Coming Out In Middle School:

[gyrafoam]

It is inspiring to hear that there are programs available for this sort of thing these days.
Nothing like it when I was young!

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/27/magazine/27out-t.html?_r=1&hp

 

[yogitunes]

Hope I am not over the edge on this.....

I for one am glad there are places for these kids to meet and talk and realize it's OK, but the horror for some to tolerate is unreal

Many of you guys know I have adopted 2 children and foster also....We were at a Foster/Adoptive meeting, and there's a 14 year old boy, while in foster care, working on reunification with his mother, came out and told her he was gay, SHE immediately signed him over to the STATE and wants nothing to do with him, it doesn't end there, he is now in a second foster home, that criticizes him for who he is, mentally and emotionally, makes him go to church and confess his sins for being homosexual, and basicaly keeps him from associating with friends and peers, as did the first home.....We are trying to get Social Services to transfer him to us, Social Services has issues about him being GAY also, and we are working on that too, the only issue at the time is he wants to finish High School where he is at, it's only about a 15 minute ride for us to take him there ourselves and pick him up, were willing to do this for him.......were still waiting for the outcome, but I still can't help but feel sorry for what this child is going thru daily......I ask for your prayers guys for this child, if not here at least place this child in a loving home where he will be cared for no matter what his sexuality is.....children need a safe haven, thats all I ask.....Thanks Guys......Martin

 

[laundromat]

flamer

In my first year of high school,phys.ed.was my least favorite class because classmates, knowing my sexuality and the pear presures that were out of control,fellow students would shake their tools in front of me in the showers and while on the bench.I didn't mind that but the word got out and the "bullies" came from out of nowhere.They'd follow me home and take me back in the woods,tie me up and force themselves on me making me sware I wouldn't tell anybody.Of course,they told everybody and I became quite a well known figure at school and at home.I'm sure my Dad wondered why so many jocks were calling to see if I was home.One of them,Ron,drove a Pontiac Firebird convertible and would see me walking up Philadelphia Road to go to the swim club and would pick me up,drive to an empty house and have his way with me.He recently got a hold of me on line and asked if I was still "gay" I said no,just festive.

 

[toggleswitch2]

.
oh Martin. How sad. Hope the little guy realizes she (mom)is jsut plain bad for him and sends her packing quicker than she sent HIM packing.

Chuck. In many cultures the active role is considered straight and the passive role is considered gay. How sad that these types of guys consder themselves superior. 'Cuase honey, it's all pink on the inside, loaded with germs and nasties and it all stinks in there too, no matter whose it is. *UGH* Was it 100% forcible? Because it seems odd to me they are STILL finding you....Perhaps you may want to discuss this with me offline.

I think the (pre-Christian) Ancient Greeks had it right; one had a wife and a boyfriend. It was expected of you and better for society. Less hypocrisy. Before your beard came in you were the catcher and after, the pitcher.

 

[jeffg]

Inspiring? Maybe for Middle America. It's nine pages of melodrama about something that many (maybe most) Americans now consider to be a complete non-issue.

The primary nail in the coffin of institutionalized bigotry against gay people is the fact that sexual orientation is unchangeable. That makes all these debates about religious condemnation, rejection by families, struggling etc etc nothing more than wastes of time at best, and at worst, something akin to beating up disabled people for being disabled.

One thing's for sure, the article is typical for the NY Times.

 

[danemodsandy]

Seems to Me...

...That middle-schoolers' main concern should be their grades, not some anticipated love life. It is absolutely true that no one should be bullied at that age (or any other), but surely there's a way to handle that without publicly siding with one team or the other, so young. In my view, coming out at that age just gives bullies all the information and motivation they need to justify their sick actions.

If a school system and the town it serves had a very strong anti-bullying programme, it might be one thing, but very few do. If there's an anti-bullying programme at school, kids still have to get home by walking or on the bus in most instances, and that's where the really vicious stuff happens.

 

[andrewinorlando]

"The primary nail in the coffin of institutionalized bigotry against gay people is the fact that sexual orientation is unchangeable."

You assume that everyone knows and understands this to be true, but that is absolutely wrong. Don't make the mistake of extrapolating your knowledge (and actual experience) to the populations that matter where these issues are concerned.

Articles like this are an eye opener to many who have no freakin clue what it's really like on the other side of the rainbow, because they or their children have not had the experience.

 

[jeffg]

> You assume that everyone knows and understands this to be true <

No, and I'd be the last person to ever make that claim. What I'm saying is, this article repeatedly panders to a specific minority of readers, and traditional ignorance about homosexuality and gay people. E.g. the story of the kid who went to see Jesus Christ Superstar, and said he thought "Jesus was hot". Give me a freaking break.

That's not even subtle manipulation, it's outright manipulation. But absolutely typical for the NY Times. I could explain why specifically but I'd risk running into moderation problems.

 

[gansky1]

Remember Matthew

Right on the money, Andrew. The struggle against discrimination, hate and violence is FAR from over but organizations like this will help. Instead of seeming strange and freaks among the "normals" in their schools, gay-identified kids won't have to hide in the shadows and be deathly afraid of being dragged out into the country, beaten, tied to a fence and left for dead. It is true that sexuality is or can be very fluid and change over time. Those who identify one way today may be shift or evolve into another level or realm of sexuality in a few years. It's probably too much to ask, but a safe, accepting and tolerant environment for kids to grow and evolve into healthy, confident adults should be the priority of all our schools nationwide.

 

[pulsator]

I came out when I was in middle school and I lived in a tiny conservative farm town! I was/am however EXTREMELY fortunate in that my dad is gay and my mom is bi! There was a GSA (gay straight alliance) group formed while I was in high school that was headed by a lesbian friend of mine and one of the history teachers. The school district's administration tried EXTREMELY hard to get the group banned but lucky for us, the superintendent thought that it was exactly what the school needed!

 

[jeffg]

> It is true that sexuality is or can be very fluid and change over time. <

The difference between is and can be is the major reason why governments and religions still get away with persecution of our community.

 

[alr2903]

> It is true that sexuality is or can be very fluid and change over time. <
It takes a real man to be gay in the rural setting. Some having endured P.E. ALWAYS the last one to be selected for anyteam. I finished one semester early in 77. I have never looked back. Is sexuality fluid? Yes, Look at the recent scandals, evidently the Minneapolis airport is kinda like Vegas... unless you get busted.. the price of a dual life. I remember elementary school, where lazy teachers watched my torment in the playground, from a teachers lounge window. Gyrafoam i guess its better but it's been a LONG time coming. I was glad to see this string in the forum. Our President also has education on his plate, yet to tackle. Teacher's Unions have the same effect as the U.A.W. Not all but I would imagine a fair amount are simply "coasting" the clock and calendar. I very seldom watch "Beck" on tv but do sometimes to hear the other side. He had kids teens maybe college age, that could not answer the question who was the First president. One thought it was Ben Franklin. Every tax referendum, and a percent of state lotteries and casino gambling goes to schools. Still parents are pedaling Chocolate bars in our workplaces. Where is the money? Why can't they do a better job? Are school systems top heavy with administrative jobs? Is there a "real system" to evaluate teacher effectiveness? Are the students and parents in the system afraid to challenge it's effectiveness? In my way of thinking A lot more could be done.. More reading, writing, Math, Civics and Current events. Less base,foot,kick,tennis,volley ball. What do you think?

 

[gyrafoam]

When I was in high school in the mid-1960's north Georgia was was not particularly gay friendly. Atlanta was NOT a metropolis yet and still had an "old southern" mentality based largely on the Southern Baptist way of life.

Not wanting me to be near the "bad influences" in Atlanta, my parents sent me to a (excellent) boarding school in the north Georgia mountains. Now THAT was rural!
It was there that I met my first love. A few of the people at school knew what was going on, but of course, in those days such things were not spoken about. At least every week some bully attacked me and beat me up, but I always fought back as good as I got,won some fights, and eventually they left me alone. If I had been bigger I would have killed somebody. But they got the message. I was not quite the "cream puff" they thought I was.

There were no role models for us, and we thought we were absolute freaks. Strangers in a strange land.
There was NOBODY to turn to, much less discuss anything with.

The ONLY thing on our side was that in those days, in the deep south, eccentricity was completely acceptable. And if you were percieved to be "light in the foot" , you were eccentric.

So it is very inspiration to me to read this sort of article. I am greatly relieved to hear that so much progress has been made.Oh yeah, there is still a long way to go. You would truly be living in some fantsy world to think that most of America is enlightened about gay people.

 

[jeffg]

> You would truly be living in some fantsy world to think that most of America is enlightened about gay people. <

I said it's a non-issue for many (maybe most) Americans, and poll numbers consistently support that claim, e.g. 80% of Democrats and Independents, and a slight majority of Republicans now support legal recognition of marriage or civil unions for same-sex couples:

http://www.pollingreport.com/civil.htm

 

[gansky1]

Since the topic was a group in a middle school, let's bring our focus to that specifically. I have a special-needs son and let me tell you from first-hand and sometimes heart-wrenching experience that middle school can be very tough to navigate for those "not like everyone else." Not only teasing and taunting but exploitation of others for the brunt of their jokes and cruelty is all too common. I'm not saying that things haven't improved through the years, I shudder to think of what some of the kids would have done to myself or anyone who had self-identified as gay or bi back in the late 70's. It only takes one immature, bigoted kid who has grown up in an environment of hate, racism and persecution to whip up a frenzy around one different kid and the others, trying desperately themselves to fit in and be "normal" will follow along willingly and only think about their actions after the fact. That's the nature of being an adolescent. Polls of citizens have some value, but in the middle school lunchroom, polls mean nothing and all bets are off. You cannot know this unless you've been through it.

 

[andrewinorlando]

"I said it's a non-issue for many (maybe most) Americans, and poll numbers consistently support that claim, e.g. 80% of Democrats and Independents, and a slight majority of Republicans now support legal recognition of marriage or civil unions for same-sex couples"

While the numbers definitely do look good, and no doubt we have come a long, long way, the mere fact that we still do not have any type of real equality in this country speaks far, far louder.

The taunts of youngsters who identify as gay have not gone away either. Granted, it is better than it was years ago. Hate crimes are still somewhat commonplace. When I was young and in school, I was very fortunate to be 6'3" and built like the proverbial brick shithouse. No one, not even the class bullies would pick on me because I would fight back if I had to, and I didn't fight to lose, and had a fierce temper to match my size (still have that). But how many gay youth have that advantage? Not many. How many still get teased and outright tortured in school. Still plenty. The gay teen suicide rate remains very high and that's not due to acceptance and understanding!

So, while Jeff is correct in saying that today, we have much more elightenment about this issue, we still need far more education and enlightenment to make it over the next set of hurdles.

 

[estatesale_gary]

Spot on, Greg...anything different is fair game...

My niece, who is 11, was born without an left arm (below the elbow). My sister Mollie found out when she was 5 months pregnant that this was the case and made friends, family, etc. well aware of the situation. Mollie is a teacher and she was no fool...she knew exactly what my niece was in for. A loving and supportive family/homelife and extended family is small consolation for negative experiences at school (or pretty much anywhere). Molly has flat out said to my niece - "People will always ask you about your arm - don't be ashamed." Fortunately, she has enough confidence to stand up to the questions. I've seen this up close. During a family gathering at a hotel here in Minneapolis, my niece was in the pool with a group of other kids. She wasn't getting up the ladder to leave the pool fast enough when the little girl behind her yelled "Hurry up, One-Arm!" My niece turned around and said "My name isn't One-Arm....it's Emilee." The other little girl said "oh". They ended up playing together for quite a while.

I give my sister and brother in law alot of credit - I'm sure the next 7 or 8 years are going to be full of challenges.

 

[brisnat81]

I finished Highschool in 98. The school had a progressive sex ed/tolerance/life skills program that was mandatory period for all students once per fortnight from Grade 9 onwards.

It was a forum to discuss sexuality, relationships, family, discrimination and all things youth related. The aim being to try and explain some of the things that different people were feeling, without singling anyone out.

By grade 10 we learnt how to put condoms on dildo's and were given mens or womens health classes that covered off things like testicular and breast cancer and how to perform self checks. Including instructional video's

It didnt make me feel comfortable enough to come out in High School, I was never popular and spent most time in the Library. It did however show me who I was and gave me the confidence to know there was no problem being different. I got through high school and out into the big world unscathed.

Looking back, the program must've worked. As the unpopular kid who took home ec, Catering, Accounting, English, Maths and Physics in Senior, the first three classes were always filled with people who I got on well with, the last three I was usually in the popular kid filled classes in the higher streams. Nobody ever really gave me a hard time about anything. It was just accepted that I was who I was and most of them were happy to leave well enough alone.

I couldnt imagine growing up in a time where there was no support or guidence about what those feeling meant. I was lucky to come from a family with a progressive mother, who beleives firmly in giving us the skills to make our way in life, rather than dictating what to do.

If its gone that next step to help people be comfortable in their own skin, then I applaud the programs, it would've been great to start dating in highschool

 

[andrewinorlando]

Now in the good old progressive U.S., that sex ed program would be considered pornography! That's why we have a high teen pregnancy rate and sexually transmitted diseases still spread like wildfire in some areas!

Good job in Australia though!!