituently firm but loving hand – not a cruel one – and I do not think many parents know how to consistently look after their children, preferring to take the easy option of saying to their other half, “Just leave it – can’t be bothered.” I had this discussion at school over six years ago, and the teachers, most of who were parents, felt the same about parents and their children – that things really are worse today and that many parents are, quite frankly, spineless.
Some parents and their children do have problems, be it behavioural or otherwise, and that is somewhat different to the feckless parents and children who simply cannot be bothered to respect others. Well disciplined children are often happier because of their upbringing, and they often live far better lives, feeling more ‘free’ as a result. By discipline, I do not mean fear, smacking or bullying. I do agree that parents should be able to tap their children on the arm to punishment them if all other options fail to stop them in their tracks, but only with children aged 2 and over. Smacking on the head, legs or torso could be dangerous. Smacking children under the age of 2 is illegal in Scotland, and rightly so. Even then, I do not like smacking, and smacking cannot be allowed in schools, where many teachers simply would not administer it if giving the power to do so. I certainly would not when I become a teacher and such a law allowed it. No law would ever be brought in anyway in the UK along those lines.
Mum likes some of the new ideas, but she admits that much of them would take too long in practise to enforce, preferring to instead reprimand immediately on the spot (as happened with my sister and I). Dad just gets angry at the programmes, suggesting, like you did nickuk, that many of the ideas are just cruel – and wrong. Regarding babies’ crying, Dad said the same – my sister and I were not left to cry because it is important to always check everything is OK. Babies may want attention, but they may also want something far more important, so there is no harm in checking. (I asked Dad about this tonight just to check.

Well, I haven’t got a clue, have I?! LOL I just know how to instruct children aged 11+! LOL)
I know I have drifted way off-topic now, but I really do wish that there would be stop to incessant revisiting of established ideas that work. I look forward to new ideas – we do not want to be chained to the past – but I just wish those who put forward such ideas about parenting and other social issues would look back at history and see what actually worked instead of looking at them with their blinkers on. I do not want to hark back to some bygone age, some of which was quite nasty at times, with children not opening up during cases of abuse, which *still* happens today, for example.
My apologies if I have ruffled any feathers. And no – I do not read the UK’s Daily Mail newspaper! LOL Please do speak to me or reply if you think I have gone too far. I am calm – honest! – but I just feel that children and their parents really are getting a raw deal in many ways because they are bombarded with daft messages on how to live I get so irritated at times, but not at any of the posts here, so do not worry, nickuk.

You can kick my Miele in if you want to when you visit in the future. ;-)
No! Wait, nickuk! Kick the Hotpoint dishwasher in instead – we want a Miele! ;-)
Take care, and please do not take any offence at what I have said.
Regards,
Carl